fly on the wall..

i tried to post this earlier from my phone, failed!

i will attempt to remember all the fantastic shit i said before, potential fail!

i won't be doing a #twitterkills today, sue me fail!



have you ever wondered what people are saying about you when you're not around? not random gossipers, but people you honestly really care about. have you ever wondered what they really think of you. not what they tell you. but what they say when you leave the room. or to other people.

i've always had an issue about how people think of me. it started as a kid. i was the kid that bought friends. i used to bring candy and just give it away. i used to loan lunch money that turned into my treating folks to lunch the entire school year. i just wanted people to like me. since growing up, it has made me very guarded with friends. i always doubt someone's true sincerity when it comes to friendship. but i've let go of the "making everyone like me" shit. i mean i try to be nice to everyone. because there is still a residual feeling of "wanting people to think i'm nice" in me. i can't help it, i've always been a nice person. and i was brought up to believe that being a good person is what God wants. it's a much important virtue then the others people focus on. so to me, being a good for the purpose of just being good is what i strive for. I don't try to intentionally be a bad person to anyone.

so...my thing is when people don't think i'm a good person. or have issues with me, it really fucking bothers me. it's something i internally digest and try to work on. i'm not a person who ever takes criticism lightly. i'm saying if i think what you're saying is b.s. or it's something stupid, i'll dismiss you. but when it's people i love, trust, and respect, it bothers me. that being said.. i wonder what my girlfriend, friends,  & family really think of me. i wonder what are the good qualities. i wonder what are the bad qualities. i want to know what impression i leave with and on them. and also if they are negative about me, what is it saying about the relationship i share with them? it's one of those things, where is it me...or is it you? i wish i could be a fly on the wall sometimes. just listen to their honest opinion without fear of judgment. i hate hearing negative opinions, but i feel like it makes me a better person overall by knowing what my shortcomings & weaknesses are.

I'm wrinkle free...

got my iron...finally. thanks to all you wonderfully annoying folks from twitter. I really do appreciate you hitting me over & over & over & over. until I got it. it's so nice and promises to be "anti-drip" which is the main reason I had to get rid of my last one. now finally I can put my clothes on without a soggy spot here & there.

my life has just improved by two more months due to extreme satisfaction. I actually wanna iron right now. but I just got home from basketball & I need a shower (we won..btw). maybe I'll iron & starch my drawz when I get out...

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sometimes....

sometimes, i get mad. i get very mad. and it clouds my judgment almost like drugs cloud your piss.

sometimes i get upset. i get very upset. and it boils my blood almost like a vampire with an sterile OCD.

i find these days my anger or (better put) my disappointment in things & people is easier set off than a car alarm in bankhead.

my life is like an equalizer (yes, a music reference). it's full of ups, downs, & levels. just as it's peaking...it gets dragged down. sometimes it levels out. sometimes it goes below "0".

what can i do? anger management would just make me angry. i'm serious. i feel like sitting around discussing with a stranger and listening to what they think my "real problem" would just make me wanna choke them like someone eating a peanut m&m at the same time they were coughing. i don't think that's the solution, nor do i think my anger is that bad.

i think i just need to scream. like just go to the edge of the world and just scream till my voice leaves for a few days. it's frustration. you ever have an idea of something. a vision of a perfect world..and in your mind you're so close to making that real. i find myself there all the time. like i can reach it. touch it. smell it. yet, it's just being yanked away like the football lucy always moves right as charlie brown is about to kick it.

why can't i kick the fucking ball?

is love a trap?...

is love a trap? does it sucker you in just to devour you and spit you back out halfed? i always have random thoughts. random things that just pop into my head from time to time.

is it that we are too blind to see the danger of love? or is it because love is worth the risk? i can honestly say, i am on a mission to love. and to be loved. i think it's one of the greatest gifts given by God. it's free. and when done right gives you one of the greatest feelings in the world.

so what about the not so good feelings? what about the heartbreaks, the arguments, the disagreements? what about the unhappy times. the lonely times. the i'll never feel this way again(s). do we ever figure out love? like even when we're in it. even when we are with someone who is making us happy. do we fully understand what love is? do we fully understand what we're doing?

