Friday, September 25, 2009

ManFive #10

ManFive #10...

this weeks topic: why dudes continue to "jerk-it" even if married or in relationships.

i know this is a subject that seems to confuse or disgust women. it's not really a disgusting thing because it's natural. it's just something that women seem to feel should be satisfied within the girlfriend/wife zone. almost like, ok...since you got me you shouldn't want or need to "pump the barrel". thing is, it's not really about you ladies.

of course we'd prefer to get that inside loving. it feels a hell of lot better. yet, there are times...when we need an immediate release, something suddenly comes up, your on vacation, out with your girls, sleep...etc. even though it's all us, it feels good to get rid of the tension. let me hit you up with 5 reasons why dudes feel the urge to "peel the banana"


#5: maybe you're not giving it to us as much as we want it

sometimes yall think twice a week is good. yall think 4 times a week is good. whatever your max "#" of allowed times is, you think that you are doing the most. you're not. not all dudes are built the same. your last boyfriend might have only had one bullet in the chamber. he might have been content with doing it only on the weekends. might have had a church boyfriend who didn't want to fornicate on sunday. who knows...i'm saying. sometimes when yall don't communicate with dude you don't know if you giving him too much or too little. cause some of yall are some nymphos. if you catch you're dude making excuses why he can't get down tonight and you know it's not cause he's cheating it's probably cause you've worn his joystick out. (high-five) yet, you women who don't wanna love him long time...yanno what the grunting is coming from the bathroom at 2:32am on thursday morning. all your fault...

#4: we're bored...

it's like having a toy w/ you 24/7. yanno how to turn it on. yanno how to operate it. yanno how to have fun with it. so of course when you're just sitting there, with nothing to do... come on. if it was that easy for yall, yall would do it too. stop judging.

#3: we're addicted to it

with that being said it's quite obvious that since we've been doing it for the longest that it's not something we can easily stop. it's a learned {natural} behavior. it's something we've spent hours & hours doing for years. we've mastered it, most times are very good with it. and it's supposed to stop because you don't like it? yea ok...why you think we spend so much time in the garage w/ no tools.

#2: yall suck as porn buddies....

most guys watch porn with their friends, but after a certain point in your life that shit stops. it's cool to be trying to unscramble the squiggly lines together as a teenager. but once you start watching it to "jerk it", it's not a group project. and if it is, your boy ends up being your boyfriend. *shudders* so your only companion becomes your chick. and i'm gonna have to just say this shit right now...yall suck. yall comment on the chicks hair, body, keep talking about there being no plot. keep asking if i think she look good, does this turn me on. it's like...it was turning me on till you started talking. i don't care if she got 16 bullet wounds, stab mark, stretch marks, one toe, she's a midget, she's black, white, alien..etc..if she's naked. let me enjoy this shit. if we watch a porn feat. commentary by you. and i leave the room for 10-15 minutes. guess what i'm going to do?...that's right..."frap...frap...frap" (say the sound in your head).

#1: we do it to keep you happy...

yes it sounds absurd. but i'm saying. do you know how easy it is to "filet a mignon" these days? if every time the feeling hit us we just ran out trying to get the "real thing" instead of settling for the hand. if we demanded you give it to us all the times we wanted it. yes, i said demand dammit. especially if we're married, don't make me take it to Jesus on you. this is to ensure happiness on both ends. if you've been working all day, tired, on your period, just being plain mean, etc...and we don't want to bother you with our daily needs, "frap frap frap". let us have something. don't be mad. be glad we choose you, we choose ourselves, we choose "us". as mad as you'd probably be to walk in on me shaking hands w/ the monster. imagine if you walked in and saw me knocking some chick from behind.

ask yourself which one you'd prefer?....

8 comments:

Mel said...

Glad to see the Man 5 back.

This clears up a lot. I'll have to favorite it for future reference.

A friend of mine says "fap" instead of "frap". I just thought you'd like to know that.

blackbrownie said...

see people make this subject a man v. woman issue...but i swear i've been on the flip side where guys i've dated/was with took issue about the fact that i still have fun with myself even if i really enjoy sex with them. if i'm getting as much as i want and it's good, then that will definitely decrease the amount to which i engage in the self-love but in general i orgasm a couple-few times a day...

i feel like it's just a physical need and as long as each person in a relationship is putting as much effort into pleasing and being pleased by their partner as he/she puts into puts into pleasing him/herself it's all good.

i still feel kinda funny about being with a guy who is REALLY into porn--but as long as it's not up in my face & you don't try to make me participate in your porn watching (beyond amusement and seeing some new shit), and i feel like we have a healthy sexual relationship i'm not gonna trip about it. cuz trust i am not giving up my toys.

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@Mel: fap/frap same difference. maybe it's my accent..lol

@blackbrownie: it's not a man vs. woman thing. but a lot of times women are so against touching themselves that if they are getting it that's the last thing they're thinking about. again, you are not the average chick. i admit it would kinda throw me off if my chick was getting it in by herself cause it's like i'll handle that for you. cause trust, if i'm getting it in and my chick wanna help/finish she is welcome to do that. so i guess in that sense that's why it's hard to think of a chick using toys by herself. but ay...do you lol

as for the porn thing. yea if he sitting there watching it like it's regular tv. that's a problem. when a dude is eating chips and kicked back watching porn yanno it's beyond watching it for enjoyment. those the kinda guys are up at 4:09am talking to the naked chicks online..lol watch out!

xxxx said...

i dont know why people especially women thinks its something that shouldnt be done especially after being in a relationship or married, females do the same thing (dont know why they wont admit it) its human nature. and about the porn thing i hate that too, watching porn and people asking questions, its annoying.

Beyond Danielle said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with this. Shit less work for me. And as long as you know they do this the less you have to worry about another woman. Unless this guy is the freak of the damn night

Cc.Denise said...

I have to agree. But I still get mad when I wake up alone in bed and see that the office door is closed. I know exactly what he's doing and he gives the same damn excuse.

"I didn't want to wake u up"

F**k that, wake me up. I'm always game.

~Sheila~ said...

I know about these situations all too well. I've been married for so long that I know where sex leads..IT LEADS TO KIDS. I've been a little off because of the constant reminders that run around the house.

I used to complain because my husband didn't ever want to watch porn with me now I find it downloaded on his phone. Whatev. I'll just watch it on my own then!

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@xxxx: women do the same thing, whhhhaaaat? lol

@beyond danielle: see that's the attitude to have.

@Cc.denise: see, but if he woke you up every time you'd be mad. cause your "always" game until you're put in the game 24/7..lol

@sheila: listen i know what sex leads to as well. but i'm saying...we all know what eating leads to, do we stop eating? & i'm mad it's downloaded on his phone...i didn't know you could do that. *looking into that shit..*