Friday, October 14, 2011

manfive friday # 93

so....your man's sensitive. he loves to get his cry on. he can't take it when you say, "you're so sorry that's why your daddy left you when you were 4 years old".

or when you tell him, "my ex used to make my toes curl..you just make me toe nails fall off...".

let's face it, he's a punk. what man can't take a little criticism?

whoa. whoa. whoa. ladies...

yes, this dude is on hit. but y'all know i just put these pictures of dudes crying because i know you chicks LOVE laughing at crying dudes. but truthfully, sometimes you ladies have to be careful how you hurl the insults, complaints, and suggestions.

manfive friday #93: how to convey a suggestion, complaint, or criticism to your man without totally making him hate you forever

we men aren't made of stone. we have feelings too. and sometimes you ladies can be a bit harsh, cold, or down right rude when it comes to suggesting we change something about ourselves. you can't talk to us like we're children, animals, or the gum on the bottom of your new heels. you have to take a few things into consideration before you start talking sideways...five tips to softening the blow:


#5: make it seem like it's his idea...

sometimes you just gotta talk us into it. if you want us to do something. if you want us to change something. the last thing you want to do is make it an "order". an order is you telling us what to do. and what man wants his woman telling him what to do? we will disobey an order JUST BECAUSE. so the trick is making us think it's our idea. 

saying: "didn't you say you were gonna fix that light?"...

will confuse him. he'll be like, "i did?".."really"..."oh yea i did..". 

saying: "remember that brown shirt you had on last month....mmm" *bite lip*

will make him think you liked it, which will make him put it on to make you bite your lip again. will also make him get other shirts like that to influence you to do the same.

saying: "i love it when you've been working out and all sweaty..."
might actually disgust you. but it will make him get up and exercise if he thinks it's not about "actually exercising" but if he thinks you think it's sexy...he'll get up and work out to impress you. if you need him to shower immediately..maybe tell him the scent of his soap turns you on. it seems crazy...but you have to lay a little honey. 


the thing is suggesting without telling. women have been planting ideas in our heads since the beginning of time. y'all seen those "power of V" commercials. 

#4: he's not a snail, resist the temptation to throw salt...

women know how to really stick it to men when it comes to words. we got y'all beat in the muscle department, but when it comes to the rapid mouth power...y'all win hands down. when you're really mad. really pissed off. yanno the point where you can't even see straight and you start feeling around for the nearest weapon...

do not go there. yanno. to that place you've been stock piling your list of insults towards him. you got everything categorized based on how mad his ass actually made you. so maybe the only thing you've said to thus far is..."you so stupid...". let it stay there. do not reach in your bag and pull out, "you so stupid, that's why Jerome ain't even your son".  if you hit him with, "that's why i can't stand your ass...". don't re-word that shit and say.."that's why i cheated on your ass". if you're having issues with his mama, do not. i repeat, do not. say that shit out loud. you can think she a bitch. you can call her all kind of things in your head. but do NOT let that shit slip out your lips. talking about a man's mama is NOT the same as talking about your chick friends mama. he don't care how trifling his mama is. you are never to comment on that shit. even if he's talking about her, there will NEVER be an invitation for you to talk about her. just shake your head, yes or no and try not to smile. 

insults to a man don't go away. he'll always remember the foul shit you said to him. so be sure if you've reached down to the depths of your insult bag that you're ready to never talk to him again. and you got some police protection. and sneakers on..cause your ass gonna need to run. 

#3: make a habit of being upfront and honest...

this way he doesn't feel like the shit you're saying is out the blue. a lot of times you ladies wait a long time to tell him something you don't like. or something you want to change. and he's thinking, "why are you telling me this now?". he'll also feel like you're confronting him and be less receptive to what you're actually saying. everyone knows the second you say something to someone they get on the defensive. so don't make a habit of letting something that bothers you slide, because if he's been doing it for a while. if you've been with him for years. and he's doing something you don't like, what is it now that is making you say something? it makes him over think the situation. which is another reason why he'll get more upset. it's always good to take someones feelings into consideration, but if you're going to say something he may not like at least be upfront and honest about it. you ladies like to sugar coat a problem then really go hardcore on it. if him not calling is an issue. say that. don't pretend it doesn't bother you. don't act like it's something else he's doing that's got you pissed off. just tell him what the problem is...

#2: it's called constructive criticism for a reason...

because it's supposed to serve a purpose. no one likes to be talked about. no one enjoys someone pointing out their flaws. so when you HAVE to say something, make sure it's for the betterment and not just for your own sake. 

as men, we aren't supposed to take things personal. we aren't supposed to get our feelings hurt. we aren't supposed to let you know things bother us. but y'all already know that shit is just a front. we're just as sensitive as y'all, it's just not "COOL" for us to act like it hurt our feelings. 

telling your dude:

he sucks in bed.  he's gotten fat.  he doesn't make enough money. 

if you're not offering anything constructive just break up with him. it's no point in saying shit to anyone if it's just to hurt their feelings. if you want him to do something different. if you want to motivate him to try something new. if you want him to do better for himself, then offer more than just a complaint. a complaint doesn't inspire change. it inspires resentment. 

#1: ask yourself is it even important?...

before you go saying shit to him about changing, something you don't like, things that bother you. ask yourself, is this important to me? because most times it won't be. some of you ladies moods change at that special time of the month. some of your moods change on rainy/sunny days. some of you are sad in the winter/happy in the summer. some of you ladies are bipolar and just flip out randomly. whatever your situation...

is it that important that you even need to say something? take into consideration how it may make him feel vs. how it makes you feel. i know most of you ladies have common sense. and will do this automatically. but for you ladies lacking the common sense...learn to pick your battles. say something when it's important. let things go when it's not. hold your tongue when you're unsure and watch what you say. not trying to stifle you....just saying words hurt. and they are very hard to take back once said.

 

 

4 comments:

Krissy said...

I don't know how well I can relate to this one. I don't think I could deal with a cry baby dude. It just wouldn't work out. I mean expressing your emotions is one thing but literally crying like a child is another. Sperm donor was kinda bitch made in that sense. He complained and whined about everything. That's part of the reason I ended that relationship.

Monique said...

Pick and choose your battles, pick and choose your battles.

#1 and #3 are tried and true.

Poppy said...

This was good advice, I needed to hear it because sometime I forget that men have feelings as well. I can very easily cut a man down when he makes me mad. Oops!

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@krissy: lol at you sounding all rough & tough ms. i tear up with my daughter makes a poo poo.

@monique: pick and choose your battles is a hard thing to do...

@poppy: all women cut men down. in fact we get cut faster and deeper by women than anyone one else. we'd kick another dudes ass. tell a child to shut up. take a animal to a kill shelter. but a woman...we just take it and shed secret man tears.