manfive friday #77

reality is, most relationships won't be a fairytale. knights in shining armour, magical kissing princes, captain save -a-hoe..

these guys exist in movies. in books. in little girls imaginations. but are very hard to find in the real world.

that being said, what do you do when the sparkle goes away. when the fights outnumber the laughs. your differences outnumber your similarities. the "pick up on the first ring", turns into "straight to voicemail". what happens when you start to doubt your feelings. start to doubt your commitment. start to doubt it is "meant to be..."

manfive friday# 77 topic of the week: when to stay/when to go..

there is no clear cut answer. no relationship is the same. and truth be told, no one but you can decide what you can/will/should deal with it. so what do you do...when you're confused. blinded by love. frustrated by issues. ready to throw in the towel...5 tips to help you get through it..

#5: weigh the pros & cons..

before you make any snap decisions...think - it - out. a lot of times people either decide to end things based off of how they feel in the moment. other times they decide to let shit go because of time invested in the relationship. you really shouldn't do either. you have to weigh the situation. weigh your feelings. weigh the good vs. the bad.

if you're with someone that beats you. yea, it's great he apologizes and buys you nice things. but on a scale...the beating you should weigh in more.

if you're with someone who doesn't have much, can't afford to take care of you the way you want. but treats you great. is trying to do better. and makes up for his financial shortcomings in the attention & affection he gives you. then maybe you can cut him a break.

this isn't to say you just deal with shit you don't like. all i'm saying is it's not always black & white. and things that someone else might thing is a deal breaker, might not be a deal breaker for you. so make list. even if you have to write it down...really think about the reasons why you love/like that person.

#4: set a limit

do not confuse this with..."he can beat me...he just can't punch me in my face". that's not a limit that's stupidity. but with things that bother you. things that frustrate and make you less interested in being with him. decide what you can and can not take. and when the threshold has been reached..be out. what you have to remember is...he has to respect you. and that's what the limit is for. it's a limit of respect.

the second he doesn't respect you or the things that bother you don't matter to him realize you don't have to deal with that shit. stop letting a guy not worth your time, waste your time.

#3: don't lie to break up...

you have to be realistic. if you're tired of being with him because your feelings are disappearing. if he got fat, and you're no longer interested. if he lost his job and you're not with staying in or paying for dinner. then be for real about that. don't act as if it's because he "doesn't love you right". stop trying to "cry love" while breaking up.  truth be told sometimes you get over the "lust" you get past the "newness" and you get tired of the "crush". and what's left? a person who may actually have feelings for you. so if the feeling is not mutual..be out. be gone. STOP dragging out a relationship. stop creating fights, problems, & issues that really don't exist.

#2: talk it out

surprisingly, most people who are comtemplating breaking up usually never tell the other person till they are actually breaking up. you never give them a chance. you never let them know there is a problem. yes...YOU know there's a problem. yes you complain about him not calling enough. you complain about him not coming around enough. you complain about him not doing enough for you. but you never say, "yanno what...i love you but i can't be with you if you don't...".

you have to at least talk to him about it. at least make him aware that the problem is big enough to make you leave him. and i'ma be honest, most guys will do enough to get you to shut up before the slide back into their old bad habits. so you have to be persistent and let him know your serious. cause if he really knows that he's reached the end of your rope..he'll do better. he'll change. i always say, people change all the time, they just may not for you..if you're not worth it to them. give allowances where they are deserved. no one is perfect. things aren't always going to be great. he's not always going to know how to talk to you. he's not always going to know how to treat you. or the things he supposed to say to make you feel better. so talking to him, watching how he reacts to what you have to say..is a good indication on how he feels. give him the chance to show you that you should stay. or give him the push and let him jump out his own window and out of your way.

