ManFive #25 topic of the week: how to maintain your friendship with us when we get a girl...."you...you got what i need...but you say she just a friend. you say she just a friend..oooh baby you..."
it's hard being friends with a woman when you got a woman. usually it's impossible. and i know a lot of you ladies are saying, "no it's not...", "i got plenty of male friends..", or "my best friend is male and we don't ever have no problems..".
truth is, women make it harder to have women friends. yall just naturally don't trust other women. you trust yourself with your male friends. but as soon as it comes to your man having a female friend..."we need more people..".
here are 5 ways to maintain a friendship with your male friend after he gets boo'ed up.
#5: tread lightly...
women have this natural "fight" tendency in them. we, as men fight physically. women you fight more mentally & emotionally. you could be at war with our chick, and we have NO idea about it. almost like cats. you spray your scent on a dude, and his chick automatically smells it. like as soon as you say your friends name..you could have said 20 other chicks names beforehand. but one always stands out and then it's..."um so who is?....", "how long you been friends?...", or (the worse)..."what she look like?....". our chick will be suspicious of everything that she doesn't quite understand. mainly..."why we are friends" to begin with. so to help us out a little, chill out. don't make too many waves for us. don't be calling like crazy. don't be hitting us up every 5 minutes when you know we're with her. all that affectionate "we're like brother & sister" hugging..naw don't do that. keep all the in-fighting to a minimal. true, half the time we don't hear the quick jabs you two do at each other. we don't see the looks or the "i know him better" attitude you give off that pisses her off. just ease up, a little please.
#4: be understanding...
if we can't hang out. if i can't come to your rescue. if i'm not available at your every call like usual. don't get mad at me. it's not a reflection on our friendship. if you know it's because i'm with my chick. if you know it's because she's tripping. or she's the jealous type. then why you blaming me? women are so different then men. men understand how women act. we may not get you 100% of the time, but we always know yall are dramatic. you tell a dude, "my chick is tripping". he'll just nod & know exactly what you're saying. you won't have to explain anything else. he don't need to know what she's tripping about. he don't need any more explanation. but try telling a woman, your girl is tripping. she automatically starts tripping in response. either she is mad your chick was tripping and it prevented you from being there for her. or she's mad at your chick for random things she was already mad at your chick for. bottom line, like the movies say.."don't add your own soundtrack", please "don't add your own drama...to an already dramatic situation".
women are different. just cause you don't mind your dude doing something doesn't mean the next chick won't. if i tell you my chick doesn't like this or that. respect that. don't just write it off as stupid and continue doing it. a lot of times female friends cause a lot of friction in relationships. they are even topics of fights. if we defend you & our friendship to our chick. if we deal with them bitching at us. we don't wanna come to you and be bitched out again.
#3: don't be a cockblocker...
a lot of times yall get in the way of us getting our swerve on. women are natural cockblockers unless they're personally receiving the cock (in that case they have friends that'll block for them in return). it's hard to be friends with a woman who don't care if you get any or not. we're all for the sexing. i encourage my female friends to get it in. but when it comes time to me getting mine, here comes the hate. here comes the hate. if you know you're gonna cause a disturbance with me & my chick and that's gonna lead to us sleeping on opposite ends of the bed. why do it? a lot of times i know it's not intentional. but sometimes yall just get that hate in your blood and will throw a curb ball on us. either that or you wanna be the 3rd wheel. newsflash ladies.. men are constantly trying to get some. if i tell you me & my chick gonna be chilling...then know i really mean.."me & her gonna be chilling till i can talk her out her panties..". don't insist on being the monkey in the middle blocking my banana from getting to the spot. help a brother out please..
#2: save your opinions...
if you hate my chick, ok. if you dislike her treatment of me, ok. if you don't understand why i'm with her or why i'm dealing with her shit, ok. but do you have to tell me every time we talk? do you have to negate my relationship as unimportant because i've come to you about my issues. ask yourself this..do you pick winners 100% of the time? it's easy to point out other's "bad decisions" while ignoring your own. there is nothing wrong with being honest & speaking your mind. it's appreciated & needed at the right times. but don't throw things i've shared with you in my face. don't act as if i shouldn't deal with my chick or show her respect because in your eyes you don't deem her worthy. also, you don't have to say nice shit about her. but you also don't have to talk about her to me. it's hard not sharing things with people but when they use it against you or if it tarnishes the image of the other person, it makes you feel like you shouldn't share that with them anymore. you don't have to like her, just respect that i'm with her.
