stuck on 3rd base....

i'm a baseball guy. i actually played second base, but i've entitled this blog, "stuck on 3rd base" because i'm using to express how i'm feeling.

it's like picking up the bat, going out to the plate, gripping it tight & focusing on hitting it out the park on the first pitch. first pitch comes, you hit it and it looks like it's headed towards the stands then you hear the umpire scream, "FOUL BALL". you get 1 strike.
you then get your wits back, shake it off a bit and wait for your next pitch. you're a little scared to swing again, so you lean in and get "BALL 1". somehow you find yourself at "BALL 2", then "BALL 3"...

with the easy "take your base" ahead, you finally get the courage to swing again. you see a good pitch, you grip the bat, close your eyes, follow your heart, instincts & hear the crowd roaring. you throw the bat down, prepare to take your base, "FOUL BALL". strike two. your heart drops, your legs waiver a little as you make your way back to the plate. your decision at your full count.."lean in for a ball", "bunt", or "swing" & just take your out. you grab your bat prepare for the pitch. you get ready to swing, get scared and lean in for the pitch. and the pitcher has given you a baseball shaped tattoo in the side. "HIT BY THE PITCH, TAKE YOUR BASE".

you're on first base now. and you're trying to figure out the pitcher. should you stay and wait for a safe time to go or should you chance it & run? if you play it safe, what are your chances getting to second base? but you don't know if you don't take the chance. so you steal second base. things are going right, you make it to second base. you look down at third base and it looks so far away. yet you're confident you can make it. so after a minute of accessing the situation you make a break for it and slide into third. what now?

i find myself stuck on third. and the more i try to access my situation. check myself. and trust in love..the more i find i need someone to hit that ball & bring me home. in a relationship you can't do it all yourself. yes, you could try to steal home...but what's the possibility you'll make it? yet, it's hard to depend on someone to do that for you. and when you're looking down at the plate and see that person standing there unsure. you see that person standing there head down, eyes closed, choking on the bat just like you we're..you realize that was you three bases ago. how can you depend on someone who isn't ready to hit the ball out the park for you?

so i vowed, not to be scared of love. no matter what love gave me, i was going to try to knock the ball out the park every time. but what happens when the ball goes back to the wall. stops and drops in outfield. you take your bases, end up on third again. and you're waiting and you see that the person standing at the plate is standing there without a bat.

w. t. f. ?