#1: make sure there are/will be no regrets..

this is #1 because this is what makes people miss out on a good relationship or worse case scenario go back to a bad one. when you're ready to break up, be ready to break up. be ready to walk away. be ready to leave him alone. be ready to have him out of your life. not saying you can't miss him. not saying you can't think about him. or remember the good times. just saying that once you break, know that it can possibly be forever. and be ok with that.

too many times people break up then months, years, relationships later want that person back. not so much in the sense that you want to be with them. but you feel that he was the ONE. you feel like that was the person you were meant to be with. you feel like you made a mistake.

now i'm not talking about those days or nights where you start drunk dialing them. i'm not talking about those special days or anniversaries that get you in that "please leave me alone" mode. it's natural in a break up to miss someone or to remember the good times.

regretting your decision to break up with someone is NOT the same as missing what they were in your life. regretting it is holding on to a past you let go. whatever you reasoning was...you let it go. so you should let go of the temptation of "going backwards". so when you make the decision to break up...understand that even if someway your path gets realigned with that person you shouldn't be sitting at home crying all night waiting for it. everything happens for a reason, and if God wants you to be with him...then at some point he'll reenter you life with a different relationship. which means it won't be the same one you had....so stop hoping to get it back. it's gone.

manfive friday #76

i apologize for the delay. but as promised..last week's manfive.

now i know y'all are you looking at the picture. and thinking, wtf is he about to say. wtf can "i" learn from whatever foolishness that is about to follow. well ladies. i'm going to explain to you something that your mama, daddy, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunties, friends..should have told you.

manfive (tuesday) friday #76 topic of the week: 5 reasons we love or hate your makeup..

simply put some of you ladies never learned how to apply make up. you never learned what looks best on you. in fact some of you ladies must close your eyes when getting yourself ready in the morning, because when i see a chick walk outside like this....

smh.

#5: you think you're on top model...but really you're on the security screen at the front desk of your job..

some of you ladies try all that model shit at your regular job. now, maybe cause i'm a man....but um err..there is a time and place for everything. and at your 9-5 is is not the time to be trying out electric blue eye shadow, lip stick, and beauty moles. i'm just saying. it's not professional. it's not attractive. it's not normal. yes...it looks "cool" on tv. in a magazine. on the weirdo walking down the street. but on a normal everyday woman. you look ridiculous. you wonder why men don't approach you. you wonder why women are always hating on you. you wonder why they keep sending you in the back room when clients come in...wonder no more. it's your face. please leave the 7 inch eyelashes alone. 7 inch eyelashes = drag queen.  so please..do us a favor and don't add to the drag queen population. let them have that. don't be a chick that looks like a man trying to look like a chick.

#4: your face is chocolate latte, your neck is dark chocolate fudge...

if you can't match your colors, go slap your kindergarten teacher. like for real. ain't nothing sexy about a two toned woman. i mean if you got vitilago. if you've had 3rd degree burns. if someone beat you to your white meat. ok. we can work with that.

but if you wake up one tone and walk out your house two different tones. i'ma have to SHAKE-YA-BABY. ladies, stop it. stop thinking "cocoa brown" is universal for your skin tone. it's not gonna blend. it's not gonna change by afternoon. if it looks crazy in your mirror, ms. lady it's not your mirror. it's your face. take that shit off. a lot of us won't even know that's what's wrong with you. we'll just be looking at you like something isn't right. something is a little off. and once we figure it out. we gonna think it's contagious. cause we think everything is contagious. the reason we always kissing around shit...

if you got a rash, contagious. if you got a mole, contagious. if you got nipple hair, contagious. we think anything you got on your body that don't seem right is gonna spread to us. so we won't fuck with you.

#3: natural ain't for everybody...

so i've been going kinda hard on the make up wearing women. well let me just say this. makeup is an accessory, not a necessity...BUT

if you look like you're 80 years old. if you got more wrinkles than a sheet. more bags than an airport. more dark spots than a leopard. then...maybe you NEED to put something over that shit. you ladies are beautiful, true enough. God created you to standout like the flowers. but there are some ugly flowers too.

i love that you ladies feel like you can just wash and go. a little carmax, a little moisturizer. a little zit cream. yes, some of you ladies are blessed with nice, youthful skin. some of you ladies have never wore make up and look like your 14-17 years old when you're really 34. yea, it works for some of you. but there are some of you that look like ms. sophia from the color purple after she got beat for telling ms. millie, "hell no". i don't think a straight man will actually say, "go put on some make up". because he'll just assume that "that" is the best you can do. so if you know you got problem areas. if you know certain make up items can enhance your appearance...try them out. look at queen latifiah in her covergirl...she almost could get it. almost.

