i am tha unpretentious narcissist

best job i've ever had...

2012-02-15T02:47:00.000-05:00

i remember the moment i found out you were going to be in my life. from that moment my whole life has been about you. it's been for you. every decision, every step, every breath i've taken from that day has included you.

the first time i held you in my arms, i didn't cry. i just prayed. i prayed that God forever protect you, guide you, and bless you with a world of possibilities. i prayed that i'd be a great father. i had never been so scared and happy at the same time. you were/are the greatest gift i could have ever imagined. as days went by. months went by. i watched in amazement everything you did. even though other babies could walk, talk, go to the potty...i acted like i had never heard of such a thing. you were "mr. amazing" a name that stuck to the point other's started referring to you as such.

the one thing i wanted to give you, was a father who was there. that's the one thing i missed out on as a child. my father was there, but always worked. i wanted to be a hands on father. a father who was around all the time. one who never missed a moment. one who took so many pictures you got tired. one who stayed up all night doing projects for you. i wanted/want to be the father that you know is always there if/when you need me. yea, you've had a lot of days/nights in the studio with me. and a lot of people ask me why i bring you to work with me. yea, i know sometimes it's boring. sometimes you'd rather be someplace playing. but i don't want to be the kind of father who goes to work for hours on end and never sees my son. i cut back the hours i work so i can take you to school, pick you up, and get you home at a reasonable time. i do that, because you're worth it. i'd quit everything to be a father to you.

sometimes when i look at you, i see that little boy i held in my arms. when i hug you or you fall asleep on me, i can't help but feel like you're still my baby boy. i mean you're not grown...but even as your legs dangle a little further everyday i still pick you up when you're sleep and take you to your bed. like i have no idea how i'm going to handle you trying to drive. graduating high school. going off to school. yes, it's all things i want for you. but i don't ever want to think you'll be too old to need me. i see why my mom was so scary acting when i left for college. i see why my parents were so hard on me to be responsible..before they'd cut the strings. they didn't want to let me go. and here i am dreading that day already and you're not even out of elementary school.

it's hard to believe 6 years ago, i had no idea what my life was missing. i've had the best job, i've ever had for 6 years. for 6 years...

i've been somebody's dad.

do y'all know how big that is? my son is 6 today. i have a 6 year old. which to many isn't a big deal. i could see if i was 15 asking you if you could believe it. so pardon my disbelief and my excitement. he has got to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. the best part of me.

i love being a father. i love being his father. the most amazing feeling is having him pray for me at night. having him tell me he loves me <-------------this much---------------->. drawing a picture of me & him. him repeatedly saying, "daddy...", asking me question after question. wanting to show me a silly dance or face he can make. listening to his logic. being taught about all the characters on seasme street, pbs kids, sprout, nick jr., etc. him wanting/needing my undivided attention. him calling me to shoot to breeze. leaving threatening voicemails..."daddy, why didn't you pick up this phone? you better call me right now. this is your SON. call me. i hafta tell you something." only to call him back and find out, "i need super dog, from the super readers. we hafta go to the toy store right away!"

it's such a blessing to have a child. to have a son. to have a jr. to look at someone and see yourself. to know in their eyes that you are this super hero who they 100% trust, love, & can't be without. he's my right hand man. my sidekick. my running partner. my ace boon coon. he's everything i could ever want in a son and so much more. and the only thing i want from him, is his happiness. that's what makes me happy. yea, i spoil him. yea, i kiss and hug him. yea, i baby him. the one thing he'll never say is his father doesn't love him. or that i wasn't there. or that i didn't "try" to make him happy. i know as parents we aren't going to be perfect. our kids aren't going to agree with all of our decisions. they aren't going to forget all of our mistakes. they won't accept all of our apologies. but they do know when we are "trying" to do the best we can. as long as he knows that every decision i've made since the day i found out i was going to be a father..has included him and been in his best interest i don't care about nothing else.

happy birthday to my best friend. mr. amazing. my son, Hummer (H2)

i'm late, but yanno you still care.

2012-02-11T14:46:00.000-05:00

so i was tagged by two of my buddies (that i know of....if anyone else tagged me lemme know) eons ago. yes, i'm late. what's new? i'm known for coming back months later and commenting on an old post you forgot you even wrote. this is just how i do. . .

what kind of blog friend would i be to get tagged and not reply? not. a. very. good. one.

so here go my tagged reply minus the actual tagging of everyone else because i'm sure you all got tagged and did this shit a while ago and i'm on the late bus and it would be kinda stupid and lame for me to be issuing out freeze tags after everyone has put their bikes away and went home.

