Friday, September 4, 2009
ManFive Topic of the Week: Why do men get mad, when you approach them with a situation, problem, "feeling"?
i experience this situation just about every day. you ever been involved with someone who literally yall don't know how to talk to one another? it's not on some disrespectful shit all the time. it's just that their way of handling a situation is TOTALLY different then yours. you're a talker, and they are a "hold it in & cool off type person".
personally, i'm a talker. which probably isn't hard to believe. to me talking out a problem is the only way you're going to reach some sort of resolution. ignoring it, or just getting over it will just lead to it coming back or being bottled up into even more anger and resentment. for that reason i like to get things off my chest, let you understand where i'm coming from, make sure you realize where i'm coming from and get the same from you. doesn't seem too bad? yet, when you deal with someone who doesn't want to approach it the same way you start having serious miscommunication problems. like someone sitting there holding the phone for 10 minutes not saying nothing. or not receiving another text message for 2+ hours, then getting one that has NOTHING to do with what yall we're talking about. or having a door slammed in your face, someone walking out the house, and leaving to cool off while you're standing there fuming. i'm saying...why when they get back do they think the situation will be any better? that's the part i don't understand. yes, you should cool off if it's been hours. meaning..i'm not standing there turning into the incredible hulk..while you're gone. but the second you walk back in the door the green will rush back into my veins. am i the only person?
i'm up front with mine. i tell people..i don't need "cool off time" that doesn't help me. it actually pisses me off more. it's just wasting time on an issue that if discussed could be over by now. now it's 3 hours later and you want to talk to me about some bullshit i tried talking to you about 3 hours ago...go lick a battery.
i'm saying. here are 5 reasons a dude might be mad at you about something you wanna discuss:
#5: because of the way you approached them
if you come at a dude about some shit wrong, he gonna come back at you wrong. if you've been on his myspace. or been through his phone. being his stalker twit, questioning him about something you found (snooped) then he's going to come back at you the same way.
you: why did you say this on your myspace?
him: say what?
you: say that you're tired of your chick
you: you said, " i'm so tired of this chick she always on my myspace checking me & shit"
him: um, because that's what you stay doing & i'm tired of it
you: but why you had to say it on myspace
him: why are you EVEN on my myspace?
you: that's not the point.....why you acting like you tired of me?
that seems like some bullshit right? now that shit really happens. yall really do be on some shit like that. if she would have came at him right he wouldn't have even known she was on his myspace. it's about addressing a concern without causing another argument. it started with "why are you tired of me?". and it will eventually turn into, "why are you on my myspace?".
#4: as a defense mechanism
some of you ladies know that as soon as you open up your mouth, dude is going to go into a flying rage. you could have just caught him in the bed with another chick. but this dude is gonna get up naked w/ the condom still on (in some worse situations, w/o one on at all) and tell you that you we're wrong for busting up in the room like that. now we both know this shit is wrong, so we can just move on to #3....
#3: you're talking down to him....like he's a child or a punk
the male ego most times is out of control. yes, we need it stroked a lot. now i'm not saying you have to back down in an argument. you can be a strong woman, and not talk down to someone. when you start acting like he's too stupid to understand some shit. or acting like he's less of a man and you start treating him like a punk. it don't matter what you're saying. he has tuned you the fuck out. wanna see a dude go crazy...call him a bitch in conversation. i swear. i was talking to a chick..and she was like.."you straight acting like a bitch right now"...whoa..say what? composing myself right now..cause even now that shit pisses me off. bottom line, a discussion is something between two people who communicate on the same level. you can't talk down to me and expect for me to respect you in the conversation, because obviously you're not respecting me. if you wanna yell at a kid, go to the playground.
#2: it's a reoccuring problem/situation..
a lot of times guys don't want to discuss the same shit over and over again. it's like i said before usually guys are on that "let's ignore this, so it'll go away shit"( i tried to evolve a bit that's why i like to talk shit out). so when the problem comes back up because it never went away they are sitting there like..."oh here we go again...". which leads to them getting mad and starting an argument all over again. to fix this ladies..yall need to just record the first fight, wait till he's in a good mood, pop in the dvd...walk out the room and say, "after you're done watching this, this is what i want to talk you about..again".
#1: you are actually wrong...
i know this shit seems hard to believe. because women are under the false assumption that you're always right. guess what, that's not always true. *hiding behind pew with bible in hand*. if you come at a dude, and you are wrong..of course he's going to be mad. if you accuse him of something he didn't do. if you overreact because you're on your period and you're just "sensitive". if you found a number in his pocket, called it and his dude girl answered the phone. and yall kept going back and forth with "who is this?"...."um who is this?"....
common theme for all of these reasons: lack of respect. respect me & i'll respect you.