#2:  you're painted up like a hoe house in new orleans...

you already know that's shit gotta be tacky. i can not stress to you ladies how we HATE when you look like mimi from the drew carey show. do not paint your face up like ronald mcdonald. this is so much worse than the experimental shit from top model. simply because you're not trying something out new. something "funky". something "unusual". you just got on too much ugly shit. we automatically think you're like 14 or stupid. one or the other. if you look old...then we just think you're stupid. only chicks allowed to do this shit is girls who stole their mama's makeup then went & snuck and put it on in the bathroom at school. we expect teenage girls to not know how to wear makeup. grown ass women, not so much. exercise your right to stop. exercise your right to look in a mirror. exercise your right to not look like a fool.

#1: girl you be killing 'em...

i don't care what anyone says. a chick who knows how to put on makeup. knows how to accent her eyes, lips, features. is...sexy. that shit is just sexy. it's sexy in a non obvious way. i like when i can't really tell you have it on. i just notice shit. i notice your eyes are pulling me in. your face is glowing. your lips are looking all soft and delicious.  you be killing'em

like literally. i will run over children, old people, deer...looking at your sexy ass walk down the street.

y'all give me a pass....

It's my birthday...lol.

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manfive friday # 75

there used to be a time where men were strong. men were rugged. men were the bread winners. providers. protectors.

then something went wrong. not sure what it was, or exactly when it started going berserk, but it did. and since then it's spiraled into a world where...

women wear the pants.

manfive friday #75 topic of the week: 5 reasons why women, now wear the pants in relationships..

women have been picking up the slack for years. always the force behind men. usually the one driving the family. y'all have climbed over from the passenger seat and started driving. and honestly it's due to necessity. you ladies have had to take the lead. you've had to take care of responsibilities so many men have left you to fend for yourselvess with. this is in no way intended as disrespect to you. but men need to man the fuck up. they need to stop depending on you to do the shit they should be doing. here are 5 reasons why dudes should pick up their pants and put them back on...

#5: y'all some debbie doubters..

once a upon a time women let men lead. women trusted men to take care of them. nowadays...not so much.

you ladies have gotten to the point where y'all are in "dti" mode. that's the mode where y'all want a man to take care of you. y'all want him to be a provider. y'all want him to be able to do things for you. but at the same time, you just "don't trust it" (dti). you see him working hard. you see him struggling selling those cell phones at t-mobile. you see him hustling on his grind working in the mail room. you see his potential and the direction he's trying to be in. but you just don't trust that shit. you like nice shit. you want a nice house. you want to be comfortable. so you realize you're gonna have to run this show. so you go to the dresser, get his pants, put them on and roll out...

a lot of you women wear the pants because you can't be patient. you don't have faith in his ability to take care of things. or you are under the impression that "no one is going to take care of me, but me..". either way this is the reason a lot of men are standing around with no pants.


#4: y'all are control freaks..

this goes along with being a debbie doubter, but goes a step further. there are some women who just want to wear the pants too. like even if the dude is taking care of things, your feminist..no shaving your armpits/legs, "i'm super independent" asses would stomp yourselves into the ground like rumplestilskin before you'd let a man tell you what to do.

it's not even about "telling you what to do". i assume you know i'm speaking about grown individuals who respect, trust, and love one another. not your bum ass boyfriend who tries to tell you how to dress, how to look, or where you can go. and when i say let a man be a man in the relationship, i mean allow him to take care of you. some of you women are not willing to let your guard down enough to let a man who wants to provide and give you things, do just that. some of you see letting him be in charge as you being inferior, instead of trusting him to make decisions that both of you agree on. same way you let his ass get up in the middle of the night when you hear a noise. or send him in to kill the spider/roach in the bathroom. same way you want him to pay for dinner. do any of those things make you feel inferior? stop picking stupid battles.  trust him. trust that he has your best intentions in mind, and stop thinking that it's a competition. please let that man have his balls & pants back...