rules:

must post rules (i'm already breaking the rules cause i just finished saying i wasn't tagging no one).
you must post 11 random things about yourself
answer the quesstions set for you in their post
create 11 questions for people you've taggd (i'm not tagging but i'll create some questions, feel free to answer either in this post or on your blog & let me know)
go to their blog and tell them they're tagged (again, all are invited)

my random things:

essence atkins annoys me for some odd reason, dunno why just can't stand her ass
i hate movies dealing with the devil, ghost, possessions, or freddy kruger...not a fan
peanut m&m's were put on this earth to get inside my belly
i download apps for my phone, android tablet, ipad2, google tv that i never or rarely use..i see a new one and think, "that's cool..i might need that"
i LOVE onions. i eat them on & in everything
my girlfriend thinks i got a thing for goldie hawn & whoopie golberg because i swear neither have ever made a bad movie & they crack me the fuck up. i even watch kate hudson movies soley because she's goldie hawn's daughter.
last february you couldn't pay me to get on an airplane..but a few weeks ago i took 14 hour flight to bora bora with my dudes for a weekend (baby steps --> bigfoot steps)
i have key locks on every door of my house except the bathrooms and closets
i'm the "jason pitts" of my crew. . . not a 2 for 1 at the sizzler jason pitts, but i'm the only one who will not spend money when i think i'm being ripped off. just cause you got money doesn't mean you should be dumb and wasteful.
i love fitted caps..i have one on 90% of the time. not hiding a fading hairline, odd shaped head, or a bald spot..just "my thing"
i'd rather piss outside than use a public restroom.

ok, i said i was tagged twice, but i didn't see any questions on the first person's blog so here goes the answers to my girl starrla monae's questions:

1. What inspires you? God and my son,...i want to do things because there are so many things to do. so many ways to do them. it fascinates me, makes me want to do better, be better. feel like God's given me endless possibilities and my son makes me want to seek them endlessly.

2. What is your earliest childhood memory? my second christmas tearing up the toys my dad spent all night putting together and getting in trouble for it.

3. What is your favorite thing to cook/eat? favorite thing to eat...saulsberry steak. favorite thing to cook..cornish hens (only cause i'm amazed that it ends up looking & tasting so good)

4. What's the name of your favorite book? The Lord of the Rings books

5. Do you remember your first love? of course, who forgets their first love?

6. What is your dream job? i'm living my dream job. i'm a father & i'm music.

7. Do you have any phobias? used to be airplanes. now it's just ants. i am very uneasy about ants. any other bug...might not like it but i'm cool. but ants make my skin crawl.

8. If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one would it be? probably taste. don't get me wrong, i like to taste things. but living without the other one's don't know if i could do that. not to mention then i could eat anything...even healthy shit and be uneffected.

9. Are you left handed or right handed? naturally right handed, some how some way i've willed myself to be left handed and i can actually use both.

10. Do you have any hidden talent? tons of hidden talent. but telling you would make that statement void..so i can't share it.

11. If you won $500,000 what would you do with it? put it in the bank and keep it moving..

ok, here's my 11 questions for whoever's down:

if there was no heaven or a hell, would you change the way you live you life?
what is the most embarrasing question you've ever been asked?
what was your first thought the first time you saw someone of the opposite sex naked?
movie smash: if you could pick 2 actors/actresses in their best roles ever what kind of movie would it be? (example: precious tries on mrs. celie's folk pants and finds out they really are one size fits all)
would you rather be bitten by a bear or a shark?
describe your first kiss.
what is/was your favorite age & why?
what is your biggest pet peeve?
what is your favorite post from my blog?
what would be worse walking in on your parents having sex or on your kids having sex?
if eating shit made you smarter & you had to take a test in order to graduate would you eat it ir fail (only options)?

good faith gesture

2012-02-09T23:36:00.001-05:00

it's coming y'all....i'm just a little buzzed & too tired to do it right now

another challenge....

2012-02-09T00:13:00.003-05:00

it's entitled "shalllaaange (challenge)"

RULES:

5 entries on my blog
any topic of importance to me
must have NOTHING to do with romantic love
only 1 can be about music

ok, so i can't talk about "romantic" love...you do know it's february correct? and that is like one of my favorite topics. and only one can be about music? (courtesy of my challenger isis)

you.are.killing.me.dot.com

add these rules to the fact that my ass is slacking majorly with these post these days. you are handing me mission impossible. but in true form and fashion, i shall attempt your challenge
challma'am...but it'll start tomorrow cause i've been trying to add a picture to this post for 30 minutes on my tablet and the shit was not working for me. so 30 of my good "thinking" minutes was wasted on that ticking circle that spins around like it's loading something, but ain't shit loading.

so for tonight----->

but in the morning, ---->

did anyone else notice it's midnight...keep that in mind. clever like a mofo, i am.

manfive friday #96...

