Friday, March 5, 2010

manfive friday #33

don't push me..cause i'm close to the edge/ i'm trying not to lose my head/ ah-huh-huh-huh - GRANDMASTER FLASH

today's manfive friday topic: how to rescue your man from jumping off the edge (and save your relationship)

i say this a lot, that you women are the backbone of our existence. yes some may argue you're the breast bone, but i think the role you play in our lives is bigger than just being our companion. you help us stand, you help us walk through life, you keep us on our feet. but sometimes. . . you push us to the edge. some women take the power of knowing that we love them, and abuse it.

when a woman knows you're her man. when she knows you aren't going anyplace. you aren't straying. you aren't leaving. you aren't visiting greener pastures. she gets to a point where she starts neglecting. not all women. not all things. but honestly when you get comfortable, you stop worrying about your behavior. you stop trying to do the little things you would have done before if things weren't so stable. how do you save your relationship and you're man from jumping ship after you've gotten too comfortable in the relationship?

this is a woman's guide to winning back your man and relationship by doing these five simple tips. . .

tip #5: take his complaints seriously. . .

like anything else, talking about shit you aren't gonna do doesn't scare anybody. if you think he's not going to leave you, he just keeps talking about it. then that "threat" holds little to no weight when he barks out his ultimatum. don't think because you got away with it 1, 2, even 5 times that the 6th time he's still just blowing smoke. you could find yourself in a very unfavorable situation.

if your man complains you don't take him seriously. if he says you don't believe in his dreams. if he tells you that you're not doing what he needs you to do for him. if he complains about his basic needs, listen. this is the fastest way for a man to get fed up. think about it...if you think he's not giving you enough time. he's not giving you enough attention. he's not taking your feelings into consideration. it's only so many times you're gonna sit back and take that. men are more headstrong about getting their needs taken care of. a lot of times you ladies sit back and negate your needs and hope he'll change. while men tend to realize they won't get what they need from you and move on. be careful about ignoring his complaints. you can't say you didn't know if he's told you time & time before.

tip #4: don't lose focus on him. . .

this is something women feel men do often. yet, when they do it and don't think of it in the same manner. yes, i know you're independent. yes, i know there are things you want outside of me, outside of us, outside of a family. yes, we both have jobs, wants, desires, & dreams. but just like you complain about me working and taking time out for you. just like you complain about me friends getting in the way of our time. just like you want to be one of the most important things/people in my life. remember that you owe your man the same respect.

i always complain about the "new woman". the woman who doesn't want to stay home. the woman who doesn't want to take your last name. the woman who doesn't want to have more than 3 kids. the woman who doesn't want to cook. the woman who doesn't see the traditional role of women as favorable or even doable. this is NOT turning into a new woman debate, if you would like me to dedicate a post to my ideology on this i would love to and get your opinions and hate mail. what i'm saying in this post is... a lot of times when women get to the point where they have tons of things going on in their life. they miss the important shit, just like MEN do. if you're working too much. if your goals are set on high and are first in your life. if you have issues or problems that make your man an oversight. he begins to feel alone in the relationship.

what happens when you feel alone? you look to someone else for companionship. doesn't even have to cheating. it could be in a form of a friend, family, his work. he can check out on you too. it's alright to want things and to work towards things. just remember the people in your life and give them that time, respect, & attention. don't ever get too busy that you lose focus on the people in your life and the things they need from you.

tip #3: try to avoid predictability. . .

there is a difference between being dependable and being boring. if i can depend on you to always do this. if i can depend on you to always tell me the truth. if i can depend on you to always support me. ok. that's great. that's something i look for in a woman. but if everything you do is predictable. if everything you do is unchanging in every situation. then you'll bore the fuck out of me. if i know that you're always going to react this way, NO MATTER WHAT I DO OR SAY. if i know your habits are unchangeable: no matter how much i complain, ask nicely, or try to compromise. what is going to make me want to continue to deal with you?

there has to be changes made, and they can't all be by me. if i know how the night is going to go. if i know that no matter my mood or how i try to switch something up, you're gonna do the same thing over and over. where is my motivation? if i know that slaving cleaning and decorating my place. going out and buying flowers. thinking of dishes to cook you. making a sexy play list. is going to lead to us just going to sleep like normal. where is my motivation? if i know telling you how i feel is going to lead to you looking at me, and not saying nothing. when you start to expect a reaction from someone. when you start to expect them to act a certain way. if you start to expect the same behavior, reaction, ungratefulness, etc. it gets boring and tiresome.

