i got my build a bear shape on...

June Challenge (day #7)
i used to be in tip top condition. i used to go outside to wash my car, take my shirt off..and bring all the girls to the yard. it wasn't my milkshake...more so my frosty. but, let's face it. things happen. i'm older. i've been through a few things, these past two years. and the body i once had is not the same one staring back at me in the mirror. gone are the washboard abs. it started off just like dude in the picture. i started being able to pinch an inch. then another. started off as a little gut...now i'm a golden build a bear. stuffed full of love and goodness.

don't front, you know that's cute. it may not be SEXY...but let's face it. most you ladies have a cute like cuddly bear on your bed more often than you have a tall, fit, sexy man. so whatever to yall haters. but i do admit, compared to where i used to be...yes, i'm a work in progress. a work my chick thinks should be progressing a lot faster than it is..but that's just cause if she gains a pound she goes to the gym to lose it. *seesmic raccoon look*. what's my point exactly. i'm working on getting that old body back. not working too hard, but i am working towards it. so last yesterday i got invited to a pool party by one of my homeboys he was throwing for an atlanta falcons player who will remain nameless (due to all the hoe fuckery that was going on). so what to do, what to do? i wasn't sweating it that much, since attracting chicks at this thing would have been impossible anyway. why you may ask?

• first off, i'm not single (sure my chick is shaking her head in agreement as she reads this)
• with nba & nfl players all over the place i wouldn't have had a chance anyway.

but just because i'm going to be a speck in the crowd, does not mean i still do not care about my appearance. i may not have my beach body on point, but i can fake the hell out of a pool body. it's no secret i told yall i am not gonna win the mr. fit man competition anytime soon. but that's not gonna stop me from getting my "pool game sexy" on.

so what does that mean? it means that despite the fact that i'm not ripped and walking around like i'm not mouth watering chocolate out on honey, essence, or upscale magazine. just because i'm not eye candy on the daily to you salivating women who love to objectify men as pieces of meat, candy, or personal love toys. i still know how to make it a more eye pleasing situation. how you make ask...well i'ma tell you. all you gotta do is a quick workout. i did about 50 reps of 10 w/ the weights. followed that up with push-ups, the number i dunno. i just did them to my arms were too sore to do anymore. took a shower and lotioned up real good. and just like magic the instant bulk in the muscles distracts you from the bulk everywhere else. true story. but it's just for a limited amount of time. just like cinderella, at midnight the muscles are going to even out and your "pumped up" state will go back to, "i eat hamburgers by the pound and drink beer by the gallon. so don't be trying to show off...learn when it's time to leave.

there are too many dudes trying to be seen. which means there are too many dudes walking around like "the situation" trying to show off their abs like they're straight off an episode of prison break. but there is hope for the rest of us. yanno the dudes who have a life, jobs, distractions..and can't/won't/don't live in a gym. at the pool at least you'll have that one fat dude, fatter than you. you'll have the werewolf dude with his hairy back walking around the pool scratching his nuts to contend with. you'll have the one dude who doesn't realize he should have on a "cover up" like the ladies. you'll have titty man who titties dance around as he bounces on the diving board. so odds are in my favor. i might have been the shortest dude there, but i was not the worst one to look at.

no shower for me...

 June Challenge (day #6)

so my cousin, who is kinda like my sister is pregnant with her second child. her son who is kinda like my nephew, is my godson. my cousin has officially told me i was the soon to be godfather of her soon to be new baby girl. i have NO issue with this. i love kids. i love my cousin. i loved to be both her kids godfather. but what i don't love and can not co-sign on is this invitation to her baby shower. like seriously?

as soon as i got it in the mail i called her up and was like, "so um..yea, what is this shit?". she immediately started laughing and informed me it was an invitation to view her registry that she knew nor did not expect me to come to her baby shower. but then she tells me how a few guys will be there in case i did want to stop by. wait. guys at a baby shower? a FEW guys? w-t-f has happened to the world of masculinity? how the hell do you find yourself at a baby shower? please tell your chick or your mama to get your balls out your purse (yes, i said your purse) because you need a nut job. i don't even co-sign gay men being at baby shower. all that happens at baby showers are stupid games, talking about babies, & women food. deviled eggs, finger sandwiches, cheese & crackers...yanno the kinda food that makes you hungrier instead of like you ate something? there is absolutely NOTHING for a man at a baby shower, except women. and that's like trying to pick up women after a wedding.