2012-02-03T10:12:00.001-05:00

this is for you ladies who find yourselves at a crossroad. you're too old to be messing with little boys. but not ready to be picking gray hairs out your teeth...(okay i was so totally out of line for that one).

this week's manfive friday #96: what's your speed......younger men or older men.

i'm not here to tell you which one is better. i recently had a conversation w/ a friend who was contemplating which direction to go...younger or older. then after i wrote this post, i decided to scrap it. then another friend suggested i do this topic again...so i said O...k. this is in no way a "every guy acts/things like this". so don't hit me with, "my dude 22 and he GROWN"..cause if you say that we're all gonna laugh at you. and if you start complaining, "my dude is 45 and he needs viagra to jack off"...we're all gonna laugh at you. i'm just dropping the mindset and the difference of views of younger vs. older guys..

so i'm gonna categorized younger dudes as 18-29.

older dudes 30+

although i don't consider myself a "older guy", i do admit being out of my 20's makes me feel a lot more grown. especially when trends like male jeggings (which i believe are really female jeggings in disguise), skinny jeans, and snapbacks are prevalent for men in their 20's. i do feel like i'm more seasoned. more grown. just more....but this ain't about me. cause if it were...i'd totally win. here are 5 situations to weigh the pros & cons..

#5: Baggage vs. Inexperience...

what you're looking for: a carefree, spontaneous dude who'll drop everything and go off with you. everything is new to him. going to school, getting a job, buying a car, house. never been in love. never been married. may not have any children. full of hopes, dreams and potential.

the younger dude...

guys at this age...all they see is "sky's the limit". they feel like there is so much shit they can do. so many things to experience. they feel they're in their prime, it's time to do everything & everyone they possibly can. they have less things weighing them down. he's not afraid to take risk. he can be fun, exciting, a breath of fresh air. he can help you "stellas" get your groove back. he'll tell you his "plan", all the things he wants to accomplish. all the things he wants to achieve. the future he wants with you. and all of that is cool...but the there are cons. due to him being young, that shit is subject to change, without notification. his views are usually skewed by his inexperience. he usually is working towards everything so at this point he doesn't have shit. this is partially the reason he can just drop shit and go here and there. his lack of expectations which were nice when he wasn't judging or moving too fast. will eventually get tiring because he's not trying to get serious no time soon. the fact that his eyes are wide open but he hasn't seen shit is a handicap. if you're past your "growing" stage. if you've gotten your shit together. then other than occasional excitement you'll grow tired of the inexperience. the plan he has is a blueprint, not a structure. he hasn't started actually building his dream. so be careful, just because ken puts you on the blueprint doesn't mean you'll make it into the dream house, barbie.

what you're looking for: a calculated, stable dude. a guy who is looking for more of a commitment. has been around and learned from his mistakes. you don't have to guess at what he'll do for a living, where he'll live, or his future..because he's there.

the older dude...

assuming this guy has got his shit together (and we are assuming that). you're walking into a world that you don't have to guess. he knows what he wants, and has taken the steps to get there. he owns shit. he's ready to settle down and complete his plan...with you. he's sowed the wild oats. pulled his pants up. learned how to act in public. for you ladies who haven't quite gotten your shit together..he can offer you the security, guidance, and clarity you've been searching for. for you ladies who do have your shit together, he can offer you the things to compliment what you've already accomplished. he has learned from his mistakes and treats you like he has common sense. already sounds like he's won this category huh? there are some cons. because he's been around longer. he may have acquired some baggage. he may have kids, may have been married before, may have been hurt a time or two (trust issues). he may be too settled into his life, where he's not willing to accommodate you. he's already built his life..it's up to you to decide if you can fit into it.

#4: work ethic vs. grinding ...get money

what you're looking for: a guy who has his nose to the grindstone. out there making moves all day and all night. his ambition is attractive. he's out there doing it for you & him.

the younger dude...

are always on the grind. on the come up. out there hustling. in school trying to make it happen. has a goal they are trying to reach. work isn't work, it's a way to get to where he wants to be. admirable...right? the cons are usually when a guys is "on his grind" it's more about him. he's spending all his time to get to where "he" wants to be. and it usually doesn't quite include you, even if he says he's doing for both of y'all. trying to get to your dreams requires a bit of selfishness. you have to put your work first. you have to dedicate the time, energy, and your all. he's trying to make money not spend it, so he doesn't have the funds to take you out every night. his energy isn't wasted on a night on the couch watching movies w/ you. he hasn't quite figured out what he wants to do, so right now his grind might be pursuing a career that may not pan out. he hasn't finished school or been out of college long so he's not quite at career...right now he's at job. the difference being longevity and growth (career) vs. something that pays the bills (a job).

the older dude...

it's more about work ethic. older guys realize at a certain point in your life you have to be responsible. women are good with young guys being bums. they're young, dumb, and got room to grow. when you go over that "young & dumb" hurdle...but still want to exhibit those qualities women will put you on the "not on my level" list. it's not about grinding, it's about living. it's about having something to pay your bills & having extra to live. extra to take care of a family. extra to retire to. you have more shit..which means you have to do more shit to afford it. you can't live with your parent, not have a car (in places where transit isn't the primary transportation), not take a woman out..when you're a grown man. a woman expects more. so the cons..guys who have settled for jobs instead of careers. guys who have lost their ambition or drive because they failed at the dream. guys who have learned that women who "have their own"..will sometimes take care of you so you don't have to work.

