Monday, October 26, 2009

when it's time to date a cougar..

no, this isn't my "i'm dating my cougar now" update. chill out. she's still at bay. i haven't heard from her since that BET event. well she text me but no more "lets go on date" type shit. that will be sidelined by my chick who now is not feeling the whole, "she just wants to be your friend" shit. i mention my cougar and i see her ready to pounce back. ooh sexy, sexy!

this is for my dude 100K, his comment sparked the idea for this post. when is it the right time to date a cougar? the answer: when you're ready for the ride.

now i don't claim to be a dating guru. i actually started quite late seeing that i dated my first girlfriend from middle school to college. yea, i really thought she was gonna be the one. when that didn't work out i had to go through the, "my life will never be the same, i'll never get married" shit. so i was kinda wild after that. dating, talking to chicks, of the the first chick i kinda slowed down with was this older chick (actually the first one was a REAL UGLY chick, i just erase her from my dating memory). she was a chick i met at a step show, she was a delta (i'm an alpha btw, as if there was anything ELSE). and we kinda kept in touch. a few years later she hits me up with her new number. and we kinda talk and all that good stuff. i was in engineering she was in engineering. we had shit in common. i was 23 she was 27. now we started talking back & forth, things was cool. she attracted me with the, "i got shit together" thing. now realize i was a career college took me a minute to get out of college. so i was still in college. she was off in Texas, working on tanker, making $80k, had her own house, car, pretty, educated, etc.. now i wasn't a golddigger. but come on, that is the type of woman you trying to catch.

so i slowed down for her. we started talking. then one day she calls me she's got hurt at work. so of course i'm asking if she's ok, etc. a few weeks later they lay her off. she has to move back with her mom. now this didn't change how i felt about her. but as soon as she lost her shit she started looking at me to provide for her. what part of "i'm in college" don't you understand? don't call me long distance, talk for a few hours then want me to pay the phone bill cause you were talking to me. don't hit me up to borrow $300 to pay your bills, when i'm sitting around splitting a $9 pizza with 3 guys. yes, i worked for UPS and yes, they say you can make that shit a career. but paying all your bills, paying tuition, incidentals, are broke as a joke. i found out right there what dating an older woman required.


and i know i give you young chicks a hard time. i know since i've declared i wouldn't go under 25 or date a chick in school yall have been counting down to your 25th bday & graduation day. but i'm saying. it was back to chicks my age or younger after that. the difference is goals. young chicks & older chicks have the same goals. that's why it's confusing. most women want stability & family. younger chicks, want it..but they will wait. older chicks can't afford to wait. so what do you do?

thing is you date a woman on the same level as you. if you're 21, and your shit isn't together. don't date no older woman. older women are NOT going to cater to you "youngness" for long. it's a trick. they reel you in, because everything is there. you're not dealing with a chick w/ fake problems (check my young chick post), most times they won't even reveal their problems to you. because older women have practiced in the art of mystery. young chicks put all their cards on the table. you figure them out too easy. that's when the appeal for something more difficult enters. you go after the sexy older woman who's showing you attention. and after she's got you she pushes you into a state of "balding". your hair just starts falling out with all of her issues. because her issues be FOR REAL. you be sitting there watching the game. instead of a chick coming to you with "baby, my car won't start...". you go out look at it, it's cause she left her lights on. quick fix, right? if an older woman comes to you, "baby my car won't start" her ass need a new engine. it's NOT the same problem.

the thing is, you gotta able to be the man in the situation. so to be with a older chick, you have to be able to handle her problems. there is nothing wrong with "real" problems. it's about your maturity. her real problems just seem bigger than life because in your life it's not a problem you're used to. once you reach a state where you see eye to eye with that, you're ready. so..if you got your shit together, date an older woman. she will take care of you as long as you can take care of her.

sidenote: after 40...all cougars want is sex and companionship anyway. so if you find a halle berry you don't have to do SHIT but give her some vitamin D & a sweaty cuddle.


Beyond Danielle said...

because older women have practiced in the art of mystery. young chicks put all their cards on the table. you figure them out too easy

because older woman know men use these cards and throw them right back in your face if your not careful. I always felt discreet is the way. You can never make yourself to available.

100K said...

Good read. I'm thinking I need to date older. Im the type who needs a challenge (ie, female to stand up to me and tell me "no")...and I've only met one female my age who's done so.

Besides, I still need to get turned out by an older woman. I look forward to it.

Young women...i never tell them too much about myself because once they find out what i do (entertainment related), I dont know if they like me for me or for what they think i am..or even for my earning potential...I'm 23, fresh outta college, working with no loans thank god, ambitious...girls my age demand too much and give up too little...i look at dating as an investment of time, money and possible emotions....and i like to win or have win wins...i just think at this point in my life an older woman would understand that but it's a iffy too young to settle down.

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@beyond danielle: it's not so much as hiding your cards so ppl won't know what's up with you. it's about revealing them and putting them all out along with the bad one's. so you can both sit down and understand each other. like i said younger women tend to tell you EVERYTHING. all their issues on the first date/week/month. older women tend to hide their bad cards. meaning they think they are hangups that leave them single. so they don't reveal them until things are more vested but at that point it can overwhelm you.

@100k: i hear you on the "not liking me for me" thing. ask folks who know me i am mr. paranoid even when it comes to male friends. because i've been in a situation my whole life where i wasn't sure if ppl were around me for me or for what i had.

the thing you gotta remember with that is, you get what you give. if you're not open with them, 9 out of 10..they aren't being open with you. which leads to losing interest and them just being annoying. it's not just girls your age, all women demand too much and are starting to give less and less. it's due to all the dumb dudes who have messed it up for all of us. the right chick will make you invest in the time, money & emotion. she'll have you open like a window.

an older woman isn't gonna put that "grow up" pressure on you from the gate like the younger one's because she is saying to herself, "he's just acting like that cause he young". she's making an allowance and excuses. younger chicks wanna know you're headed someplace. which i mean look at it from their p.o.v., that's what they should be doing. it's just the hoodrats that's fucking it up for all the good chicks. cause you'll have a good chick who is getting her shit together too and she looking at you for what you can add to her vs. the pocketcheckers who wanna be all up in your pocket. get you a chick who don't take your shit (in the sexy way). get one who understands where you're coming from (which involves you opening up) and is interested in heading in that direction with you.

but i do agree tho it's a must to get that older chick experience. it is an experience. get you that short set & some hamburger helper.

~Sheila~ said...

I think it all depends on the type of person you meet and the relationship understanding you have from the beginning. Some older women don't expect too much but then again, you have those who never got what they wanted while they were younger and are looking for it now (whatever IT is). Every relationship with everyone is different unless you continuously draw in the psycho chicks at any age. Not everyone is honest and lets you know what is expected. That comes after the formalities are out the window and you see them early in the morning without any make-up.

By then, it's too