"slow down baby...you're moving too fast. he's pushing the brake, you're pushing the gas."
you ever fell in like with someone. it turned into "in lust". then transformed into "in love". and you're pretty sure he feels the same way. i mean you enjoy each other's company. you're compatible in every way. he makes your heart beat. you can't remember a time you've been happier or more into someone. but before you start sending out wedding invitations and inviting him to move in with you...stop, think..& slow down.
manfive friday #98 topic of the week: 5 ways to slow down & stop "moving too fast" in a new relationship..
#5: reality check...
first and foremost, radio back to earth and get your feet back on the ground and your head out the clouds. this may be "the one". he may be everything you've been praying, searching, waiting for. but that doesn't mean you have to operate in hyper speed. the one thing about "meant to be" is..if it's really meant to be, it'll be. you don't have to rush or be afraid of losing it. you also don't have to owe it to your mind the allow it time to digest what your heart already knows. it's very easy to jump in head first when all you see is ocean. you can completely miss the rocks directly under the waves. if you've loved and lost. if you've been hurt or been disappointed. remember to take the lessons from those situations and apply them to this. don't assume all the glitter to be gold. i'm not suggesting you love with caution. i'm not telling you to back away. i'm just saying allow an ample amount of time to figure out what it really is you're feeling. make sure it's love, not lust. make sure it's secure, not comfortable. make decisions that you won't regret or look back at as a mistake later. first rule, in slowing down.....slow down.
#4: get to know him...
everyone tends to fall victim to the "firsties". this is all the wonderful things you first notice about a person. their appearance, their mannerism, their habits, their lifestyle, etc. you remember what first attracted you about one of your exes. the things that made you think they were "the best you ever had...". and now you hate them and can't remember what the hell you were smoking when you got with them. those were the "firsties". the first impression. it's like playing blackjack or poker. and the dealer is only showing you a few of the cards on the table. you may see Ace's, Kings, Queens...but you don't see the jokers (bad cards) they have turned over. you need to allow time to see someone's full qualities...good and bad. it doesn't mean to go sniffing around for bad qualities if you don't see any. it's just a safe guard. probe deeper than what he had to eat last night. or what he wants to accomplish in the next few months. don't get fooled by the "firsties". before you're co-signing, moving in, and telling your girlfriends to buy bridesmaid dresses...make sure you know who you're in a relationship with. and that your confident that you have dug deep enough that you won't be surprised weeks, months, or years later.
#3: stop the countdown....
another big faux pas you ladies commit..is the countdown. the "i don't wanna be 30 and unmarried". the "my biological clock is in overdrive and about to time out". the "all my friends are married...". your life is your life. things will happen when they are supposed to happen. stop rushing into things because of the pressure of the ticking clock. no one knows your life. no one has to live your life, but you. if you get married at 40, 50, 60..ok. if your mom is asking for grand kids, point her to an elementary school and tell her to take her pick. if you're the only single one among your friends...so what? don't rush into a relationship because you feel like it's just time for you to be in one. don't move faster because you fear you're running out of time. be fair to yourself. be fair to the guy you're dating. time is fleeting, and sometimes love is as well. don't max yourself out in a relationship because you're trying to beat the clock. this isn't a game. losing shouldn't be an option. you should go into a new relationship with the goal of obtaining everything you want, without unfair expectations based on time. don't cheat yourself...
#2: if your friend told you....
the "if your friend told you" test. let's be honest here for a second. we all have the tendency to judge our friends differently than ourselves. so i've developed this test...the goal of the test is to imagine your new relationship as your best friend's relationship. ok..so take off your blinders. and read this shit like your friend is saying it to you. imagine your best friend came up to you and told you...
- i just met this guy 3 months ago! he's everything i've ever wanted and we're so in love...we're talking about moving in together.
- girl he was so fine...before i knew it we were having sex all over the house, i didn't even think about a condom.
- his birthday is in two days, and even though we've only known each other for a few weeks I want to buy him the new i-phone.
now i know you're thinking..."no, not me". love can do some crazy shit to us. a totally sane person can lose their mind. if the smell of his cologne has you running out of the store to call him or you're already loaning him rent money. . .step away from the foolishness. if you'd take your friend to a Love Addiction intervention over the same shit you're doing...maybe you don't need to be doing it. always test your decisions. always bounce these "crazy" ideas off of friends who are going to tell you the truth. there is nothing wrong with feeling like you want to move to the next step with someone. just make sure you're on some stairs..not a ski lift.
#1: set a realistic timeline...
if you want to be married. have a family. move, travel, etc...set a time frame. realistically you don't see yourself married with kids with someone you met 2 months ago. so tell yourself as well as him that in 2 years you'd like to be married. you're ready to talk about having children. you'd liked to go here or there. but that doesn't mean it has to happen tomorrow. new relationships give you the opportunity for new experiences. it gives you the hope that things will and can turn out beautifully. so allow yourself space to let that happen. it's hard to read another person's mind. and sometimes it seems like you two are on the same page, until one of you make that move that gets you side-eyed. you can share all your hopes & dreams with someone. you can discuss all the things you want in the future....for the future. the best way to stop from moving too fast is to pace yourself. pray on it. be honest with yourself. and take your time. if he's the one, he's the one. no need to rush, he'll wait for you.