#3: humping like rabbits vs. mr. long-slow-stroke..

what you're looking for: a guy who can go all day/ all night. can do it here, do it there, do it everywhere. probably in the best physical condition he'll ever be in.

the younger dude...

this is what his life is about. if you want to have sex in the morning. middle of the day. mid afternoon. early night. 3am. 4am. 5am. 6am...you get where i'm coming from? he's adventurous, he's yet to get arrested for public indecency so he'll have sex anywhere. you start talking and telling him "that feels good"...he'll start thinking he's doing something and start giving it to you the way you want. what are the cons?..the fact that he hasn't had a chance to hit & run. so you might be a victim of a sex-by (think drive by). so he's not looking to wife you after he gets some. he's not thinking, "that was so good, i want that for forever...". you ladies already know you can't trap a young dude with your hypnotic hip sways. you may get him caught up for a while..but he'll eventually start thinking he's missing out on all the women who want to have sex with him (cause every guy thinks at least 100 women want to have sex wit him). younger guys also tend to worry more about getting theirs then you getting yours. they are a little quick on the draw. and take less time trying to please you because y'all will be having sex in 30 more minutes...so guess you can have one then. and if you don't...oh well. there is also a flip side..some young dudes get so caught up he'll be asking you to marry him after y'all do it for the first time. which tends to be a turn off for you ladies. y'all tend not to trust what men say right after sex.

what you're looking for: a guy to handle you with care and expertise. one that gives it to you one good time and totally makes you forget where you put your keys, your purse, or parked your car.

the older dude...

is more experienced. not talking "number wise". but it's more about pleasing you and enjoying the act. he's learned it's much more enjoyable when he's getting the reaction he wants out of you. he's in no hurry. he'll be much more patient. not to say he doesn't like sex or want it as much as younger dudes. but he's gotten that "i wish i could fuck every girl in the world" out of his system. it's not about the number of times he breaks you off. he doesn't need motivation. you don't have to say a word...he'll give you a stroke you never felt before and one young dudes haven't quite perfected yet. there are however cons...one of the biggest being "lift off" assistance (yanno that blue pill..). also he may not be willing to adhere to suggestions or switch up the way he lays it down.

#2: love you for life vs. puppy love...

what you're looking for: a guy who's trying to enjoy the moment. not get too serious. a guy who is fresh into "what love is" so it's all new and shit to him.

the younger dude...

he just wants to have a good time. he may be fresh out of his longest relationship to date...his high school sweetheart. he's in college, see a plethora of women in all different shapes, sizes, & shades. see something you don't know about guys + college = buffet line of women. in high school there was always those chicks every dude thought was the "finest" then there were the "she's cool" chicks to date chicks. then the "oh-oh spaghetti o's" chicks. but in college you see the metamorphosis of all of these ladies. you see them after that last summer when they've decided to go into college different than high school. so the fine chicks, are still fine. the "she's cool" chicks have become the "fine" chicks. and the "spaghetti-o" chicks have totally done some extreme makeover and you wouldn't recognize their ass on america's most wanted from their high school picture. so at this moment dudes are in heaven. they'll get a chick and fall head over heels for them. they will want to marry you after the first 2 weeks. they'll meet you after class. walk you to your dorm. do all that sweet shit....till the see that next chick who totally blows their mind. they are too young to have to go have a seat with their plate. even if they sit down at the table for a week, month, year...they are going to look at that buffet line and their stomach is going to start growling. again....this isn't all dudes. but, "there are too many women for me to be settling down right now" goes through all men's head. puppy love is real love. but puppy love isn't lasting love. beware of a young guy who fills his plate of nothing but you...but is eating that shit fast like a m-fucker..

what you're looking for: a guy who is ready to settle down, already been around the block, knows what he's looking for & is ready to put a ring on it.

the older dude...

as a guy gets older so does the meaningless relationships. don't get me wrong, being older doesn't equate to be mature in your wants. there are plenty of guys who just as immature as they were in their 20's. but for the majority of guys after a certain point in life you want more. you get lonely. not to mention chicks around your age start wanting more out of you. so to continue dating chicks your age or older you have to step the fuck up and be the man they want you to be. meaning you settle down. you stop chasing ass. you finally make that chick your wife. an older man in this sense is a more mature man. he's one that is offering more with his promises. he's had that puppy love and realizes what that is vs. real love. but again there are cons...an older guy may not be in a rush to get married either. especially if he's already be down that road. he may have tons of issues that he has to tackle before he's ready to settle down with you. he may not even be looking for a long term relationship, ever again. these guys will pretty much make it obvious though. an older dude is gonna pretty much have the same attitude he had when you met him.