#3: you confuse taking care of your man, with actually
taking care of him like he's you're child..

you ever got with a dude who just didn't get he should be doing shit? he's gone from living with his mama to moving into your place. maybe his mama started the false reality. but you continuing to baby a grown as individual is beyond ridiculous. a lot of you ladies have taken these dudes abilities to be men away by treating them like boys.

if you're working and he's sitting around your house not doing shit...it's your fault

that man is taking advantage of you, because you're letting him. you're coddling him. you're getting up early taking your child to daycare while this grown ass dude is laying up in your place not paying shit. the fuck you taking the kid's to daycare for..his ass should be watching them. reading them books and shit. making grilled cheese sandwiches, playing the whole daddy daycare role. instead he's laid up playing x-box and asking you what you gonna cook when you get off work. yea..you got on the pants. the clown pants cause his ass is clowning you. make his ass get up and put on some pants and get a damn job. he don't have to support y'all, but he can at least cut the grass..flip a burger, something..


#2: y'all intimidate them..

ok, now this one isn't you fault. a lot of times, men stand down when they see a woman who has her shit together. it's not about y'all being a control freak. in fact a lot of you are willing to let a man step in and take over that role for you. but sometimes insecurity makes them unable to step up. it's the feeling that he isn't smart enough. he doesn't have enough. he can't offer you the things you deserve or even the things he wants you to have. he can't "wear the pants" because they just don't fit. you have set a standard he isn't able or willing to live up to.


#1: those skinny jeans cut off circulation to his nuts..

yes, not only is he acting like a punk, he's also literally wearing your pants.... he just isn't stepping up and being a man. which leaves you women with the dilemma...either you "man up" as the woman and take on his role or you sit back and let this punk prance around with no balls and smaller dick than yours.

traditionally, men have forgot that to be in charge you have to take care of shit. so instead you got a bunch a dudes running around like they running shit, but the only shit they running is their mouth. dudes running around with kids they aren't taking care of. no jobs, no goals, no ambition, no way of taking care of himself let alone another person. dudes using strength, words, and size to intimidate, because they feel inferior to you. they just don't know how to be men. maybe blame it on the absence of fathers. blame it on the overbearing mothers. blame it on the women who have wronged them...or blame it on their own ass.

at a certain point in life. as a man, you have to take personal responsibility. it don't matter what's happened in your life. it doesn't matter what you didn't have growing up. you have to grow up, and be a man. and part of that is recognizing your weaknesses, and not using them as excuses. biggest problem with men not "man-ing up" is the fact that they make excuses for why they shouldn't. and you women are right there co-signing that shit. stop it. you don't have to take off your pants for him to wear them. you just gotta make sure he plans on wearing some too.

the only way some of these dudes are going to be a man for you...is you give them no other choice.

tell your girlfriend...

so..

you don't tell her you love her. don't remind her she's beautiful. don't treat her like a woman. you don't give her what she needs.

but you're mad at me.

you don't kiss her like it's your last. you don't touch her like it's new. you don't look at her like she's the only woman in the world.

but you're mad at me.

you don't say the things she likes.
do the things she wants.
ask her how she feels.
show her that she matters.

but you're mad at me.

you're mad because your girl recognizes the qualities in me that you don't possess. you're mad because she wishes, hopes, prays that one day you'll appreciate her. you can't blame me. you can't blame her. you should blame yourself.

you should blame yourself for neglecting her. you should blame yourself for disrespecting her. you should blame yourself for not realizing that you had the world. you had everything you needed. you just never thought she'd realize she didn't need you.

you cheated on her and now you see the chick you're with isn't 1/10  of the woman you left. all she's did was move you out the way for me. ay..tell you new girlfriend i said thanks. it's because of her i found a woman who wants to love someone. and i'm man enough to love her back.

s.p.a.c.e.

at first i thought it was me. maybe i missed you more than you missed me. maybe i thought about you more than you thought about me.  maybe i was too into you. maybe you weren't into me enough.


i'm not needy. i'm not a pest. i have tons of other people i could be spending time with. i could be doing a million other things. but the truth is, i'd just rather be doing them with you. i'd rather be talking to you. holding you. touching you. being close, to you.