if you aren't going to add any spice to the relationship? why would i? if there is no spice, we're just a bland fucking mess right? step out of your "me" zone and do something different.

tip #2: show your appreciation. . .

add something to your relationship. sometimes we like to see it too. don't think that we don't want a little extra in our stocking. men go out get you little gifts, buy you flowers, spend extra trying to impress and take you places. think about it...what do you do to put a smile on his face? other than giving him sex? i'm not saying enable the male gold diggers. don't go spending your rent money on some fucking jordans. i'm just saying that we appreciate effort too. we appreciate seeing that you care. or that you're trying to go the extra mile for us. we appreciate you wearing that outfit that we ALWAYS compliment you on. we appreciate you making our favorite meal. we appreciate you buying that "thing" (whatever that thing is..) that we've been talking about getting for the past 3 months.

women think that just because we're suppose to be the provider that there aren't things they can provide for us. sex is great. and please give us sex. please step up your sex game. please step up your freaktastic phone sex game. please tease us, please us. not saying to abandon that. just saying outside of sex. outside of the usual shit, we like to feel special too sometimes. we like to know you're listening. my girl can say she saw something on tv, in a store, in passing. and signs go off in my head..that "hey, i'm going to get that for her". mind you it's not a request for me to get it, because to me when ppl request you get shit it takes away from the "thought" of the gift in my opinion. but if i know she wants something and it's not totally unreasonable, then getting it to make her smile is something that makes me smile. try it out. next time you're dude says he wants some stupid part for his car. or a hat. he can't wait to get Halo 5. his favorite candy that may be hard to find. whatever it is...if you go out your way to make him happy, (if he's a good man) he'll return the favor.

tip #1: be devoted. . . don't ignore the problem

don't ignore the problem. it will not go away. be devoted to fixing your problems, issues. be devoted to understanding his concerns. be devoted to making it work. shit isn't easy. therefore you have to invest your time & energy into helping make things go the way they need to go. show him that you see he's frustrated. show him that you see he's unhappy. show him you see he needs more from you. show him the effort. show him you will change. show him you will compromise. look at it through your his eyes. the things you're doing. the problems he has, if the shoe was on the other foot. how would you feel? show him that life with him is worth your time & you're willing to step out and pull him back in.


lalaliybean said...

us women do tend to forget these things and i agree, it can lead to the downfall of a relationship. you all smart and stuff.. lol

sunshinestar110 said...

We tend to forget all this things that you touched on. we don't stop and think that the same thing we want from men is the same they want from us. we got to wrapped up in our needs, like, wants and dislike we never stop and say maybe he needs me to much more assertive than i have been. Ive had said in many relationship that he changed not me but in reality I did change and he just wanted the old me back or at least the new me to include more of him..

and i really hate when u are right about just hate it! maybe its just the DC in me.

Beyond Danielle said...

this could be a woman five too!

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@lalaiybean: lol..thanks. i mean men are guilty of forgetting the same shit. but a lot of times women take for granted that we have feelings too.

@sunshinestar110: i love that you say i'm right. it just lets me know more and more that i have to be if a hater is telling me i am. lol.

you also made a great point, when people change it changes the relationship. things you thought you both wanted. things you thought we're going to go one way, starts going a completely different way. i think it is important to notice your changes and make sure to include the other person.

@beyond danielle: it really could. but this is a MANfive. lol.

Porsche Simpson said...

Hey now, guys need to know how not to get too comfortable also; like scratching your balls in front of us..or me. I'm glad I make you feel just oh so comfortable to be yourself but come on, I don't want to feel like I' dating my little brother that's starting puberty. My little rant,sorry.

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@porche simpson:scratching your balls = scratching your titties. just as many women sit with their hands under or on their breast just like we sit with our hands on our balls. it's a part of the body that itches just like anything else.

that's like saying when your head itches cause your weave too tight, you can't scratch it. let's be reasonable.

Epiphany said...

I have to work on some of this stuff myself... but say if the shoe IS on the foot and us women have to deal with this too. I've been through this with my dude in the past..and kinda still am, but not too much

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@epiphany: if the shoe is on the other foot, we should follow the same guidelines. difference is, women tell men when they want change. men tend not to, we just leave.