dear blog....

i have not forgot about you. the holidays have come. my friends have come. work has come. the sleepy has come. i will be back on you soon....i promise.

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earn my love...

it's no secret. men are on the point system. women make you earn everything. i'm not saying it's a "pay to play" system. even though a lot of times it feels like that. but truthfully, a lot of women sell themselves short. they also don't make everyone earn the same. yes, ladies you tend to be unfair with the point system. more times than not, the nicer the guy is...the more he has to wait. the more he has to earn. the more he has to bank to get to the same place that the guy who's not so nice but for some odd reason you let him get there faster.

but what if guys did the same thing? what if i made you earn things? what if you had to earn a date? i know you think men think if they treat you, you owe them. but we all know that's not true. yes, he thinks he's banking points. which will/should lead to some type of affection later. but what if before y'all do anything he makes you: earn dinner. earn a movie. earn those tickets to wherever yall going. earn a ride home. yes, it seems crazy. but the only thing men have control over in the whole, "earn" situation is when it comes to proposing. that's the ONE thing y'all know y'all have to earn. that shit right there, doesn't just happen. but other than that y'all think you're owed everything:

for free.

and to be honest, everyone should be offered your best. not saying you overdo it. but everyone should be on an equal footing. personally, i have a reversed list. i don't go into a relationship with a list of things i WON'T do for a woman. i go in with a list of things i WILL do for a woman. then usually the list starts the dwindle due to the things or treatment i'm receiving from the woman. meaning, your bank is full. and i'm trying to do any and everything for you. but as time goes on, based on your actions i start taking coins out the bank. is that fair? i think so. i believe women take advantage of you giving, if they don't have to do anything to get it. same way you feel a guy will use you for sex, if you give it to him and don't require nothing else in return. i think women will use you for the things, time, money, etc..you're giving them as well. wouldn't even call it a opportunist situation. i think after you give someone something for a while, they start thinking they deserve it. even if they aren't earning it. and that's where i think it becomes a problem. it becomes a one way street. if you're banking points, but they are steady cashing in their points what is the point of that?

Q. what are your views of "pay to play"? do you believe in it? what if you had to earn simple things in a relationship....would you do it? or do you feel like basic things are owed to you...

manfive friday #62

i admit women are the fairer sex. you are much better to look at than men. and it's always been a power struggle amongst the sexes. when the truth is, most times women run shit.

yea i said it. women run shit. it's not even a "we let you do it" thing. yall just run shit. whether you take control upfront, or play the background you are the wheels the drive the machine of our relationships. *grabbing nuts*..now i'm not saying yall are dominant. i'm just saying, that behind every great man, is a great woman.


the manfive friday #62 topic of the week is: 5 signs you are making your man weak...

there is nothing wrong with helping your man. there is nothing wrong with having an active role in the relationship. having a more dominate role, or sharing the responsibilities. there is nothing wrong with that. this is a new day. no longer are women chained the stove, barefoot, with a child in one arm..and a baby in the belly. i have much respect for you "independent women" (well the one's who actually are..not the ones who just like the song..). but sometimes you women go for the overkill. yall be doing too much. ya'll scream about wanting a man. wanting this big, strong, strapping guy who can protect you and take care of you. then you get with this big baby ass dudes who couldn't take care of a pet egg. 5 signs you're making your man weak...

#5: he stops working..

now most guys, are hustling. you hear it everyday. whether it's a cd. drugs. construction work. stocks/bonds. burgers. retail. office supplies. whatever..he's on his grind. he's working that 9 to 5. 12 to 6. whatever his situation. but after a while you ladies get laxed. you let his big baby ass lay up on your couch playing xbox and missing work. you let him "look for a new job" for months, years, decades..picking up the slack. you let him think it's okay to be a bum. yea i said it. any dude laying up on a couch willingly NOT working is a bum. now if he's collecting disability..and bringing in a check. can't knock that hustle. but every other guy who's not making no money and laying on a couch allowing you to take care of him is a bum. there is hard luck stories. there is are situations where you can depend on a woman to help you out. there is nothing wrong with getting help. but help requires you to do something. you can't do nothing...and get help. that's called charity. stop supporting bums. stop making a dude think it's okay to not work. to not do things to make your/his situation better.