have you ever just felt that love had it out for you. like it was one of those scams where the people send you a check for a million dollars and tell you to cash it and keep $800,000 of it. like it's just too good to be true & will end up bad. really bad...almost feels like you should just cut your loes up front. just go into it guarded. protect yourself. not give 100% for fear that you'll give too much & get too little.

what kind of love fiend are you? me, i'm a "all in" poker player with a bad poker face. i totally give up all my tells up front. i put all my chips in and i let it ride. of course we all know how these type of situations end. but i'm a risk taker & a believer. i'm betting on the person i'm with, because if i hit. if i get a winning hand (woman)...then the reward will be well worth it.

manfive friday #49

it's no secret, sex is always on my mind. sex is always on any guys mind. not to say i'm fueled by sex. just saying, like a lawnmower..there isn't just one ingredient, it's a few. i need one part food, one part sleep, one part love, & one part sex. if you give me that combination, i'll be a fine oiled working machine. expect no trouble out of me, except for a little maintenance here and there.

that being said, it's totally boggles my mind how even though you ladies enjoy, appreciate, and love sex from all the time - to some of the times (depending on what side of the spectrum you're on) why is it so hard for yall to understand M.H.S.S. (must have sex situations)?


this week's manfive friday #49 topic of the week is: 5 MUST HAVE SEX SITUATIONS. 

now you ladies who like to have sex all the time, please ignore this. i'm sure to you these situations are "givens". this is for all of you ladies who sit around and pretend that you have no idea a guy was expecting sex, wanted sex, or it was part of the silent agreement you made when you accepted an extraordinary gift. either way you slice it, your bread is more burnt than buttered.


#5: if you've have asked him to change his plans with his friends, family, job, etc...

if i tell you my grandma's 85th birthday is today. and you ask me to take you to your work function picnic instead..you better be cutting afterwards. i mean after 80..every birthday is special. and now you've made me miss out on my grandma's special day. you better make it worth it afterwords.  that goes for hanging out with my boys. if i tell you me and my boys are hanging out, getting drunk...just acting retarded. and we've been planning on going fishing this weekend. and you talk me into spending it with you instead. don't have me sitting on the couch cuddling thinking about how much more fun i'd be having with them. same goes for work. if you have me call out of work. have me come by to fix something for you. and after i'm done you looking like, "thanks, you can go back to work..." that will be the LAST time i do that shit.

the point of changing your plans for you girl is that it's gonna be worth it. yes, spending time with you is great. yes i'd rather be with you overall than hanging with my boys doing stupid fucking cool awesome shit. yes, sometimes i can miss work to come save you from a bug or change a light bulb. but come on...if i tell you come hang out with me instead of going out with your girls to see your favorite athlete that's gonna be half dressed and waiting to talk to you in VIP..i gotta be offering something better. so me saying come chill with me & watch tv, sounds so less appealing then, come hang with me i'm gonna take you shopping till my card gets declined. that's what sex is like to us. if you mention sex as part of the deal...we'll leave granny with her birthday hat on and 73 of those candles still lit.


#4: his birthday, holidays, etc..

my birthday. christmas. easter. thanksgiving. new years eve. veterans day. martin luther king day. if there is a day off from school/work/life you should be walking around naked just waiting for me to fall on you. the biggest days of the year to deny me sex is valentine's day & my birthday. it is a crime. if you don't at least give me some mouth to lap loving we shouldn't even be together. everyone knows the only gift men want/expect for valentine's day is sex. that is no secret. and to deny me for my birthday....*animal cracker crocodile tears* you ought to be ashamed of yourself. there should be a small jail in hell for chicks who don't twerk a little something on holidays.