women after weddings = emotional & looking for a husband
women after baby showers = emotional & poking holes in condoms.


so you see not a ideal pick up spot. and before yall start up and say, "well it's okay for the father of the baby..." NO THE HELL IT'S NOT. i have a son. do you think i went to his baby shower? did my father go to mine? do i know any dude that has gone to their child's baby shower. no. no. no. wait, i do. my cousin went to his daughter's shower. i guess since he was having a girl, he thought it was alright to start acting like one? just joking, or am i?

mr. super - car - hero

June Challenge (day #5)

i am not a mechanic. i am not triple A. i am not D.O.T. (department of transportation). i am not an officer. i repeat i am not an asshole officer with nothing better to do than to watch you broke down on the side of the road only to speed by you to give someone a ticket. i may be a self proclaimed, mr. fix it, but i have no extensive knowledge of cars: just how to operate, customize, & fix the basics.

so why do i get phone calls all the time about "check engine lights", "flat tires", "no gas", "dead battery", etc. why does my name come up on the, "who you gonna call" list? i am not ghostbusters, nor do i have an ad in the yellow pages. so tell me why i had two distress car situations in the same day. tell me why. it's okay...i'll wait.

don't get me wrong. i'm the type of guy who'll stop if i see a woman on the side of the road. i'm the type of guy who'll report an accident or at least ask or assure someone is there to help you. but being beckoned like a super-car-hero. is not my favored identity.

it started off with my cousin. i had dropped my son off at school, decided to get some work in. was in my zone, being very productive i might add. and i get this call. "hey...my car won't start". i immediately say, "is your battery dead?". she replies, "no, it just won't turn on..". she mumbles something else and we get off the phone. ten minutes later, "hey, my car is making an awful noise..i don't know what to do". i ask her what it sounds like.

her description: umm.. it sounds like the bottom of the car is about to fall out.
my comment i regretted the second i realized i was setting myself up: i  wouldn't drive it then.

next thing i know she has me headed across town to pick her up. usually there would be more questions, but she was frantic. it seems she was on her way to get her cell phone fixed. she doubled back because she noticed the problem was still there. she said as she turned around she heard the awful noise and her car stopped. and a strange man stopped and offered her a ride. her being paranoid, told him "no thank you, but can i use your phone?". the dude replies, "sure" and motions her to get into the car because he was using a car bluetooth device. my cousin assuming the dude was trying to kidnap her, calls me while standing outside next to his drivers side window. if she wouldn't have involved a stranger and had her cell phone, maybe i would have convinced her to find another solution (ie..call someone else). but i get there to pick her up. she's still in the cell phone place letting them fix it. then she wants me to look and listen to her car. i try to fake like i know what i'm doing, and check the usual suspects. under the hood: the oil, the battery, & fluids. again...dunno what magic button i was supposed to press, but i informed her she would be getting a ride back home. get her back home.

i go pick up my son. we share a few wacky father & son adventures. we get home, trying to settle in for the night.i get a call, my mom's outside she decided to stop by. let me add, my mom calls me from the driveway to inform me she's gonna stop by. *blank stare*...at this point, mom..you are already here. i'm digressing..

so she comes in and talks for a while. i walk her outside. she gets in the car. i see her start the engine. then turn it off. start the engine. then turn it off. start the engine..ok. i walk over to her window, "what's the problem?" she informs me her "check engine light is on". she now wants me to inspect her car in the dark of night, again like i can fix that problem. so again, i check the basics. gas cap & under the hood. since she keeps saying, "my coolant's been low, my coolants been low". she urges me to check that first. i do and i semi burn my arm due to the hotness of the car and the warning on the knob that says, "do not unscrew while car is hot..". while holding my cellphone up to the hole to see, because again did i mention it was night time? i see coolant. i check the oil, i see oil. she's looking at me, i'm looking at her. she's looking at me. i'm looking at her. she's looking at me....needless to say i took her home as well. ending my day with two saves, one car on the other side of town, one car in my driveway, but two ladies safe at home.

so, i think your kid is ugly...