#4: home depot/lowes or "rent-a-man" on speed dial...

ok. i understand a lot of you ladies are used to do-it-yourself. a lot of you ladies, are getting homes. and having to take care of things that usually a man in your life would take care for you. so you've learned to hire repairmen. pay that extra $35 to have something delivered, installed, or fixed. but do not. i repeat. do not, call these same guys to fix, install, and deliver shit when you got a man around. don't do that shit. what's the point of having dude around? if he don't know how to do it..tell his ass to learn. tell him to go down and attend a clinic at one of those places. buy him a book. magazine. diagrams..whatever he needs to figure that shit out. there is no reason why you have to hire a repairman to change a light fixture. now i'm not suggesting you let your dude tinker on the toilet when your septic tank explodes. i'm not saying you let him take your engine out of your car to diagnose your "check engine light". i'm just saying. if you think you're low on oil. ask him to check it for you. you don't have to go to jiffy lube and have those crooks rip you off (cause regardless they gonna tell you, you're out of oil), when he could have just dipped the stick and told you that you need a oil change. you shouldn't wait on the side of the road and call the D.O.T. to change your tire when you got a dude sitting your passenger seat. both yall on the side of the road scratching your head, looking a the spare tire like, "what the hell do we do now?"...hit that dude with your tire iron and tell his ass to change the damn tire. if he doesn't feel embarrassed to have some dude come save yall day. if he doesn't feel awkward having a repair man changing your ceiling fan, hanging blinds, or delivering anything that can fit in your car. then you got a soft man. feel his smooth soft hands. those are the hands of a man who sleeps with velvet gloves.

#3: letting him think he's the shit...and he's not..

now there is nothing wrong with positive encouragement. and i know how some of you women get with a dude and you go into an alternate reality where for a minute you start to believe the hype too. but seriously...don't throw your dude to the wolves. there is nothing wrong with believing in a man. supporting a man. but don't hype up a hype man. if he's not beasting at some shit...don't lead him to believe he is. it'll only embarrass him later.

#2: being on "#teamhim", when you know he wrong...

if he dates you. takes care of you. takes care of your kids..but don't do shit for his own kids. um...yea. don't get all maury chick swag with it..and start being like, "so his baby mama be tripping". you know regardless of what she doing. he need to be taking care of those kids. don't co-sign on the foolishness. this his how you bring the punk ass out a man. because he starts thinking..he's right or justified. if he shot somebody. got you arrested. got caught doing some foul shit. you DON'T have to have his back. love the dude, not the crime. this just creates the idea that his actions are tolerable and lets you take the fall of him. any man that lets his woman take the fall for him, is a weak ass motherf%#@er.

#1: taking him back when he cheats..

all this does is let him think it's okay. a man who is truly sorry. feels like he's made a mistake. won't ever do it again, is generally a man who has to live with what he did alone (without the chick). these dudes you let come back. then they slip up again. develop a pattern. and that pattern is in the shape of an "F" and a "U". it's a "i know she won't leave..." so it lets him know he can do it again. and again. and again. i'm not saying you can't be understanding and forgiving...i'm just saying never let him think it's ok. it's never ok. it will never be ok. yes, i can still love you, be with you, etc. but if he ever does that again...he has to know you'll leave. he has to know you won't tolerate it. he has to earn your respect, trust, and all that back...don't just pretend like it doesn't bother you.

#twitterkill me for no manfive..

i didnt forget yall..just been a stressful week. will return to my bloggly schedule soon.

