Thursday, May 20, 2010

#twitterkills thursday #27

#twitterkills reloaded...

yes, yanno when someone just doesn't get that they've been #twitterkilled? they are still showing the behavior that got the shotgun pointed at their neck. well this week #twitterkills is me doing a terminator and going back and #twitterkilling their asses for STILL doing the same shit i killed them for the last time.

#twitterkills thursday #27 topic of the week: you ain't learned your lesson so i have to kill you again..and again..and again..

first up...

#twitterkills 1: the person i targeted on this #twitterkill did NOT change their ways. they are still having a separatist party with their twitter list. and i KNOW they read this. so yanno what. *BOOM* boozoka #twitterkill goes out to you. don't no one want to be part of your twitter clique of babbling self righteous snobs. so continue to show me the list of people i do not WANT to add on twitter. thanks.

#twitterkills 2: ok...people who let their friends on twitter say their personal business or what's going on with them behind the scenes. *POW* *POW* *pow* *POW* (i snuck the little one in there to show even i have mercy, but a big one followed cause i changed my mind) it seems like you would have learned that gossiping about other folks wasn't your forte. if your homegirl or homeboy talks shit about me. and it's shit that they shouldn't even know. they are "ha ha ha inside joke tweeting you...", bringing facebook info to twitter, or they are TELLING on your ass for being out with them last night when you told me you were at home sulking & washing your hair. go jump off a bridge. you should have nipped that shit in the bud after the last time. tell your friends to be quiet...i talk about your ass too..but you never find out about it on twitter. don't let a twitter friend get you into "outside of twitter" trouble. need to tell them to delete that tweet & hope the person didn't see it.

twitterkills 3: ok, we know you're a hoe. so *pow* to the crotch...you dirty dirty hoe. we know the only bible verses you know we're written on a condom. so STOP trying to convince us you're a virgin when you only tweet getting head every morning with your pancakes & your twitter avatar is zoomed picture of your ass from the "up the skirt" angle. if you tweet like a hoe everyday, guess what we're gonna assume you a hoe no matter how much you try to deny it. that goes for anything except lying about being famous. we're rarely believe you're famous even if you tweet about it everyday. that's in the one loophole. so hoe yes, famous - no. unless you're tweeting your a famous hoe...that i believe. *pow* *pow* into each ass cheek. now sit down.

#twitterkills4: you non-important tweeters who think you are important just because 300 spammers and 30 real people followed you.. go suck on a ratchet lemon full of red fire ants drunk off miller lite. *pow-pow-pow* antpid fire (get it..ants + rapid + fire..yall suck lol).. if you think you're the shit on twitter, then you need to re-evaluate your life. don't address your followers as "followers" if you haven't made any real connections to anyone then you should get your ass off twitter with that "g.w. bush..everyone loves me shit" we do not. no one likes people on twitter who are too good to @reply them. no one likes people on twitter who whole life is based on fantasy of their importance...

twitterkills 5: *shooting phone* *POW* *shooting all five fingers one at a time* pow pow pow pow POW (thumb is a big pow). *shooting face* cocked back trigger POW. if i'm talking to you on the phone. if i'm sitting in your face. why the fuck are you on twitter? why do i get off the phone with you and see you've been on twitter the entire time we were talking? ADD much? and you wonder why you ain't heard me when i told you, "i won a million dollars would you like half...." yea you missed your chance. Nig-gaw (my stinkmeaner [boondocks] voice)
twitterkills 6: *shooting your old twitter picture* POW *shooting your new twitter picture* POW *shooting your future twitter picture* POW. now *shooting you* because i told you if you change both your twitter picture and your name at the same time i don't know who the fuck you are. POW STRANGER-POW

