manfive friday #97

so....your dude slept over. he gets up to take a shower and just as he turns on the water, you reach over and grab his phone off the nightstand. you notice he has a lock on his phone.

down-up-down-right-down-left

what is this mortal kombat? are you trying to "FINISH HIM". or are you just be nosy as hell with you super sleuth memorization of the pass-code to my phone. you can't remember i like onions, but you can figure out my finger movements from 300 feet away. #wheretheydothatat? apparently in sugar and spice and everything nice land cause all chicks have the remarkable capability of figuring out our passwords. maybe we shouldn't make it the name of our favorite movie. our birthday. our high school football jersey number. maybe we need to get more complicated and shit. my new password's gonna be your last menstrual cycle since you don't ever remember that shit. 

manfive friday #97 topic of the week: why you should never break into a guy's phone...

we've all had those moments. i was sitting on the bed watching tv with my girl. and this text pops up.

"hey handsome : P "

now. all you ladies know y'all use terms of endearment when it comes to your male friends. whether it's "sugar", "handsome", "hey you"..etc. but as soon as you see that shit on your man's phone, he fucking. or he trying to be fucking the chick attached to that text. i had to literally sit there for an hour, explaining, re-caping the text conversation to show her that it was just a friendly hello from a friend. those big ol' eyes death staring at me. maybe she believed me, maybe she doubted me...maybe she wasn't convinced either way. here are the reasons why she and YOU shouldn't use this situation to go through your man's phone.

#5:  ....seek and you shall find

okay, so maybe dude is talking to other chicks. maybe he isn't be as honest as you thought he was. you go shifting through his emails. click on his gchat. pull up his text messages. browse his contact list. check the phone log and you find..... "it" 

"it" = the truth. to some (i am in this bracket if the doubt is there) it's better to know who you're dealing with and what they got going on. but to other's it's a ticking time bomb. maybe you aren't planning on leaving him. maybe y'all got one of those "baby boy" relationships where you always telling Jody's ass you can't stand him, but then forgiving him after he buy you a smoothie and start kissing on you. you ladies need to leave this shit alone. if you know he cheating and don't care. why put yourself though the misery of reading all the shit you already know is going on? why find out the chick's number, so you can call her and look stupid. why read all of their exchanges on g-chat. see where he really was on tuesday night. pull up pictures of him and her at that carnival he told you was lame and no one goes to shit like that. if you go looking for shit, you're sure to find it. whether damaging or not. which leads to #4...

#4: let the wild goose chase begin...

so you find numbers, names, pictures...nothing concrete. he has a "good morning" text here. a "hey stranger" email there. a group picture of him and his friends and a random chick that happens to be standing next to him. he has 300 contacts in his phone and 152 are female. 5 female family members. 3 female co-workers. 2 are female friends you know about and 143 are random chicks that you know nothing about. so where the hell do you start? who do you start calling first? who "wants your man" ? truth is navigating through a guys phone is like navigating through the jungle in the dark on a bicycle. there is no right direction. you can call about 100 of those numbers and NONE of those women are going to be the least interested in him. if a dude is cheating. it's like 1 or 2 numbers all of a 100. he has every chick's number he's ever gotten cause dudes don't delete numbers out their phone. 

all i hear is chick's say..."i deleted his number, girl...". you ever heard a dude say he deleted your number? he'll say some slick shit like, "oh..i got a new phone" when you call and he don't recognize your number. this is because there are tons of numbers and after a while you'll have 2 tiffany's, 3 april's, 4 keisha's..etc so he don't know if you're the tiffany from college or the tiffany from his highschool cause he still got both y'all numbers 20 years later. looking through dude's phone without any real proof is only going to lead to trouble. it's like the matrix in there....

#3: you break his trust...

so say you reached over and grabbed my phone once you heard me turn on the water to the shower. and you're just clicking away and my ass walks straight out the bathroom and catch you. because ladies...until you hear the sound of water hitting a body...that nigga is NOT in the shower. i repeat. i personally turn the water on for at least 5 minutes before i get in the shower. i'll brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, admire myself the mirror, dance around..etc. but "water on" does not equal "in the shower". if he walks out to grab a towel or ask you something and you're sitting there with his phone in your hands....

S. M. H.

then what? what's your next move? i'll say this much...there are 2 types of dudes who leave their phones laying around for their chicks to even have the opportunity to check. (1) guys with nothing to hide & (2) incredibly dumb guys. cause if dude isn't one of the two his phone will NEVER be available for you to check. he taking a shit...he got his phone. he in the shower...he got his phone. he playing ball...he got his phone. only guys with nothing to hide and guys who are just too stupid to realize that women can figure out phone codes like macgyver can figure his way out of a death trap. so for guy #2....he's dumb, so who cares. but to guy #1.. he'll no longer trust you around his shit. 

#2: you were wrong...now what?

this is for you chicks who have a conscious. the one's who feel bad they went though his phone when they don't find anything. saw he g-chat with his boy about how much he's feeling you. you see his female friends respecting your relationship. you see he's been looking for vacation spots with the dates around your birthday. and you're really feeling guilty.

who am i kidding...now of y'all have a conscious. if you find out he's not cheating and get away with it y'all just gonna ease that phone back on the charger and roll over and pretend to be sleep. i see ya...

#1: don't sneak, just ask...

try just asking dude to see his phone. most guys might side eye you, but if they don't have nothing to hide they don't care as long as you're not sneaking to do it. just because he has a lock pattern or pin code doesn't mean he's trying to keep you out. these days everything and anything is stored in your phone. naked pictures, bank account information, email access, naked pictures...i'm saying..

don't assume that your dude is locking you out his phone. just like you have a password (cause most of you ladies do lock your shit up but be steadying questioning why we have locks on ours) he may have one for similar reasons. just be honest and ask him. you'd be surprise how easy it is to see what he's doing on his phone without sneaking to do it.   

manfive friday #96...

this is for you ladies who find yourselves at a crossroad. you're too old to be messing with little boys. but not ready to be picking gray hairs out your teeth...(okay i was so totally out of line for that one).

this week's manfive friday #96: what's your speed......younger men or older men.

i'm not here to tell you which one is better. i recently had a conversation w/ a friend who was contemplating which direction to go...younger or older. then after i wrote this post, i decided to scrap it. then another friend suggested i do this topic again...so i said O...k.  this is in no way a "every guy acts/things like this". so don't hit me with, "my dude 22 and he GROWN"..cause if you say that we're all gonna laugh at you. and if you start complaining, "my dude is 45 and he needs viagra to jack off"...we're all gonna laugh at you. i'm just dropping the mindset and the difference of views of younger vs. older guys..