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30...the do's and dont's..

so you've had your birthday. you've finally joined the 30 & up crew...

what now? first off..relax. it's not as bad as you think. contrary to popular belief life does not stop at 30. only people who think that are people under 30. and once you make 30..you'll learn what people under 30 think, doesn't make any sense anyway.. (sorry...you 20-somethings).

so what does being a 30 year old man mean? it's time to grow up!..

you're not an old man. in fact you are at the perfect age. you are actually at your most desirable. i know what you're thinking..."my body was amazing at 18...21..25..etc.." yea join the choir, we're all singing that song. but truth be told at 30..the women are looking at you because you're supposed to be grown. you're the guy who's looking for a wife. looking for a family. you're more responsible. you've stopped playing the games. got secure in your job. got that "stroke" that the young dudes lack..and can stroke it without needing viagra like the old heads. 30 is sounding better already huh?

before you get to comfortable. there are some do's and dont's of being 30.

don't...

participate in fads...skinny jeans. mohawks. jordans. capri pants.fake bling. anything you see on dudes 10 years younger than you. don't do it. they do it cause they don't know no better. you do it and know better..which makes you doing it more ridiculous.

smoke weed...i know you're saying.."whoa whoa whoa...". yes. you really should leave that shit in your 20's (honestly shouldn't do it at all..but i digress). i know it relaxes you. i know it's your "thing". but honestly..do you want to be a weed head all your life? time to stop that shit. find you something else more addictive and grown up like purchasing stocks or some shit. make money, don't smoke it away...


get tattoos in visible areas...i know the chicks think that shit is sexy in your 20's. they like you got "marco da don" on your neck and shit. and yea, while in school. while working at popeyes..that shit was cool. but once you're trying to venture out of that era of your life. how many serious jobs you think your ass gonna get with that shit on your neck. unless you're a rapper, professional athlete, or tattoo artist all the tats on your face, head, hands, fingers..etc..will come back to haunt you. if you already got them, make the best out of them. but if you haven't made the foolish mistake yet...don't do it after 30. no excuse. i don't care if it's your mama's name, a scripture, or a middle finger saying "fuck the world". it doesn't belong on your neck, face, or fingers.

saying catchphrases. words like "swag" or "no homo", shouldn't be in your vocabulary. not cause you can't have swag. just that they are stupid words, and you sound stupid and lame saying them. part of being grown is not having to justify yourself. saying, "i got tons of swag...". makes you sound 10. saying, "no homo" makes you sound gay. just saying.

do any "new dances" outside your house.  ok. so you know how to stankyleg. you can teach someone how to dougie. you got that pretty boy swag on 100. i'm sorry, but you can never let anyone know. sorry.  you can NOT be a grown ass man doing no shit where you putting your hand on your hip and cranking it. i'm sorry. we made our boy as punishment for losing a bet, put on skinny jeans and do the the "i'm a jerk" dance. it was meant to be a mocking situation. not a "hey man..cool dance". my cousin a dancer. we give him a pass. but if he was to ever break into one of these dances while we were out. we'd cart him off to the corner and put him on timeout. somethings you just don't showcase in public. if you're over 30, doing this shit....*smh*..

live in the clubs. you should have that shit out your system. those wild drunken nights. it should be a every now and then situation. it's not a good look to call out of work cause your hungover. now if it's your birthday, the weekend, a boys night...knock yourself out. if you're partying cause it's tuesday..get the fuck out of here. part of growing up is realizing that the shit you used to do is no longer acceptable...

be a bum. you should have a job. if you don't have one, go get one. fuck what you heard, you get more respect working at mcdonalds than having no job at all. you need something to go along with that ambition. after a while women don't care about your big dreams if you're aren't making them happen. the dreams need to be coming to fruition, or you need to get new ones. it's not cool, being a grown as man with nothing.

do...

get you something. buy you a house. a car. something. start trying to own shit, instead of renting/leasing. you think chicks think it's sexy to have a flat screen at your mama's house? or yall can only watch it when you're roommate isn't home..your sexy point are gonna be decreased. get you something. anything. it doesn't have to be big or permanent. just something that you can say is yours & be proud of.

know how to tie a tie. certain things as a man you need to know how to do. if your daddy never taught you. if your mama never taught you. if no one ever taught you, go into a men's warehouse and ask. go to youtube and search, "how to tie a tie..". but know how to do that shit. it's vital. even if you don't wear suits. it's just something that by 30, if you don't know..you should kill yourself.