twitterkills 7: SIMPLE ASS TWEETER DEATH SHOULD BE SLOW...because they are fucking slow. if you haven't realized twitter is no longer about, "what are you doing..." literally you need to be tied to a skewer and woodfiregrilled until you taste like something from red lobster. i don't care that you are "talking to your mom" you can however tweet your mom just asked if your pregnant because you got in the house after 4am last night. that would be funny. you talking to your mom just fills my timeline with a useless tweet. because that is sharing information without really sharing it. like if we were having a conversation. unless i say, "what are you doing?". i wouldn't care if that you were "talking to my mom". if that's as interesting as your life gets, miss me for life & unfollow me please. BLOCK me. please. po---000---wwww- slowly so you can see my mouth mouthing pow as i shoot you...twitter is NOT for boring people. find another outlet to make friends because in this arena gladiator you've failed..

#twitterkills 8: if you are on twitter reading my time line but can't follow me. fuck you & goodnight. POW..

#twitterkills 9: if you are on my time and and still RT @revdumbrunswisdom. let me get you a cane because that's the blind leading the blind. don't fall victim to this man's madness. he's not inspirational. in fact i don't even think he's a real rev. *seesmic raccoon side eye* POW POW POW

#twitterkills 10: to all my fallen comrades of twitter yesterdays..if i haven't seen you tweet in months because you are on facebook playing sorority life..i am revoking your twitter friend badge. and shooting you in the heart for being disloyal to twitter. i am after all the #twitterkiller. *peewwth* (that's a pow with a silencer...cause you silently killed our twitter alliance lol)

#twitterkills 11: twitterjackers. i saw someone tweet the dude that twitterjacked my swag the other day. i swear every time i see that i wanna just @reply dude and ask for my life back. like seriously. my chick says "i think everyone is trying to be like me" and she's just being naive because of course everyone wants to be like me...geez. but for real. i know when i'm being jacked. and i only like being jacked by chicks..not dudes..so *shake weight reloading...* POW nig-gaw get your own life...

#twitterkills 12: i know not having tweeter friends is lame. so pow @ you lame ass monkeyfuckers. i admit it's not easy getting twitter friends because people who have been on for a while aren't "willing to follow" but get out there and hustle for friends. if you have under 10...and be on twitter for more than 10 days are you are not taking twitter seriously. because even spammers will follow your ass. lol. i won't kill you too much you're ego has already been killed enough.

#twitterkills 13: do not correct my typos or act like you won any spelling bees on twitter. you ain't kee kee palmer and your mama ain't angela bassett. so whatever. i hate people who try to correct me or tell me some shit on twitter. this is twitter. if i mispelled some shit you don't get a gold star for correcting me. you get a middle finger *POW* and if you dislike what i'm talking about, unfollow me. that's that simple.

#twitterkills 14: recently a friend on twitter @meldenise (went back to find it and it's gone) tweeted a picture of a chick with a full arm twitter tattoo of the bird and "follow me". it was RIDICULOUS. when twitter gets that serious in your life...you need to *swallow a grenade* and just EXPLODE

#twitterkills 15: and if i find out your mama died, you want to break up, or you're not coming to my birthday part on twitter..i'm going to kick your ass then shoot you in it. like sharpshooter style right in your asshole. let some of that shit out...cause you're full of it..POOOOW

#twitterkills 16: if you such a celebrity why are you still grinding? that's like saying you're a doctor while still in medical school. you are NOT. so stop it. i wouldn't trust you to prescribe me a hobby let alone a cure for anything. so stop pretending you're famous. if you were famous obviously you wouldn't have to tell me right?...please kill yourself *noose swinging sound*

#twitterkills 17: all you people who don't friend your friends on twitter...go buy you a friend off ebay. because if you can't take a whiny ass "off twitter" friend on twitter then you're not a real friend anyway. take the friend bullet and follow their ass, it won't kill you. get brizzly and just mute their asses. something. *pow* in the fist for not being a team player.

