so i was having a conversation with my chick. and she informed me that i wasn't the type of guy who'd physically cheat on her. I'm the type of guy who'd emotionally cheat on her.
adjusting my testicles a bit...you trying to say "i'm not man enough to physically cheat on you?.." lol. truthfully it's not manly to do either. a man doesn't cheat, he just moves on. she was kidding (i think), but i took offense to that statement. she HATES my blog, mostly because i'm talking about love. and since the blog isn't overflowing with guys..she assumes it's to get at ladies. i guess she ignores the countless # of post devoted to her. she swears she doesn't read it. but like my twitter and anything else i could possibly be on, she won't ever admit it, comment or follow me...but i know she reads it. *waving*.."hey sweetie".
this week's manfive friday #84: 5 reasons a man might emotionally cheat on you...
emotional cheating involves being in a relationship, but letting yourself cross boundaries with someone else that would constitute cheating. simply put, you're playing with fire and as long as you're not getting burned..you think it's ok. cheating is cheating folks. anything that is done in a relationship that crosses the line of friendship into more than friends is cheating. don't fool yourself, men do it too. a lot of women are just worried about him sleeping with someone else. when truthfully, him having that chick who he's thinking of all the time. talking to all the time. would rather be with all the time, is much more damaging then him actually messing with a chick he'll probably never speak to again. this is usually why women cheating is more hurtful to men, because it involves much more than sex. five reasons why he might be emotionally cheating on you....
#5: he's starving....
if you're not feeding him at home, eventually he's going to go out and look for it elsewhere. it is his responsibility to respect and love you enough to not do it. but with the shoe on the other foot, it's your responsibility to make sure he shouldn't have to do it. sometimes a guy can get starved for attention. everyone wants to be wanted. everyone wants to be made to feel like they are important, liked, loved, etc..if you're in a relationship with a man that you aren't paying any attention. trust, the first chick that pays him attention is "gonna give him life". she's giving him something he needs. something you aren't giving him. so yes, that becomes addictive. that becomes a great feeling. and eventually he's going to gravitate to that person to give him that feeling. not saying it will lead to cheating. but if a fat person is hungry. and all you got is slim fast shakes at your house. and here comes this chick with chicken wings and beers. i'm saying...
so what do you do to keep him from emotionally cheating on you in this situation?...pay him some attention. compliment him. talk to him. pay attention to his needs. i'm a total believer in the fact that someone can't make someone else cheat on you. the person you're with chooses to leave. and if he is choosing someone over you because you failed to do something a simple as show him attention, then can you blame him? like one of my homeboy always says, "what's the point in being in a relationship with a chick who won't give you the things the women you'd casually date will give you?".
#4: he's bored...
sometimes in a relationship things get boring. especially when you've been together for a while and things are routine. it doesn't even have to be anything wrong with the relationship. it doesn't even have to be you that's boring. maybe his life is boring. maybe he's going through shit and just feels disconnected from the relationship. or maybe he's just tired of hearing the same ol' shit coming out your mouth. either way...he's looking for something different. and maybe he happens upon that with someone at work. or one of his friends from facebook. and he's corresponding back and forth about all the interesting shit going on in their life. he's having numerous invigorating conversations about things he's never talked to you about. she is opening his eyes & mind to new things. she's not too tired to listen to his day. she hasn't heard that same story over and over again. she thinks it's cute, funny, amazing that he caught that fish with his bare hands.
she is winning him over because he is vicariously living through her life & the life she's giving him by caring about the shit he has to say. again...this isn't your fault. this is him seeking out someone else to make him feel better about himself. so other than, "don't let the spark..fade" there is no other advice. i'm not gonna patronize you and tell you to "win back his attention". in a situation like this, you either tell him to snap out of it and focus on what's important & who's important. or you tell him to take his bored ass on.
sad, but true. sometimes a guy may not even know he's embarking into a emotional relationship with a woman. he's talking to her. confiding in her. hanging out. and it's all innocent. then slowly but surely he starts developing the signs of a cheater...
after a while the only thing he's not doing as far as cheating is sleeping with her. and that will probably soon be following if he has anything to do with it. because sex isn't involved at first, it seems innocent. so he tends to think nothing is wrong with it. then after a while when he starts developing feelings. starts looking at it differently. starts thinking about actually physically cheating. it's not always planned. guys don't always just decide to up and sleep with a chick. sometimes it slowly happens and before he knows it he's caught feelings and he's moving into trying to get with this chick. because he's breached the threshold and she is willing to cross it with him.
he's emotionally cheating on you because he's not ready to full out cheat. he's testing the waters. he's emotionally investing himself in someone else, but at the same time he's thinking he still loves you. still cares. doesn't want to break up. doesn't want to lose you. but he can't shake the feelings he's developing for this new chick. i'm quick to say, "if a person cheats on you, they can't possibly love you". and in my opinion that means: if they can hurt you that bad, disrespect you that much, and share with someone else the intimacy that should just be between the two of you...then they can't possibly love you the way love was designed to work. but...in their mind. in their heart. the could possibly love you, just not fully comprehend that love doesn't work that way. and sometimes you have men who think by not "sleeping" with a chick, they aren't really cheating. yea he's having phone sex. yea he's sexting. yea he's thinking about her, telling her he loves her, telling her he's going to break up with you. but he's just lying. so that makes it ok...right?
