Friday, February 3, 2012

manfive friday #96...

this is for you ladies who find yourselves at a crossroad. you're too old to be messing with little boys. but not ready to be picking gray hairs out your teeth...(okay i was so totally out of line for that one).

this week's manfive friday #96: what's your speed......younger men or older men.

i'm not here to tell you which one is better. i recently had a conversation w/ a friend who was contemplating which direction to go...younger or older. then after i wrote this post, i decided to scrap it. then another friend suggested i do this topic again...so i said O...k.  this is in no way a "every guy acts/things like this". so don't hit me with, "my dude 22 and he GROWN"..cause if you say that we're all gonna laugh at you. and if you start complaining, "my dude is 45 and he needs viagra to jack off"...we're all gonna laugh at you. i'm just dropping the mindset and the difference of views of younger vs. older guys..


 

so i'm gonna categorized younger dudes as 18-29. 



 




















older dudes 30+


although i don't consider myself a "older guy", i do admit being out of my 20's makes me feel a lot more grown. especially when trends like male jeggings (which i believe are really female jeggings in disguise), skinny jeans, and snapbacks are prevalent for men in their 20's. i do feel like i'm more seasoned. more grown. just more....but this ain't about me. cause if it were...i'd totally win. here are 5 situations to weigh the pros & cons..


#5: Baggage vs. Inexperience...

what you're looking for:  a carefree, spontaneous dude who'll drop everything and go off with you. everything is new to him. going to school, getting a job, buying a car, house. never been in love. never been married. may not have any children. full of hopes, dreams and potential.

the younger dude...

guys at this age...all they see is "sky's the limit". they feel like there is so much shit they can do. so many things to experience. they feel they're in their prime, it's time to do everything & everyone they possibly can. they have less things weighing them down. he's not afraid to take risk. he can be fun, exciting, a breath of fresh air. he can help you "stellas" get your groove back.  he'll tell you his "plan", all the things he wants to accomplish. all the things he wants to achieve. the future he wants with you. and all of that is cool...but the there are cons. due to him being young, that shit is subject to change, without notification. his views are usually skewed by his inexperience. he usually is working towards everything so at this point he doesn't have shit. this is partially the reason he can just drop shit and go here and there. his lack of expectations which were nice when he wasn't judging or moving too fast. will eventually get tiring because he's not trying to get serious no time soon. the fact that his eyes are wide open but he hasn't seen shit is a handicap. if you're past your "growing" stage. if you've gotten your shit together. then other than occasional excitement you'll grow tired of the inexperience. the plan he has is a blueprint, not a structure. he hasn't started actually building his dream. so be careful, just because ken puts you on the blueprint doesn't mean you'll make it into the dream house, barbie.

what you're looking for: a calculated, stable dude. a guy who is looking for more of a commitment. has been around and learned from his mistakes. you don't have to guess at what he'll do for a living, where he'll live, or his future..because he's there.



the older dude...
 
assuming this guy has got his shit together (and we are assuming that).  you're walking into a world that you don't have to guess. he knows what he wants, and has taken the steps to get there. he owns shit. he's ready to settle down and complete his plan...with you. he's sowed the wild oats. pulled his pants up. learned how to act in public. for you ladies who haven't quite gotten your shit together..he can offer you the security, guidance, and clarity you've been searching for. for you ladies who do have your shit together, he can offer you the things to compliment what you've already accomplished. he has learned from his mistakes and treats you like he has common sense. already sounds like he's won this category huh? there are some cons. because he's been around longer. he may have acquired some baggage. he may have kids, may have been married before, may have been hurt a time or two (trust issues). he may be too settled into his life, where he's not willing to accommodate you. he's already built his life..it's up to you to decide if you can fit into it.


