ManFive #17

ManFive topic of the week: why we can't go shopping with you. . .

there are a few things that we let yall have to yourself. the kitchen. the bathroom. the mirror. the closet. and oh yea, shopping.

i'm convinced there is a sector of hell where men are tortured for eternity: they have to wait, and wait, and wait for their wife/ girlfriend to shop to her hearts content. women often don't understand why we have such a problem, going shopping with them. what's not to understand? it's boring as hell. we don't enjoy it. it's not fun. it's like eating pieces of broken glass. it just doesn't make sense & it's painful.

Here are five reasons why we don't enjoy being your shopping buddy:

#5: yall can't make up yall mind to save a life. . .indecisive

a shopping trip with a woman becomes a "how does this look?", "is it cheaper here", "do i have shoes to match this", "i got to have this, no...i got to have that". yall will walk into a store, the same store you frequent weekly, daily, hourly. see the same outfit you saw online, in a catalog, on someone else. know that you wanted to buy it, until you walk into the store. once you've walked in the store and see yet another choice, you become confused. you will walk around with the item in your hand. you will browse other selections, try it on, go through your matching accessories, etc. then as soon as it's time to check out put the shit back. we can be in the store for 2 hours, when you magically decide that you don't need it, want it, or like it anymore.

#4: yall have to try on everything. . .

even if you've tried on the same shirt in another color. you have to try it on in that color to make sure it goes well with your skin. you have had the same shoe size since the 11th grade, but guess what...you have to try on EVERY pair of shoes to see if they fit. you even let the lady fit you for a bra, knowing good and well your titties have not gotten any bigger since last week. jewelry can't be gazed at in the case, you have to look with your hands. you have to find a bigger mirror to look at yourself in those sunglasses. W T F ? men don't try shit on. we go buy shit in our size & go home. if it doesn't fit we take it back (most times, we don't even take it back..just take the loss). this is why we can't stand this shit. maybe if there was more, "hey let's get it on in the dressing room" taking place. or we hit up victoria's secret and you wanted to bust a tyra runway show on us. but let's face it..that's our fantasy, not yours. and when engaging in things YOU want to do, our fantasies are usually null & void.

#3: you are satisfied with just looking. . .

yall think shopping is a hobby. kinda like sports, stamp collecting, or playing an instrument. a woman can go to 100 stores and just look and be satisfied. window shopping is an activity. you want us to get out the house, and walk around and LOOK at shit. *scratching head*. you can go to the mall and come home with some stockings, a magazine, and a cookie from "the american cookie company" and it was a successful day at the mall. are you serious? you wasted $24.32 in gas & 2hours of my life for that? you better at least make the trip worth it.

#2: you be in our pockets. . .

it don't matter how independent she is. don't matter if she got her own. if she tricks you into going to the mall with her everything becomes: "you know how good i'm gonna look for you", "wouldn't you like to see me in this?", "i wish i could afford this...". all that shit is code word for, "if you want me to talk to you on the way home, if you want to get some tonight, if you want to make me real happy...you'll buy this for me". women love to spend YOUR money. women are frugal as hell with their own money. again, yall can look at the same shoes for 3 months and wait for a sale. but if our ass is dumb enough to be in the store with you...fuck a sale.

#1: it's gay. . .

yall turn us into your purse holding personal assistants. they even have the little sitting area in the middle of the damn store where we have to sit like some punks on display. it's so bad when you walk in the store, you just *kanyeshrug* to the guy sitting next to you. all you can hear is laughing coming from the dressing room. guess what, that's your chick in there laughing at you ass. she's probably on the phone to her chicks saying, "yea girl, he sitting there holding my purse right now.." and they think that shit is cute. then she comes out to show you an outfit, "how does this look?..you think these pants are too high waisted?" immediately she forgot you had balls, and is treating you like your name is Dwight or Miss J.