 

so i'm gonna categorized younger dudes as 18-29. 

 

older dudes 30+

although i don't consider myself a "older guy", i do admit being out of my 20's makes me feel a lot more grown. especially when trends like male jeggings (which i believe are really female jeggings in disguise), skinny jeans, and snapbacks are prevalent for men in their 20's. i do feel like i'm more seasoned. more grown. just more....but this ain't about me. cause if it were...i'd totally win. here are 5 situations to weigh the pros & cons..

#5: Baggage vs. Inexperience...

what you're looking for:  a carefree, spontaneous dude who'll drop everything and go off with you. everything is new to him. going to school, getting a job, buying a car, house. never been in love. never been married. may not have any children. full of hopes, dreams and potential.

the younger dude...

guys at this age...all they see is "sky's the limit". they feel like there is so much shit they can do. so many things to experience. they feel they're in their prime, it's time to do everything & everyone they possibly can. they have less things weighing them down. he's not afraid to take risk. he can be fun, exciting, a breath of fresh air. he can help you "stellas" get your groove back.  he'll tell you his "plan", all the things he wants to accomplish. all the things he wants to achieve. the future he wants with you. and all of that is cool...but the there are cons. due to him being young, that shit is subject to change, without notification. his views are usually skewed by his inexperience. he usually is working towards everything so at this point he doesn't have shit. this is partially the reason he can just drop shit and go here and there. his lack of expectations which were nice when he wasn't judging or moving too fast. will eventually get tiring because he's not trying to get serious no time soon. the fact that his eyes are wide open but he hasn't seen shit is a handicap. if you're past your "growing" stage. if you've gotten your shit together. then other than occasional excitement you'll grow tired of the inexperience. the plan he has is a blueprint, not a structure. he hasn't started actually building his dream. so be careful, just because ken puts you on the blueprint doesn't mean you'll make it into the dream house, barbie.

what you're looking for: a calculated, stable dude. a guy who is looking for more of a commitment. has been around and learned from his mistakes. you don't have to guess at what he'll do for a living, where he'll live, or his future..because he's there.



the older dude...

 
assuming this guy has got his shit together (and we are assuming that).  you're walking into a world that you don't have to guess. he knows what he wants, and has taken the steps to get there. he owns shit. he's ready to settle down and complete his plan...with you. he's sowed the wild oats. pulled his pants up. learned how to act in public. for you ladies who haven't quite gotten your shit together..he can offer you the security, guidance, and clarity you've been searching for. for you ladies who do have your shit together, he can offer you the things to compliment what you've already accomplished. he has learned from his mistakes and treats you like he has common sense. already sounds like he's won this category huh? there are some cons. because he's been around longer. he may have acquired some baggage. he may have kids, may have been married before, may have been hurt a time or two (trust issues). he may be too settled into his life, where he's not willing to accommodate you. he's already built his life..it's up to you to decide if you can fit into it.

#4: work ethic vs. grinding ...get money

what you're looking for: a guy who has his nose to the grindstone. out there making moves all day and all night. his ambition is attractive. he's out there doing it for you & him.

the younger dude...

are always on the grind. on the come up. out there hustling. in school trying to make it happen. has a goal they are trying to reach. work isn't work, it's a way to get to where he wants to be. admirable...right? the cons are usually when a guys is "on his grind" it's more about him. he's spending all his time to get to where "he" wants to be. and it usually doesn't quite include you, even if he says he's doing for both of y'all. trying to get to your dreams requires a bit of selfishness. you have to put your work first. you have to dedicate the time, energy, and your all. he's trying to make money not spend it, so he doesn't have the funds to take you out every night. his energy isn't wasted on a night on the couch watching movies w/ you. he hasn't quite figured out what he wants to do, so right now his grind might be pursuing a career that may not pan out. he hasn't finished school or been out of college long so he's not quite at career...right now he's at job. the difference being longevity and growth (career) vs. something that pays the bills (a job).

the older dude...

 

it's more about work ethic. older guys realize at a certain point in your life you have to be responsible. women are good with young guys being bums. they're young, dumb, and got room to grow. when you go over that "young & dumb" hurdle...but still want to exhibit those qualities women will put you on the "not on my level" list. it's not about grinding, it's about living. it's about having something to pay your bills & having extra to live. extra to take care of a family. extra to retire to. you have more shit..which means you have to do more shit to afford it. you can't live with your parent, not have a car (in places where transit isn't the primary transportation), not take a woman out..when you're a grown man. a woman expects more. so the cons..guys who have settled for jobs instead of careers. guys who have lost their ambition or drive because they failed at the dream. guys who have learned that women who "have their own"..will sometimes take care of you so you don't have to work.

#3: humping like rabbits vs. mr. long-slow-stroke..

what you're looking for: a guy who can go all day/ all night. can do it here, do it there, do it everywhere. probably in the best physical condition he'll ever be in.

the younger dude...

this is what his life is about. if you want to have sex in the morning. middle of the day. mid afternoon. early night. 3am. 4am. 5am. 6am...you get where i'm coming from? he's adventurous, he's yet to get arrested for public indecency so he'll have sex anywhere. you start talking and telling him "that feels good"...he'll start thinking he's doing something and start giving it to you the way you want. what are the cons?..the fact that he hasn't had a chance to hit & run. so you might be a victim of a sex-by (think drive by). so he's not looking to wife you after he gets some. he's not thinking, "that was so good, i want that for forever...". you ladies already know you can't trap a young dude with your hypnotic hip sways. you may get him caught up for a while..but he'll eventually start thinking he's missing out on all the women who want to have sex with him (cause every guy thinks at least 100 women want to have sex wit him). younger guys also tend to worry more about getting theirs then you getting yours. they are a little quick on the draw. and take less time trying to please you because y'all will be having sex in 30 more minutes...so guess you can have one then. and if you don't...oh well. there is also a flip side..some young dudes get so caught up he'll be asking you to marry him after y'all do it for the first time. which tends to be a turn off for you ladies. y'all tend not to trust what men say right after sex.

what you're looking for: a guy to handle you with care and expertise. one that gives it to you one good time and totally makes you forget where you put your keys, your purse, or parked your car.

the older dude...

 

is more experienced. not talking "number wise". but it's more about pleasing you and enjoying the act. he's learned it's much more enjoyable when he's getting the reaction he wants out of you. he's in no hurry. he'll be much more patient. not to say he doesn't like sex or want it as much as younger dudes. but he's gotten that "i wish i could fuck every girl in the world" out of his system. it's not about the number of times he breaks you off. he doesn't need motivation. you don't have to say a word...he'll give you a stroke you never felt before and one young dudes haven't quite perfected yet. there are however cons...one of the biggest being "lift off" assistance (yanno that blue pill..). also he may not be willing to adhere to suggestions or switch up the way he lays it down. 

