Friday, May 20, 2011

manfive friday #79've given up the goods. you've been driving this guy to and from work everyday. you gave him the keys to your apartment. took him to meet your family. introduced him to all your friends. this is the one. you're the one..

or are you?

manfive friday #79: 5 reasons men lead you on, when they have no intention in claiming/wife-ing you.

so you think because he told you he loves you that means you going to get that "MRS" before his last name? or because he put in 6 years being a great boyfriend. then one day you realize this dude has no intention in making a real commitment to you. he's just been wasting your time. but gets worse, wait for it.......
he marries the first chick he dates after you.  yea, i'll ignore that slap print on your face. and i'll hand you your jaw that's laying on the floor right now. well let me clue you in on some of the reasons.

#5: he wants sex..

it's no secret. a man will say almost anything to get to the center of your tootsie roll pop. this is one of the biggest motivators for guys to lead you on. it's not so much a trick. well hell...most time it is a trick. most time they are just feeding your head with whatever it is you want to hear. but it's also a mind game. a game that a lot of you will lose because you'll assume he has to be doing all those nice things for more than just sex. you know what else? cause i'ma tell you what else...some of you ladies are guilty too. because you use sex thinking it'll keep him. so you enable him to get what he wants, before he gives you what you want. and that's your fatal mistake. you're expecting him to be so entranced that he falls in love and never leaves you. but what you've entered into is a give and take relationship..instead of a give and give relationship. yea he giving you some d(ic)k, but you're giving him something much more...your heart. and he's taking it, drinking the milk and eating the cookies too..which leaves you thirsty & hungry..for a real relationship. with someone who actually wants more that just sex.

#4: you're a challenge..

sorry to say, yes men like challenges. men like to conquer. men like to chase, catch, & destroy. and unfortunately sometimes, you have no idea why he chose to play with your emotions. but he did. and he laid in on thick. said all the right things. got you all in loveeeeee....then handed you the truth. "he's not really that into you...". he just thought it would be interesting to talk to you for a little bit. buy you a drink. see how far he could get with you. he never intended on it being a relationship. never intended on you catching feelings.

#3: you big dummy...

you picking him up from his baby mama's house. letting him drive your car. cooking and cleaning after him. letting him move in with you and not pay rent. loaning him money even on his payday week. why is he leading you on? cause you a dummy...STOP doing shit like that. he has to earn his way some kinda way and guess what he thinks he's paying you in? mind games. he's making you think you're doing this on your way to being his girl. when really you're only doing this on the way to taking his ass to hang out with his homeboys while your ass goes to work...

i'd say this is reserved for hoodrats..but no a lot of you ladies get too wrapped up into "taking care of a man" that you don't realize that he should be taking care of you too. and you allow him to exchange his presence as a gift. when he should be giving you presents as gifts.

#2: you're not wifey material..

ok. so all you ladies think you are what a man has been looking for all his life. and even if you don't, let's pretend that you do. a lot of men have an idea of the kind of woman they want to marry. difference between men and women...women set requirements before they'll even talk to you. men set requirements before they'll marry you. so even though he'll date you. even though he'll have sex with you. introduce you to his friends and family. he's not looking at you to be his wife. the qualities you possess are simply the qualities he needs to be with you right now. in fact most men date women the opposite of what they want their wife to be. and in the middle of his quest of maturity you might find yourself the victim of a guy who's just wasting time with you. that's why he can get married after only 2 months of dating the next chick. because by the time he's met her, he's already built relationship experience with you. you ladies shouldn't stay with a guy for multiple years, without knowing what his long term intentions are.

#1: he doesn't realize he's leading you on..

i know you're saying, what you been smoking Un..? i ain't been smoking nothing. i know some of you ladies have been with that guy who you know from the bottom of your heart loved you. he was your boyfriend. he wasn't just after you for sex. he wasn't just after you because you had a cute face. he wasn't just after you for what you could do for him. but somehow, someway shit just didn't happen for y'all. like one day he just woke up and decided..."this is not the relationship for me...." or he decided he wasn't ready for a committed relationship. believe it or not, men sometimes don't realize they are leading you on. they are saying how they really feel. sincerely giving you the things you want, because they are trying to make you happy. but in the grand scheme of things, it's moving too fast for them. and once they realize they've reached a dead end with's you that's left holding the bags.


JStar said...

Oh sooooooo true! LOVE IT!

lovely said...

i wanna talk to you about #1.

so i've done that to a dude...i didn't know i was leading him on. i really did everything to try to make him happy, i liked him, etc...but then i realized...this is not who i want to spend my life with. b/c of reasons x,y,z. so the difference between men & women (i think) is...i think a great deal of women do the same thing...but then they go on and marry the nigga, have kids...stay married...and just accept their unhappiness b/c they love their kids/family, and/or they cheat. or they get divorced after the kids are grown.

ok but back to me being on the receiving end of #1. i still feel like that could be my relationship right now. he has made it pretty clear that he loves me & that his goal is marriage & kids. i'm just not sure that his goal is marriage & kids WITH ME. i am sure that if he knew i felt that way, it would hurt his feelings. does that mean something?

i just figure you can't take shit for granted. like, i can say i love him. he treats me the way i want to be treated, although we still have issues. he's just a really great person. i would love to share my life & eventually have kids w/him. i really do believe that. so i can love him wholeheartedly, even in spite of my doubts. b/c he really does treat me right & we have a good relationship.
so even if the shit doesn't work out, i have to honestly believe that if i feel so moved to be with him now, it will be because there was a lesson i needed to learn in life.

Anonymous said...

I think bestie has #1 going on. I don't think dude even knows he's leading her on which to me makes it worse. He's a very nice dude too but I can't stand that she gets all attatched just for him to to take it away.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@jstar: hey hey hey! how you doing? good to see you. thanks.

@lovely: i totally get that. do yourself a favor and exhaust a few solutions to solve your issues before you give up. cause you seem to genuinely love dude and he loves you back in return. if you can see forever, try to make forever with him.

@luvlymskrissy: i'ma tackle the..."he keeps pulling me back....when i let go" next week. i got cha..

Eyes On The Prize (eyesOTP) said...

Tough pill to swallow.

Poppy said...

I feel like every guy I talk to has led me on, it's hard to tell when they are leading me on or being sincere so I never know...then they always stop dating me. It's so frustrating.