manfive friday #97

so....your dude slept over. he gets up to take a shower and just as he turns on the water, you reach over and grab his phone off the nightstand. you notice he has a lock on his phone.

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what is this mortal kombat? are you trying to "FINISH HIM". or are you just be nosy as hell with you super sleuth memorization of the pass-code to my phone. you can't remember i like onions, but you can figure out my finger movements from 300 feet away. #wheretheydothatat? apparently in sugar and spice and everything nice land cause all chicks have the remarkable capability of figuring out our passwords. maybe we shouldn't make it the name of our favorite movie. our birthday. our high school football jersey number. maybe we need to get more complicated and shit. my new password's gonna be your last menstrual cycle since you don't ever remember that shit. 

manfive friday #97 topic of the week: why you should never break into a guy's phone...

we've all had those moments. i was sitting on the bed watching tv with my girl. and this text pops up.

"hey handsome : P "

now. all you ladies know y'all use terms of endearment when it comes to your male friends. whether it's "sugar", "handsome", "hey you"..etc. but as soon as you see that shit on your man's phone, he fucking. or he trying to be fucking the chick attached to that text. i had to literally sit there for an hour, explaining, re-caping the text conversation to show her that it was just a friendly hello from a friend. those big ol' eyes death staring at me. maybe she believed me, maybe she doubted me...maybe she wasn't convinced either way. here are the reasons why she and YOU shouldn't use this situation to go through your man's phone.

#5:  ....seek and you shall find

okay, so maybe dude is talking to other chicks. maybe he isn't be as honest as you thought he was. you go shifting through his emails. click on his gchat. pull up his text messages. browse his contact list. check the phone log and you find..... "it" 

"it" = the truth. to some (i am in this bracket if the doubt is there) it's better to know who you're dealing with and what they got going on. but to other's it's a ticking time bomb. maybe you aren't planning on leaving him. maybe y'all got one of those "baby boy" relationships where you always telling Jody's ass you can't stand him, but then forgiving him after he buy you a smoothie and start kissing on you. you ladies need to leave this shit alone. if you know he cheating and don't care. why put yourself though the misery of reading all the shit you already know is going on? why find out the chick's number, so you can call her and look stupid. why read all of their exchanges on g-chat. see where he really was on tuesday night. pull up pictures of him and her at that carnival he told you was lame and no one goes to shit like that. if you go looking for shit, you're sure to find it. whether damaging or not. which leads to #4...

#4: let the wild goose chase begin...

so you find numbers, names, pictures...nothing concrete. he has a "good morning" text here. a "hey stranger" email there. a group picture of him and his friends and a random chick that happens to be standing next to him. he has 300 contacts in his phone and 152 are female. 5 female family members. 3 female co-workers. 2 are female friends you know about and 143 are random chicks that you know nothing about. so where the hell do you start? who do you start calling first? who "wants your man" ? truth is navigating through a guys phone is like navigating through the jungle in the dark on a bicycle. there is no right direction. you can call about 100 of those numbers and NONE of those women are going to be the least interested in him. if a dude is cheating. it's like 1 or 2 numbers all of a 100. he has every chick's number he's ever gotten cause dudes don't delete numbers out their phone. 

all i hear is chick's say..."i deleted his number, girl...". you ever heard a dude say he deleted your number? he'll say some slick shit like, "oh..i got a new phone" when you call and he don't recognize your number. this is because there are tons of numbers and after a while you'll have 2 tiffany's, 3 april's, 4 keisha's..etc so he don't know if you're the tiffany from college or the tiffany from his highschool cause he still got both y'all numbers 20 years later. looking through dude's phone without any real proof is only going to lead to trouble. it's like the matrix in there....

#3: you break his trust...

so say you reached over and grabbed my phone once you heard me turn on the water to the shower. and you're just clicking away and my ass walks straight out the bathroom and catch you. because ladies...until you hear the sound of water hitting a body...that nigga is NOT in the shower. i repeat. i personally turn the water on for at least 5 minutes before i get in the shower. i'll brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, admire myself the mirror, dance around..etc. but "water on" does not equal "in the shower". if he walks out to grab a towel or ask you something and you're sitting there with his phone in your hands....

S. M. H.

then what? what's your next move? i'll say this much...there are 2 types of dudes who leave their phones laying around for their chicks to even have the opportunity to check. (1) guys with nothing to hide & (2) incredibly dumb guys. cause if dude isn't one of the two his phone will NEVER be available for you to check. he taking a shit...he got his phone. he in the shower...he got his phone. he playing ball...he got his phone. only guys with nothing to hide and guys who are just too stupid to realize that women can figure out phone codes like macgyver can figure his way out of a death trap. so for guy #2....he's dumb, so who cares. but to guy #1.. he'll no longer trust you around his shit. 

#2: you were wrong...now what?

this is for you chicks who have a conscious. the one's who feel bad they went though his phone when they don't find anything. saw he g-chat with his boy about how much he's feeling you. you see his female friends respecting your relationship. you see he's been looking for vacation spots with the dates around your birthday. and you're really feeling guilty.

who am i kidding...now of y'all have a conscious. if you find out he's not cheating and get away with it y'all just gonna ease that phone back on the charger and roll over and pretend to be sleep. i see ya...

#1: don't sneak, just ask...

try just asking dude to see his phone. most guys might side eye you, but if they don't have nothing to hide they don't care as long as you're not sneaking to do it. just because he has a lock pattern or pin code doesn't mean he's trying to keep you out. these days everything and anything is stored in your phone. naked pictures, bank account information, email access, naked pictures...i'm saying..

don't assume that your dude is locking you out his phone. just like you have a password (cause most of you ladies do lock your shit up but be steadying questioning why we have locks on ours) he may have one for similar reasons. just be honest and ask him. you'd be surprise how easy it is to see what he's doing on his phone without sneaking to do it.