#2: love you for life vs. puppy love...

what you're looking for: a guy who's trying to enjoy the moment. not get too serious. a guy who is fresh into "what love is" so it's all new and shit to him.

the younger dude...

he just wants to have a good time. he may be fresh out of his longest relationship to date...his high school sweetheart. he's in college, see a plethora of  women in all different shapes, sizes, & shades. see something you don't know about guys + college = buffet line of women. in high school there was always those chicks every dude thought was the "finest" then there were the "she's cool" chicks to date chicks. then the "oh-oh spaghetti o's" chicks. but in college you see the metamorphosis of all of these ladies. you see them after that last summer when they've decided to go into college different than high school. so the fine chicks, are still fine. the "she's cool" chicks have become the "fine" chicks. and the "spaghetti-o" chicks have totally done some extreme makeover and you wouldn't recognize their ass on america's most wanted from their high school picture. so at this moment dudes are in heaven. they'll get a chick and fall head over heels for them. they will want to marry you after the first 2 weeks. they'll meet you after class. walk you to your dorm. do all that sweet shit....till the see that next chick who totally blows their mind. they are too young to have to go have a seat with their plate. even if they sit down at the table for a week, month, year...they are going to look at that buffet line and their stomach is going to start growling. again....this isn't all dudes. but, "there are too many women for me to be settling down right now" goes through all men's head. puppy love is real love. but puppy love isn't lasting love. beware of a young guy who fills his plate of nothing but you...but is eating that shit fast like a m-fucker..

what you're looking for: a guy who is ready to settle down, already been around the block, knows what he's looking for & is ready to put a ring on it.



the older dude...

as a guy gets older so does the meaningless relationships. don't get me wrong, being older doesn't equate to be mature in your wants. there are plenty of guys who just as immature as they were in their 20's. but for the majority of guys after a certain point in life you want more. you get lonely. not to mention chicks around your age start wanting more out of you. so to continue dating chicks your age or older you have to step the fuck up and be the man they want you to be. meaning you settle down. you stop chasing ass. you finally make that chick your wife. an older man in this sense is a more mature man. he's one that is offering more with his promises. he's had that puppy love and realizes what that is vs. real love. but again there are cons...an older guy may not be in a rush to get married either. especially if he's already be down that road. he may have tons of issues that he has to tackle before he's ready to settle down with you. he may not even be looking for a long term relationship, ever again. these guys will pretty much make it obvious though. an older dude is gonna pretty much have the same attitude he had when you met him.


#2: what's important to him...

(i can't do a "what you're looking for" for this category because this isn't about you. it's about him)

the younger dude...

snapbacks. jordans. g-shock watches. a chick who'll "hold him down" through all this foolishness. a chick who'll "respect his hustle" whether it's illegal, attainable, or a waste of time. a woman who will wait for him and grow with him. i started off with the cons because as a young person, not just a young man. you have not even begun to understand the importance in/of life. yes, i'm saying young dudes are under 30 in this example. and a guy who is 27, 28, 29...aren't completely lost in life. i'm not saying that maturity starts with an additional decade. i'm just saying for the most part guys under 30 have a lot of living to do. a lot of discovering to do. a 30 y/o is a "young dude" to a 40 y/o. there is always going to be a gap in experience. you're naturally going to know more whether you apply it to your life or not. being young isn't a bad thing. it's a process. and just like when you think of a 13 y/o boy who's life consist of video games, hanging out with his friends, and JUST starting to notice girls. you can say..."he has no idea what life is..". and at 21, you'll looking at how you used to be like..."damn". at 30, you'll do the same. of all these examples the cons with a young dude are due to learning curves. they approach life this way because they are just starting to figure out what life is. and if you can understand and be accepting of that then you are ready to date a younger guy. the problem with women who date younger guys then complain...you are expecting them to be something they aren't ready to be. you have to walk into a relationship with expectations. but if your bar is set too high, you have to know that you're are putting unrealistic expectations on a person who you should know isn't capable of living up to it. this isn't for young ladies who are dating young guys. because young ladies are still growing too. this is for you more seasoned ladies who lower your expectations and try to change or guide these dudes. if you walk into a relationship lowering your expectations you already know you're on the losing end.

the older dude...

with experience comes improvement. being able to appreciate a woman takes time. knowing and recognizing qualities that you want takes growth. as a young guy, a woman buying you some jordans means she's really into you. spending a couple hundred on some shoes. as an older guy you can find that, "she's really into me" in other things she does. like cooking a meal for you. always answering when you call her. supporting you. being there, even when you aren't giving her everything she needs. yes, older dudes have tons of cons. but it's not the same guesswork as it is with younger dudes. if a guy is over 30, with nothing tangible you can pretty much bet the bank that he's on that "ain't shit" train. even if he's about to get off or one stop away. you can tell by his life what he has to offer you at that point. guys under 30, have time...unfair advantage. but it was the same advantage you had when you were under 30. so in a sense you know what you're getting. if he's still a work in progress, you KNOW he is. you ladies who cut guys slack in the "get your life together' department only aid in them not doing so. i'm not saying by 30, you're life should be solid, stable, and clear. i'm saying by 30, there should be a mapped out plan &  a solid course of action. ladies you should date an older man if his maturity matches his age. if you're going to get with a dude who acts 22, then just date a dude that's 22. 

manfive friday #95

you ever wonder why your guy does something really nice every now and then but goes back to his usual self. why can't his "usual self" be all the unusual good things he does when you're mad, disappointed, or complaining?

manfive friday #95: top 5 reasons men aren't consistent/don't wanna be consistent?... (courtesy of @dontbejellous)

wanna know why he ain't aiming for the "consistent target" every time. why he can call you every night for a week then go back to calling you once a week. why he can be there for you when you need him this week then he's missing in action like you couldn't possibly have another "i need you" moment again. top 5 reasons he's missing that mark...

#5: women get bored of consistency...

for serious..y'all do. consistency = predictable. and predictable is NEVER sexy to y'all. a guy who always buys you flowers. always calls you. always does something nice for you...gets placed in the annoying category. even though what he's doing is a positive..you find something to complain about. 

your girl says.."wow..mike bought you flowers" 

your reaction: "oh he ALWAYS buys me flowers.."

now if you get a guy who never buys you flowers...

your girl says.. "ooh you got some flowers"

your reaction: "i know aren't they pretty mike, got me flowers..girrrrl he gonna get him some tonight"

do you see how the reactions differ. mike is only rewarded/appreciated when he doesn't consistently do something nice for you. it takes a minute for guys to figure this out, but once we figure it out we stop doing shit. if i send a chick a card or a love letter and she acts like it's not special because she gets them all the time. that makes me think = she doesn't appreciate it. too much of a good thing can truly make you neglect the fact that you should appreciate when someone goes out their way to try to do something nice for you. especially when they go out their way to consistently do something nice for you. yea, someone cooking you the same meal everyday. someone wearing the same clothes everyday. someone having the same conversation everyday...can be extremely boring and annoying. but being predictable because i've paid attention to the things you like/want and try to give that to you on a consistent basis is not a reason for you to take what i'm doing for granted. all you ladies with guys who "used to do" all the things you like are partially to blame for them stopping. just saying. . .