June Challenge (day #4)

so..i'm sitting in the parking lot waiting to pick my son up from school. and yes, i'm playing my music. and yes, i have my window open. i drive a suv. a big suv. sitting for 2 minutes moving or idle with the engine on is like 2 gallons of gas.

why this lady pull up next to me. with her windows down. smoking like a chimney, get out and mean mug me like "turn down your music". yes, i admit i'm sitting in a church school parking lot. yes, i admit, maybe she could hear my music echoing out my car. but what she was billowing out of her window is much more dangerous than what was coming out of mine. i'm not one of these young dudes. i left the speakerboxes in my 20's. i'm not rattling any trunks. i'm also not blasting rap music. anyone who gets in the car knows, it's either my music or soul music. i am not a radio man. so why is my music offending you ms.?

i'm sitting there, minding my own business. eating my doritos. watching my son play outside with the other kids, before i went in and rescued him from his captives. why she wanna start with me? why did she feel like i was nice enough to just sit there and take her mean mug. i don't look menacing? she wasn't scared? why didn't she just roll up her windows and lock her doors? truth is, i make people wanna hug me, instead of protect their valuables. i'll take that. but i'm saying the mean mug from a smoker? she's the killer. there is a lot of pollution going around, but noise pollution ain't killing folks at a rampant rate. she about to pick up a child and put her/him in that smokey ass car. my music might cause my son to need a hearing aid one, day..but i'd rather be responsible for him being 97  & half deaf, then 34 with lung cancer. just saying..

so i just sit and wait till i see my son's face turning red from being out in the sun too long. i walk down the long corridors. i dunno why there are 12 twist & turns to get to his classroom. i see the lady walking the opposite way with an ugly little kid. and i'm not just saying this because i was mad at her. her kid was ugly. and i think that goes to show, ugly personality breeds ugly features. is it right to call her personality ugly because she mean mug me? YES. is it right to call her kid ugly, because i'm mad she mean mug me? not really, but her kid wasn't cute. i can't just make this shit up. it is almost impossible for me to call a kid who isn't cute, cute. it's like blasphemy. i can say, "they sure are tall...". "they sure are colorful..". "they sure get messy...". but i can not say they're cute when they look like a pint size gremlins. sorry. care bears are happy & cute. gremlins are scary.

manfive friday # 46

every has someone in their life that always thinks they are right. always thinks they know better than you. always wants to stop your fun.

*saved by the bell timeout*

ladies, this is you on a regular basis when it comes to men. wanna meet the original funstopper? well let me introduce you to your mom. her job is to annoy the hell out of you the same way you annoy the hell out of us.

*ok time in*

one thing i've learned about women, yall can dish it, but you can't take it. meaning, you don't like a dose of your own medicine. your mom annoys the hell out of you because she's always telling you shit like she's always right & knows everything. and guess what, sometimes she is...

manfive friday #46 topic of week: 5 things your mom says about your boyfriend...that are probably true


#5: he won't buy the cow if he gets the milk's for free 

unless you live in a far far away land, you've heard your mom at least say this to you once in your life. mom's love to suggest that if you're giving, he'll have no problem receiving. and i'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but she's right. if you are sitting around playing house with a dude. giving him all the benefits of marriage, with none of the responsibilities..why would he change that? yes, at a certain point a man might want more and decide to marry you. but if he knows he can keep the relationship the way it is, without going that extra step..why not trade the cow for the magical beans in hopes of a beanstalk growing in your backyard? he can always come back and get the milk from you or elsewhere. your mom is on one hand trying to keep you virginal, but she's also trying to teach you a valid lesson in life. "people value things they have to work for, and aren't easily attainable". not saying stay a virgin or to hold back in your relationships. just saying that if he feels like "it's a good as it's gonna get" and yall aren't committed/married. then he has no incentive to change the situation.
  

#4: long engagement, he's not gonna marry you

see this is the thing mother's see that you don't. after a man has asked you to marry him, two things happen.