#4: work ethic vs. grinding ...get money


what you're looking for: a guy who has his nose to the grindstone. out there making moves all day and all night. his ambition is attractive. he's out there doing it for you & him.

the younger dude...
are always on the grind. on the come up. out there hustling. in school trying to make it happen. has a goal they are trying to reach. work isn't work, it's a way to get to where he wants to be. admirable...right? the cons are usually when a guys is "on his grind" it's more about him. he's spending all his time to get to where "he" wants to be. and it usually doesn't quite include you, even if he says he's doing for both of y'all. trying to get to your dreams requires a bit of selfishness. you have to put your work first. you have to dedicate the time, energy, and your all. he's trying to make money not spend it, so he doesn't have the funds to take you out every night. his energy isn't wasted on a night on the couch watching movies w/ you. he hasn't quite figured out what he wants to do, so right now his grind might be pursuing a career that may not pan out. he hasn't finished school or been out of college long so he's not quite at career...right now he's at job. the difference being longevity and growth (career) vs. something that pays the bills (a job).

the older dude...
 
it's more about work ethic. older guys realize at a certain point in your life you have to be responsible. women are good with young guys being bums. they're young, dumb, and got room to grow. when you go over that "young & dumb" hurdle...but still want to exhibit those qualities women will put you on the "not on my level" list. it's not about grinding, it's about living. it's about having something to pay your bills & having extra to live. extra to take care of a family. extra to retire to. you have more shit..which means you have to do more shit to afford it. you can't live with your parent, not have a car (in places where transit isn't the primary transportation), not take a woman out..when you're a grown man. a woman expects more. so the cons..guys who have settled for jobs instead of careers. guys who have lost their ambition or drive because they failed at the dream. guys who have learned that women who "have their own"..will sometimes take care of you so you don't have to work.

#3: humping like rabbits vs. mr. long-slow-stroke..


what you're looking for: a guy who can go all day/ all night. can do it here, do it there, do it everywhere. probably in the best physical condition he'll ever be in.

the younger dude...

this is what his life is about. if you want to have sex in the morning. middle of the day. mid afternoon. early night. 3am. 4am. 5am. 6am...you get where i'm coming from? he's adventurous, he's yet to get arrested for public indecency so he'll have sex anywhere. you start talking and telling him "that feels good"...he'll start thinking he's doing something and start giving it to you the way you want. what are the cons?..the fact that he hasn't had a chance to hit & run. so you might be a victim of a sex-by (think drive by). so he's not looking to wife you after he gets some. he's not thinking, "that was so good, i want that for forever...". you ladies already know you can't trap a young dude with your hypnotic hip sways. you may get him caught up for a while..but he'll eventually start thinking he's missing out on all the women who want to have sex with him (cause every guy thinks at least 100 women want to have sex wit him). younger guys also tend to worry more about getting theirs then you getting yours. they are a little quick on the draw. and take less time trying to please you because y'all will be having sex in 30 more minutes...so guess you can have one then. and if you don't...oh well. there is also a flip side..some young dudes get so caught up he'll be asking you to marry him after y'all do it for the first time. which tends to be a turn off for you ladies. y'all tend not to trust what men say right after sex.


what you're looking for: a guy to handle you with care and expertise. one that gives it to you one good time and totally makes you forget where you put your keys, your purse, or parked your car.

the older dude...
 
is more experienced. not talking "number wise". but it's more about pleasing you and enjoying the act. he's learned it's much more enjoyable when he's getting the reaction he wants out of you. he's in no hurry. he'll be much more patient. not to say he doesn't like sex or want it as much as younger dudes. but he's gotten that "i wish i could fuck every girl in the world" out of his system. it's not about the number of times he breaks you off. he doesn't need motivation. you don't have to say a word...he'll give you a stroke you never felt before and one young dudes haven't quite perfected yet. there are however cons...one of the biggest being "lift off" assistance (yanno that blue pill..). also he may not be willing to adhere to suggestions or switch up the way he lays it down. 