know how to treat a woman. the days of tricking/hoeing should be over or coming to an end. at this point you should want more. the kind of woman you attract says a lot about you. the way you treat a woman, also says a lot about you. not saying you should be on your way to the alter..but when dating it should be about more than just having sex with a chick. learn from your past mistakes, regrets, and misgivings. your wants should be more long term, than what you can get right now. that's for everything.

have a savings account. even if you're only saving $10 a month. shit at the end of the year you'll at least have $120 at the end of the year. just saying. it's not always about having enough to put down on a house. it's more like, having a reserve that you'll never have to say.."all i got is $20 to make it the end of the week". being broke is some shit that stops being acceptable after 30. it wasn't acceptable before but women will tolerate it more in your 20's.



be responsible. take care of your kids, if you don't want them wear a condom. if you didn't wear one..you wanted them. so stop making them suffer due to a decision you don't want to own up to. don't mess with hoodrats if you think they just trying to trap you. you can't blame women for your mistakes. you can't blame anyone but yourself. stop pointing fingers and be a man. if you aren't getting the kind of job you want. find out the reason why & fix it. if you're living paycheck to paycheck. budget your shit. if you have a job, not a career...make a change. yes, it's that simple. you are in control of your own life. it's time you took control and rocked it the fuck out..

take care of yourself. there is nothing worse than a helpless man. if you don't have a woman. learn how to cook. learn how to iron. learn how to clean. learn how to fix shit. learn how to take care of your basic needs. women do that shit all the time. so what you look like, being a man big strong man who can't do half the shit a woman can do by herself? this is exactly why women think they don't need men. get your grown man game tight. just like women learn how to do things to attract us. learn shit to attract them.


these are just examples of some of the dos & donts. it's all about ultimate survival as a 30-something man. like i mentioned you've entered into an elite club. so don't let us down. cherish your 30's. cause they go by fast..

death to the friendzone..

who's been trapped in the friendzone before? raise your hand....

*raises hand*, *looks around*....oh so none of yall have been in the friendzone? i can believe that, but more than likely you've kept, trapped, or demoted someone to the friendzone. the "friendzone", can mean two different things..depending on what side your in.

if you've put someone in the friendzone. it means the spot right before "relationship". which means you allow that person to do everything someone who could cross over into the "relationship zone" . you allow them to be your shoulder to lean on. your companion for various things. but more importantly your friend. then you put them in a category that pigeon holds them. sounds awful huh?

yea it actually is. because the other side of the friendzone, is that person who wants more. they enjoy your company. their attracted to you. they want to be more than friends. and no matter what they do. no matter how well they treat you. how patient they are. how much they confess their feelings. it won't change anything.

not to make yall feel bad, just saying. the "friendzone" sucks. but i understand, why it exist. i was watching the movie "lucus". it's about this teenager who falls in love with the new girl. he meets her during the summer. they hang out, go on adventures, they are great friends. school starts, and they are still friends. then one day she gets into the whole, "i wanna be a cheerleader so i can date football players" thing. and then all of a sudden, lucus is in the friendzone. even though her ass was hanging with him, supporting him (against bullies), and even going on "friend dates". then she takes one class with the quarterback, then breaks her date to the dance with lucus to stay and eat pizza with him when him & his girlfriend conveniently break up.  then all of a sudden they end up dating and she tells lucus, "there are people you like, "like that". i don't like you "like that". . .


that is the friendzone. that is the ultimate feeling the friendzone gives off. ppl who have never been put in the friendzone, don't get how that feels. until they are chasing after a guy, who uses them cause they are smart..to get better grades. or girls who the guy will hang out with, have sex with, but never commit or marry. see women get put in the friendzone too, they just have no idea. all yall chicks who dated those dudes who had NO intention of making you his wife. NO intention of being serious with you. NO intentions of returning the love you give him. yea..that's the male version of the "friendzone". you wanna be kendell from "the bestman"? the chick that gets the forehead kiss..while the other chick is getting dicked down & married?...i'm saying. 