1. you're super excited..
2. he thinks he's done with his side of the responsibility

a man feels as if he's done his part. he's gone out, got you a ring. he's asked you to marry him. he's told the world, he wants you to be his girl. he's hanging up his player title. he at this point, does not care when yall get married, how you get married, where you get married...whatever. most times he's in no rush. you got the wedding books out, picking out dresses, hurting your friends feelings denying them being bridesmaids, planning shit like he gave you a date. see your mom realizes until there is a date that shit isn't secured. all that is, is an expensive promise ring. and if you talk to your dude and he convinces you yall should wait 1 year and a day. your mom is like, "okay, we'll see if that happens". because mom's don't operate even a minute over a year engagement. it's almost like, "well if he isn't ready, why did he even ask you?", "what is he waiting for?",and "if he doesn't think he'll be ready in a year, how does he know he'll be ready in two?" yes, a mom takes the excitement out of your 2 year engagement, but she puts the reading glasses on your face. because she's really saying, examine this shit closely. don't let the ring fool you, he still ain't trying to marry you, he just proposed so you'd stop badgering him & because you promised to swallow once you got engaged (ok, maybe i'm out of line for last part. lol. maybe i'm not.)

#3: if he doesn't care about his credit, why would he care about yours

i remember when i got my first credit card. i ran that sucker up like crazy. my mom got the bill one day and fussed me out. first for having a credit card. second for using a credit card. and third for amassing a debt. she quickly paid it off and told me not to use it anymore. of course i ran that shit back up, but after a while i learned my lesson and got smart with my credit. my mom helped me even during my hard headed stage with these two rules "no credit cards" & no "co-signing". guy's moms are notorious at being personal accountants and financial bodyguards when it comes to chicks in their son's life. but women, are different. your mom will try to preach financial importance to you. but all you will hear is, "he needs to have money..". not the "he'll have to be good, with his money" part. you will get with a guy with a good job & bad credit. he'll tell you he can't get a car because the interest is too high, can you just sign for it. and your crazy ass will just do it. never mind  you were laying in the bed with him when his last car just got repossessed. let's face it, if you're sitting in his home and he's getting disconnect notices. his phone is not on most of the time. yall watching tv and cable go out and it says, "call extension 123". this dude is not safe with his own money. your credit is like a credit card to him. do not allow him to fuck up your credit & life.


#2: first comes the mack then comes the shack..both of them equal you ending up on your back. no shacking.

if i told my mom a chick moved in with me, she'd have a stroke. first of all she'd be disappointed with me. second, she'd be embarrassed i was being a downright fornicating heathen, showcasing my house of heathenistic practices. thirdly, she'd doubt the sincerity of the relationship, because why just live with her..when we could get married start a life together. i know, i know this is a bit old school. but i'm saying a lot of moms think shacking is ultimately a way to get a lifelong roommate, not a spouse. of course there are a lot of benefits it cuts down on rent and basically if you're gonna be spending the night at one another place anyway, what's the harm? but, this kinda goes hand and hand with the "buying the cow, when the milk is free" ideal. if he's living with you & yall playing house what incentive is it for him to want more with you? what's the point of playing house, when you can just make a home?


#1: he planting seeds, but not laying any roots


a woman's mother sees through the glaze & gets right to the doughnut.

you: he's really good with kids, he has a little boy & a girl..
mom: oh, he has two kids...by the same woman?"..
you: no, two different women
mom: *crickets*
you: he left the first one cause she was crazy
mom: *crickets*
you: she was always coming up to his job & the other one..she just dumb
mom: *crickets*
you: he's real nice, mom
mom: *gets herself together*. i'm sure he is nice, but 2 kids. two different mothers. he hasn't married either one of them and he has kids with them, why would he marry you?
you:because he loves ME
mom: chile please...

not saying that dude isn't on the up & up. just saying, a mom will look at the track record and pretty much access the situation. personally i'm divorced w/ a child and i'm told that is frowned upon. what chance does a guy with two kids, no marriage, or commitment to the women he had kids with have when it comes to mom's approval? very slim. you have to have an understanding mother, because most times she's gonna come in hating at the door. parents always magnify the person in your life to make sure they are deserving of you. even if your mom is cool & understanding...it doesn't mean these thoughts don't pass through her mind. always remember her being right, isn't the end of the world. just usually the last thing she'll say to you before yall get off the phone.

to neck, or not to neck..