#2: what's important to him...

(i can't do a "what you're looking for" for this category because this isn't about you. it's about him)

the younger dude...

snapbacks. jordans. g-shock watches. a chick who'll "hold him down" through all this foolishness. a chick who'll "respect his hustle" whether it's illegal, attainable, or a waste of time. a woman who will wait for him and grow with him. i started off with the cons because as a young person, not just a young man. you have not even begun to understand the importance in/of life. yes, i'm saying young dudes are under 30 in this example. and a guy who is 27, 28, 29...aren't completely lost in life. i'm not saying that maturity starts with an additional decade. i'm just saying for the most part guys under 30 have a lot of living to do. a lot of discovering to do. a 30 y/o is a "young dude" to a 40 y/o. there is always going to be a gap in experience. you're naturally going to know more whether you apply it to your life or not. being young isn't a bad thing. it's a process. and just like when you think of a 13 y/o boy who's life consist of video games, hanging out with his friends, and JUST starting to notice girls. you can say..."he has no idea what life is..". and at 21, you'll looking at how you used to be like..."damn". at 30, you'll do the same. of all these examples the cons with a young dude are due to learning curves. they approach life this way because they are just starting to figure out what life is. and if you can understand and be accepting of that then you are ready to date a younger guy. the problem with women who date younger guys then complain...you are expecting them to be something they aren't ready to be. you have to walk into a relationship with expectations. but if your bar is set too high, you have to know that you're are putting unrealistic expectations on a person who you should know isn't capable of living up to it. this isn't for young ladies who are dating young guys. because young ladies are still growing too. this is for you more seasoned ladies who lower your expectations and try to change or guide these dudes. if you walk into a relationship lowering your expectations you already know you're on the losing end.

the older dude...

with experience comes improvement. being able to appreciate a woman takes time. knowing and recognizing qualities that you want takes growth. as a young guy, a woman buying you some jordans means she's really into you. spending a couple hundred on some shoes. as an older guy you can find that, "she's really into me" in other things she does. like cooking a meal for you. always answering when you call her. supporting you. being there, even when you aren't giving her everything she needs. yes, older dudes have tons of cons. but it's not the same guesswork as it is with younger dudes. if a guy is over 30, with nothing tangible you can pretty much bet the bank that he's on that "ain't shit" train. even if he's about to get off or one stop away. you can tell by his life what he has to offer you at that point. guys under 30, have time...unfair advantage. but it was the same advantage you had when you were under 30. so in a sense you know what you're getting. if he's still a work in progress, you KNOW he is. you ladies who cut guys slack in the "get your life together' department only aid in them not doing so. i'm not saying by 30, you're life should be solid, stable, and clear. i'm saying by 30, there should be a mapped out plan & a solid course of action. ladies you should date an older man if his maturity matches his age. if you're going to get with a dude who acts 22, then just date a dude that's 22.

i want to matter...in your world

2012-02-01T21:23:00.000-05:00

i wake up and think of you. you're on my mind throughout the day. i go to sleep & pray for you. you matter...to me, in my world. but do i matter to you, in your world?

in the story of your life, am i a co-star, guest star, or just an extra. when you plan for your future, does it include me? or do i fade away like the other people in your past. the other people who no longer matter. . .

it's not my insecurities that fuel these questions..it's my fear that at any moment i could stop existing in your world. i could stop meaning what i think i mean to you. i could stop being all you need, all you want, stop being enough...to you. it has nothing to do with how i treat you. nothing to do with how much i love you. nothing to do with how you felt yesterday or even today...if you don't feel it tomorrow. game over. i lose. #fail.com. and the lack of control over your feelings terrorize me. i just want to matter. to mean something. to enhance your world, your life, your "moments". i want you to miss me. to want me. to....need me, all of the times..most of the times, or at least sometimes.

baby.....you have a problem.

