Tuesday, May 17, 2011

heart.broken


it was my choice..

i jumped.

no parachute. no net.

into hands that weren't ready..head first into a heart that couldn't catch me..



but i wanted to be there.

i didn't care if you didn't catch me

i didn't care if you didn't jump with me

it was worth it, to love you



i don't regret that.

don't regret telling the world i loved you

cause i did. do.

you aren't.weren't.will never be invisible in my life



i changed for you.

i changed because of you.

i will never be the same. never love the same. never feel the same.

what i had with you, will never be had with anyone else



i already miss it

you.....

i already want it back

you.....

i don't know how i'll go on without it

you....



utterly, totally, completly..heart.broken.



that i can't make you love me....



17 comments:

Garry said...

Damn Homie hope you aight.

Eyes On The Prize (eyesOTP) said...

Whoa!

Did we talk recently because this is EXACTLY how I am feeling about a situation that I just HAD to let go. I just couldn't play the game anymore. Losing. Didn't know how to make him love me; wanna be with me; care for me. It was just hopeless. He was getting mean. Distant. But kept me hanging on the fish line like it was a joke.

I know how you feel, and it seems that you know how a lot of people may feel when you have an unrequited love. You hit the nail on the head with this one my love.

Eyes On The Prize (eyesOTP) said...

* print*

Kori said...

i read your blog often, but never commented before. This one made me today. That last line killed it. Truth is bro if you got to make her love you, she's not the one. Stay up man! Need you to keep the love shit going so I can copy & paste it to my girlfriend.

lovely said...

i hope this isn't what you are going through right now!

me and (my?) dude are going thru it right now too...
i feel basically what you wrote in this post, except in this case, he is saying he loves me & believe him...he just has hella baggage.

i do think we'll work it out, but i'm not sure & i don't feel like it's ever my role to make someone love me.

everything happens for a reason, & everything has its lessons. cold comfort but sometimes that's the only comfort there is.

i feel like lauryn hill "it could all be so simple, but you'd rather make it hard"...

that's life, i guess.

anyway if this is what you're going through, don't get disheartened!

Tauni said...

I'd have to say the parachute should be left on no matter what! Hope your not going thru this it suxs. Friends and family are very important to help keep you busy...Truth---> every day you stay away from toxic people, the pain and hurt lessen's....frequent flier here;0)>T<

Monique said...

(((hugs))) No words...

Eyes On The Prize (eyesOTP) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eyes On The Prize (eyesOTP) said...

Kori, ur right. If you gotta make someone love u right, they are not the one.

TL - is this blog about you...before we all start assuming? Probably is because of the emotion I feel here.

I'm sure that your readers are surrounding you in spirit right now. Heartbreak is sooo hard. Sooo hard. Most of us have been thru it, and probably will again. But each day, like someone said above, it gets a little easier. I posted something yesterday on my blog that my therapist said about saying that we like or love someone, especially when they fall short of our expectations. We glorify the idea of the person, but at the same time you have to verbalize what that person doesn't do for you. When I did this, somehow I felt relief. I was happy for what made me like him, but when I verbalized what didn't make me happy it put all of that so-called LOVE into perspective.

Sigh.

Look at the good times you had. Cherish those. You know what you liked in her, so now you go out in the world knowing more what you want out of a woman. But with that knowledge, also know what you need in addition to that which was missing - attention, closeness, consideration, etc. That's where the person fell short. So was she REALLY alla that if she fell short on the big things? Think about that. She was cool for what she was, but for what she was not...is the reason why you have to leave her behind.

No regrets right? Just like you said.

Jetaime said...

I know this feeling oh so well. It sucks to love someone with your whole heart and in a moments notice, walk away from them. Whatever you do, LOVE THEM ANYWAY! I had to walk away from someone I loved. He didn't love me as much as I love him and honestly it was the best decision ever for both of us. I eventually met someone who loved me unconditionally. Someone who showed me what reciprocated love felt like. Someone who let me just be me, no need to try to change me.

Keep your head up because everything gets better with time.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@garry: i'm not dead..but i don't feel as alive. thanks

@eyesOTP: yea, this is currently something i'm going through. thanks for comments, you hit exactly how i feel in the first comment. and you're right no regrets, but when it isn't your choice it always leaves you feeling a certain way. and right now that way is empty.

@kori: thanks man. i appreciate you commenting. and you're right..i shouldn't have to make someone love me. and honestly it's not so much making her. it's moreso, since she decided to walk away..i can't make her come back and be with me. no matter how much i want to. give me a week or two, i'll come back with some love shit..lol

@lovely: thanks ice. and unfortunately it is what i'm going through. i'm not dishearted tho.. i believe in love. good luck with your situation with dude.

@tauni: i'm against parachutes. i think safeguarding your heart holds you back. especially if it's with someone who is jumping with you. i've seen you commenting on a lot of my blogs, i really appreciate it. i haven't got around to replying because so many things have been going on recently. but i do get alerts and have seen them, so thanks! welcome to the blog.

@monique: thanks..i really need a hug.

@jetaime: it sucks even more when you give your whole heart and they walk away from you. and i do love her. that's why i say no regrets. i wish she felt the way i did, and we wouldn't be at this point in our relationship. and i know..but waiting for that time to pass to feel "better" sucks..

Anonymous said...

My condolences for the loss of your love. It's always a hard thing to get over because when you fall in love.... you feel such hope like this could my last. The last person you kiss, the last person you make love to. When it goes wrong and it's truly over you're left feeling like you just had surgery on your heart. Please remember that kind of pain hurts like hell at first. But you get a scab, then a scar that looks better over time. Time and life goes on and the hurt you're feeling now will be hard to recall.
I've just discovered your blog but have read it from first post to last like the most awesome novel ever. I just spent the last minutes of my birthday posting a comment (you touched me). I truly feel for you so a hug from me to you!
Mila

Kiah said...

seems familiar...hang in there.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@mila: first, let me say happy birthday. And I know 5 other people born on the same day so I automatically like you. And what you said is exactly how I feel. I always love like it's my last. So when I don't get that back, or it fails..I'm disappointed because I put faith in that person& in the relationship. So it's a big let down & a real "start fron scratch" type thing.

Thanks for your comment, thanks for reading my blog like a novel..I really appreciate it, because I put a lot into most of my post (not counting my foolish ones). I keep taking hiatus so maybe it was easier to catch up with.

@kiah: thanks..I'm trying.

luvlymskrissy said...

Once she figures out she's made a huge mistake she better hope you don't have both feet outside the door. We don't go backwards buddy. Wish I was there to hug you, fight you and then maybe dance a damn jig. But you know I'm here to be your sounding board like you've been for me. Like I told you, you're going about everything the right way, if it doesn't pan out, it truly wasn't meant to be and in time, you'll move on and someone else will reap the benefits of the wonderful man she walked away from.

SJ said...

wow...im getting all kinda choked up. felt like i was reading one of my old poems...about a love like this. these things make us who we are...change us and mold us. some people become much weaker while others become incredibly strong. knowing is one thing...acting is another...and then enduring the whole entire thing...is just a whole entire nother nother...lol. HUGS to U...im hoping U get thru.

Poppy said...

I'm sorry you are hurting right now, I know you will bounce back. Even though your heart is broken right now, it's good that you loved with all you had, thats a beautiful thing.