June Challenge (day #3)

ok, i admit..i used to be a v-neck hater. i used to say, "what kinda guy would wear a v-neck?". but that's only because of the old school v-necks. yanno the actual fruit of the looms t-shirts that are as thin as a piece of paper and the "v" exposes your nipple by mistake.

i do not co-sign v-necks that show cleavage. i do not co-sign v-necks that expose your belly button. i do not co-sign v-necks that shows your contracting abs because it's so tight it's doing crunches for you. these are not acceptable v-necks. i did not get into the v-neck game to share a shirt with my chick.

so what is acceptable? why did i decide to rock a v-neck?

actually what got me started was a black & gold v-neck from blac label. the shirt was calling me. but i had never worn a v-neck shirt before. but the shirt was crazy ridiculous & i was willing to try something new. so when i got the shirt it was wonderful. i couldn't believe it. so i go and get another v-neck from blac label, and the shit dipped down to my belly button. needless to say that shit did NOT stay on for more than 2 minutes. 1 minute in denial it was that low. 1 minute to laugh in shock and text my boys and tell them how gay that shit was. after that experience i became really particular about v-necks. so i came up with a few rules...and YES i expect everyone to abide by them...

rule #1: the v-neck must be made for a man. (no Unisex v-necks)
rule #2: the v-neck must be your size or a size bigger (no one thinks you have muscles. they think you have titties).
rule #3: if you nipples at any time are exposed or slip from the side, your belly button can be seen, or someone can do a body shot off your pecs the shirt is too low.
rule#4: if you can step through the top and pull it up over your legs, it's too wide..you're wearing a poncho
rule #5: you must not wear it to expose a tattoo (that's equivalent to women wearing v-necks to show off their breast...)
rule #6: the v-neck can't be girly colors. no pastels, no paisleys, no pinks..

if you follow these rules, you should be alright. why is this fad different than men wearing skinny jeans? because men wearing skinny jeans is not only hazardous to their sexuality. any article of clothing that requires you to pack your nuts into a pocket...can't be safe. v-necks when worn responsibly are great. it gives you a bit of maturity. think about it. what started the phase? the fact that dudes were wearing v-neck sweaters with their button ups. then they started wearing t-shirts when it got a little warmer under their v-necks. then it progressed. women like to see a little skin. and when i say a little i mean, your neck. cause let's face it, a lot of us don't hardly have them. especially the older we get...it starts fusing with the head & shoulders..lol. so v-necks shows a little neck, a little clavicle. but anything more...they'd rather you have your shirt off. a woman does NOT wanna see skin from a plunging neck line. so please "v" responsibly.

#twitterkills thursday #29

ok..this week's #twitterkills thursday was a special request. the interesting fact, this person who is being #twitterkilled was #twitterkilled before for this. i had NO idea. i should actually put their twitter name on here, but thankfully i'm NOT that mean.

this person's crime? simple ass tweets. it's so bad that i have been summoned a few times by a few people to #twitterkill you. did i mention by more than one person? did i mention that these people don't even know each other. so randomly it has been a collected thought that your tweets make people want you to die. and i know that sounds real harsh. i know it's not a easy thing to hear. but truthfully it's time you heard the truth.

if you are watching "Lost". i'm going to need you to at least be making a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. do NOT tweet. "@simpleasstweeter: Lost...OMG". no one, not even people watching Lost know what the hell you're talking about. please use some of the other 140 characters available to you. please use adjectives and be more descriptive. if the only person who has EVER RT'ed you RT's everyone and everything...and they retweet a compliment like, "@chronicRTer: (thanks!) RT @simpleasstweeter: i like your shoes". that should tell you right there.

if all day you tweet something like this:

@simpleasstweeter:  i need more sundresses

everyone on your twitter list should @reply you back: "go get you one & get the fuck off twitter..with that boring shit". twitter is not the place for that.

if you tweet something like this:

@simpleasstweeter: i'm watching soultrain

i promise you everyone on your list is thinking..."annnnd?"...

i'm trying to save you from being marked "that person". yanno the one everyone feels obligated to follow because they are cool with you but HATES when they see your name on their timeline. don't be someone that numerous people come to someone who doesn't even follow you & ask him to #twitterkill you. this is dedicated to you @simpleasstweeter. one day maybe we can even be friends. maybe i will even follow you. it's not personal. there is nothing wrong with saying what you're doing. you can share what you're doing...but please at least elaborate on that shit. it's like playing mad libs. you are just saying the begining phrase. there would be a "_______________" after your tweets.