space to me is like sitting in a dark hallway. an abandon elevator. in a box...all alone.

staring at my phone. waiting, wanting, needing it to ring. hoping for a text, email, tweet..something. i can respect your need for space. your need to talk, see, do things with others. i know i don't have a monopoly on your time. i just wish that you wanted to spend your time with me, the way i want to spend my time with you.

manfive friday #74

warning manfive friday #74...for the grown & sexy only.

so...yanno how they say chicken soup is good for a cold. or how an apple a day keeps the dr. away.

well head..makes everything better. so much so that it will make you re-think, over-think, and not-think at all.

manfive friday #74 topic of the week: why do guys think head makes everything better...

"head" to a woman is universal currency. it's something she can't live without. something she can't go without. something she can't say no to. and if she says no, it's simply because you're not that good at it. it took a while, but men have finally figured this shit out.the days of..."i don't eat..." are over.

you've seen raheem devaughn's "single" video? trey songz "invented sex" video. chris brown's "no bullshit" video. tyrese in babyboy making taraji stutter till she stops saying, "i hate you Jodie". head is the answer to all most of life's problems.

don't believe me?

• if you're hungry
• if you're thirsty
• if you're bored
• if you're broke
• if you're mad
• if you're happy

i could go on for days & days...instead i'll just get into the 5 reasons why guys think head makes things better.


#5: it increases his chances of getting some...

ok..the light bulb appeared over our heads. we forgot to circle, circle, dot, dot..or take our cootie shot. cause we got it. like i said, men finally get it. it has finally sunken in...head for you ladies is like superbowl sunday, everyday. like playing your last dollar and winning the lotto. like getting a promotion, on your first day at work. head is actually something you enjoy more than we do.

and now that we know that. head is more popular than tom on myspace. yanno why? cause it's like the secret password we always tried to figure out. it's like sign language for "open sesame". a little attention down there and we can pretty much stamp our own passport to "inside-you-land". no more do we have to beg you to just kiss it. no longer do we have to ask if we can just put it in...no longer do the words no, leave your lips. and if it does..it's before.."don't stop..".


#4: it like a sleeping pill...

head is the cure for insomnia. from a medical standpoint it's like physical therapy. it's like nyquil, ambien, and the itis rolled into one. you get some good head, romp around for a bit...and you're out for the count. i mean that heavy sleep. that snoring like texas chainsaw. wake up with drool all over your pillow sleep.

"i'm tryna put you to bed, bed, bed" -j.holiday "bed"

after the shivering, shaking, wiggling, squeezing, up, down, round & around...y'all be tired as a motherf#%er. good head for a woman is equivalent to running a marathon. it's just like working a 12-18 hour shift. it's as draining as a bathtub with the water running. you women are no match for a head monster. no matter what you say, think, or utter...you're gonna lose.


#3: it's your kryptonite...


it's your weakness. head, has been known to cause amnesia. sometimes you forget where you are. how you got there. what you did/didn't do. it'll make you forget we didn't pay the rent. or we forgot your birthday. or we were looking at your best friend's ass. it has been known to make you forget what you were mad about. it has been known to be the first step to forgiveness. it has been known to override a "i hate you", "let's break up", and the oh so famous use of the word, "no".


#2: it's an ego stroker...

it's a compliment. it's like gold stars, trophies, a cookie..etc. knowing that you're putting it down so good that she won't be walking straight for a week. knowing she fell off the bed. hearing her screaming, moaning, yelling, cursing, scratching, kicking, pulling, squirming..enjoying herself.

pleasing you, pleases him (that is if he's not a selfish mofo). and it makes him feel good he can make you feel good. it also makes him feel good when you make him feel good.


 #1: it's an attitude adjuster... 

it totally changes your mood. it totally makes you feel better about things. if you're getting out of hand, a little head gets you back into line. if you wake up grumpy, a little head puts a smile on your face. if you're feeling sad, a little head turns your tears of sadness into tears of joy. if you're mad, a little head makes you temporarily forget what you're mad about it.

either way, sounds like a win/win situation to me.