#4: it takes discipline. . .

it's not easy to be consistent. it's not easy to always be there. to always know what someone wants/needs. so when it comes to being consistent on a daily basis it's not always second nature. you have to work at it. as a guy you have to learn your woman. you have to know what her looks mean. what the tones of her voice means. what excites her. disappoints her. what is important to her. you can be consistent at everything except the one thing she wants and needs. so it's important to actually know and do the things that make a difference to her.

#3: you're not consistent. . .

a lot of you women fail to understand a man being consistent sometimes depends on you being consistent as well. a case of the pot calling the kettle black. you can't talk about me not doing something you don't do. you also can't expect me to do something you're not willing to do. a lot of times women are "all over the place" yet want you to be consistent. if he can't depend on you. . . why should he be consistent for you? it's not a "tit for tat" situation. he shouldn't go out of his way to NOT be consistent, but why would he want to?  look at #4...it takes discipline. he's not doing it because it's easy. he's doing it because he feels you deserve it. and when you aren't giving him that consistency in return...he feels like he's being cheated.

#2: what is consistency? . . .(use it in a sentence)

it sounds unbelievable and seems like common sense. but, maybe just maybe...he doesn't know what consistency is. not the actual term. but the characteristic. The importance of being consistent is a value. it's something you have to see, learn, and apply to your life. if he's grown up with inconsistent people. dated multiple inconsistent people. he could be ignorant to the importance of being consistent. it could seem like nagging on your part. you're "complaining about nothing". or you "wanting him to change". instead of the realization that you just want him to step up and be responsible for his actions. if he can't comprehend what it is you want, he won't be able to comprehend what it is you need. 

#1: you don't expect him to be consistent. . .

could it be your fault? i find a lot of times women allow men to not function at their full potential. like he'd do more for someone else, because they expected more than you do. you can't lower the bar. you can't dismiss someone NOT doing something you feel you're deserving of. the problem starts with you. and could possibly end with you. 

manfive friday #94

you know how when you got cheated on, dumped, or stuck in a problem filled relationship and you call your best friend up to lean on. you tell her everything he did. everything he said. and she's there for you. wipes the tears. holds the flashlight as you slash his tires. calls the chick he's cheating with and pretends to be a telemarketer to get all her personal information so y'all can show up to her house and catch his ass creeping out.

that's your girl. that's your chick. she got your back no matter what, right? well what happens when he comes back begging to be with you again. he works that magic he does so well and makes you forget he just put you through hell these past few months. he makes you forget he cheated. he makes you accept his child with his side chick. he puts that "thang" back on you and you lose your mind to the point that you take him back like nothing happen. and you're chick is just standing there, arms crossed, side-eye rolling, still ready to fight his ass. even though you don't "hate you jody" she HATES him. ok, maybe not hate. but she remembers all the shit you said. all the shit he put you through. all the nights she listened to you complain, cry, get all depressed. and she's not as forgiving. so of course...your boyfriend now HATES her. and you stuck in the middle of course and are torn between him and her. well this manfive isn't for you, it's for you friend...

manfive friday #94: what to do when she wants you to mend the relationship with her loser boyfriend so all y'all can be friends again. (aka: so she doesn't have to choose between the two of you) And she's suddenly too unavailable to be your friend anymore...

#5: pull her friend card...


STOP, allowing her to call you friend when she's not acting like one. don't get all hurt. don't hold your tongue. jump jennifer hudson on her ass and be like, "where you at?...where you at?..." cause she must have bumped her head and forgot you yanked her ass out that pity parade. when you call her and she tells you she's too busy. or is spending time with her dude. remind her who wasn't too busy to spend time with her while he was off mistreating her. it's not about competing for time with her. it's not about her "choosing" you over him. it's about her being a real damn friend and being there for you when you NEED her. that shit is a two way street. tell her ass to round the block on that one way and head in your direction.


#4: like ms. sophia said, "Hell Nawl"...

first off, you already don't like him. 

second, he's not your boyfriend.

and thirdly,  if anyone should be mending fences, it should be him. 

don't let her make you feel bad because you don't like him. let me tell y'all something men know that women don't...."y'all don't have to be friends". ideally it'll be nice if you enjoy hanging with them. if you're their relationship cheerleader. if you're rooting on their love affair. but truthfully her being with him ain't got shit to do with you if she's still able to function as a true friend to you. if she wants to be with a loser, let her be with a loser. that being said. tell her, that you don't care he doesn't like you. you don't like him either. now that y'all got that straight, let's move on with our friendship.


#3: reality check time...

ok, 2 weeks ago she was Kelis "she hate him so much right now". today,  she's badu and he's the "love of her life". sometimes you got to remind her about the past shit she's trying to forget. not to influence her to break up. but to let her know why you feel the way you do about him. and why it's kinda fucked up she is now playing like she got amnesia. a real friend supports their friend, but they don't let them be a fool. you can stand by and watch her waste another 2 months, 3 years, or a lifetime chasing after that loser...but don't do that shit quietly. true, it's her loser. she loves him. who are you to say anything? you're her best fucking friend..that's who you are. and the way you let her know is by showing her how crazy she's acting.

her: Tyler thinks you should apologize to him..
you: wait..apologize for him cheating on you, or for him taking your car to pick up his side hoe?
her: damn, that's kinda rude
you: so is you asking me to apologize to him.


don't let her ask you, instead of asking him to make amends. she should be telling him that you're just being a friend. that you still are upset with him about what he did and he should try to be considerate to the fact that she wants to have a relationship with both of you. what is straining the relationship isn't you or him. it's the fact that she's trying to appease one or both of you. and depending on which side she's leaning to more, one of you are going to feel like she's "choosing" the other. so you let her know how you feel. you let her know that you still expect her to be the friend you've been to her. and then you try to be as courteous as you can around him. but again...you don't have to be his friend. there are tons of ppl who haven't fucked up with their girlfriend/boyfriend and their girlfriend/boyfriend's best friend HATES them. the reality of your friendship now with her is..she's with him. you have to deal with that. she's your friend, he has to deal with that. you have to put that responsibility on her to make things right. it's NOT your responsibility to make him like you, just because you still hold him responsible for the things he did to your friend.


