tortured R&B stars...are so much better!

ok, so hear me out. my theory is R&B stars are so much better when they are sad, depressed, lonely, going through shit, on drugs, etc. so rest assured Mr. Brown...your day in the sun is not over!

it's an awful thing to say. but honestly it's the truth. think back to in the day. Lenny Williams, "I Love You". you can't tell me that wasn't a great song? tell me you don't still sing those "Oh oh oh oh oh oh OH...i love ya baby...". the thing that makes you love shit like this is the raw gritty emotion. this dude was hurt. it wasn't no usual hurt. it was some laying on the bathroom floor, matter of fact. laying on a disgusting public restroom floor bathroom, crying about your chick that left you. this man wasn't just begging, he wasn't just pleading. he was crying and like licking the tiles and shit. he got all squeaky with it. humming like a negro spiritual and shit. he loved this chick. and he meant it. if he was all happy and in love you wouldn't have felt that emotion. you had to be hurt to feel that. well you didn't have to be hurt HE, had to be hurt for you to feel that. don't agree?...

that's fine, but if you don't agree tell me why Mary J. Blige was so much doper before she got happy? yea, i went there. yall know that shit is true. Mary has a Lifetime movie in the making Life. scratch that, she has a biopic movie in the making like in twenty years. you might not see it, but just like your parents (grandparents) didn't really see Etta James getting no movie made about her life..your kids will probably see Mary fighting her demons as well as K-ci from Jodeci in a theater near them in a while. don't get me wrong, because post-happiness i've worked with her. she still does great music, but her emotion level has seriously dropped. before her voice was like syrup on a track. all heavy and laced full of that "punch on you in face, i'm so fucking serious" emotion. now she kinda like skipping rope on a track. it's like..."ooh this is fun...yall bitches ain't got nothing on me, nothing on me..". still not convinced?

tell me pre-crack, bobby brown whitney wasn't the shit?. i mean yea, she looks better than ever. but does she sound better then ever? that crack and bobby brown had you all in whitney's ass. (i feel like bevis, with that last comment...ha-ha i said crack, i said ass..). yea, we want you healthy and out of a crazy relationship...but at the same time we want bodyguard Whitney back. and the only way to get back is to get Bobby back. cause with Bobby comes the foolishness. and the foolishness is what made us like your siddity yet ghettoish classy demeanor. it saddens me because she used to be the epitome of what a singer was. beautiful voice, nice range & control. only person who was messing with Whitney at one point was...

Mariah Carey. do i even have to say how much we loved her before her ass went insane? tortured SANE mariah YES!, tortured INSANE mrs. Cannon, NO! but i'm saying crazy isn't really tortured. right now she's torturing us. btw i almost loathe her now. all the butterflies, glitter, & air machines. we know they're your friends Mimi, but guess what they aren't going to turn into people. get you some friends. Nick..please wild out and bring your wife back into reality so we can like her again. stop defending her craziness..we all know she crazy. the secret is out, has been out. we didn't need M&M (i spell it that way cause he's nutty) to tell us this. stop making diss tracks and threatening to beat up chicks in her honor. she's doing this shit to herself man. sad, but true!... but back to Mr. Brown.

Chris you made a mistake. a BIG ass mistake. i know you regret it, i've seen you man. i'm not one of these naysayers who are condemning you and saying you need to go sit down. i'm also not giving you a "beat a chick" pass. you have to pay for the shit you did. but you don't have to pay for it with your career. you can turn this shit around tho man. yes, you can no longer claim to be the boy next door. because lets face it, you in a wifebeater now has a very different meaning. but if you follow through with your intent to make things better & let your emotion prove to Gayle King, Oprah, & all the other ladies who hate you like they hate their period...you can still come out alright.