2012-01-14T12:40:00.000-05:00

so yanno i love you right? and under no other circumstances would i be exposing you to innocent ribbing and extreme laughter. but, baby...you have a problem.

now i'm not saying you give bad gifts. or that you give used gifts. i'm just saying your attention to detail is a bit off. which is quite unusual since your attention to detail at work has to be so keen. it's leading me to think that you do these things on purpose to make me laugh. yanno, to aid in me thinking you have a great sense of humor since we both know your jokes tend to be a bit..eh.

now that i've smoothed out my approach to this subject. I just want to let y'all know that my girlfriend honestly makes me laugh like no one's business. but it's usually because of something she does, says, or in this case "gives me". i'm the funny one in the relationship. she gets her jokes in here and there. but usually if i had a "bong" i'd hit it after her punchlines. i know you guy are like..."get to the point"..well she is in violation of regifting. like i said not giving me a gift someone else gave her. but failing to realize what she's given me.

for instance. she has given me the same birthday card for the past 3 years. how in the hell she could possibly find the same card 3 years in a row....no idea. and no it's not the one card recycled i actually have 3 seperate cards that are exactly the same. but she did. and every year she has no CLUE it's the same card. She's also done that for valentine's day. maybe...just maybe the card says how she REALLY feels and jumps off the shelf and into her hand every year...i dunno. we'll have to ask her on my birthday or valentine's day when she gives me the same card again...

i'm a very sentimental guy. and if i get a card, a note, whatever..i'll keep it. if i'm with you i got everything you gave me. so this christmas..as i was putting my gifts away. i looked at the gift bag she gave me and was going to take the little "complimentary" card they give you on the handle and to my disbelief it had

to: my "girlfriend's name" from: my "girlfriend's friends name"

negro....the hell you ain't realize your friend had wrote on the card on the giftbag? that's reusing a giftbag 101 etiquette. if you gonna reuse, make sure the other person doesn't know you reused. i haven't even told her ass she did it. i'm just going to wait and give her the bag for valentine's day or something. lol

happy new year

2012-01-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

hello. . . . is it me you're looking for?

i know i fell off, december just wasn't a blogging type month. i was a slave to my parents one week. my uncle passed the next week. i was playing santa & spending time with the family. but i promise i got that "good good"... coming soon. and manfive 100...is around the corner, and i got something great lined up for that.

so here's to a new, new year....more blogging, less explaining.

manfive friday #95

2011-11-23T01:25:00.000-05:00

you ever wonder why your guy does something really nice every now and then but goes back to his usual self. why can't his "usual self" be all the unusual good things he does when you're mad, disappointed, or complaining?

manfive friday #95: top 5 reasons men aren't consistent/don't wanna be consistent?... (courtesy of @dontbejellous)

wanna know why he ain't aiming for the "consistent target" every time. why he can call you every night for a week then go back to calling you once a week. why he can be there for you when you need him this week then he's missing in action like you couldn't possibly have another "i need you" moment again. top 5 reasons he's missing that mark...

#5: women get bored of consistency...

for serious..y'all do. consistency = predictable. and predictable is NEVER sexy to y'all. a guy who always buys you flowers. always calls you. always does something nice for you...gets placed in the annoying category. even though what he's doing is a positive..you find something to complain about.

your girl says.."wow..mike bought you flowers"

your reaction: "oh he ALWAYS buys me flowers.."

now if you get a guy who never buys you flowers...

your girl says.. "ooh you got some flowers"

your reaction: "i know aren't they pretty mike, got me flowers..girrrrl he gonna get him some tonight"

do you see how the reactions differ. mike is only rewarded/appreciated when he doesn't consistently do something nice for you. it takes a minute for guys to figure this out, but once we figure it out we stop doing shit. if i send a chick a card or a love letter and she acts like it's not special because she gets them all the time. that makes me think = she doesn't appreciate it. too much of a good thing can truly make you neglect the fact that you should appreciate when someone goes out their way to try to do something nice for you. especially when they go out their way to consistently do something nice for you. yea, someone cooking you the same meal everyday. someone wearing the same clothes everyday. someone having the same conversation everyday...can be extremely boring and annoying. but being predictable because i've paid attention to the things you like/want and try to give that to you on a consistent basis is not a reason for you to take what i'm doing for granted. all you ladies with guys who "used to do" all the things you like are partially to blame for them stopping. just saying. . .

#4: it takes discipline. . .

it's not easy to be consistent. it's not easy to always be there. to always know what someone wants/needs. so when it comes to being consistent on a daily basis it's not always second nature. you have to work at it. as a guy you have to learn your woman. you have to know what her looks mean. what the tones of her voice means. what excites her. disappoints her. what is important to her. you can be consistent at everything except the one thing she wants and needs. so it's important to actually know and do the things that make a difference to her.

#3: you're not consistent. . .

a lot of you women fail to understand a man being consistent sometimes depends on you being consistent as well. a case of the pot calling the kettle black. you can't talk about me not doing something you don't do. you also can't expect me to do something you're not willing to do. a lot of times women are "all over the place" yet want you to be consistent. if he can't depend on you. . . why should he be consistent for you? it's not a "tit for tat" situation. he shouldn't go out of his way to NOT be consistent, but why would he want to? look at #4...it takes discipline. he's not doing it because it's easy. he's doing it because he feels you deserve it. and when you aren't giving him that consistency in return...he feels like he's being cheated.

