i'm back..sorry for the long hiatus, but i just wasn't blog ready. it's no secret most of my blog was dedicated to my then girlfriend. who i am no longer with...
which led to a lot of sad post. a lot of negative feelings. all that i kept to myself. trust me i have probably a hundred post i didn't post. i didn't want to contradict myself build up this great person i was so in love with then tear her down. and trust me, it would have been easy to slander & one side my relationship on MY blog. but that's not what this blog was about, not what i'm about. yes, there is tons of love lost..tons of hurt and angry feelings left. but i'm not the kinda dude who'd do that, not to someone I honestly loved. not to mention I know she reads & expected me to play to my readers.
moving on, which is something i've been working on. something i wanted to do for myself, which is why I refused to date or even think about anyone else..till someone i really liked & really felt a connection with breathed life back into me. i'm still trying to figure that one out. leaving me again questioning love, questioning myself, wondering if it's me...
maybe i'm too nice, maybe i'm just lame. maybe love is just an idea i'm in love with. something i will just chase, hold for a second, then lose it all over again. i sound so jaded right now don't i? like classic "who hurt you" mode. the thing about being hurt so many times, it numbs you. i'm starting to regret being a nice guy. i simply don't see the benefit to me that is..
you can only give so much of yourself. only have these strong feelings for so long. i just feel like i'm never going to be appreciated for being me. no one will ever just understand i love like i do, because i want that back. tired of settling for selfish women. tired of being blamed or penalized because i know what love is, how it's supposed to feel for ME. i'm ready to stop being a doormat. stop being the guy you use and mistreat. and i no longer want to apologize for loving someone again. if you can't deal with a real man loving, respecting, and wanting more with you...i don't need you in my life.
i'm ready, for more.
5 comments:
First off, I hate that you had to go through such a heart-wrenching thing but do me favor? Don't ever change. It may seem like "nice guys never finish" (not even last) but trust me, you will come out on top when it's all said and done. You, more than anyone I know, deserves happiness. I admire any man that is willing to openly love and uplift women the way you do without pretense. I'm not praising you just because we're PHAM but because you truly are a good guy.
Now get back to happy blogging and get off this Jodeci "cry for me" ish. I'm getting married in less than 60 days; celebrate! LOL
You finally write and I was looking forward to some steamy deep love story and it fine it wasn't. I completely get you.Living lost love....that though is just part of the journey.I just believe it will all make sense in the end. But even the most optimistic do feel exhausted....
It'll happen again for you buddy. You can't and won't ever change who you are just to make someone else happy, and in my honest opinion as someone who really knows you, you never should. Glad you're back writing. Its good for the soul! :)
you are most definetely NOT lame. don' t change for anyone.
Yo man first welcome back.
Second trust me coming from one nice guy to another, one day it just gets easier to spot the chicks that arent going to cherish your love man. I found my one after years of crazys and insecuritites and just plain trifilin. Keep your love of love man there arent enough of us in the world.
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