i mean look at you boy... R.Kelly. aside from just needing a "hug" & to disappear for like a decade or two he's still around. people still love him. well "love" is a strong word, people still enjoy his music. the truth is if he'd just realize he was too old to be singing the same ladies you're singing to, he'd be alright. but we both know he's trying to get the same ladies you're singing to, & their little sisters. but this ain't about this man infatuations with 15 y/o's. (cause well we all forgave him for Aaliyah..but only cause we really, really, really, really, loved Aaliyah). this man is very talented. and although honey love, homie lover friend, vibe was all the shit. it wasn't till this dude started struggling with his craziness that we started really getting some good music from him. 12 play & rated "R" are two of the greatest albums made. yea, i'ma give credit where it's due. then he came out with the gospel and stepper album when the allegations first hit. but the trial took so long that we we're subjected to his Tp3, 4, 98, etc..and other garbage. he then had to go get happy & cop an ego, cause he wasn't charged with that shit he did in that video. and EVERYBODY know that shit was him. he ain't tortured enough. come on Sparkle, turn in that other tape..we know you stashing them till he really piss you off. eh, i digress...

ok, ok..if you haven't agreed with me up until now. let's look at Jill Scott. Ms. Jilly from Philly. who do music like Jill Scott? anybody, bueller?....you got to be fucking kidding me? she is the shit. and yes, she was in love on her first album. but it was a "emotional...ooh i love me some him" love. yet, as Ezel broke her heart did you not feel that shit with every song that followed? i'm saying i hate her and her hubby split, but i can't wait for the new Jill Scott album. same could be said for Ms. Badu who made one of the best albums after Andre 3000 broke her heart. shit while i'm at it his album was fucking amazing too. they both was going through it. he went from dressing crazy to preppy & she went from nature to black panther. but shit their music is ridiculously great. but while we're on couples let me get to what made me write this shit to begin with. i know many of you guys agree with me , when i say...i can't wait for U-S-HER R-A-Y-M-OND, to drop his shit sans Tameka. now i might get in trouble for this shit, cause this is my boy. in fact, i won't get in trouble for this cause his ass know just like i do. getting married and being an "It" dude is not the business. he knew this shit was gonna happen. i mean "we" submitted songs to him for his last album. and i heard tons of other songs he passed over..all in the name of "image" for his newly married life. dude, we all know you want this last album to disappear. i mean i appreciate art, your my boy..i feel where you were coming from. trust me i liked you album so much better than Maxwell's long anticipated trash he just put out that everyone seems to fucking love but the best song is the damn instrumental.....*hater pause*.

but back to you Ursher. i think we've all learned that it is better that you're single & cheating on your chicks. not married & cheating. married and cheating is not really that cool. i tell my ex, all the time. well really i don't, i just always like to reference her ass when i talk about cheaters. almost like a splinter in the foot. and no lion, i will not be Aesop's mouse & pull the thorn from your paw. go suck a lemon. you do the crime, i'll remind you all the time. again i digress. i'm saying though. it wasn't just usher tho. Tyrese, i think you've learned the same thing buddy. unless your Eric Benet and you are marrying up...getting married is NOT gonna help your career. i think the only person Ursher could marry now and get a cool pass is Chilli. i had to erase my following comment because Ro, is my girl..and i just couldn't say it. lol. i just couldn't say it.

anyway, to summarize...we need yall as artist to feel some pain. if you don't feel pain, we can't feel your pain. as much as we'd like to say, emotion is easy. it is not. we like that, i'm smiling on the outside but crying on the inside emotion. because truth is, as humans...most of the time we are too. most of the songs we play back in our head (minus the "this is our song" songs) are the sad ones. they are the one's we sing along to. the one's we put on repeat when we don't want to talk to anyone. the one that wakes us up in the morning when we haven't been out of the bed in 2-5 days. we need, "U Got it Bad", "Not Gonna Cry", "Will Always Love You", "He Loves Me". if you can accomplish these emotions and be happy...go for it. but if you can't...then give me the divorced, drugged, cheated on, crazy shit i've come to enjoy. i mean i about the music baby. i'm about the music!

