i find myself in a situation where i know what i'm want, but i'm just frustrated i can't have it. at least not the way i want it.
may even be what influences most of my blog rants, twitter tweets, text assaults to my friends. i think it's pure frustration. it's like if something is always on your mind, heavy on your heart, on the tip of your tongue. yet, you feel like you can't say it. no one will understand. it just gets twisted and turned around on you. you're where i'm at right now. i know a lot of times it sounds like i'm being a punk about shit. i'm really not a punk.
i'm just a good guy who is past the games. past the informality. i don't have to see all the colors in the crayon box to know all i want is the brown one. i don't have to see all the cards in your hand, to know that all i want is the ace of spades. i know what i want.
i want to be happy
i want someone to love me
i want her eyes to light up when she sees me
i want her to jump over the couch, knock over the dishes, almost break her neck running to the phone when i call..cause she can't wait to talk to me
i want her thoughts to be my thoughts
her breath to be my breath
my step to be the direction she's headed in and is happy to follow
i want our fights to be stupid, so stupid that we agree and move on
our issues to be solved
i want her to hear me without even speaking a word
to listen to everything, not just what she wants to hear
to respect me
not just because she likes me, love me
but because it's deserved
i want to earn her love
and her to allow me to earn hers
not just when we're together or confronted
but because there isn't a person she'd be ashamed to say, "this is my man" to
be my best friend
first & last person i come to with everything
i want her to want me
in every sense of of the word, not just pick & choose the best qualities
because she loves my flaws
she loves my imperfections
she realizes it's what makes me me
doesn't judge me
or change me
unless it's for the better
and even still, it's with love. . .
i want her to see through the material things
see me through my skin, my bones.. focus on my soul
disregard the sickness, ailments, fat pockets that come with age
disregard the attitudes that pop up from no where
i want her to know that the way i care
that i love someone
that no one could ever change that
she is in control.
she has the remote.
i'm just her toy
stop playing with me. damn.