this is why men hate the friendzone. because if they actually wanted to be with you..it's TORTURE. for all of you ladies who know the guy wants more. why even be friends? i'm not suggesting you cut all ties. but if the guy really likes you, and you've made it clear all you want to be is friends. what's left? you aren't being the friend he wants. and if you're nice and sensitive you'll resist the temptation to call him for everything, tell him about your boyfriend, ask him for advice. so it's like what exactly are you coming to him for now? lol


i remember being in the friendzone before...before i became so desirable. lol. i remember having this one girl who thought i was cute. thought i was charming. thought i was "like a brother". so we hung out. did things like boyfriend/girlfriend, except the "good things" that boyfriend/girlfriends do. after a while i lost interest in her. we were still friends, but as soon as i started dating someone guess who wanted to be my girlfriend? it seems like women don't want you, till someone else wants you. at least they don't appreciate the things you were doing or would be doing if you were with them. that's what i really learned about the friendzone. that eventually the right person, will realize what a wonderful person you are, in "that way". even if it's not the one you thought you wanted, it'll be their loss in the long run.


death to the friendzone....viva la "you're still single and we're in our 30's...bet you'd date me now huh?"

manfive friday #61

"ooh baby look into the corners of your mind/i'll always be there for you through the good and bad times/but i can't be that superwoman that you want me to be/i'll give my love, oh, lasting love if you return love to me" - Superwoman by Karyn White

manfive friday #61 topic of the week: 5 definite signs a man needs his woman's support. (topic courtesy of qu33nkam)

i'm gonna be honest with you ladies. yes, we do expect yall to be mind readers. yes we do expect yall to know something is wrong and to make it better. no, we don't plan to tell you what is wrong. you should just know. and if you don't know..guess what, "you don't care". and if you care to much, you're smothering the hell out of us. either way, we don't leave a lot of room for you to win. we want you to be our superwomen, but most times we won't or can't open up enough to let you know when you're needed. so by request...here are 5 signs that a man needs/wants your support, comfort, or attention.

#5: he's crying..

now, look at the picture above. how many of yall ladies started laughing when yall saw that? i'm thinking maybe 89% of yall. the other 11% were looking confused thinking, "why dude crying?. yanno why yall did that? cause yall don't really deal well with guys crying. either it's funny, cause it's like..."you look like a punk..man up". or it's confusing because you're not used to it and don't know what to do or say. either way...crying on a man is not common place. now, there are dudes who randomly cry. who really are punks. and i think we all know when a dude is punk crying. so no, i won't sit here and tell you to coddle a punk crier. but there are serious times when men really do cry. and a dude may lie and tell you he never cries, but that's a lie. everyone cries. we come into the world crying. for most men there are  3 types of man tears:

1. tears of anger. you women see these a lot. you might even think he's sad, but he's not. he's pissed off. you're leaving him. you think he's breaking down cause he can't phantom not having you. no...he's pissed off you're trying to break up with him and that he has to beg you. he is crying cause he's mad. guys often do this. let a dude get really mad and watch his eyes water. seriously..watch.

2. death. men cry at funerals. men cry when they lose someone they care about. if you have any emotions in you, it's hard not to. now i'm not talking about aunt esther laying out on the floor crying. but a few tears. maybe a breakdown if it's major.

3. something traumatic/monumental happens. either something he's deathly afraid of. birth of a child. marriage. graduation. anything that means a lot but doesn't happen often.

this is where guys get a cry pass. so what do you do, when your guy gets a cry pass? first all..stop laughing. if you see your dude bust out in tears, please resist the urge to laugh. and i'm serious..i know a lot of yall think it's funny. i mean when some of my dudes cry it is kinda funny. but think about it. as sensitive as yall asses are...what if he started laughing at you when you were crying over something? so put your grown woman panties on and be serious. at a funeral or something..if you can hold it together..hold it together for him. let him know it's okay. that you don't think he's less of a man for doing it. also don't mention it again. if he cries cause he broke down and told you something, don't replay the moment over for him. it was a moment. you were there..leave it alone. the trick of comforting in a crying moment is understanding it's a vulnerable state that he's probably uncomfortable with you seeing him in. so be sensitive, but don't make him feel like a girl for crying. that's his male friends job, not yours.