@simpleasstweeter: i have a new follower, "__________________________"

• and they look like they smell like burnt kitties

@simpleasstweeter: i love twitter, "____________________________"

• but i love crack more..j/k, or maybe i'm not

@simpleasstweeter: i'm in the kitchen, "___________________________"

• licking hot sauce off my neighbor, should i cool off with some cool whip?

@simpleasstweeter: i just tweeted, "_____________________________"

• and that was pretty boring, so now i'm going to read a book. #boringismylife

@simpleasstweeter: running bath water, "__________________________"

• who wants to get in with me?

@simpleasstweeter: in my car, "_______________________________"

• and it smells like a footlocker, i think i just found my lost chicken nugget from last month

@simpleasstwetter: in the bed, "________________________________"

• should be sleeping, but the bogeyman is making too much noise #helpme

i'm not saying lie. i'm just saying think about what you're about to say and at least make it interesting. i won't @reply you if all you're saying is the first phrase. no one will. all they will do is #twitterkill you. so *taking your computer away, throwing gasoline on it, then wetting you up like gavin did patty on why did i get married too..*

@studiogenius: i got the matches...any last words?
@simpleasstweeter: i'm on fire!
@studiogenius: *smh*...

jean mechanic. . .

June Challenge (day #2)

the science of nig-gaw rigging your jeans..

it's no secret, i'm short. i say it all the time. you can READ into half of my gripes about women ONLY liking 6' + guys that i'm not a member of the 6ft+ club. honestly it's not something im uncomfortable with. i'm in my 30's...obviously i've realized there will be no more growth spurts in my future. but one thing i HATE the most about being short, is hemming pants. not so much slacks & suit pants, because lets face it that's how they come. but i HATE the length of most jeans. okay back in the day rolling them up was cool. having the little crease at the bottom after you flipped them over a time a two...was a style. but once we ventured out of the 90's and into adulthood rolling them up stopped being an option.

so then i started invested in jeans at the appropriate length for me. i'd order them tailored with the correct inseam. but that became tiring & too much work and pigeonholed me to a particular style and brand. so i decided to just grim and bear it. yes, i could go to a tailor to have them hem my jeans, but i feel that shit is a waste of time. it's just jeans. so i used to start rolling them under, but eventually they will fall out and drag across the ground. so one day i thought to myself...

why don't i cut these bitches? i had noticed that many short dudes before me had thought of cutting their jeans as well. i always noticed it, but never thought to do the same thing myself. but hey...that's kinda smart. it goes along with the whole, "damaged", "torn", "worn" look. not to mention it will save me a trip to the little lady who always says, "these pants too long, why don't you buy them your size" (and yanno i'm trying to avoid sounding racist so i won't tell you what race she is..but it makes it EXTRA annoying)*seesmic raccoon eye roll* bitch if they sold them my size, why would i have chose to come to you? so being a diy'er (do it yourself-er) i decided to try it out. i cut them, ironed them, and walked out into the world. only to realize a few hours later i had cut them too short and i was doing my best michael jackson impression all over the place. so after that mishap, i decided to cut the jeans while i still had them on. great idea right? riiiiiiiight? bending and cutting does one thing, and one thing only. it guarantees one leg will be longer than the other. not so, i know..i know.

so how did i fix the problem. i decided to wear the jeans out a few time at the distorted length. and the parts that were scuffed, dusty from scrubbing the ground i just started cutting those parts off. yes. it's ghetto. yes there is no science to it. but the shit works. so there you have it, ladies & gents. i taught you absolutely nothing. except how to laugh at someone being a dumbass. and how to appreciate your height matching the size of your pants, so you don't have to go through the drama of nig-gaw rigging your jeans like me.