#2: what is consistency? . . .(use it in a sentence)

it sounds unbelievable and seems like common sense. but, maybe just maybe...he doesn't know what consistency is. not the actual term. but the characteristic. The importance of being consistent is a value. it's something you have to see, learn, and apply to your life. if he's grown up with inconsistent people. dated multiple inconsistent people. he could be ignorant to the importance of being consistent. it could seem like nagging on your part. you're "complaining about nothing". or you "wanting him to change". instead of the realization that you just want him to step up and be responsible for his actions. if he can't comprehend what it is you want, he won't be able to comprehend what it is you need.

#1: you don't expect him to be consistent. . .

could it be your fault? i find a lot of times women allow men to not function at their full potential. like he'd do more for someone else, because they expected more than you do. you can't lower the bar. you can't dismiss someone NOT doing something you feel you're deserving of. the problem starts with you. and could possibly end with you.

i haven't forgotten...

2011-11-22T20:35:00.000-05:00

i haven't forgotten about my personal challenge promise. just been out of town...and jet lagged as hell. actually wrote a lot on that 10hr flight (both ways). but in the midst of bowling & working today..just haven't had time to get it off my ipad & post it....so give me like a few hours to regain my bearings and i'll be back in business.

i'm a F - I - G - H - T - E - R

2011-11-16T22:08:00.000-05:00

i'm a fighter.

when it comes to your heart, i'll fight.
when it comes to your trust, i'll fight.
when it comes to our love, i'll fight.

and i'm not afraid to lay my cards out. to be honest. to be open. to let you inside. to show my vulnerabilities. to trust in you, in us.

in a tug of war, i'll win.
in a win or draw, i'll win.
in a choose or lose, i'll choose to win.

that's a fighter. i'm a man who will stop at nothing to give my all. my everything. and will do anything to make it work. i won't walk away til there's nothing left to fight for.

are you a fighter? then fight with me...not against me, so we can both win.

what is unconditional love. . .

2011-11-15T00:00:00.001-05:00

my answer to the question: what is unconditional love?

A. it's an undying love that sees no wrong. it's love without any conditions. it's something almost impossible for us to give, but something so many of us strive to "try" for. loving someone isn't being a fool, even though some of the time we feel like one. loving someone unconditionally is accepting their flaws, faults, mistakes, the pain associated with loving them, the good, the bad, and the ugly. but just because you're love is unconditional for someone, doesn't mean you stay with them. how many of you still have love for someone who totally did you wrong? be it your family, your ex, your friends, etc. it is possible to still have unconditional love, but to love yourself enough to know that it's not going to work. breaking up doesn't = love lost. if it did half of the people mourning past relationships, past friendships, and lost family members wouldn't care. you still have love for them. your love didn't die. it's like expecting a mother to love her child who killed someone. although she may not agree with the way he's lived his life. the actions he's taken. the awful things he's responsible for. it doesn't change her love for her child. that's unconditional.

why is it that we can see love that way when it comes to family, but we can't see it that way when it comes to relationships. to answer one of your questions...do i think that sex & the city feeds into an illusion that "if i wait...he'll be my mr. wonderful". yes. do i think a lot of women base their romantic ideals on tv shows, books, or movies. yes i do. this is the purpose of these things. they are made to inspire and to give hope. do i think they are at fault if you fall for the bullshit? no. but if i'm dealing with someone similar to a tv character. and i see how things could turn into this wonderful romance, what's wrong with hoping for the best? the thing is it's the "hoping" part that comes back to bite you in the ass. because at the end of the day. carrie is sarah jessica parker-brodreck. a woman seemly happily married to a man for years with a child. totally opposite of her character. in reality she isn't even living this "illusion" that's she portraying on film & tv. so why are you looking at her or at a movie to guide you through a relationship? why are women trusting steve harvey to advise them on relationships? why do some of you listen to me when i rant and rave? it's the hope that what someone is telling you. what you're seeing and relating to can turn out for the best. everyone wants that. everyone wants to think that they aren't making a bad decision. that if it worked for them, it can work for us.

do i think unconditional love is forgiving someone for constantly treating you like shit? yes. but does that mean forgiving someone means staying in a relationship with someone treating you like shit? no. i can love you and not be with you. my unconditional love is, although i say i hate you...i know i love you. i know i care. my love for you is unconditional because even though you've dragged me through hell and back i still love you. and that's not going to change. even if we aren't together. don't confuse "standing by someone" as being abused by their disregard. your love is unconditional not your presence. you can give someone a million chances, but if they continue to break your heart it's apparent they don't care. your love may be unconditional for them, but their love towards you is conditional. the condition = you put up with their shit if you want to be with them. you feel me?

as for "not putting up with some one's shit" negating unconditional love. again, let me point you back to the mother who has a son in jail for murder. she may not accept his calls. she may not visit him. she may not confess his innocence. but it doesn't take away from her love. he can't argue.."if you love me, you'd come visit me in jail". because quite frankly, he's the reason he's in jail. she doesn't owe him that. that isn't a "sign of love" that's something he wants. in a relationship. in a friendship. you may have a friend of ex/current that want you to accept or show love the way they want you to. that doesn't mean that because you don't do what they want. you don't cater to their needs that you don't love them.

