there will be a 4 part question series of ManFive's courtesy of insushiwetrust, she hit me the questions on my last ManFive (like i've stated before, if you got questions ladies ask them..)this weeks ManFive #28 topic of the week is:
"5 ways to get a guy who's just a friendly acquaintance to check for you..."
this is assuming dude isn't already taken or hasn't previously let you know he is not at all interested in you.
in my experience men & women being friends is a tricky thing. you can have friends of he opposite sex that are JUST friends. it can be done. the thing about that is, it has to be clear that there are no underlying feelings there. which usually after a while may develop so you still may not be out of the woods. what do you do after you have develop feelings for a friend and now want them to view you in a different light?
5 ways to change your guy friend to your boyfriend.
#5: drop the dude a hint...
we are not mind readers. it doesn't matter how much you think we should understand that maybe you like us. we don't. women are more observant. yall see little signs or clues that a guy has changed up on you. you start noticing the differences in the way he treats you. and you start thinking, maybe there is more behind that. men on the other hand, do not do that shit. we might be like.."why she acting like that?" but we are still clueless. unless you put that thought in our head. our boys put that thought in our head. our chick puts that thought in our head. we don't think that. if you say we're friends, we're friends. we may want more, but as long as you're saying we're just friends. we're gonna think that. gotta put it out there. that's the catch-22 to yall friend zone shit. most times yall keep us in the zone to the point where we give up on getting at yall. then if you want to be more, we're like.."really?....naw...she aint looking at me like that".
#4: give him what he wants...
i know yall get mad when i say this, but it's true. if your friend is always talking to you about a certain kind of chick. if he's always saying, how no girls will do this or that. or how it's so hard to find a woman who wants a good man. show him that woman is in front of him. show him you possess those qualities he's looking for. if he's saying he wants a woman who can cook, and your ass is always in the kitchen fixing food. then be like..
"*clears throat* "you want to come over for dinner?"
don't play yourself out. don't go outside your own comfort zone. i'm not telling you to pretend to be someone else. i'm saying if you think you're the woman for him, let him know that. because in most cases a guy is friends with you because you possess something he likes anyway. whether it's conversation. it's sense of humor. it's understanding, whatever. you've already been accepted in his life because there is something about you he likes & enjoys. you just have to add to those things and let him see that there is much more to you then he's seen.
#3: reclaim your women-hood...
a lot of times, once you've become a friend of a guy he gives you a title. you're his "little sister", you're his "homegirl", you're "one of the guys". he no longer views you as a woman who is available for the taking. this is an important catagory-esque thing when you are just friends because it allows you to separate and organize. but when you ladies decide you want to be more. you have to let him know that you're a woman who wants to be hunted.
this could be accomplished by putting more effort into appearance. if you're always with this dude in sweats and a head scarf. if you invite him over and your panties, bras, & tampons are all sitting out on the bathroom sink. if he's expecting to see you the same way your chicks see you when yall are just hanging and relaxing...you aren't putting in enough effort. when yall are feeling a dude. yall go all out. yall get the hair done, shave them places yall don't usually shave daily, put on that freakem dress, etc. to impress him. not saying you have to dress like you're going out on the town to hang at his place & watch the game. but guys notice when you put in effort. even if it doesn't seem that way. even if he doesn't compliment you right away. he might be like, "damn she looked good last night". or "she smelled real nice.." he may even ask you if you did something different. because once he gets used to you one way, seeing you another way..he will notice.
#2: get one of your mutual friends to "hook that up" or "introduce the idea"
a lot of times, there is someone in the middle who knows what's going on. it's either the person who introduced you in the first place. a person who hangs out with yall. someone who knows both of you and can kind of act as the medium. even if you're just bouncing the idea of you guys being more off of them. they can usually help you on where that other person is at. and what your chances are that it can turn into more. they can also be that bridge that helps you get his attention or puts the idea in his head. whether it's his homeboy or your homegirl. it's almost a way for you to bring it up, without actually bringing it up. and if they ask and it's a "no go" a way to kinda save face without jumping out on a limb.
#1: just tell him how you feel...
one thing we appreciate the most from our friends is honesty. most times you feel like your friends are more honest with you then the person you're with. i'd prefer my friend just tell me they had a thing for me, even if i had a chick. i hate the guessing games. i hate the hurt feelings because you're jealous. if there are underlying feelings or if you're feeling me just tell me. the worst that can happen is it'll be weird for a minute. weirder if i have a chick. but if i don't...what's the damage? we're adults, let's talk. that way we can both know where we're at and know where we're going.
hope this answered one of your questions, if not..hit my comments & i'll hit a different angle.