Alarm Clock Loyalty...

June Challenge (day #1)

i know half of yall hear the alarm clock and slap it real fast before the second beep, second note of your cd plays, or before steve harvey does another one of his annoying laughs.

me on the other hand. i have no problem getting out of the bed. in fact, i have more problems getting to bed than waking up. but one thing that does prohibit me from starting me day...i have to SING every song that's playing on my alarm clock before i become productive. what you have to understand with me, i can NOT be startled when waking up. i've had two episodes where that was not good. one, i woke up late. to my ex screaming my name..and i jumped up and ran straight into the wall. the other time i woke up to my alarm going off at 3 am in the morning. it didn't dawn on me what the noise was for a minute. then when it did..i dashed across the hall, grabbed my son up (freaking him the fuck out), ran to the closet, got my gun, was about to shoot the shit out of the alarm company calling me on the phone and anyone else who might have picked the wrong house on the wrong night to attempt to try to break in...needless to say. me and random noises don't mix. so i can't do alarm beeps. i can't do cellphone beeps. the radio is too random for me. so i HAVE to have a cd. and not someones whole cd, because i'm sure they'll have something too random that will trigger the "crazy" in me in the morning. i have to have a mixed cd of approved songs i can wake up to. i've had the same cd in my cd alarm clock for years.

a few of the songs i can share with you...my favorite artist..Eric Roberson is track #1 & #2.

track #1: music can take you higher - eric roberson

song is real smooth, mellow. has a trumpets and a calypso esque kinda beat. it wakes me up and i get all hyped in a smooth manner.

track #2: STILL couldn't hear her over my music - eric roberson

this is real real smooth. and the guitar solo at the end is what guitar hero dreams are made out of, because i know the entire thing, every rift, every chord and i will sing the fuck out of it yes EVERY morning.

track # 3-4..i can not reveal.

1. it could be potentially damaging to your opinions of me. "he couldn't POSSIBLY listen to that song....could he?"...
2. because it's a singer MORE than half of yall hate.
3. because my girlfriend will read this post, and then try to figure out what it is (so i will have to remove them before she comes back down here. lol)


but i'll will say they make all the difference in the morning to me. so whatever to yall nig-gaws.

track #5: always & forever - marques houston.

yes strange. but for some odd reason i enjoy it in the morning. so i will wrap my morning serenade with this song.

and that's my morning ritual. once i've cycled through the songs, i can turn off my alarm clock. turn my tv on or leave the room. the only time i break this cycle is if i'm severely running late or my girlfriend is here. in fact i'm quite certain even my son can sing everyone of the songs too. that's how dedicated i am. but i'm gonna get me a new mix, i promise. i'm gonna make a new one this week. #icanchange

one a day challenge...

last night i was challenged by ms. rubies, to do one blog everyday. yall already know how much of a challenge is to do my required 2 days a week (#twitterkills thursday & manfive friday). but being a person unable to turn down a challenge. i said, why he hell not...

so everyday of June. yes, everyday. monday - sunday.. for 30 days. i will be posting something. so check back for my foolish & retarded blogs of the day. i'm gonna mark each post with a number and tag it June Challenge. so yall sticklers can check on me and make sure i'm doing right. i challenge anyone else who wants to try to overextend themselves and do the same. but let me know you're doing it so i can make a note to check yall out, because i know i've been slacking on my commenting. not cause i don't love yall...just cause when i look at my recently updated list i see over a 1000 different blog post and the lazy negro in me screams.."#mightnotmakeit TODAY". i try to click when i see you've updated, but shifting through all those blogs and trying to comment on them is like a job in itself. so be sure to hit me up on twitter or on blogger and let me know to check your shit. just be like, "yanno i updated my blog negro...you could check it out". especially yall with wordpress or other blogs other than blogger. i swear i ain't realize some of yall had blogs until i actually clicked on your name in my comment section. because i try to follow back when you follow me but when i click some of yall names it doesn't lead back to a blog link. so i be totally missing out on yall blogs. so give me a chance, post your blog links.

so i'm bout to go ham on this challenge. i really should count this as post #1. but i will resist.