#2: love you for life vs. puppy love...


what you're looking for: a guy who's trying to enjoy the moment. not get too serious. a guy who is fresh into "what love is" so it's all new and shit to him.
the younger dude...
he just wants to have a good time. he may be fresh out of his longest relationship to date...his high school sweetheart. he's in college, see a plethora of  women in all different shapes, sizes, & shades. see something you don't know about guys + college = buffet line of women. in high school there was always those chicks every dude thought was the "finest" then there were the "she's cool" chicks to date chicks. then the "oh-oh spaghetti o's" chicks. but in college you see the metamorphosis of all of these ladies. you see them after that last summer when they've decided to go into college different than high school. so the fine chicks, are still fine. the "she's cool" chicks have become the "fine" chicks. and the "spaghetti-o" chicks have totally done some extreme makeover and you wouldn't recognize their ass on america's most wanted from their high school picture. so at this moment dudes are in heaven. they'll get a chick and fall head over heels for them. they will want to marry you after the first 2 weeks. they'll meet you after class. walk you to your dorm. do all that sweet shit....till the see that next chick who totally blows their mind. they are too young to have to go have a seat with their plate. even if they sit down at the table for a week, month, year...they are going to look at that buffet line and their stomach is going to start growling. again....this isn't all dudes. but, "there are too many women for me to be settling down right now" goes through all men's head. puppy love is real love. but puppy love isn't lasting love. beware of a young guy who fills his plate of nothing but you...but is eating that shit fast like a m-fucker..


what you're looking for: a guy who is ready to settle down, already been around the block, knows what he's looking for & is ready to put a ring on it.



the older dude...

as a guy gets older so does the meaningless relationships. don't get me wrong, being older doesn't equate to be mature in your wants. there are plenty of guys who just as immature as they were in their 20's. but for the majority of guys after a certain point in life you want more. you get lonely. not to mention chicks around your age start wanting more out of you. so to continue dating chicks your age or older you have to step the fuck up and be the man they want you to be. meaning you settle down. you stop chasing ass. you finally make that chick your wife. an older man in this sense is a more mature man. he's one that is offering more with his promises. he's had that puppy love and realizes what that is vs. real love. but again there are cons...an older guy may not be in a rush to get married either. especially if he's already be down that road. he may have tons of issues that he has to tackle before he's ready to settle down with you. he may not even be looking for a long term relationship, ever again. these guys will pretty much make it obvious though. an older dude is gonna pretty much have the same attitude he had when you met him.


#2: what's important to him...

(i can't do a "what you're looking for" for this category because this isn't about you. it's about him)




the younger dude...


snapbacks. jordans. g-shock watches. a chick who'll "hold him down" through all this foolishness. a chick who'll "respect his hustle" whether it's illegal, attainable, or a waste of time. a woman who will wait for him and grow with him. i started off with the cons because as a young person, not just a young man. you have not even begun to understand the importance in/of life. yes, i'm saying young dudes are under 30 in this example. and a guy who is 27, 28, 29...aren't completely lost in life. i'm not saying that maturity starts with an additional decade. i'm just saying for the most part guys under 30 have a lot of living to do. a lot of discovering to do. a 30 y/o is a "young dude" to a 40 y/o. there is always going to be a gap in experience. you're naturally going to know more whether you apply it to your life or not. being young isn't a bad thing. it's a process. and just like when you think of a 13 y/o boy who's life consist of video games, hanging out with his friends, and JUST starting to notice girls. you can say..."he has no idea what life is..". and at 21, you'll looking at how you used to be like..."damn". at 30, you'll do the same. of all these examples the cons with a young dude are due to learning curves. they approach life this way because they are just starting to figure out what life is. and if you can understand and be accepting of that then you are ready to date a younger guy. the problem with women who date younger guys then complain...you are expecting them to be something they aren't ready to be. you have to walk into a relationship with expectations. but if your bar is set too high, you have to know that you're are putting unrealistic expectations on a person who you should know isn't capable of living up to it. this isn't for young ladies who are dating young guys. because young ladies are still growing too. this is for you more seasoned ladies who lower your expectations and try to change or guide these dudes. if you walk into a relationship lowering your expectations you already know you're on the losing end.


the older dude...