oh and this is exactly why i'm so cryptic. i have & still work with 85% of the ppl mentioned. so i'm not being funny, i'm just being honest. so let me disclaim this shit, right fast. i mentioned real singers/entertainers. i'm interested in you & what you're doing because your talented. i just want the talent back. like my dude Songz would say..wait let me not quote him before i get him in trouble, insert *YUP!* lmao. kinda like when my homeboy went in on Omarion and he banned us from his project. *doing my "i get it in" shuffle* no love lost. my homebody still getting that B2K money..where your's at?..lmao

who the hell asked you?

remember before the internet (who remembers that shit, really?)...before people started becoming blog celebrities? opinions we're valued as important. these days like assholes, everyone has them, and most of them are shitty.

i admit i am very opinionated about a lot of things, but i however am not under the illusion that anyone gives two flying fucks. i frequent blogs, and pretty much prefer real life observation vs. who someone i don't know is dating. i like opinions with some sort of humor & substance. i am a self proclaimed nobody, because in the spotlight of the industry i am known strictly behind the scenes. meaning i'm that dude who'll walk right up to someone famous hug them then go back to my seat...and you hear someone whispering trying to figure out who the hell i am. so i find myself in situations all the time where ppl do not realize who i am, or what i do. can't tell you how many conversations i've had with someone and they started hating on one of my songs. again, i respect constructive criticism. what i don't respect is people who think they have Phd's in music. it's like ok, i understand you don't like it. i understand why you say you don't like it. i hear what your problem is...but now that you've said it what is that suppose to mean to me? and what tears me up is that when i come back at them from my perspective they always get mad and tell me "the consumer has a right to their opinion". that's when i look at them and be like, "bitch you didn't buy that shit you downloaded it, you are NOT a consumer".

so recently, this dude..i won't say no names. he acts like he doesn't read my blog, but i know he does. he also acts like he don't know who i work for, which i know he knows. me and him are cool, don't get me wrong. but i gotta call out a nigga. and yes i said nigga. i be trying to use "ninja" but today i gotta say it...this nigga not only reviews one of my songs. he post a link to DL it.

start rant---> one of my pet peeves is music dl, by the way. i just feel like it takes away from all the work that's put into the music. especially if it's not a hit. if it was meant to be a album song, and it was leaked beforehand, below quality, with scratch vocals, or instrumentals the song is dead. you kill the chance of it making the album, being bought on itunes, or being relative when it's time to be released. how many of you have gotten an album with a song you heard over 5months ago..because it was leaked on the internet? i'm not knocking the hustle of "beating the system", i'm just saying fair is fair. even if you dl it, if you like the artist support them and the ppl who make it happen. me, i get paid on the front end so you aren't fucking with my paper...but you are fucking with my work & the ppl who put their heart and time into this shit. <--end rant i'm not upset he doesn't like the song. i just get upset when people talk about shit and people like they know them. not only that, but bias other's opinions as if they are experts themselves. i'm a fan of not shitting where lay. why don't you tweet a DL link to some of your shit, for ppl to comment? just real talk.

let's keep the opinions to a minimal buddy before i start posting links to you're unreleased demos.

love dissertation via 808's & heartbreak

love is a funny thing! actually, let me take that back. there is NOTHING funny about love. love is a series of different emotions: joy, pain, ups, downs, detachment, stalking, completeness, (mis-)understandings, (in-)security, excitement, boredom, etc...

depending on where you are in your life, love can be many different things. i think with time, you develop an understanding of what you need & what you don't need. i think kanye west was on the realest shit of his life when he dropped 808's & heartbreak. totally co-sign this album for documenting the ups & downs of love.

watch as i breakdown my love stages via Kanye West "808's & heartbreak" titles..

