Saturday, August 22, 2009

ManFive Friday #7

sorry if this ManFive is actually posted on saturday. if it means anything, i started it on friday.

this week topic: why are men always thinking about sex?

i think the better question is, why aren't women always thinking about sex? we both know it feels great. we both know it eases stress, burns calories, good in protein. yet, why is it a sore subject when it comes to relating to one another. don't get me wrong, when yall want it, it's all good. but 95% of time when yall don't we are viewed as wrong for thinking with our dicks.
lets explore this tho. have you ever woken up and sexually your body was ready for action. i'm not saying, you woke up and was like.."i could go for some sex right now..". i'm saying throbbing, hot, wet, tingly, ope..(smile) you get what i'm saying right? more than likely if you have a dude around all you gotta do is motion and you can get it. but imagine you had an ol' hater. someone that rolled over noticed the hot steam lines cascading off your body and rolled back over and pretended to be sleep. imagine having to convince this hater to "wake up" and give you some. see to women it's a task. to men it's second nature.

but it's not just morning wood. do you know how much dick to hand contact we have per day. when we piss. when we bath. when we dress. when we adjust (and yes, adjusting is necessary unless your dick is small enough not to touch your leg, nuts, anything..). when we need a warm place for our hand. when we cuss. and just naturally we default there. now imagine if you we're touching your "love muscle" like that all day, everyday. in fact do yall even touch it? it's all beautifully packed away, chilling. yall get up close to the area, but beat around the bush (smile). but your equivalent to what we have is JUST for sex. so therefore unless you're trying to have it, or getting your christopher columbus on yall aren't really in that area much.

so maybe it's not a hot button for you, because your just not pushing it. but with us it's too easy. not to mention we don't have to touch. shit a chick could whisper her "abc's" in my ear and that would do it for me. it's not that hard, or is it? (smile). so how can you blame me for thinking about it? how can i be blamed for wanting it? if anything you should be blamed for not providing it for me. yes, i'm serious. not on some "i wish i could fuck, every girl in the world...."shit like drake & weezy. just saying, if you my chick..why i gotta beg? if you had to beg, you'd be pissed. cause women think men should ALWAYS be ready for them. but yall the only one's who have to right to say no. that's some ol' bullshit. so i'm gonna help you ladies out.

five signs your man wants some "golden grahams".

#1: he's being extra nice and shit. cleaning up shit. taking the kids out w/o you asking (that's a maneuver to give you time to relax and get yourself together to thank him). asking you how your day was, when he never ask you that shit. smiling and shit like he up to something. he's up to trying to get it in. so stop tripping. milk the situation (smile) and get yours in too.

#2: he put extra effort into how he looked today. it might not have been for you at first. he might have just felt all good and shit. like it was just a good day. and he's in a good mood. then he's doing that extra shit like putting on cologne when he usually wears the scent of "irish spring", "dial", or "dove" (that's dudes who just use whatever soap you buy them). if he's in a good mood guess what would make him in a even better mood?...yup yup. if he looking all extra good & he knows it, he's trying to get some sugar smacks.

#3: if he's put effort into trying to seduce you. which is different then just being nice. when he's reciting poetry to you. lighting candles. you see flowers on the table. you walk in and he's playing that "slow jams" cd. don't quietly back out the door..yanno you in the fuckspot as soon as you walk in. open the fridge and there is nothing new but strawberries & whip cream. still no eggs, just chocolate sauce and shit. yanno what's up. he jumps out from the shadows in a silk robe attempting to be sexy (cause let's face it...there isn't sexy male attire that's gonna turn on your woman). you walk in the bathroom and see the lube is out from in the back of the cabinet and there is some 3 y/o massage oil sitting next to it. oh yea,'s about to be on now.

#4: he tells you he's been thinking about you. and he giving you some ol' bullshit reasons why he was thinking about you, but yanno he really was thinking about getting you from the back on his desk earlier. he was thinking about walking in the house and you pouncing on him and slow grinding it against the wall, stairway, table, etc.. he was thinking about you giving him head on the way home, in fact now that you think about it, you did notice that he had raised the steering wheel. yanno what.."i was thinking about you" know what direction it's headed into. go ahead let him stroke your ego, then go stroke his. fair is fair.

#5: you're laying in the bed getting the best sleep of your life. and you feel this naked dude poking the fuck out of your spine, kidney, thigh, ass (depending on where yall bodies meet). it's a good chance he's saying...give me some. in fact he's not just saying it. it's there for the taking. now you can be selfish and ignore him. you can get mad and try to go back to sleep. or you can just roll over and get it in. it's not torture...and if it is why you with dude anyway?

bottom line. yall should be ready & willing just like us. sex is part of love. it's not the only part, but it's a big part. it's a mutually enjoyable act that should satisfy both of you. it's not a task. it's something that pleases not only yourself, but someone else. so what's the problem? if men treated women the way women treated them about sex. there would be no golddiggers in the world. there would be no housewives of atlanta, new jersey, new york, miami, etc..the only reason yall run us the way yall do is because yall are sex negotiators. yall hold the "sweet treats" hostage and be trying to work out a deal and shit. all we're trying to do is rescue her from her captivity. so stop being a pussy tyrant,
"give her, her free..& give her to me".


Cc.Denise said...

LMAO!! Halariously true, especially the poking!!

Ms. Lovely said...

lmao@ the end. Yes the poking is hilarious.. It's hard for me not to give in. I have a very high sex drive (when i'm gettin it consistently). I had a guy try and play like he didn't wanna give up the D. I damn near raped him. And he loved every minute of it..Tryna front like he was sleepy.. Boy please!

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

i'm saying...poking is about the only thing that is gonna prove to you haters that this is not a game..

~Sheila~ said...

I get poked at too.
My thing is I'm so tired and I usually have to do all of the work. Getting home from work to take care of the kids and then getting back to work in the bed is very tiring.

I do have to dangle a little sex over his head to get him to do things but most of the time I'm being poked in the hip around 4

imjustice said...

um i didn't read all of this--cuz i need to do other things with my lunch break--but i promise i really don't relate. and i don't know if it's a case of "like attracts like" but i know lots of women who are similar to me and think about sex as much as men supposedly do. and i also know a few men who don't live up to the stereotype of constantly thinking about sex or thinking about it alot. & they're not even secretly gay.

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

sheila: i understand you. me & you have already had that "kids take a lot of work" discussion. but you see you "dangling" sex over his head to get him to do stuff. so obviously you know the power you possess. stop being lazy and give that man some

imjustice: you are NOT the typical woman. i know YOU don't relate. in fact i'm pretty sure your frequencey of thoughts probably rival mine. i'm speaking of women in general in which you fade out of the average. as well as the dudes who don't think about sex much..the fade out of the average of guys who do think about it all the time. if all women thought like you i'd never ever ever ever post this blog at all. in fact i'd never do anything cause i'd be too busy having sex. lol thanks for taking time out from that lunch break shawty...