#twitterkills18: {if you}don't you hate it when {are the person} you're on twitter {who keeps talking shit} and you get the sneaking suspicion {to me on twitter} that someone is talking about you {without saying my name} yet, they aren't saying any {die}names? i hate when someone is mad with me or about something and they get on twitter blasting that shit for sympathy or attention. it's like...tell them both sides of the situation, i bet you the choir won't say amen..anyway. stop it. you wanna talk shit, @studiogenius. copy & paste that shit before what you gotta say. i dare you. *sprinkling anthrax on your doughnut* sizzle

#twitterkills 19: those still tweeting and driving...hope you get a ticket $450 bullshit ticket for that shit. *dui death for you sucka* EeeeeRRRr

#twittlerkills 20: what happens when you act like you're free & single and looking for a new man? your dude gets a video hoe *tasha from "why did i get married death* BOOM

#twitterkills 21: nothing to kill now..you kiddies are out for the summer. complaining about being bored and not wanting to wake up before 2am...*get a job death* FICA

#twitterkills 22: if you are mad....and you have to tell me about it. and you have to log off about it. then you need anger management NOT twitter. *red face till you run out of breath*

#twitterkills 23: you copy & pasting a check mark with verified in your twitter name is the equivalent to you copy & pasting somebody else's name on a diploma. it still ain't yours and you dumb as fuck. go validate my parking please. *meter maid on a hot ass day death*

#twitterkills 24: like the chick who branded twitter on her arm. unless you're providing a service to me or the community, i could truly care less about your brand. seriously. don't spam my email and don't spam my twitter. *got no manners death* please & no thank you.

#twitterkills 25: *whispers* let me give you something to retweet "STOP RETWEETING EVERYTHING" *cuts off your fingers, bleed to death, death* RT w/ your tongue

#twitterkills 26: if you are following me in real life, like you do on twitter. i'm scared. please leave me alone. *let the police kill you death* excessive unnecessary force

4 comments:

Krissy said...

So ur telling me I have to be shot up for not having a million " followers" on twitter? Is that what ur saying mister? Smh. Lol. I don't even like the term "followers" and I can't call people I don't know "friends". Unless you're someone from blogland, someone I know in real like yet don't speak with often( or at all on a regular) or an artist I love then more than likely I won't follow you. And I don't need a bunch of folks I don't know riding my coattail and expecting me to latch on to there's (I.e. follow Friday)But aside from that I'm not that big on twitter. It gets to be annoying with the constant RT and the righteous tweeters and the people saying extra dumb shit just for laughs tweeters *rolls eyes real hard* its just not me and I guess that makes me lame on twitter. I'll be that lol. Folks can sucadik if its THAT important to be popular. I can go awhile without ever loading up my twitterdroid and seeing what folks are talking about. But it does provide entertainment when I'm bored.

Isis said...

lol @ the vengeance...

i have been twit-killed for #6 like a million times so...i guess i'm invincible...

i basically use twitter as like non-real time IMs for my friends who are on twitter way more than i am, and too read headlines of news stories that may interest me...

as far as not following ur real life friends on twitter...i'm sorry, that's what facebook is for. & if all i'm gonna do is roll my eyes & ignore the bullshit you're talking about anyway, you might as well just not be in my timeline.

~Sheila~ said...

Damn!! Don't bann me from Twitter!! I'm trying to get my shit together!!! I'll be on again more frequently as soon as I can!

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@krissy: no..just the opposite. you don't have to follow 50 people..it's about substance not #'s. the people who are following ppl they never talk to are the one's who need to die, not you.

@isis: you have been #twitterkilled a lot. but i think you like it tho. it must tickle.

i feel you on the friends thing. i'm like that too. my thing is. if you're on. and i'm on. and we have a lot of common friends, then it shouldn't be an issue. if i don't add you, you don't add me fine. but if you add me and i don't add you back, i'm being a jerk.

@sheila: you are not banned lol, although you should be. hope all's been well. take your time, i know your absence will be followed with a great "this is why i've been absent" note.