Man Five Friday #4

yea, i've been slacking as shit. blame in on the 'roids. and their uncanny effect to make me feel like total shit. ok, man five is always changing and always on some different shit. i guess when it gets to where i'm trying to make it it'll be more consistent. until then, hang in there with me. this week it's a man five rant.

man five topic of this week: why a dude can't be more romantic

now..if you ask my past girlfriends who's all about romance, they'll point to me. i'm a very romantic dude. now..i know they'll be a few bitches (only bitches cause they disagree) who'll disagree on some difficult shit, but they know ain't no dude did no shit for them like me. as a boy, i watched my dad cake for my mom. now, i'm not saying romance is simply about spending money. because to me, that's the easy part. going some place and saying, "give me the most expensive ring, biggest diamond, popular bag, etc.." is simple. it was just that he went out of his way to get her things and to make her day special. now he's NOT the king of romance, because um..that would be me. but it showed me that you have to take time & put in effort for women. so as a young buck..i made some HUGE romantic mistakes.

mistake #1: i overdid it.

i used to celebrate our "month" anniversaries. i sent her mom a thank you card on mother's day. i used to bring her, her sisters & her mother flowers every time i came over to see her. i would "make" gifts that were personal special & so so so gay-nice.

mistake #2: i did it when it wasn't deserved.

romance isn't owed to every woman. i used to be under the impression that you just floss a chick out just because you love her. it doesn't matter that she treats you like shit. or that you have to vie for her affection. it doesn't matter that she's probably playing you. i thought that as a man, you owed that respect to women. it wasn't till i had been trampled upon numerous times did i find that bitches don't get shit. so if you gonna be a bitch, please...get off me. as a man, i owe respect to a woman who acts like a fucking woman not a little girl, hoe, bitch, slut, tramp, heffa, etc. etc.

mistake #3: playing into "my ex boyfriend did this.." game.

ok, we all know men lie right?...well guess what so do women. i hate when a chick tells you all this wonderful shit her ex boyfriend "usta" do for her. it's like...um..really?. and it's always said as a seg-way into what you're not doing for her that she "usta" like. so yes, even i. king of romance fell into that bullshit fake ass game. where you try to outdo a past dude. but in the back of your mind you're thinking.."that nigga ain't really did that shit..." then you see an episode of "Charmed" on USA and realize where the fuck she got that idea from. yup, i played that.."i'm better than you ex-" game for like 2 minutes then said.."this is dumb as fuck...if that dude was so great why the fuck you with me right now?...get a fucking remote control and press skip".

Nevertheless, i've come to the conclusion that being romantic is a state of mind. why aren't guys romantic anymore. could be endless reasons. some being that they learned just like i did from past mistakes. women don't make it easy for you to do shit for them these days. there isn't a "i'm going to impress you stage" anymore. women are so not impressed with shit these days that you gotta jump through a spiked hoop on fire spinning at 80 mph, 20 feet in the air. you can't just buy a chick flowers and watch her face light up. now adays it's..

"i don't like roses..", "flowers die, i don't see the beauty in that..", "he only got me one rose..".

you can't buy them random gifts. because then they think it's random gift time all the time. it's like they open the door and you can see them looking behind you for gifts, get in the car they all opening up your glove box, checking between the seats. it's like.."wtf are you looking for?". you can't take them places cause they don't think it's romantic to go out to eat in a nice small intimate location unless it cost $240 a plate. you can't plan a "night in" cause that's being cheap. thanks to the death of chivalry & guys who mama taught them how to treat women. you can't send them love notes, cause they don't know what love notes are or mean.

there is a unrealistic fantasy women have concocted in their heads based off of what they see in tv shows & movies. they want things to happen like they do on tv. and it's like..umm i'd like things to happen like they do on playboy too. i walk into a store, women just get naked and jump on me to have sex. but come on..let's be for real. i once sat and watched a chick cry off of some shit that happen in a movie that was "so sweet" that i had already done for her. when i did it for her she wasn't crying. she wasn't excited. she wasn't like.."that's so sweet..". but to watch this dude do it on tv..she is crying. W T F?

i've also had a chick doubt my romantic tendencies, when i hadn't had a chance to show her. it's like...forget i send you flowers, forget i give you cards professing my love to you, forget i try to brighten your day with ridiculous snacks you love, forget i wrap presents with gay ass heart paper & bows. i'm saying..your last dude would buy you tic tacs as a gift, leave it in a walgreens bag, w/ the receipt in it. i'm already 10 miles ahead of that. just wait and do right, and you'll get all the shit you want & need.