#2:just wait, he'll fuck up in 3..2..1...

it's bound the happen, and probably sooner than you think. you know why? because she is dealing with a loser. he'll fuck up again. and she'll be back...boo hooing in your ear about all the shit she can't believe he did, again. that's the things with friends, they may forget all the shit you've done for them..but they'll eventually need you again. that's what happens when you depend on someone. and as sure as she is working on trusting him this week. it'll be something next month that she needs you for. not to mention if she's been distant, and no longer has you there to fall back on. she'll turn around and see when he's gone, there is no one else there. and sometimes people need to deal with a situation themselves to really understand how crazy it is. you being that shoulder to lean on. trying not to be judgmental. giving her that false sense of "if you really love him, maybe it can work". she'll run out of disillusion quick fast and in a hurry. and she'll be like a pound puppy at your doorstep. trusting that you'll continue being the friend you've always been. hoping that no matter how she's treated you, you'll be the bigger person and be there for her. if you want your friend back, leave her on her own for a little bit. you never realize how much someone does for you, until they're no longer doing it. if you know the guy isn't good for her, but she wants to be with him. wash your hands of the situation, and wait.

#1: time to let her go...

this is the hardest thing to do. if you've been friends with someone. supported, loved, been through all the ups & downs. it almost feels like a betrayal not to be their friend anymore. you feel bad. you miss the friendship. you feel like you're losing so much, over someone so stupid. best friends allow you "fuck ups". they allow you "do overs". they allow you to make "stupid mistakes". and they will forgive you when they know in your heart you're sorry. but they don't have to be nor should they be on the losing end of a friendship. truth is, ladies. at some point you have to let her go. if she can't be your friend & be with him at the same time. if she chooses to let him control the friendship she has with you. if you are tired of going the extra mile for someone who won't even walk in place for you. cut the strings. go find someone you can depend on. someone who is not going to use you when they're alone, and forget you when they have someone. that's not a real friendship. it's true...sometimes people are blinded by love. but at some point they have to open their eyes and see how important you are in their life.  and if that's the case y'all will find a way to be friends again.


*manfive question courtesy of Rells. thanks for the comments, thanks for the question.

manfive friday # 93

so....your man's sensitive. he loves to get his cry on. he can't take it when you say, "you're so sorry that's why your daddy left you when you were 4 years old".

or when you tell him, "my ex used to make my toes curl..you just make me toe nails fall off...".

let's face it, he's a punk. what man can't take a little criticism?

whoa. whoa. whoa. ladies...

yes, this dude is on hit. but y'all know i just put these pictures of dudes crying because i know you chicks LOVE laughing at crying dudes. but truthfully, sometimes you ladies have to be careful how you hurl the insults, complaints, and suggestions.

manfive friday #93: how to convey a suggestion, complaint, or criticism to your man without totally making him hate you forever

we men aren't made of stone. we have feelings too. and sometimes you ladies can be a bit harsh, cold, or down right rude when it comes to suggesting we change something about ourselves. you can't talk to us like we're children, animals, or the gum on the bottom of your new heels. you have to take a few things into consideration before you start talking sideways...five tips to softening the blow:

#5: make it seem like it's his idea...

sometimes you just gotta talk us into it. if you want us to do something. if you want us to change something. the last thing you want to do is make it an "order". an order is you telling us what to do. and what man wants his woman telling him what to do? we will disobey an order JUST BECAUSE. so the trick is making us think it's our idea. 

saying: "didn't you say you were gonna fix that light?"...

will confuse him. he'll be like, "i did?".."really"..."oh yea i did..". 

saying: "remember that brown shirt you had on last month....mmm" *bite lip*

will make him think you liked it, which will make him put it on to make you bite your lip again. will also make him get other shirts like that to influence you to do the same.

saying: "i love it when you've been working out and all sweaty..."

might actually disgust you. but it will make him get up and exercise if he thinks it's not about "actually exercising" but if he thinks you think it's sexy...he'll get up and work out to impress you. if you need him to shower immediately..maybe tell him the scent of his soap turns you on. it seems crazy...but you have to lay a little honey. 

the thing is suggesting without telling. women have been planting ideas in our heads since the beginning of time. y'all seen those "power of V" commercials. 

#4: he's not a snail, resist the temptation to throw salt...

women know how to really stick it to men when it comes to words. we got y'all beat in the muscle department, but when it comes to the rapid mouth power...y'all win hands down. when you're really mad. really pissed off. yanno the point where you can't even see straight and you start feeling around for the nearest weapon...

do not go there. yanno. to that place you've been stock piling your list of insults towards him. you got everything categorized based on how mad his ass actually made you. so maybe the only thing you've said to thus far is..."you so stupid...". let it stay there. do not reach in your bag and pull out, "you so stupid, that's why Jerome ain't even your son".  if you hit him with, "that's why i can't stand your ass...". don't re-word that shit and say.."that's why i cheated on your ass". if you're having issues with his mama, do not. i repeat, do not. say that shit out loud. you can think she a bitch. you can call her all kind of things in your head. but do NOT let that shit slip out your lips. talking about a man's mama is NOT the same as talking about your chick friends mama. he don't care how trifling his mama is. you are never to comment on that shit. even if he's talking about her, there will NEVER be an invitation for you to talk about her. just shake your head, yes or no and try not to smile. 

insults to a man don't go away. he'll always remember the foul shit you said to him. so be sure if you've reached down to the depths of your insult bag that you're ready to never talk to him again. and you got some police protection. and sneakers on..cause your ass gonna need to run. 

#3: make a habit of being upfront and honest...

this way he doesn't feel like the shit you're saying is out the blue. a lot of times you ladies wait a long time to tell him something you don't like. or something you want to change. and he's thinking, "why are you telling me this now?". he'll also feel like you're confronting him and be less receptive to what you're actually saying. everyone knows the second you say something to someone they get on the defensive. so don't make a habit of letting something that bothers you slide, because if he's been doing it for a while. if you've been with him for years. and he's doing something you don't like, what is it now that is making you say something? it makes him over think the situation. which is another reason why he'll get more upset. it's always good to take someones feelings into consideration, but if you're going to say something he may not like at least be upfront and honest about it. you ladies like to sugar coat a problem then really go hardcore on it. if him not calling is an issue. say that. don't pretend it doesn't bother you. don't act like it's something else he's doing that's got you pissed off. just tell him what the problem is...

