well we all know y'all are full of double standards. i understand that, it's just a part of dealing and loving a woman. but the one thing i'm gonna address with you today that's not ok....your "what's yours is mine, what's mine is mine" attitude.
this week's manfive friday #66 topic of the week: show me the money...now share it.
i know most of y'all saw tyler perry's mess of a film, "why did i get married too...". if you didn't i'll take 2 seconds to summarize. selfish women, wondering why their husband aren't doing right. now i know y'all are cocking your head and thinking...."not all the ladies were selfish....they had their reasons". um. ok.
first couple. wife is emotionally cheating and heading to full blown cheating.
second couple. wife sees her husband is struggling to adjust to a new location (he moved for her). trying to find a job (to support his family, she is not working). and she makes him spend their savings on a bullshit trip with her girls then tells everyone their broke, then goes to her ex husband for help to find him a job. then becomes wet nurse to the ex husband who used to beat the shit out of her when she should have her ass home taking care of her baby.
third couple. she doesn't trust her husband. he straighten up his ways (they both cheated). he's working and she's jealous of his success and can't stop nagging and looking for shit that isn't there.
and now to the last couple that this manfive is centered on...they are in the middle of a divorce. they are friends. they agree to split in a equal manner. until he ask for half of "HER MONEY". that's right. she's married but has and account with "HER" money. that she feels solely entitled to. i've had this discussion with a few women, including my girlfriend. and they all think that it's not crazy she was acting like that. by the way..she goes to curse him out about wanting half calling him bitch this and bitch that. then he gets in the car and gets hit by a tractor trailer and dies. bottom line: women will kill you over THEIR money.
5 reasons why you ladies need to get your mind right about sharing money with your man.
#5: you expect him to share with you.
you automatically think when you're with a man, his money is yours. if you're looking for him to be the provider. even if you're bringing in the most money. he can't just go to work and store his income in a savings account or personal bank account. he has to help. you watch all these movies where a wife finds a check record to a secret check account and loses her mind. he must be cheating. why does he need a secret account. why does he have money that is separate? now think about it, look at the movies or shows where a guy finds his wife has a separate account. he's thinking, "good now we can fix the roof" or "she's saving this mad money for a hard time". i've actually talked to a chick who thought i was going to be the provider and she could work and save her money for her. yes, we actually had that crazy ass discussion, before i broke up with her. lol.
cause she is crazy. that is crazy. do i think you can't have a personal account? no. when i was married we both had personal accounts/savings, but we had joint accounts. the difference is she had access to any of my accounts. there wasn't any secrets. there wasn't any money that was off limits. i put her name on a house that i had bought prior to being with her (which came back to bite me in the ass). but that is what is expected of a man. that is what is expected in a marriage. what's mine is yours. what's yours is supposed to be mine. you can't go into a relationship (and of course i'm talking about serious relationships..not telling you to give tyrone your pin number after a few dates) where you're thinking separate.
#4: your shit isn't any more valuable than his.
so we all know a woman would prefer a man that makes more money than her. it's all part of that "provider" role a man is supposed to play for his woman. but you ladies have gotten into your own, and sometimes you do make better money. or you make the more stable money in the relationship. there is NOTHING wrong with that. but there are a lot of women who think their money is more valuable or important. in other words, the things you buy and do with your money goes under much more scrutiny then his money.
case in point. a woman will buy up a store, with YOUR money. but has to think about super sizing their value meal with their own. first thing you got to remember is this, if you're married it's "our" money. not yours or his. in a serious relationship, it will be "our" money. not yours or his. so stop thinking about it separate. even before you get together seriously...you have to watch how people are with their money. you got to be cautious of people who don't care about their credit. and you have to make sure they value your money as much as they do their own. that's the only way to ensure that there is no ego or selfishness. because when someone thinks they money matters more. or that what they do is more important it throws off the equilibrium of the relationship.
#3. oh you fancy, huh..now it's your money.
in reference to the movie. her reason for not sharing was, "i earned all that money. i spent years writing and struggling to earn that money". umm..yea you spent years while his ass was taking care of you. while he was paying the bills. while he was standing by you and believing in you.
ask yourself, how come a basketball wife who has never dribbled a basketball feels entitled to millions of dollars? i know y'all think about about to say something ignorant, but i'm not. i feel like she's entitled because she's been along for the ride. shaunie o'neal, put in her time. she raised like 6 kids. she deserves half. and i'm sure y'all agree. but why when it comes to a man it's not the same?
imagine a woman who wants to go to school to become a doctor. and your garbage man husband is going to do everything he can to make that happen. so he goes gets another job, so you can focus on going to school. y'all struggle together. and finally you graduate, do your residency, and get you a great job making good money. and now it's like.."you just a garbage man". never mind the fact that garbage man money got you through med school. see women will ride with you when you have nothing. and they'll ride with you with you have something. but when they think that they got something, and you still got nothing. that's when you find out who you're really with. needless to say, if you jump new because you got a better job. humble yourself. keep in mind that when y'all were sharing a slice a pizza...it was "our" money. so now that y'all got a personal chef, remember....it's "our" money. don't let a come up, be your downfall.
#2. independently stupid...
this goes for women who come into a relationship with more money. it ain't right to hold money over any one's head. man or woman. the same way you don't want a man to judge your worth by how much you make. don't judge him. i'm not saying, step out of your comfort zone and get with a bum. i'm just saying don't go blind in your independence. don't but a monetary value on happiness, you'll lose every time.
a big problem in relationships these days are people go into them separate. and try to make them work separate. a relationship is a partnership. you can't go into a unequal partnership & succeed. i don't care if you're married, if you're living together, or you're seriously considering something more with someone. you have to look at it as, "we". how are "we" going to do this. when are "we" going to make this transition together. and what if "we" decide to go into this together. stop thinking in "i" or "me".
#1. money in the bank...shawty what you drank?
money doesn't grow on trees. stop thinking cause a man throws money around that he has money. you looking at his brian pumper fake chains. riding around in his range rover, over to his mama's house . where he stays in the basement. you women are fast to give your money to the wrong dudes. you're quick to move in with, co-sign for, and support a bum ass dude financially. you have to be selective and smart about your decisions. a man is someone who takes his responsibilities serious. so make sure you're dealing with a man, before you decide to go sharing anything. because these boys posing as men, is what got you thinking you have to do it by yourself. they also have you thinking there aren't men out there who will help you. i stress the word help, because providing is a joint effort. in order for a man to provide for you, you have to let him. you also have to enable him to provide for you. meaning, what he needs in order to take care of you...you give him. whether it's you working, you taking care of the house, you supporting him, etc..
a lot of people think when a man takes care of you, it's him taking all of the responsibility himself. you always hear, behind every great man is a woman. and in order to have that, you have to share the responsibility. you both don't have to work. you both don't have to make the same amount of money. the trick is, respecting each other as equals. and acknowledging their contributions to the relationship.