Love Lockdown:

"i'm not loving you, the way i wanted to. i can't keep my cool, so i keep it true. i got somethin' to lose, so i gotta move. i can't keep myself and still keep you too..so keep your love locked down. you love locked down. keeping your love locked down, your love locked down. i keep your love locked down, your love locked down. i keep your love locked down, you lose...." - Love Lockdown

when i was younger, i dated one girl (middle school through college). that was all i knew & when that love came crashing down it seemed like the end of the world to me. after suffering my "mini nervous breakdown", i had to get my mind right. so i told myself, i'm not gonna love like that again. it put me in a love limbo for years, because truly my resistance to love was the fact that i still loved her. it was this realization that allowed me to move on.

Amazing:

"i'm a monster, i'm a maven. i know this world is changin'. never give in, never gave up. i'm the only thing i'm afraid of....no matter what you'll never take that from me. my reign is as far as your eyes can see..i'ma amazing, so amazing.." - Amazing

after that realization i became "amazing". this was the rest of my college years to mid twenties. it took a while before i dated or even thought about talking to anyone else. i still had her in my heart, but i got her out of my mind (most times). i admit i wasted the time of a few nice girls, to my defense i didn't know i was doing it at the time. i had just made up in my mind, that i was going to find a nice girl to hang with & we'll see from there. but marriage was NEVER on the table. until i met, heartless..

Heartless: Bad News : Coldest Winter

"in the night, i hear'em talk, the coldest story ever told. somewhere far along this road he lost his soul. to a woman so heartless..how could you be so heartless" - Heartless

"didn't you know, i was waiting on you? waiting on a dream that'll never come true. didn't you know, i was waiting on you? my face turned to stone, when i heard the news..when you decide to break the rules? cause i just heard some real bad news...people will talk like it's old news. i played it off and act like i already knew. let me ask you, how long have you known dude? you played it off and act like he's brand new..when you decide to break the rules? cause i just heard some real bad news..." - Bad News

"only lonely nights, i start to fade. her love's a thousand miles away. memories made in the coldest winter. goodbye my friend, will i ever love again? memories made in the coldest winter.."- Coldest Winter

ok, mrs. X (code name for my ex-wife), totally fooled me. anyone who knows me, knows from the beginning i said, "i'm going to marry her". within a few weeks of talking/dating. i claimed her as my girlfriend, shortly after my fiance, then my wife. we had a beautiful son & started our life together. that's when the shit hit the fan. she became heartless, & hit me with some real bad news which started the coldest winter.

Welcome to Heartbreak:

"and my head keeps spinning. can't stop having these visions, i gotta get with it.." -welcome to heartbreak

after mrs. X decided she wanted to start a new relationship during our current one. i entered true heartbreak. i'm a traditional guy. i only wanted to be married once. i only wanted to have children with one woman. how can one person screw up what you want in life for you? although she left me with a beautiful son, she took away everything else i felt i had. i admit i was prepared to go into a full nervous breakdown because i was going through some things health wise at the same time. but thanks to my family & some real good friends i made it through this time w/o a love lockdown. instead...

See You In My Nightmare:

"i got my life, and it's my only one. i got the night, i'm running from the sun. so tonight i'm running headed out the door....after tonight there will be no return, after tonight i'm taking off on the road.....and that you know....tell everybody that you know. that i don't love you no more. and that's one thing that you know, that you know. okay i'm back up on my grind. you do you, and i'm just gonna do mine. you do you. cause i'm just gonna be fine. OK, i got you out my mind. the night is young. the drinks is cold. the stars is out. i'm ready to go. you always thought i was always wrong. but now you know. tell everybody, everybody that you know. tell everybody that you know. that i don't love you no more. and that's one thing that you know, that you know."

"you got the right to put up a fight, but not quite. cause you cut off my light. but my sight, is better tonight. and i might...see you in my nightmares. but how did you get there. cause we we're once a fairytale..but this is farewell...yea..." "baby girl i'm finished, i thought we were committed.i thought we were cemented, ooh we thought we meant it. but now we just repenting. and now we just resenting. the clouds was in my vision, look at how high that i be getting. and it's all because of you. girl we through, you think your shit don't stank but you are miss P-U. and i don't see you, with me no more. but tell everybody that you know...that you know..." - See You In My Nightmares

this song says it all. nothing else i have to say...

