Sunday, May 22, 2011

let go & let GOD

so i know my last few blogs have been depressing....

i know cause they depressed me as i was writing them. but i needed to get that off my chest. and out of my system. right now, i still feel some kinda way. but i decided to let go, and let God handle it.

i finally spoke to my chick. got what i needed to off my chest. and if a little time of clarity helps us GREAT. if it doesn't i'm not even gonna worry about it right now.

i told myself before all of this happened that it was time to get myself together. time to dedicate myself to taking care of myself. i want to lose about 50lbs. i have a full attack plan to make that happen. i start tonight at midnight. a lot of people think i'm bullshitting because i've been saying for a while i need to lose weight. but this time i'm really going to give it 100%. not that 50% this day, 80% this day, 12% that day. this is going to be for me. not anyone else. i'm going to also take my health more seriously.

as you guys know i have MS. and i really shouldn't have this extra weight on me anyway. although the extra weight is a result of me gaining the weight. both from the medications and just being plain ol' depressed i have something i'll never be cured of. i'm accepting it now, and i'm going to work to doing better to take care of it. starting with the diet. then i'm going to start tonight taking my injections EVERY day, instead of skipping days at a time. i'm going to get me a new doctor and i'm going to stay on top of this. it's a pain in the ass, but i'd rather it be a pain in the ass for me then for my son or parents to have to be taking care of me if it gets worse. so....

i'm starting today with a new attitude. tonight with a new workout plan. and tomorrow with a new me. i appreciate everyone hitting me up. all your encouragement for my mini "woe-is-me" party. right now i'm in an okay space..and hopefully pretty soon it'll be a great space.

God has spoken to my soul, and i'm finally listening. it's going to be alright. i'm going to be alright. maybe the rapture really has begun. because i feel all holy...yanno what they say.."when heathens see the light...the world must be ending..". lol

i'm a good heathen tho. God knows my heart.


F said...

Good to see you getting through this... I have to say the last few posts really resonated with me... Sometimes you go through things and feel like you're the only one who has ever experienced such situations... Maybe it's the "narcissist" in all of us. :) Seeing other people in the same boat gives a kind of hope, even without solving the problem. So I guess, thank you? :)

Piph said...

Kudos :) good for you

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@f: you're welcome. I've learned that thinking I got it rougher than anyone else or that no one can understand what I'm going through is justa part of me being human, flawed. Always a reason not to give up or in. I just had to get my mind right. Hope your situation gets better soon.

@piph: I'm trying lol...and thanks for the mini pep talk earlier.

Monique said...

I wish I could give you a big ol' bear hug (ok, so a mini-cub hug) RIGHT NOW! You will get through and you will tackle every challenge and task before you. If you need a workout buddy, I'm with you homie. You know how to reach me. :=)

And with your MS, my line sister was recently diagnosed with it and its been such an uphill battle with her finally accepting it and doing what she needs to do to keep living. Sounds like you've reached that place as well.

Piph said...

lol i'm late... but you're welcome. hell, you helped me so i had to.

Anonymous said...

You know I'm on the healthy living plan with you. Today marks the rest of my life. Like you told me, its not just about me now. Its also about jasmine. So I'm taking the steps to be around for a long time.

Putting things in Gods hands is the best thing I think you've ever said. Its the best option is every situation. Misery loves company and you're not gonna be its companion.

Poppy said...

I'm glad you are feeling better, you really need to take good care of yourself, I read something the other day that said "respect your body". Which made me realize that I need to truly take care of the body God gave me because its a gift.
Keep up updated on your weight loss.

I didn't know you had M.S., I'm sorry about that...God will take care of you as long as you are trying to take care of yourself as well. :-)