manfive friday #86

you've always dreamed of meeting your knight in shining armor. finding that perfect guy to settle down with. to spend the rest of your life with. to start a family, grow old, live happily ever after....

or have you? why is it when women do meet that guy. when a man is ready to settle down with her. make her an "honest" woman. buy the cow, the milk, and some grass to feed her. the last thing on her mind is, commitment. marriage. being a mother. housewife. exclusive. tied down.



this week's manfive friday #86 topic is: what to do if you're NOT ready to be his "SUPERWOMAN"...

i know some of you ladies have your mouth open. shaking your head, waving your fingers, gasping for air. all you ladies who DO want this...are thinking, "WHAT THE HELL IS THEIR PROBLEM?". and trust me, a lot of us guys wonder the same thing. women are SUPPOSED to be ready for all that shit. once we men get our act together. our mind right, we're thinking all the puzzles pieces should just fit. what you should understand if you're in the process of running away from a "sure" thing...

#5: if you want you're ex...go back to your ex.

stop acting as if you've moved on. if you're still stalking his facebook. if you're still talking to your mutual friends about him. if you're still staring at his pictures in the shoebox under your bed. if y'all broke up 2 years ago but you got his name tatted on your last weekend...you aren't ready for a serious relationship. you're not ready to be with someone else. stop getting into a relationship with other folks. you can date. you can get your "outer hoochie" on. but don't get someone else tied into your messy bad romance with your ex. even if in your mind you'll never let yourself go back to him. your heart goes back every time you think about him. so take some time to focus on getting you back. it may be a week, a month, a year, a decade, half your life...but if you're not ready to let that go...you're not ready to start anything new.

#4: single envy...

maybe you started off wanting to be in a relationship. maybe you enjoyed being exclusive and committed to one man. then you saw your friends out their having the time of their lives. or you felt bogged down with restrictions because you had a boyfriend. or maybe...just maybe you've been watching too much "sex in the city" & "single ladies" and now your whole thought process is fucked up. "single envy" used to be reserved for guys. but you ladies have come down with a rash of "i want to be single..cause that shit looks GREAT!". it used to be taboo for women to be dickaholics. yea, we know y'all liked them. we know we weren't your "only". but we damn sure ain't think y'all was trying to outdo wilt chamberlin. these days women don't have a problem admitting they like sex. they want sex. they like casually dating. and they're the one's sneaking out early in the morning and kicking dudes out their bed. if you find yourself wanting to be single, then go be single. you don't have to envy some shit that you have a choice in. just remember whose choice it was. and stop acting all bitter and mad when you can't find a man later on when you are ready. like i said once on twitter..."you women running away from commitment & marriage now, gonna have a long tumbleweeded journey back when you're ready". not to say you can't have fun and be young & dumb. but don't get dumb & dumber. at some point being young & dumb should stop being an option. nothing wrong with embracing you're "single lady-hood". just make sure you're ok embracing it if/when you're 47 & unmarried as well.

#3: don't pretend to want it..

oooooooh..you in there cooking that man dinner. cleaning his house. coming home and putting it on him good. talking about all the kids you want. discussing your future with him. planting those thoughts of that 10 carat cartier princess cut diamond ring in his head. yanno he's ready. yanno he is head over heels for you. you know he is addicted to your love. and you're sitting there feeding his addiction. yet.....

deep down inside, you don't want that shit...

a lot of women just want to be "boo'ed up". have someone to go places with. someone to kill bugs. someone to play house with. someone for the moment. someone to make her legs weak & break that back....but find themselves with a guy who wants more. a guy who sees forever in you & thinks you're down for the long run. where would he get a dumb idea like that from?....YOU.

if you find yourself with someone who is moving in a different direction. different pace. giving more....and you're just running game on him. stop. you're the one pretending, not him. if the thought of him asking you to marry him, getting a key made for you, or asking you to "have his baby" freaks you out...why you are acting like you want all of that? not saying stop treating him good, just saying stop leading him on. don't say "yes", buy a dress, get all your, his, and everyone else's family in one room to run from the alter. in some countries (i'm sure only in my head) you can get one of your breast castrated for that.

#2: being a wife ≠ end of you...

again, this is an ideal customarily demonstrated by men. settling down, committing to one person, giving up things you used to do, have, want...all to be with someone. seems like committing suicide. who is willingly going to walk into a situation where you have to compromise things you want for things someone else needs. these days people are waiting longer to get married, start families, or focus on "us" instead of "me, me, me". being in a relationship almost seems like a death sentence. yea, you want a companion, but you also want to be able to do whatever the hell you want to do. you want to spend 10 years working your way up the food chain to get a promotion and reach a career goal. you want to travel and live in exotic lands, donating time to feeding starving children, and quitting your job on the spur of the moment because you didn't like how your supervisor talked to you. you think that by committing and having to compromise you're losing yourself. you're losing the person you wanted to be. you're missing out on the person you thought you should be. you're unhappy with your life...but you're blaming someone else. being a wife isn't going to take away who you are. being a mother isn't going to stifle your growth. being with one person isn't going to steal your "inner fun". it's something that should open you to whole new experiences. it should improve your life, your attitude, and change your wants. if you're sitting around moping because someone loves you enough to want to start a new life with you then obviously you need to focus on your priorities.

#1: stop being "skurred"...

things that scare you women from committing:

• the thought that the only person who is going to take care of you, is yourself...
• the thought of being hurt for the first time, or again & again..
• the thought of failing: as a person, a wife, or a mother
• insecurity or lack of knowledge in/of relationships
• him seeming too good to be true..

if you're with someone who has proven themselves to be a great guy. someone who is trying to do the right things for you/by you. someone who has supported you in ways no one else has, can, or will. stop being scared to trust them. to trust yourself. to try love. you can't let things hold you back. that's in any aspect of your life. if you feel like the guy you're with is holding you back..he's not the right guy. but when you make that assumption..make sure it's him and not other things. make sure it's not the fact that you've made it up in your mind not to fall deep for someone. or that the fear that you're not ready to take care of a husband or family is holding you back. make sure it's not because you're just stuck in your old ways and are unwilling to change. don't doubt you're good enough or that you don't deserve someone who obviously thinks you are. bottom line, make sure it's the guy holding you back and NOT you holding yourself back.



[this manfive is for the one i missed last friday..i know i'm late, but i didn't forget]