#4: he gets angry with you and you haven't done anything...

you ever said something to your dude and he just snapped at you like he was on his period? like seriously. you said, "i love the stars..." and he's just like, "fuck a star..". and you're looking at him like, "what the hell is wrong with you?".  or you ask him how he likes a new hairstyle and he's starts going in on you, and you're just sitting there wondering what's wrong. when a guy has a lot on his mind. he's gotten fired. or got into an argument with someone else. everyone knows people take things out on the people who love them more than anyone else. it's never right. and it's definitely not fair. i mean what can you do to counter an attack you have no idea about?

well first. resist the urge to get rowdy with him. and i know it's hard. it's always hard to ignore someone pissed off at you, especially for no reason. but try your best, to calmly ask him what's the problem.

example of what NOT to say...

you: hey baby..you like my dress?
him: it's ok.
you: just ok?
him: yes...just ok
you: it's new, i just bought it from....
him: i don't care where you got the damn dress from...
you: uh...um okay..what the fuck is wrong with you?

yall proceed to fight...
-------------------------------------------

vs. what to say..

you: hey baby..you like my dress?
him: it's ok
you: just ok?
him: yes...just ok
you: it's new, i just bought it from....
him: i don't care where you got the damn dress from....
you: uh..okay time out. what's wrong? i know it's not about my dress...
-------------------------------------------

now i'm not saying yall might not fight after the second scenario. because if he's hellbent on fighting he can make it happen. but at least you remained calm. he's trying to upset you, honestly because he's upset. and maybe he couldn't control what upset him earlier, but he thinks by catching you off guard he can control this fight. get his aggression out. and to be honest a lot of times it's unconscious behavior. you're just angry and even if you're not trying to fight everything just turns into one. best way is to diffuse the situation. either give him some time to cool off. if he's snapping, excuse yourself from the situation. BUT...don't do it with an attitude. giving a guy space, and saying, "when you stop being an asshole call me" then going on about your business. just makes him think you don't care. all you got to do to show a guy you care but don't want to fight with him is say, "it seems like you're upset. and i'm not sure why. but i hope whatever it is it gets better. if you want to talk about it, call me later. but i'm going to let you go now". then leave/hang up/stop texting. yes it's that simple.

#3: he withdraws

a common sign a man is upset, sad, or unhappy..he starts to withdraw. a lot of times women automatically think a man being distant is him being sneaky or cheating. when honestly a lot of the times it's a comfort zone. men don't know how to deal with our emotions. not the same way women do. it's okay for women to be sensitive. it's okay for you to be frustrated and complain. but what happens when a guy complains? he's being a punk. he's being a bitch. he's acting like a chick...(i'm sorry but yall know yall say that too). so when a guy has a lot on his plate. he's dealing with something. he tries to deal with it himself. keeps to himself. and tries to fix it himself.

so what can you do to make it better? let him know you're there. if you notice he's becoming distant, acknowledge it. not in that annoying . yanno the way where you keep asking over and over again.."what's wrong?". "why you being so distant?". "you cheating on me?"...lol. there are ways to get to the bottom of the problem without being a parrot. so don't continue to ask the same question that's getting you no where. just say, "i notice you aren't talking to me much, is anything wrong". if he isn't receptive. just tell him, "yanno, i'm here if something is bothering you..". the truth is, it boils down to communication between you two. if he feels like he's able to talk to you, then he'll come to you more often and when things are bothering him. if communication sucks, more than likely he'll withdraw from the situation. the key to getting a guy to open up is letting him know you're receptive, that you aren't forcing him. it has to be our idea. we have to want to tell you. we have to be ready to talk about it. we have to be in control. if you try to coax it out of us, it annoys us. and we go back into our man shell. 