11 comments:
I feel ya here...Good advice...We women, do tend to think deeper...When with men, its very simple...
yay! thanks!
definitely feel #s 3 & 5
#2 seems uber wack to me, lol.
and #1 seems overly dramatic.
#4 makes sense,
but like you said, most ppl assume their friends are going to be more honest with them than their partners. which, to me, reflects how the relationship you have w/a friend is diff than the relationship you have w/someone you're with...
so is it even attractive to a guy to possibly be with a chick who knows him thru a friend lens?
@jstar: welcome to the blog. thanks for following & commenting. and it is very simple for us. that's why we want yall to just tell us. tell us. stop making it so hard. lol
@insushiwetrust: #2 i agree, it could be uber wack depending on the circumstance. and of course #1 is overly dramatic to you because it's the easiest shit to do. women don't like easy, yall want everything to be complicated. everything has to be so damn hard. when if you got the point, said how you felt you wouldn't be sitting there wondering. lol
and it is attractive to men that you see them through the friends lens. we like when you understand us. we like when you like us for us. and by being our friend only it shows that you have an admiration for us that we usually have to earn or wait for a girl who isn't our friend first to have. but at the same time you have to respect that friendship side if it becomes more. can't remind him or throw shit he shared with you as a friend at him when yall become more. check out my old post: http://thainfamousnobody.blogspot.com/2009/05/friend-2-lover.html
Agreed. It's been said that a female can get any man she wants. With that said, i dont see why a lot of them arent more assertive with a guy.
A lot of us guys arent with the shy stuff. We (mature ones) can deal with rejection better than women can, so we could sorta relate but you never know what's gonna happen till you put your bid in. Things is, a lotta females will like a guy but wont admit it. I'd just rather a girl just say what's up and we get it out in the clear.
#4 & #3 are defin on point. and thank you for validating what i've been saying forever men and women can be JUST friends!
@100K: you know what it is...chicks steady complain we're difficult, when the only thing they gotta do is talk to us. They wants us to guess & read their minds and shit. They don't realixe all they have to do is say what they want.
@ms.rubies: you're welcome & thanks.
I do all of these. Is there such a thing as trying too hard?
I can see where u coming from with all of these but you should of but a disclaimer saying don't try to hard ladies!! You can't push yourself onto the dude if these 5 things don't give u the results u were looking for don't go at it to hate u might just his ass off.
@hater von g & sunshinestar110:
yes, there is such a thing as trying too hard. i don't put up disclaimers because i try to stress as i have in this & past post. be yourself. this isn't about playing yourself. this isn't about being someone else to make someone like you. be yourself.
if a guy doesn't/can't/won't like you for you, then you don't need to be dealing with him anyway. this is the main reason so many chicks get lost on dudes because that "fake" persona you give to attract weens off after a while. same with dudes. we give yall that, "we're so caught up" love at first. then we start getting lazy and yall notice the slacking and be thinking it's disinterest, but truth is ppl try to hard in a lot of situations. don't go above & beyond to the point where you can't handle being that person anymore.
being with someone shouldn't be stressful (in a perfect world), but it will be. try not to add too much to your plate and you should be fine. like i said, friends already like certain qualities about you so it shouldn't be so hard. the hardest part of getting at a friend is trying to get them to see you as more than that. that's the biggest barrier, the relations all fall into place. hope this helps some.
bout to put up a disclaimer for all my manfives. check the edit..lol
True, the man I with says this weekend that he was accepting applications for my position and no matter how many woman he dated, he realized that me his friend was the best fit for the job. It was like after I said you know what I fed up with men why don't you be my boyfriend and he was like okay......
then it was like okay all jokes aside let's really try this......
and 10 yrs later....
well we're still trying
@beyond danielle: damn..10 years? lol i'm saying, but that's how it happens. a lot of times when you know someone & trust them it seems like it COULD be a natural progression. but sometimes it's better to let friends stay friends. in my previous experience, it's great having that initial understand & admiration. but after a while skeletons get thrown, the person knows you TOO well, & it's hard to get that friendship back when it's over. not saying it can't work. cause i'm on a quest to do that now..but i'm saying sometimes it makes it hard-er.
good luck w/ your decade romance. if it happens it will probably be really great tho.
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