maybe he just got so engrossed in what was happening that he just slipped up and fell in love with someone else.
being with someone is not mandatory. if you're unhappy in your relationship. if you are no longer feeling the other person. if you find comfort in someone else, then be a man. tell them, & move on. that simple. you hurt someone more by sneaking around and doing shiesty shit then you would have to just be honest and tell them you wanted out of the relationship. most times if a man is cheating on you in any regards it's because he doesn't love you enough to NOT cheat on you. it's not your fault. yes, some of his reasoning could be attributed to things you've done, haven't done, wouldn't do...but a the end of the day if he chooses to be with you he has to accept that and respect you. i "get" someone not realizing they were getting closer to someone or crossing the line at first. but once you realize it, you should either stop it or be up front and deal with it. there are no "passes" for cheating. we're grown ups, if you want to be with someone else...be single.
she is winning him over because he is vicariously living through her life & the life she's giving him by caring about the shit he has to say. again...this isn't your fault. this is him seeking out someone else to make him feel better about himself. so other than, "don't let the spark..fade" there is no other advice. i'm not gonna patronize you and tell you to "win back his attention". in a situation like this, you either tell him to snap out of it and focus on what's important & who's important. or you tell him to take his bored ass on.
#3: he gets caught up...
sad, but true. sometimes a guy may not even know he's embarking into a emotional relationship with a woman. he's talking to her. confiding in her. hanging out. and it's all innocent. then slowly but surely he starts developing the signs of a cheater...
- -sneaking talking on the phone
- -hiding, erasing, saving text messages
- -trying to impress: dressing differently, different hair cut, buying gifts/flowers
- -lying to his chick about her/lying to her about his chick
after a while the only thing he's not doing as far as cheating is sleeping with her. and that will probably soon be following if he has anything to do with it. because sex isn't involved at first, it seems innocent. so he tends to think nothing is wrong with it. then after a while when he starts developing feelings. starts looking at it differently. starts thinking about actually physically cheating. it's not always planned. guys don't always just decide to up and sleep with a chick. sometimes it slowly happens and before he knows it he's caught feelings and he's moving into trying to get with this chick. because he's breached the threshold and she is willing to cross it with him.
#2: he's not ready to physically cheat...
he's emotionally cheating on you because he's not ready to full out cheat. he's testing the waters. he's emotionally investing himself in someone else, but at the same time he's thinking he still loves you. still cares. doesn't want to break up. doesn't want to lose you. but he can't shake the feelings he's developing for this new chick. i'm quick to say, "if a person cheats on you, they can't possibly love you". and in my opinion that means: if they can hurt you that bad, disrespect you that much, and share with someone else the intimacy that should just be between the two of you...then they can't possibly love you the way love was designed to work. but...in their mind. in their heart. the could possibly love you, just not fully comprehend that love doesn't work that way. and sometimes you have men who think by not "sleeping" with a chick, they aren't really cheating. yea he's having phone sex. yea he's sexting. yea he's thinking about her, telling her he loves her, telling her he's going to break up with you. but he's just lying. so that makes it ok...right?
right?...
#1: he's a coward...
BULLSHIT.
being with someone is not mandatory. if you're unhappy in your relationship. if you are no longer feeling the other person. if you find comfort in someone else, then be a man. tell them, & move on. that simple. you hurt someone more by sneaking around and doing shiesty shit then you would have to just be honest and tell them you wanted out of the relationship. most times if a man is cheating on you in any regards it's because he doesn't love you enough to NOT cheat on you. it's not your fault. yes, some of his reasoning could be attributed to things you've done, haven't done, wouldn't do...but a the end of the day if he chooses to be with you he has to accept that and respect you. i "get" someone not realizing they were getting closer to someone or crossing the line at first. but once you realize it, you should either stop it or be up front and deal with it. there are no "passes" for cheating. we're grown ups, if you want to be with someone else...be single.
5 comments:
Umm wow! She's reading and watching everything. What woman wouldn't if she had free access? Most would.
I've been cheated on. Physically. More than once. I'm sure it started off as emotional cheating which to me is worse. Physical cheating a lot of times means nothing to the cheater why is why they can do it and often. Emotional cheating is just that, emotional. There is so much more at stake.
So, if your man starts falling for someone else, what will be the probable outcome of that union? Once a cheater always a cheater...right? Can new chick ever trust this asshole? Hmmmm
@krissy: honestly i don't think most physical cheating with a dude starts off as emotional. a lot of times it'll be physical that turns into emotional. i'm with you...emotional is much worse and it's a lot at stake.
@anonymous: a cheater is always gonna be a cheater. once someone proves capable of cheating, being able to trust them will always be one of those..."you never know" things. you don't ever know what a person would do when it comes to you, but if they have shown in the past that they are weak to cheating then you definitely have to be cautious. and if you're with the person who cheated on someone else to be with you..um no you can't ever trust that asshole..
I'm saying with my ex's I'm sure their physical cheating started out as emotional cheating for whatever reason. Actually I can tell you the reason. Every single one of them are use to women who a drama and I'm so not drama. They all cheated on me with drama. And then felt stupid about it and wanted back in. No thanks tho. I don't go backwards.
is this a new girlfriend or you got back with the old one?
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