#2: it's called constructive criticism for a reason...

because it's supposed to serve a purpose. no one likes to be talked about. no one enjoys someone pointing out their flaws. so when you HAVE to say something, make sure it's for the betterment and not just for your own sake. 

as men, we aren't supposed to take things personal. we aren't supposed to get our feelings hurt. we aren't supposed to let you know things bother us. but y'all already know that shit is just a front. we're just as sensitive as y'all, it's just not "COOL" for us to act like it hurt our feelings. 

telling your dude:

he sucks in bed.  he's gotten fat.  he doesn't make enough money. 

if you're not offering anything constructive just break up with him. it's no point in saying shit to anyone if it's just to hurt their feelings. if you want him to do something different. if you want to motivate him to try something new. if you want him to do better for himself, then offer more than just a complaint. a complaint doesn't inspire change. it inspires resentment. 

#1: ask yourself is it even important?...

before you go saying shit to him about changing, something you don't like, things that bother you. ask yourself, is this important to me? because most times it won't be. some of you ladies moods change at that special time of the month. some of your moods change on rainy/sunny days. some of you are sad in the winter/happy in the summer. some of you ladies are bipolar and just flip out randomly. whatever your situation...

is it that important that you even need to say something? take into consideration how it may make him feel vs. how it makes you feel. i know most of you ladies have common sense. and will do this automatically. but for you ladies lacking the common sense...learn to pick your battles. say something when it's important. let things go when it's not. hold your tongue when you're unsure and watch what you say. not trying to stifle you....just saying words hurt. and they are very hard to take back once said.

 

 

manfive friday #92

so...when y'all talk, you can hear *crickets* in the background.

you sit in silence, or he rushes you off the phone.

y'all are always arguing/disagreeing and you're really not saying anything at all.

how does the communication barrier go up? how do you go from finishing each others sentences. hanging on each others words. and knowing what to say & when to say it...

to getting on his last nerve?

manfive friday #92 topic of the week: how to talk to your man after the conversations get boring..

come on...we all know in the beginning, everything is easier. the words flow off his tongue like honey and you're addicted like a bee. and he's equally as smitten. then one day that telepathic connection is interrupted. you're talking, running your mouth..and he's holding his head in horror.. he hasn't heard a word you've said. and you've said a lot of them. 5 ways to rebuild the bridge of communication with your dude....

#5: don't talk to him like he's your home girl...

that 2 hour conversation about how your home girl is having this, that, & every issue with her man or other chick friend. yea....we LIVE for these type of conversations. nothing like listening to someone else's boring ass drama. yes..men gossip. yes men enjoy crazy stories that involve: sex, violence, and action. will he listen to you telling him about your chick friend catching her boyfriend soliciting trannies off of craiglist..yes. will he listen to a story about how nay-nay is mad tanisha charged her $75 for her new weave when she quoted her $64.32 on the phone?...no

your man is NOT your chick. he is your friend. and you can share things with him that interest you, but don't forget you're talking to a man. limit the "girl talk". limit the "women issues". limit the amount of "chatty cathyiness" that should be reserved for your chick friends. he doesn't care your nails polish chipped. or your 298 hairstyle of the night did not work out as planned. he's not really turned on about you talking about the new turtleneck you bought in 3 different colors. he doesn't watch rupaul drag race, nor will he even entertain your.."do you think (s)he is cute?". and when it comes to your period: blood clots, staining your pants, bed, or underwear are the last thing he wants to hear about...these are not topics of interest for him. at least they shouldn't be...eliminate the "girl" shit from your conversations and you'll see the difference in how he responds or "listens" to what you have to say.

#4: stop being predictable...

most men are no nonsense. meaning we can't take nonsense. we already THINK we know what you're going to say. but when we figure out, we KNOW what you're about to say it makes it even more painful to listen to you. i admit i'm guilty as hell of this. if i'm talking to my chick...and i know what she's going to say. or i know she's going to go on a random tangent in the wrong direction...i will interrupt the fuck out of her. it is rude. but wasting my time when shit i already know you're going to say is rude too. and i cannot for the life of me sit there and listen to something i ALREADY KNOW you're going to say. it's like watching a movie you already know you hate and thinking it's going to be different the next time, it's not.

if you call him at the same time everyday. go through the same series of events everyday. if you're day is one endless circle of the same shit over and over again...you're losing him. he is totally not interested in what you're saying. if you keep bringing up old shit. if you keep recycling old conversations. if you won't let dumb shit go...he's going to mentally let you go when it comes to talking. switch it up. add some excitement. don't be the broken record that he wants to throw out...


#3: talk about or ask about things that interest him..

 if you don't know things he likes to talk about...ask him. if you know things he likes, stop avoiding them. a fatal flaw in relationships is women thinking "i don't want/like to talk about this/that.." so they don't. i'm not saying go out of your comfort zone and engage in conversations that make you feel less than a person. i'm simply saying as much as you hate talking about something, weigh how important it is to him vs. how it makes you feel. if it's not that big of a deal, stop acting like it is. if you just wanna hear him talk...ask him about the car he's restoring. it's not like you're that interested in it, but it'll be something he's excited about. something he'll ramble on and on about. it will probably teach you something new about him. if you listen. the key is listening. and caring. you have to do both in order to successfully have a healthy conversation with him.

women mistake "silent" as, having nothing to say. and are surprised as hell when they find out he talks to his other friends forever and day.  a disadvantage of being a girlfriend over being a friend is..most of his friends like all the same shit as him. that's the reason they're friends. being his girlfriend, you kinda snuck in the friend door because he developed feelings for you. but the feelings for you, masked the differences that would have eliminated you from his "friend circle". meaning...he likes/loves you. so he deals with you not being interested in the same shit as him. but if you were just a friend he'd simply just not call, text, tweet, or chat with you as much.

#2: stop being judgmental...

if he can't tell you how he feels without you looking at him differently. if he is met with a argument every time he tells you what's on his mind. if you belittle him, his dreams, or wants. he's NOT going to talk to you. he might talk to you about non-serious things. but he'll stop letting you in.

it's hard to be impartial. especially when it's someone you love and you take their opinions personally. if he says he hates this or that. you can't help but wonder if he's talking about when you do this or that. if he says "no one understands me"...you can't help but group yourself in the "no one" category. it's hard to let some one's opinion be their opinion. it's much easier to want him to "don't talk, just listen". then to actually do that yourself. it's hard to just listen. to be sensitive to him being sensitive.

a lot of times a woman will grow tired of a man complaining about work. how upset he is with his life. what his friend did that upset him. yet...you'll whine about this, that, and everything else to him all day. but the second he does it, he needs to "man up". the crazy thing is...he'll find a friend to talk to who'll indulge him. why can he talk to them about all the things bothering him, but not you?..because they don't judge him or make him feel crazy for feeling the way he does.