------------------*side note: i must draw a division line between married and single women. married women LOVE anything you do for them because they are used to you not doing shit most the time. this is a single girl issue. -------------------------

i'm a flirt...

well actually an ex-flirt. how does one become an ex-flirt? get a girlfriend. she'll put a end to that shit real quick. it's crazy because that used to be one of my best qualities. i was well, um..very charming.

i think i'm still pretty damn charming now, just can't throw the compliments around like i used to. i'm not complaining. i mean i feel like as long as i have someone to flirt with, it should satisfy my "flirt" gene. but i think w/o it i have eliminated one of my greater qualities.

what you have to understand about me is, i am an equal opportunity flirt. old, young, fat, skinny, whatever race, etc. etc. my only requirement you be 18 & older female. not a "i wanna get in your drawz" flirter. just a simple, put a smile on your face flirter. make you feel good about yourself flirter. what's weird is although i've retired my flirting...women still think me being nice is flirting. what's the difference between being nice & speaking and flirting? i've been told numerous times me talking to women in the grocery store is flirting. me laughing at a joke that "the person on the phone" thinks isn't funny is me flirting. my ratio of female to male on my media outlets is me flirting. it's like...for real?

if the way i'm acting now is flirting. yall don't have any clue what flirting is. because i was a professional flirt, who could sweet talk a nun out of her convent. this shit right here is just me, can't change this. seems like you dislike my personality not my flirting.

how to spot a stalkertwit

some of yall might think i'm paranoid. but i'm dead ass serious. i have tons of stalkers. i have some who can't get enough of me. some who have gotten enough of me therefore want to keep an eye on me. some who are just nosy for no reason. some who are curious. some who are jealous. you name it, there's always a reason. so i kinda consider myself a stalker expert.

here are just a few ways to spot a stalkertwit. a stalkertwit is someone who relies on your stupidity to let other ppl know, "how you doing" & "where you are" to keep tabs on you. thanks to twitter, it's so much easier for a stalker to keep an eye on you from a distance.

i found my "stalkertwits" become too overwhelmed with this constant update of information that they tell on themselves.

how do you know someone's been on your twitter:

#5. they already know the news you got to tell them.

before you can casually tell them they are texting you lead ins to let them know. "so...how's you're day been?...oh really. anything interesting happen at work?...oh, i dunno like your boss was eating a tangerine some of the juice popped into his eye and now you have the day off?"

#4. they know the real names of your twitter followers.

you're reading your twitter on you phone app, they walk past as your laughing. you show them a funny tweet. and they say, "that sheila is hilarious". umm..how do you know @sheangel1019's real name?

#3. they make a reference to a mutual friend.

if you're RT'ed by someone that is a mutual friend. hell if you have ANY mutual friends then trust..they are all over your twitter. RT's make ppl interested anyway. you wanna see if there was anything else witty they have to offer. but if it's a RT from someone you know but aren't following that now just makes you wanna know about the whole conversation that led to that witty RT'ed tweet. so once you know yall have a mutual friend..say goodbye to your privacy.

#2. they know you've been talking about them.

but the only place you've said some crazy off the wall shit about them was on twitter. trust me if you talk about someone on twitter and they find out they come tell your ass right away. if they are good..they wait until yall next conversation. but trust, they aren't gonna let that shit slide. even if it was a sly remark like..."arrgh women make me so mad sometimes". her ass has calculated the time the tweet was made with the last time yall spoke. "yea that ninja think he slick talking about me..." i mean shit. i could have been talking about my mama. why i can't be broad with my shit? just cause we got off the phone at 9:52 and that tweet was made at 9:53. don't mean it got anything to do with you.

#1. they find you on twitter, but you never told them your @names.

this chick told me she recognized one of my friends "@" name because it was her name on another site and figure we'd probably be friends. so she happened upon my "@" name that way. i've also had MORE THAN ONE friend on twitter say someone asked them if @studiogenius was me. it's like how the fuck are yall ninjas finding me and knowing it's me?


these stalker tips can be applied to various other sites as well. myspace (site specific: if they have photos of you that you've only uploaded to myspace), facebook (site specific: if they text you the second you're status changes to, "it's complicated"), blogger (site specific: if they are arguing with you their side of an argument you just blogged), etc. as long as a stalker wants to find you they will do anything & everything to find you. my whole attitude is this. if you wanna read my shit, follow me. if you don't follow me and just read my shit don't say shit to me about it.

faker...

i admit, we all have flaws. i have my flaws, that is when i'm not being 100% perfect. yet, what is driving me crazy. something that really makes my skin crawl, blood boil, nuts itch....

fake friends.

the worst part about it is, you can't really tell when they are being fake. i mean that is if they are really good at what they do. and most times, it's the one's you least expect that really just crush you idea of "friends".
maybe since i hold my true friends close and don't let ppl in so easily that when i do find a fake friend amongst the real one's it truly hurts my heart. so how do you spot a faker?

simple, need their ass for some shit. it could be big or small. a faker finds it difficult to be there for you when you need them. whether it's "saying the right thing", "giving you gas money", "or being your wing man to an not-that-ugly-but-definitely-not-as-hot-as-her-friend" chick. a fake friend will always flake out on you. but that's where it gets tricky. because there is a "fake friend" who plays the game a little harder then the rest. he/she may be in it for the emotional support you give them, monetary gain, to steal your chick, etc..