#3: vacations...

ok. now i'm not talking about a trip to local holiday inn. or the swiss mirage motel. i'm talking about an actual vacation. the only way you aren't required to have sex on vacation is if you paid for the vacation. if you only pay half you only are allowed to deny sex for half of the trip. if i'm paying for airplane tickets, hotel stays for days, activities while we there. then you better be getting naked when we get to that room. you also must block out an entire day for us to just have sex. so...whatever you wanna do, block out a day for sex. if we get there on monday. we can sight-see till thursday. on friday we hanging the "do not disturb" on the door. and on saturday we can maybe come up for some air.

men do not pay for vacations to sight-see with women. i mean we like to experience a city. we like to get out and go. but when we're with our woman..we are just going to have sex in a different environment. do not fuck up the vacation for us with your.."we gotta go see this, baby...we only got 2 more days here.." sight-seeing makes me itch unless i'm getting some sex. if you wanna stop my junkie itching...scratch it for me baby.

#2: after accepting an extravagant gift (wedding ring, car, house...etc)

ok, i'm not talking about dudes who just trick off money & gifts for sex. i'm saying if you're my woman. and we're together and shit. and i have invested a big chuck of change on a gift. i want more than just a thank you. i want more than just a, "it's so beautiful". if you jump in the car...we better be driving somewhere to have sex in that car. once i pop the question. you do your crying, and start trying to call everyone you know. you better practice talking on the phone while biting on a pillow...i'm just saying. i know yall saw "sex in the city". yall want a dude to say, "i'll build you a closet, i got this..". you better know what to say after that, "just take off your pants, i got this..".. 

the one thing groupies realize that your girlfriend never realizes...you get further returning a favor for a favor. sure i love you, i'm doing this because of that. i'm not buying it to buy your loving. but i'm saying, if we're in love. and i'm throwing affection your way in the form of gifts. you should be throwing a little something my way. it's only right. thank me with your body. i don't mind you being a regifter.


#1: if yall have been on 30 consecutive dates & you're not a virgin..

the only ppl who get a pass on this are virgins. either a first time one or a "dead ass serious" re-virgin. you have to tell me up front you aren't into sex. you have to tell me up front we waiting on "marriage" if you don't disclose that and we've been dating for a month. it's time for you to pay the piper. it is not CHEAP to date. when it comes to going out i don't care where you wanna go. i don't care what you want to order. i just wanna make you happy, show you good time, court you.

dating is like banking sex points. it's not about "i take you to dinner, now you gotta give it up". it's about investing. i don't expect it the first night (it would be nice). i don't expect it the second night (it would be nice). i don't expect it the third, forth, fifth..(they all would be nice tho..). i realize in order to bank at the international house of your panties i have to pre-pay that debit card. and from then on in order to make transactions i'm gonna have to make deposits in the dating bank. i get you. i understand that. but after a month of depositing into that account...it's time for a withdrawal.

love mishaps

i've mentioned before i'm a romantic at heart. and being a romantic, i tried to think of a gift to buy my girlfriend that would scream..."i'm thinking about you". it wasn't about price, it was about thought. what could i buy...that would show her that i was always thinking of her? what can i get that she can have and think of me?

so i went down to this store called, "things to remember". and saw this heart compact. so i thought long & hard about what i wanted it to say. i got her name engraved on the front. and wanted to put a message on the other side. the first thing that popped in my head..

at first..."if you look in my heart, this is what you'll see".

that was cool. but i wasn't sure if that was too much. after all, she always implies i'm moving too fast. and i'm too serious. so i backed off that idea.

then i came up with.."your only imperfection is, you without me...". i thought to myself maybe she wouldn't understand what i was trying to say. so the lady at the store asked me if i wanted some help...so we came up with.."you're always in my heart" (or something similar..lol it's been a while). short, sweet, & to the point. so i go out and find this beautiful heart box. red, heavy, carved box. and i put the compact in there. she sees it and kisses me and thanks me for it.

but months go by and i never see it again, nor hear mention of it. so one day we're having a conversation about, "your & you're". and she's telling me, "i know you don't know the difference in the words..". and i ask her why she said that, she informs me her compact says...

"YOUR ALWAYS IN MY HEART"

i inform her the stupid girl at the store must have spelled it wrong when she was engraving it. because i know i double checked it a million times before i decided to go with that message. so that's why she never has it? or never said anything else about it? *smh*...i've wanted to for a while go and get another one done corrected. but i thought about it. if she was gangsta she would rock that shit and be like, "so my boyfriend might not be able to conjugate verbs...but i love his retarded sped ass anyway". so i refuse to get another one, at least until i see her show some pride in that one.