with experience comes improvement. being able to appreciate a woman takes time. knowing and recognizing qualities that you want takes growth. as a young guy, a woman buying you some jordans means she's really into you. spending a couple hundred on some shoes. as an older guy you can find that, "she's really into me" in other things she does. like cooking a meal for you. always answering when you call her. supporting you. being there, even when you aren't giving her everything she needs. yes, older dudes have tons of cons. but it's not the same guesswork as it is with younger dudes. if a guy is over 30, with nothing tangible you can pretty much bet the bank that he's on that "ain't shit" train. even if he's about to get off or one stop away. you can tell by his life what he has to offer you at that point. guys under 30, have time...unfair advantage. but it was the same advantage you had when you were under 30. so in a sense you know what you're getting. if he's still a work in progress, you KNOW he is. you ladies who cut guys slack in the "get your life together' department only aid in them not doing so. i'm not saying by 30, you're life should be solid, stable, and clear. i'm saying by 30, there should be a mapped out plan &  a solid course of action. ladies you should date an older man if his maturity matches his age. if you're going to get with a dude who acts 22, then just date a dude that's 22. 

6 comments:

sunshinestar110 said...

lmao @humping like rabbits vs. mr. long-slow-stroke..I can't stand you for that.

I will say that these all were void points and being that we had an discussion about this and I take full credit for this blog lmaoooo...I shall be passing this on to my friends who are at this crossroad! Because I have given up on young men alll time ago i just don't have the time for it. Butin defense of some younger men they sometimes are the better choice, you will run into a few who have it all together and give you that stable home you are looking for.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

*applauds* It's about time we get a post ghost! Lol..

what is your light? said...

great post!!!

this is my problem now...i really like this dude but he's young...not young enough to meet all your young v. old criteria but...yeah.

i want a man. not a young cat. i was trying to figure out what exactly i was feeling about this situation and thanks to you, i can now name that feeling as "i'm too old for this."

10 years ago, i wanted the age equivalent version of a dude who had his shit together. got a lil older, wanted someone i could grow with. now i'm on the precipice of 30 and i want some solid shit, but i really don't know how to do that other than taking things a day at a time.

this sucks.

Robyn Latice said...

Bomb post!

I don't really have this problem.
But the differences you stated were insightful.
Helped me get a better understanding about the guys my age.

chymerehayes said...

Great insight, per usual!

As for my personal preferences, I don't discriminate, especially since age doesn't come with guaranteed maturity. However, I like that way you broke each age down and I looked at it more from a metaphorical perspective. Literal age can be misleading. Anyway, I digress.
Now at 22, the problem I have with older men is that underlying desire to be my father. I used to think, despite how wrong it may be, that women who dated older men had daddy issues; whether there is either a huge void from the absence of a father figure or just some issue with him. I on the other hand, don't seek male attention in that way because my dad has always played an active role in my life. I don't need anyone who tells me what to do, how to dress, etc. just to accommodate what he knows he wants from a woman. This is different from being submissive; that I don't mind. I just don't expect the man I'm in a relationship with me to BE my daddy, perhaps similar qualities.
The problem I have with younger is me not wanting to be a coach. I don't have the patience to babysit/teach someone how to treat me, how to be chivalrous, and the list goes on. But if they’ve had that kind of home training and we are compatible, I’m willing to give it a chance. Same with older men. I won’t write someone off immediately, just because I predicted how the relationship will pan out based on my own biased assumptions.
So I guess, I’d prefer someone with a good balance to themselves, who is not so overly serious that I can never just be goofy…and not so goofy that I can never be serious. All I really hope for is a man of God who I can talk to, is compatible, and is committed to making me happy & in return I will do the same.

-Chymere

www.chymerehayes.wordpress.com

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@sunshinestar110: you can take credit. lol

@starrla monae: i deserve that. i really do. no more ghosting though.

@whatisyourlife: glad i could help.

@robyn latrice: thank you, and i'm glad i could help.

@chymerehayes: and you shouldn't discriminate. not that you could at 22..lol i'm not saying "don't do it...". just saying keep in mind what stage of life someone is in when you get with them. your last line says it all tho.