these fakers you gotta wait them out. they might be there for you 25% of the time, before they make their flake move and just leave you high and dry. what do you do when you've found a flaker out?

kick their fucking ass. i'm starting a FYF club. (fuck you faker). i'm gonna just start kicking folks asses. like coming out the alley and punching ninjas in the side of the face. so beware. you fake w/ me...it's on.

to join my club, all you have to do is produce evidence of fakeness. and will gladly help you rid your faker problem. participation is a must. and you have to at least attack 1 faker a year to remain in the club. fist, eggs, toilet paper house, shit in a bag at door, prank..etc.

seats are filling up fast. join now!

i'm back on this bitch...

yall have to excuse me. i was going through a health crisis. it's not over, but it's more bearable so.."here i is" just as ignorant as ever!

i'm surprised i haven't been arrested yet. i've been having tons of violent outburst in my head. kinda ally mcbealish. i'm on some punch a ninja for saying "hi" shit these days.

yes, i know i need Jesus. i also need some liquor. due to all this shit in my system i'm only getting high on shit from the pharmacy on a regulated schedule. so let's add this up...

health crisis...check!
no liquor...check!
no sex....check!

= a very irritable, cranky, violent minded individual.

beware of my blog wrath...i'd get all kind of ignorant right now if my mom wasn't sitting in my face annoying the fuck out of me. i love her, but for real..it's time to peace it up. if not we about to be boxing..and i'm not just talking about on the wii. just kidding i wouldn't fight my mama.....but i'm saying.

i need to claim my life...

ever felt like you left your life on a conveyor belt? laying in my bed, awake & restless it occurred to me that..i need to go claim my life. i've been surrounded by selfish people for so long, that i'm beginning to think that's just how it is.

it started off when i got sick the first time which led to my divorce from "mrs.x". the life i had planned out, all shot to shit when she decided she wanted a life with someone else. must have thought i was gonna die or some shit...dunno.

how do you get your life back after that? a lot of prayer. good friends. self love. time, maybe? so i started back on the road of claiming my life. i understood it wouldn't be the same one i had prior. which sucked ass...you'll never know how fucked up it is to have someone decide to change your life plans for you. so i start my new life. which is extremely hard. to go from a marriage with a child, to a divorced parent is an adjustment. it also didn't help that work has me extremely busy. before mrs. x it was hard to find a woman who could deal with my schedule. she was in the same industry so he kinda understood a little better. either that or we had the same friends so the "trusting" i'm at the studio shit was not an issue. after being with her getting with someone new and having them understand my situation wasn't easy. cause women will feed you that, "i understand.." bullshit in the beginning. but ultimately they grow tired and want to be #1. the only problem with that is, i have a child. i'm not some young dude with nothing better to do than run up after you every free minute i get. i'm not giving anyone enough time. which then leads to, "well if you don't have time, you shouldn't be in a relationship". so you're saying because i got so much on my plate that i shouldn't want to be with someone? or simply, i shouldn't be with you?

i'm tired of people telling me i need to make time for them, when i can't make time for me. if you see that all i do is work & try to spend time with my son. why are you acting like i'm out partying and living the life? if you really "understand", then this wouldn't be an issue. because i have never once asked anyone to put their life on hold for me. i'm not the kind of dude that will tell you not to go out. i realize if i'm not there, you may still want or need to have a life. i understand that. only thing i frown upon is hanging out with dudes. because if you want to date other guys, just say that. don't put it under the disguise you want to hang out with your "male friends" at the movies, dinner, your place, etc. other than that you can fill your day with things, how can i get mad at you for that? i say this, because i am a hermit. self proclaimed hermit at that. i used to party back in the day. then i grew up, had a child, grew even more anti social. but if there was a chance for me to hang out with a friend, family member, or just go do something why have a problem with that? i find the one time i want to do shit, a chick will get an attitude because to her..."if i could do that with someone else, i could do that with her". nevermind the fact that she's like miles away. she thinks i'm being selfish by not making time for her. yet she doesn't see how selfish she's being.

i'm here 5 days a week with a 3 y/o, i work every day of the week/holidays, i'm going through a reoccurring illness that has progressively gotten worse, not to mention i talk to you throughout the day and whenever you have free time. one night out, is not allowed? it seems like the red flags should be falling out the sky. yet, i continue to worry about making someone else upset. i continue to talk to you about nonsense and fight with you about bullshit. i continue to let you convince me that somehow because i'm lacking in 2..maybe 4 areas, it trumps the 972 areas you're lacking in. i continue to let you invest less in me then i am in you, and that's suppose to be okay? i'm tired of being the "bad guy". why isn't my life & what i'm going through important? why can't that ever be the focus, just once? i haven't had that in a long time. i haven't been able to focus on me & what makes me happy. my life is being lived for everyone else. with my son, i expect that. but some of yall ninjas gonna have to let me breathe. because the way i'm feeling i'm about to lose my mind. i have too much on me right now...God is going to have to take some of this weight off me, or me & him are really gonna be chilling face to face tonight.