*ignorantly strolls away*

#twitterkills thursday 34

this week's #twitterkills thursday 34 topic of the week: nasty ass twitter names..

i'm sure i don't have to mention any particular. we've all seen them. and they are all cute for the moment. and you'll add them. and you'll tweet them. the one day you're looking at your timeline and see...


@harddickinyoupussy: just getting out of church, the preacher was PREACHIN'

now tell me that doesn't just make you scooby doo it to unfollow. it's like, no those words don't offend me. i will gladly say them but not everytime i tweet something. now you do get points for originality. i mean "@eatdatasslikecandy" is great. but why you get mad when a dude adds you and ask you to "eat-dat-ass-like-candy"? i'm saying advertising is advertising. don't get mad and be twitter fighting and telling him you're not gay. cause um according to your twitter name, eh..you kinda are.  if your name is "@bigtitties4youboo", and a dude comes at you with sex shit all the time. don't tweet..

@bigtitties4youboo: why guys always @replying me about sex, get the fuck outta here with that, you will be UNFOLLOWED.

um, excuse me. they followed you cause your name was "bigtitties4youboo". they thought you were giving them your titties and now yo wanna front, change your twitter picture to you reading a book. yanno what the people want. if you aren't gonna give it to them. get off twitter hoe...lol. and no i'm not saying you just gotta talk about sex all the time. i'm just saying, don't act like people are out of line. or people are stepping to you wrong. accept the stereotype like you did the praise for being perverted in the first place. not saying anything is bad about it. just saying. if my mom was looking at my phone while i was tweeting. she wouldn't be alarmed by, "@gorgeousgeek" but if she saw "@pussypussypussyletsallgetwasted" she'd be like, "um..so this is what twitter is?".

*pouring two glasses* two shots you. for being original and giving some perv a woody when he loads up his tweetdeck. pow.

money on the ground

so i get up, not really in the best of moods. look outside my door & see green paper scattered across my lawn. after my usual cursing of my trifling neighbors..I focus in (my eyes aren't what they used to be) and notice its money...

so I turn off my alarm..go outside & pick it up. it wasn't a lot of money...but it just feels lucky. what should I do with it?

buy lunch, lotto tickets, pediasure, candy, etc... help me out.

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blogamony

excuse the sloppiness of this post, it's being done through a new "blogger" client on my phone. i just wanted to address the request for blogamony i received..

denied....

lol. just playing. I'm gonna honor this request, later on today..so check back. as for the missed manfive...arrgh, it's coming!

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#twitterkills thursday 33

ok..so you're not on twitter. but you're reading my tweets & @replying me in my text messages.

this week's #twitterkills thursday topic is dedicated to the people who think that: @replying is cool outside of twitter.

yes, i've been accused of having a tweetversation. meaning, going back and forth with someone about something that we could have moved to text, gchat, aim, email, DM, or whatever. and that's cool. if things are getting lengthy. if things are private or personal, ok. but don't just be @replying me in my text. if i tweet...

@studiogenius i'm so hungry..need some nourishment ASAP, #noanorexic

and i get a text message, one second later "ha ha @ #noanorexic" and that's it. you didn't go into anything else. you didn't offer to get/bring/buy me some food. why the hell you couldn't have just @replied me back on twitter? if you're on tweet hiatus, yet you are still reading my tweets all day...you are NOT on hiatus. your ass just ain't tweeting yourself. it's still considered "being on twitter". if you get on twitter and see i said something but instead take it to my text, or assault me on gchat about it...i'm just gonna hashtag you to death.

future gchat session:

you: stinging headache huh?

me: #huh?

you: you said on twitter you had a stinging headache

me: #oh #yea #it's #hurting #so #bad

you: why are you typing all those hashtags?

me: #obviously #we #are #bringing #twitter #elements #into #gchat #so #i #decided #to #hashtag #kill #you

bout to go tweet #killyourself, please follow instructions. . . pow