#2: he hits you with, "i need space". then gets mad when you give it to him..

ok. this a important one. men want to talk to you when they want to talk to you. meaning. don't ask, i'll tell you when i'm ready. don't smother me. don't ask me a million questions. don't ask me if i'm sure. don't bother me. i need space. then you give him space and hit him up and he's pissed off at you. i'm saying...he told you to give him space right?

this is where the mind reader part comes in. men naturally expect women to care. we expect yall to be in tune with things. you should know what's wrong. and that we need you. so even when we ask for space. yall aren't supposed to give it to us. not in that, "i'm really giving you space" way. needing space is, "needing you to chill out for a moment and not be over the top. needing space is, "not asking us a million questions". needing space is not bogging us down with your problems & issues when we're going through our own shit. we don't need you to disappear, stop calling, checking up on us. guys who want "you to disappear" space, just don't wanna be with you. needing space to deal with something is needing time to think and figure out the best way to fix a problem. if we feel like you're missing in action, we get upset because we're so used to you over caring that once you're no longer doing that..we think you just don't care at all. i can't tell you exactly the right balance between leaving your guy alone and being there..because it varies. and i know it doesn't make sense. but that's just how we are. we want yall to leave us alone to a degree. but we expect you to at least check and make sure we're cool. yes we'll act annoyed, but that's actually how we know you care about us.

#1: he ask you for it..

if we have a bad day. we expect you to know it. we think.."i hate the world..but i'm gonna come home and my woman is gonna make it better". then he walks into the door..and there is no dinner. in fact...you're no where to be found. there goes that "mind reader" thing again. but maybe he's gotten to the point where he tells you he needs you. he wants you to support, or make it better. what do you do? you do the best you can. it's unfair to think anyone can make everything better. we are all human. just because i have an issue, doesn't mean that's the biggest issue in your life. i can't expect you to just stop everything and see about me. but the one thing i should be able to expect..is for you to try to do your best to make me feel better. if you know i'm going through something. if you know i'm down. or in need of being cheered up, don't ignore it. it's very easy to become annoyed when someone needs you. be understanding. be patient. pay attention. most times we just want to know that you get where we're coming from. you understand why we're upset. once we tell you, we want it to be important to you as well. we need to know we can depend on you. that you're concerned. we need to feel like we aren't alone. it's not your job, nor is it one sided (we should be able to give you the same thing). but it is an expectation we have when it comes to women. we want you to be nurturing and caring. we want you to be understanding and reassuring. we want you to make it better, yet still view us as strong. one of the biggest reasons men are scared of show emotion is because we feel it changes your views of us. we fear judgment and misunderstanding. we are taught being strong is having/showing no emotions. you are taught the same thing as far as what men should be/do. being able to share that with you is a process of honesty, communication, and trust. so next time a guy shares something with you, before you write it off. know it took a lot for him to be vulnerable with you. respect him for being man enough to ask you to be there for him. and just be there.

question time...

i know i've touched on this before on other's blogs. i've touched on this a little on this blog. but as i was reading a comment this morning from my "mr. nice guy" blog. it made me want to know more. the comment was about a friend of hers that felt he was a nice guy. and wanted to know why women put him in the friendzone. and her explanation made a lot of sense. now i don't usually compliment her, since she's one of those chicks i'm on the verge of fighting every now and then. lol. but it really did make sense.

the comment:

He's a nice guy and he wanted to know why women tend to put him in the friend zone. I told him, woman want a nice guy but they just don't know it. I told him that he's so non aggressive and is actually trying to get to know the woman while most men are trying to get to know just enough to get her panties off. And that's the normal more times than not. So since he's not trying to fuck her the 1st week, it seems he doesn't want her. So she sets her sights on someone who seems more "into her" *shrug* women are strange creatures I tell ya. Lol - msluvlykrissy

so i wanted to ask this question once again to all of you...

Q. why do you put someone in the friendzone? why do you keep them in the friendzone, if you know they want more? what could someone do to get OUT of the friendzone (is it even possible)?

i will post a follow up blog shortly.

i did it....

"we did it...we did it....we did it HOORAY" - dora the explorer & boots

excuse the dora the explorer quote. i have a 4 year old..lol

but i did it. i finished October's blog a day challenge. me. all by myself. all yall folks chickened out. even the person who challenged me....not saying no names. *cough* ms.ex kisser *cough*..."yanno who you are".

but i did. so excuse me for the past few days. yanno after i finish a challenge i be looking at my blog like..."errrr....do i have to post". lol. but i'm not going no where. just didn't want to not acknowledge i DID it. i did it. hooray!

challenge. over.