Street Lights:

"let me know, do i still have time to grow. things aren't always set in stone. let me know. let me know. let me...seems like streetlights, glowing. happen to be just like moments, passing in front of me. so i hopped in the cab, and i paid my fare. see i know my destinations, but i'm just not there....in the streets. i'm just not there, in the streets, life just not fair.." - Street Lights

after the realization that life has to go on. i had to start over. i knew where i was going, just had to figure out how to get there. a life as a single man, after you've been married is crazy. you have that horrible "divorced" stigma attached to you. you have a child, that you have to raise as a single father instead of how you envisioned. i knew God had taken care of me, allowed me to rid myself of mrs. X, without ridding myself of "me". so i knew the next chapter of my life was going to happen, just wasn't sure how yet...


Say You Will: RoboCop: Paranoid:

dating when you're separated SUCKS! women don't really want to come near you because you're "still married"or they think they're your "rebound girl". i guess no one understands what place that puts you in. it's like, mrs. X is with her new dude..engaged. and every girl you talk to and explain your situation is "side eyeing" you like..."negro please.." lol. after my divorced i was armed with the bias that "it will not happen again...". so all women that follow will have a harder time loving me, convincing me & fooling me.

" hey, hey, hey..don't say you will. unless you will. hey, hey, hey..don't say you will. they play you will. i pray you will." - Say You Will

after you've been in a committed situation. you look at dating different. i'm not looking for some chick who just wants to date me. i not the same single i was years ago. so it's hard finding women who are on the same path. a lot of times, they "say they will" but they aren't ready to make that step with you.

"bout the baddest girl i ever seen..straight out a movie scene. who knew she was a drama queen...that would turn my life to stephen king. up late at night, like she on patrol. checking everything like i'm on parole. i told her it's some things she don't need to know. okay, okay, okay.... cause i don't want no robocop, your moving like a robocop. when did you become a robocop, now i don't need no robocop." - Robocop

i'm also not about being checked. i think a lot of women lack trust, therefore they want you in their back pocket. they want to know everything you're doing, when, how, & why. which causes unnecessary drama, drama i'm not used to because i've never been in a situation where a chick didn't trust me before. i'm from the old school, where you trust until you have a reason not to. i trusted mrs. X, she didn't sneak behind my back she did everything in front of my face. it was the trust i had that allowed her to do so. but i wasn't wrong in trusting her, she was wrong in betraying that trust. so when a woman doesn't trust me to the point where she's a robocop, it's def not a good look.

"why are you so paranoid...don't be so paranoid.... all of the time, you wanna complain about the nights alone. so now your here with me, stressing about it, you shoulda left that attitude way back at home. you see'em look crazy, let'em look, get you cold look, cause we look cold. yeah, you heard about all the word of mouth. don't worry about what we can't control..." -Paranoid

again..chicks are so paranoid. i hate when a woman listens to her friends about you. most times their friends only know "hsots" (her side of the story), and speak out the wrong sides of their mouth. i'm a busy guy....i work a lot, i have a son (which i have solely 5days a week), and i have family responsibilities. i hate when a woman doesn't get that. when they aren't appreciative of the things you do for them. all they do is complain about what you don't do.

Pinocchio Story:

"wise men say...you'll never figure out real love...i got the whole world figured out...but i could never seem to find what real love was about. "do you think i sacrifice real life for all the fame...& flashing lights." - Pinocchio Story

i'm still trying to figure out love. what i'm suppose to do, how i'm suppose to do it. what will make a woman truly happy, gracious, & love me the way i want to be wanted. my work, does get in a way. i spend months locked in the studio, unable to give all the quality time i need to. this isn't a hobby tho. it's what pays my bills, provides for my son, and my other love. it's what has loved me since i was born...and until you "say you will...", you're gonna have to understand that!