#1: deconstruct & reconstruct...

to rebuild the bridge..you have to break down the barrier that's blocking you from crossing it. acknowledge there is a problem. figure out what can be done about it. then fix it. if you don't talk enough. if you don't talk about important/serious issues. if you can't make it through one conversation without cursing and yelling...figure out why. it's easier to give up then to try to solve the problem. if he is worth it. if the relationship is worth it, you owe it to yourself to try. if you two used to talk all the time, don't lose that. don't build up a wall, then act like it was always there.

it's natural for people to change in a relationship. for people to get too comfortable. for people to get offended or hurt. he might have forgot how happy it makes you that he calls just to say "hello". you may have forget his favorite "words" he loves to hear you say. the worst solution to bad communication, is no communication. stop thinking because you're having communication issues you aren't compatible. the same way you worked yourself to this point in your relationship, you can work yourself to a better place.

i read a subtweet that said.."don't try to reconstruct a broken building...". but the truth is, why destroy a building with a good foundation? yes, if it's new it'll be less complicated. but if you're able to rebuild. if you put the time & effort into making that broken building better. it'll be worth so much more than the new..less complicated building. you can be on  #teamglasshalffull or #teamglasshalfempty...

i'd choose #teamhalffull any day...negativity breeds failure.

manfive friday #91

these days there is no room for you ladies to be weak. you have to be on your toes. you have to have all the answers. you have to be strong. you have to support us, but know when to back off....

this week's manfive friday #91 topic of the week: how to support a man, without overdoing it...know when to BACK OFF.

you gotta know when to hold him, know when to fold him, know when to walk away....and know when to run...i did a topic similar to this manfive friday #61, informing you ladies on certain times it was necessary you support your man. but this topic was requested by my girl ( @FATAL5Star). so i'm gonna share with you some tips to supporting without overdoing it.

#5: don't assume he wants your help and/or you have the answer to his problems..

when dealing with other people, it's always a guessing game. you may be with someone who welcomes your concern. you may be with someone who HATES when you try to pry. you may be with someone who secretly wants you to step in, but would never tell you. how are you supposed to know what's going on in his head?

ask him. 

and after you ask him, respect his answer. if he tells you "i'll handle it". leave it alone. he is in the "i hate when you pry" group. if he seems receptive but just doesn't want to talk about it at that moment...leave it alone. if he starts crying..stop laughing and cater to your cry baby.

the biggest thing with this isn't to assume you know how to fix things. it's hard enough trying to fix your own problems, let alone thinking you can troubleshoot & minimize his. don't take on more than you can handle. don't think rome was built in one day, it wasn't. if you have to chip through his stubborn, hard headed, wall laden exterior...it's going to take time and understanding. he may want & need your support but he wants and needs it at his own pace. he'll open up and be more inviting to your help when he feels like you're not trying to be the hero. it's part trust, part pride, part being difficult.

#4: bite your tongue....

ok, so he lost his job. he's upset. he comes home tells you, and immediately you go into a frenzy.

"how are we gonna pay the bills."     "how are we gonna eat."    "how are we gonna make it"

....and it stacks so much on him that he pretty much gets more worried and upset. time out.


the man JUST lost his job. instead of reinforcing his fears. instead of making him feel like he's not only failed himself, but you as well. instead of flipping out at his time of need. listen to him. let him tell you what his fears are. let him tell you what he needs to say. offer your ear. offer some words of encouragement ("we're going to be alright", "you're going to find something else..", etc..). do not flip out before he can share with you his disappointment. do not start coming down on him right after he's had a awful day. sometimes you have to bite your tongue, hold your thoughts, and think carefully about your gut reactions to what he's telling you. do NOT make a bad situation worse because you didn't think before you spoke.

#3: it's not about you....

a lot of times you ladies get mad, he's mad. get upset, he's upset. get sad, he's sad. and after awhile it's a bit confusing who's supposed to be supporting who. women by nature take on every one's problems. you take on your parents. your children. your friends. your own..as well as your man's. this is why you're considered the backbone most times. but it's a hard job. and sometimes while taking on his problems, you get so immersed you begin developing problems of your own due to his problems.

he's upset...he snaps at you. now you're upset. you're REALLY upset, because all you were trying to do was help his ass. and he got pissed off and started talking out the side of his mouth. or he was sad, was trying to be all tough...you asked him what was wrong and he stopped talking to you for a minute "to get himself together" and now you're PISSED off, because after all you were just trying to ask him what was wrong.

now he's trying to play nice & apologizing to you because you're mad. completely throw his actual problem out the window, because there is no longer the focus. you are. and that's unfair.

sup·port

[suh-pawrt, -pohrt]  Show IPA

–verb (used with object)

 

 

• to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.

 

• to sustain (a person, the mind, spirits, courage, etc.) under trial or affliction: They supported him throughouthis ordeal.

yes...it's unfair for him to snap at you. yes...it's unfair for him to take time away from you because he's trying to man up. but you know he's going through something right now. you knew it before you were mad, but now the only thing either one of y'all are focusing on is you. sometimes to be supportive you have to take some of that anger wrongly projected at you and force him to direct it at the problem..not you. but you can't do that when you're not speaking to him. when you're not returning his phone calls. when you're on twitter, facebook, and all over gchat telling everyone how pissed off you are at him. it's a selfless action that's extremely hard to do....but if you're trying to support him through a real difficult time you have to be understanding. and let some things roll off your shoulder in order to get to the bottom of the problem.

#2: you have to let it go...

it's hard to understand, but sometimes you won't be able to help him. if he's extremely depressed. incredibly violent. or irrational...you can't help him. you have to know when to run. and this means letting go. sometimes  you get with a guy. you love him. you want to be there. you want to give him the support you need. but you don't have the capacity to do that.

if you're with a guy who is on the verge of killing himself every time anything remotely disappointing happens. realize he's unstable and any help you're giving him will go unnoticed. and i know i said be able to tough it out if he gets upset...but if he's taking it out physically or verbally violently you need to walk (run) away. if he can not be reasoned with. if you listen to his problems, talk it out with him, suggest  things, give him space....and he still can't get it together. it's time to let him deal with his issues on his own. you can't take on something for someone is incapable of helping themselves. helping someone starts with their ability to help themselves. once you've established that they are unable to do so, then your help/support is no benefit to them. not telling you to add fuel to his suicide attempts for leaving him. just saying, any guy who says.."if you leave me, i'll kill myself" and actually is planning on doing it...would have did it for any other number of reasons as well. don't be afraid to walk away from an extremely unhealthy and dangerous situation. if someone is not in their right mind, all the support in the world couldn't help them. they need a Valium & Jesus. not you...