#1: remember you're my friend...not my girlfriend.
women get very territorial when it comes to men. friends, siblings, or boyfriends. if you had all the cuddle time i had to give before. if we went to the movies or talked more before my girlfriend. understand there are some things that change when i have a girl. you can't be #1 in all situations. don't make me choose between being your friend & having a girlfriend as if you're gonna be my girlfriend if i choose you. you have to let me have a relationship too. don't stand in the way of that. in order to be with someone i have to give them time. which means sometimes you have to sit in the backseat. it doesn't mean you're less important, just means that i'm trying to further a relationship with this person. and in order to do that..i have to sacrifice some of the time i've given you previously. doesn't mean it'll be like that always. but i'm saying if i'm trying to get some this weekend, yes..i'm gonna be unavailable. next weekend, i'll probably be super available..give me a weekend, geez. i'm going to be a great friend regardless of who i'm with, but sometimes i'm going to be busy. don't take my friend points away because i was late getting back to you.
8 comments:
I shall admit that i have pulled #3 a time or two. but i only did it when i didn't like there gf. My males friends and I don't think really have any of these problems i usual let them do them..I would say its a problem when i get bf..they are the one who usually pull some of these manfives.
you see chick friends are almost equivalent to girlfriends so what's the differnce
i think i'm a good friend to people in relationships, based on your list...the few guy friends i have are very near and dear to my heart...they either tell their girlfriends i'm family, or a lesbian.
The male friends I have, I only view them as strictly friends. I think women become jealous about the girlfriend because there may be underlying feelings about said male friend who is now in a relationship. I'm usually rooting for my male friends to get in healthy relationships, get married, have babies...the hopeless romantic in me.
@sunshinestar110: see..i don't be having love for cockblockers normally. and yanno you're already pushing it being from the md/dc area..home of the hater chicks. i hear what you're saying. that's how you're really supposed to be. but a lot of the times it's NOT you, it's the girlfriend who don't understand yall relationship. so it's like we aren't asking you to change up your behavior cause it bothers us, it's moreso cause it bothers her..and she BOTHERS us about it.
@beyond danielle: i agree to a degree. i've recently gotten a close chick friend and we are just friends. i think the thing is again, as i said above GF's really don't dig your chick friends, unless they become friends with her. it's almost like if she's not "YALL" friend, it's a problem.
@insushiwetrust: yea i understand that. but that's what got me in trouble in one of my relationships. i told a chick one of my friends was my cousin. and when she found out she wasn't, even though she never suspected anything she broke up with me for lying to her about that. i get the whole just not saying, but at the same time i should be able to tell my chick you are my friend. you shouldn't have to pretend to like chicks, be a relative, or go out your way to prove you're not interested in me.
@starrla monae: yea, sometimes. i don't think all the times they chick has underlying feelings. i think sometimes ppl want attention. it's the same as some of you mentioned about your male friends. they are used to having your attention or they want attention they feel you're giving to someone else. don't think it has to do with them liking you, moreso with the fact they become jealous that they can't have your time when they want it. that's my main problem. juggling folks w/ my time. NO one is ever satisfied about the time i give them. they always want more.
I'm at work, and I laughed out loud when I read this:
"almost like cats. you spray your scent on a dude, and his chick automatically smells it." HAHAHA! That is SO true, too! It's sad.
I don't have male friends, I have acquaintances... for that very reason. They all have girlfriends who don't like me. Ole dude gets pissed cause I don't come around anymore... why would I? Your ol lady mean mugs me when I do.
But on the other side of the spectrum, I hate when I have an ol man, and he has chick friends. I HATE it, I won't lie. I get jealous. However, I don't throw fits, and Id let him do what he's gotta do. But I'll always remind him whose the princess when he gets home. ;)
@hater von g: I need chicks to remember how they hate when their dude has female friends "for no reason too". They be acting like it's cause my chick is an alien. Like how dare she hate on your friends, but they do the same thing. I agree she shouldn't be jealous of my friends. Even more so if she has male friends herself. But my chick friends act like they don't know how women get. Its like yanno how y'all trip for no reason, cut me some slack.
Im guilty of one or two of these. But um.. I stopped believing I could just be friends with a guy a while ago...so this really doesnt apply!
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