the let down...

dear mr. do no wrong,

i got your cd the other day. i must admit i was startled. usually i can't make it past track one. let alone track two. but to skip to track 5 in a matter of seconds.

the horror.

as you know i'm very critical of music. after all it's something i do day in & day out. and i can admit i am sometimes dissatisfied with some of my creations. but you, you have never let me down. until i listened to this cd.

yes. i even tried to do that thing where you get out the car, get back in the car and start the cd over and act like you never listened to it in hopes it would sound different the next time. sir, this did not happen this time. how can the dude who's cds are ALWAYS in my cd changer. who i wake up to the same 3 damn songs every morning for the past few years. how could he do this to me? not to say i do not enjoy your work. i am still 100% a fan of your music. and i'm still sadly trying to challenge myself to enjoy this cd. but i have to say, i am a bit disappointed. well greatly disappointed. how could you make the best song on the album a snippet? i can't even listen to it, without fast forwarding, rewinding, or listening to an entire other song. why ol' why?

i admit you haven't sold your soul like *cough* raheem *cough*. but you were my hands down go-to-guy when it came to saying, "i like every damn song this dude ever did...everyone. there isn't a song he's done that i haven't liked". you have now added a few songs to make that statement false. *covers face*. i'm sorry. i really am. i want to love it. but i can't. i want to listen to it and not hear all the wack features on it, but i can't. hopefully you will not think ill of me. hopefully you will not deem me as a hater. you are still my favorite artist. i just can't ride to your new cd, the same way i've ridden to your other one's. don't know why....well i do know why. i've just explained why. but i'm saying. i feel like i'm at a crossroad. like my two best friends are dangling off a building and i can only save one. i feel like because i don't like your new cd, i will somehow find another. ok...maybe i was wrong for saying that (out loud). there is not another like you. i'd just like you to go back and do another cd, asap.

please & thank you...signed

- your #1 fan

*and for all of you who know who i'm talking about...don't you dare say his name. i will not slander him, nor use his name in vain. 

light skin men 2011: back in style...

"light skin n...., but i'm not an average dude..."

this rant isn't meant to be a light skin vs. dark skin battle. i don't judge anyone by their skin tone. personally, you being yellow, caramel, brown, chocolate doesn't make you any less or more "black". this is simply a "why can't a light skin brother get some love?" post. i was on twitter the other day. and this chick said,

"i like dark men, but it's only the yellow ones dating me" . 

um. ok.
seriously?

the saddest part is, no one got offended. the women continued to rant and rave how dark skin women aren't appreciated and can't get love from dark skin men. you are just as color struck as the dudes you're complaining about. imagine if i said.."i like light skin women, but it's only the dark skin one's dating me?"...do you know how offensive that would be to you? you beautiful chocolate women would stomp me into the ground. so why is it okay to hate on light skin brothers?  like we aren't black. we aren't beautiful. nothing against my darker tone brothers, cause for a long time they were hating on y'all too. this isn't a "i gotta hate on you, to make my point" thing. i have nothing against dark skin guys. and i LOVE dark skin women. but i also LOVE light skin women. i LOVE caramel women. mocha. latte. red. yellow. i'm an equal skin tone opportunist.

so why don't y'all love me back? what is it about my teddy graham golden brown shade of sexy that offends you? why when the lights go out, do you act like you can still see me in the dark. you, ma'am are a liar. and you got jokes. why when you say, "i like my men tall, dark, & handsome" do you exclude me from two of those categories? ladies, i'd like for you to stop boycotting light skin men. stop acting like we are runner ups or stand-ins. the 11th of every month in 2011 is "hug a light skin man" day. find one. and hug him. show him some love.

i want. . .

i find myself in a situation where i know what i'm want, but i'm just frustrated i can't have it. at least not the way i want it.

may even be what influences most of my blog rants, twitter tweets, text assaults to my friends. i think it's pure frustration. it's like if something is always on your mind, heavy on your heart, on the tip of your tongue. yet, you feel like you can't say it. no one will understand. it just gets twisted and turned around on you. you're where i'm at right now. i know a lot of times it sounds like i'm being a punk about shit. i'm really not a punk.

i'm just a good guy who is past the games. past the informality. i don't have to see all the colors in the crayon box to know all i want is the brown one. i don't have to see all the cards in your hand, to know that all i want is the ace of spades. i know what i want.

i want to be happy
i want someone to love me
i want her eyes to light up when she sees me
i want her to jump over the couch, knock over the dishes, almost break her neck running to the phone when i call..cause she can't wait to talk to me
i want her thoughts to be my thoughts
her breath to be my breath
my step to be the direction she's headed in and is happy to follow
i want our fights to be stupid, so stupid that we agree and move on
our issues to be solved
i want her to hear me without even speaking a word
to listen to everything, not just what she wants to hear
to respect me
not just because she likes me, love me
but because it's deserved
i want to earn her love
and her to allow me to earn hers
claim me
not just when we're together or confronted
but because there isn't a person she'd be ashamed to say, "this is my man" to
be my best friend
first & last person i come to with everything
i want her to want me
in every sense of of the word, not just pick & choose the best qualities
because she loves my flaws
she loves my imperfections
she realizes it's what makes me me
doesn't judge me
or change me
unless it's for the better
and even still, it's with love. . .
i want her to see through the material things
see me through my skin, my bones.. focus on my soul
disregard the sickness, ailments, fat pockets that come with age
disregard the attitudes that pop up from no where
i want her to know that the way i care
that i love someone
that no one could ever change that
but her.
she is in control.
she has the remote.
i'm just her toy


stop playing with me. damn.