#1:  get to know him...(it takes time)

one of the biggest problem with couples...they don't know each other. almost like the real world slogan, "you think you know me..but you have no idea". you have to learn that person. you have to learn their ways of dealing and processing things. you have to pay attention, don't step on toes, cross lines, or offend them.

it's hard. like i said in #5..it's a guessing game. it's like playing double dutch, you're waiting to jump in there to help...but he's just all over the place. you have to rely on the relationship you've built. meaning it takes time. you may find yourself getting snapped at in the beginning. you may find him distancing himself or trying to deal and work through his issues alone. but after you build the trust, the patience and the NON-JUDGEMENTAL understanding. he'll open up to you. you'll start recognizing the warning signs. you'll know when he's in one of his moods. you'll recognize the tone of his voice. you'll know how to walk away, not say anything, hug him, just listen, or offer support.

the trick isn't "not to care". it's to care enough to realize that you may not be able to make it better, right now. don't give up trying to support and help him because he's not receptive at first. you have to give him time to be able to be vulnerable around you. men love to confide and talk to their women. but he doesn't want his fears being confused for weakness. he doesn't want his issues causing unnecessary drama. he doesn't know how to begin to share things like this with you. so give him some room, and your relationship so time before you start trying to save the day. support = love. in this situation..so just let him know you love him and you're there IF/WHEN he needs you.

 

manfive friday #90

so...you're phone is on silent. vibrate. off. you want to escape the world. your job. your problems. the stress. you've taken refuge in your apartment/home. locked the doors, closed the blinds, and crawled in the bed for a few hours of beauty sleep...

it's been a long day, who would deny you of your hermit time?

manfive friday #90 topic of the week: why guys get mad, when you don't answer the phone...

you ever forgot your phone at home or in the car. didn't hear it ring because it was in your purse. look down and just not "feel it"..at the moment. only to be met with a cuss-out session. why can't he understand you just don't feel like being bothered? you were busy? you really didn't hear your phone? you're selling answers...but he's not buying. 5 reasons guys get so upset with you for not answering your phone..


#5: what part of the game is that?..

when will you woman understand you're REQUIRED to be available when we want to talk. who told you, you could be tired? have a life? escape from the world. you totally checked out but you didn't check and make sure it was okay with us. #wheretheydothatat?

and it's not just reserved to our chicks. when i call my mom and she don't answer..i'm sitting there thinking...WTF. how your mom just not gonna answer the phone?

ya'll know men aren't used to you wanting be alone, especially when we want to talk. yea
we could have went a day or two without calling. but the day we choose to call you and you don't answer...we're sitting there scratching our head. women usually are the one's calling. complaining about not talking enough. asking you to call more. then when we call and you don't answer it totally send us into shock. yes, we may not answer our phone when you call. we may not text you back in a reasonable time frame. but when you do it to us...it violates so many rules. in fact there has to be something about that shit in the bible. "thou shalt not ignore your man's phone call.." and whatever to y'all thinking it couldn't be in the bible because there were no phones. God knows everything and he knew cell phones would be invented. and we (men) would be extremely pissed off when you (women) didn't answer your phone.

so yea..um...for not answering tonight, you're going to hell...


#4: oh, you too busy for me?

so you went out with your girls tonight. y'all threw your purses in the back of your home girls car, so you could party with no restrictions. you're out having the time of your life. drinking, dancing, hanging with your girls. your friend who always starts a fight with someone, hasn't gotten drunk enough to do so yet...the last thing on your mind is your dude. you're not thinking..."what is harold doing?", "i wonder if harold has called or text", "i should check in with harold, it's been a few hours since we've spoken". let's face it...you're about 2 drinks away from forgetting who the hell harold is.

and it's all good. until you get that purse out the back of Sonia's car and you have 4 missed calls, 2 text, 1 dm, and one email....from harold. and your girls are laughing and joking like, "he'll be alright". but you're getting all nervous like ms. cellie from the color purple..cause hey don't know mister gonna beat that ass when you get home...

as much as we don't mind you having a good time, not at our expense. you can ignore your mom when you're talking to me. you can send your work phone call to voicemail. you can let the phone ring with your chick friend calls. but when i'm calling..you should be jumping over the bed. knocking down your chicks. breaking your neck & spraining your ankle trying to answer the phone.  it's part ego, and part needy.


#3: the hell you doing?...

if you're not available our mind starts racing as to why you're not answering. no, we don't default to "are you hurt?" or  "is everything alright". first thing we think, "the hell she doing?" & "who the hell is she with?..." whether we think you're up to no good. out with that friend we HATE. laying there ignoring our call. we are sitting there stewing in anger over you not picking up that phone. in fact what's the first question when you answer the phone..

"where you been?". 

it doesn't matter what you say. if your have an alibi. if you're phone is destroyed in 2,000 pieces. you not answering that phone was the worst possible thing you could have done tonight. and he's gonna let you know it. because as soon as he gets you on the phone you're about to be interrogated like you stole something. because we know that unless you we're doing some shit you weren't supposed to do..you'd have your phone. because YOU should have been calling or trying to text us.



#2: he's fiening...

sometimes we get lonely. needy. we want to hear your voice. want to share our day. want to text, chat, or tweet you. and we call, send you a message..and you don't get back to us.

this causes a guy to get mad, because i guarantee most guys have at least 2-3,000 other chicks he could call and they'd pick up. but he wants to talk to you, and you're the one not answering. so he gets an attitude based on the fact that he feels like you're not as into talking to him as he is to you. and you're gonna be tripping, when you check his call log and see he tried to call you twice then called Anita for 30 minutes afterwards.


#1: it's inconsiderate, annoying & says: "i don't care"

point blank. men don't carry purses. we have our phone in our pocket. in a belt pouch. a clip. in our hand..etc. it's accessible. and even though some of us lie and say, "i didn't have it...". we usually have it. and we see when you call us. so the fact that you "didn't hear it", "forgot it was on silent", "didn't charge it", "left it on your desk", "in the car..." we aren't giving you a pass. it's annoying to call someone and their phone go straight to their voice mail or ring & ring, especially when you know they aren't busy. you see them tweeting..from their phone. it screams.."i don't care.." and it's very inconsiderate.

no, you aren't REQUIRED (although i said you were in #1 that you are...*whispers* "and you are" *grin*) to answer your phone, but if you're with someone and they are calling you it doesn't take that much to acknowledge the phone call. i get sometimes you want some "me" time. and that is supposed to exclude me as well as everyone else. but at least let me know that. at least let me know you're turning off your phone for a few hours. you're going to let it charge for a few hours, or that you don't feel like talking tonight. it takes more to fight over it, then it would have to just give him a heads up.