Wednesday, August 26, 2009

you hate me, but i love you...


but i love you, so much cupcake. i mean i really do. your moist buttery cake melts in my mouth not in my hand. your icing, yes..your icing is pure bliss to me. sometimes, when i lick you and taste you in my mouth i have to close my eyes due to the pure satisfaction that is you. in fact it's not just you, it's all your friends. i could eat you all, all day. i can never get enough....

yet i got a hater telling me to lose weight. yes, i said it. she's trying to tear us apart. she thinks i'm letting myself go. and i admit my love affair with you, has lasted a while. and you haven't been the best thing for me. well i take that back, you have been the best thing for me, just not for my six pack. you transformed it into a fattypack. now it's become a guttypack. i'm saying, i don't blame you tho baby. i just know that in order for me to regain my gladiator physique i have to give you up. i thought maybe i could just sneak a few licks here & there. yanno not eat you all the way. just taste your goodness a little, but the temptation was just too great. i mean..

arrggh..it's just so hard. i dunno if i can do this. i don't know if i can leave you alone. i mean i am older, maybe i could pull off or at least excuse the fudge..i mean pudge you leave behind. i just know i'm too lazy to work you off. i never worked out to begin with. in fact i hate working out. when the other guys go to the gym..i used to spend long days with you & all of your friends (24 of your friends to be exact). now the thought of running in place, lifting weights, etc... has me sweating in anxiety. which might be good. sweating is good, yanno. although sweating from eating you these days does not seem like a good sign. who sweats from eating? i think we know the answer to that....

i've been trying to think of ways around this. really i have. yanno if i talk to slightly bigger ladies they are all about me being a cuddly teddy bear. it's those skinny girls that want you to be a stone statue of pleasure. why can't i plushly pleasure you skinny lady? aww..well. cupcake.. our days of fornication are not over. i still plan to ravish you, just not as much as usual. plus i think the sneaking around will make you taste so much better!...

5 comments:

Beyond Danielle said...

will power

Mel said...

You'll have to slowly wean yourself... Just one less cupcake per day, 'til you're down to one. Then just keep that one cupcake around for when you have those weak moments.

On second thought, why quit them? They're so good. They deserve your attention.

KINGYOUNGLEE said...

ya blog is dope.imma follow you.plz do the same

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@beyond danielle: it's so hard..

@ mel: i'm with you. they DO deserve my attention.

@kingyounglee: thanks man, consider yourself followed.

~Sheila~ said...

Have you considered more healthy cupcakes? You know, so you can eat as much as you want (I know it doesn't work that way but a girl can dream).

Go ahead, eat what you want but you have to remember you are on steroids and you will have to work it off...lol.