"unconditional love starts in your heart...journeys to your mind...and lives in your soul." - me

it's something no one care take away from you. no matter how much of an asshole they are. they can beat, cheat, and mistreat. and deep down you still love them. does it mean you stay? HELL NAW. but the fact that you still love them is proof that your love for them is unconditional. other than that what else do you have to prove? especially to them?....

question time.....is back!

2011-11-14T20:11:00.000-05:00

Q: what does UNCONDITIONAL love REALLY mean? i think women are confused...is it unconditional if you cheat on me and i take you back? and if i don't what was it?

i read an article on how 'Carrie & Big' from Sex & The City, have made some woman delusional and stay in bad relationships with the hope that their Mr. Big will have that moment of self awareness, show that grand gesture of love and live happily ever after. well i agree. not that any of us should go by whats on tv or movies, but planting this fantasy isn't healthy either...

so my question is this: is that unconditional love? giving someone a million chances to repeatedly break your heart in the name of "love"

*Question (courtesy of Rells)

my answer will post at midnight. if any of you want to chime in beforehand, go head.

1-800-SAVE-A-HOODRAT

2011-11-14T01:22:00.000-05:00

S-A-H operator: hello?
hoodrat: hey, my name shatiqua ma'rie
S-A-H operator: okaay, shateeka how can i help you?
hoodrat: um, i saw this number in the hair show book. i was trying to see what y'all was talking bout
S-A-H operator: ok, let me ask you a few questions first.
hoodrat: go head
S-A-H operator: is or was your mama ever a hoodrat?
hoodrat: yea, i guess so
S-A-H operator: was her mama a hoodrat?
hoodrat: like my big mama? *pattin weave through the phone* yea, i guess she was.
S-A-H operator: interesting...are you an only child?
hoodrat: uh...depends on what you mean. i got some sisters & brothers and shit
S-A-H operator: do you have a good relationship with your father?
hoodrat: father? shit what's that?
S-A-H operator: okaaay, this is going to be a long phone call...

a hoodrat, is just a girl who needs love.

i had a dream. a dream that every little girl had a positive male role model & influence in her life. that she had someone to protect her. someone to direct her. someone to love her, the right way. someone who made her look at herself, and see strength. someone who made her want, expect, need better for every aspect of her life. someone who let her know it's okay to depend on someone, as long as they have your best interest at heart. she needs someone to tell her she's beautiful, but not to lead her to believe that's all she has going for herself. she needs a man to show her how men are suppose to treat a woman: their daughters, their wives, their mothers, their sisters, their nieces, any woman.

little boys aren't the only one's that need their fathers. they aren't the only one's who lose direction without a male role model in their life. little girls fall victim to not knowing what makes a man a man. it isn't tattoos. it isn't their stature. it has very little to do with their physical appearance. it's their upbringing. it's their values. it's the things that have been instilled in them that makes them different from all the other guys who never did you right. a hoodrat is a victim of a bad mentality. and it doesn't always correlate to not having a good father. there are plenty of good fathers out there with wild ass misguided daughters. just saying, if there were MORE fathers who cared enough about their daughters there would be less women who cared so little about themselves.

love your daughters.

1-800-SAVE-A-THUG....coming soon.

manfive friday #94

2011-11-11T01:03:00.004-05:00

you know how when you got cheated on, dumped, or stuck in a problem filled relationship and you call your best friend up to lean on. you tell her everything he did. everything he said. and she's there for you. wipes the tears. holds the flashlight as you slash his tires. calls the chick he's cheating with and pretends to be a telemarketer to get all her personal information so y'all can show up to her house and catch his ass creeping out.

that's your girl. that's your chick. she got your back no matter what, right? well what happens when he comes back begging to be with you again. he works that magic he does so well and makes you forget he just put you through hell these past few months. he makes you forget he cheated. he makes you accept his child with his side chick. he puts that "thang" back on you and you lose your mind to the point that you take him back like nothing happen. and you're chick is just standing there, arms crossed, side-eye rolling, still ready to fight his ass. even though you don't "hate you jody" she HATES him. ok, maybe not hate. but she remembers all the shit you said. all the shit he put you through. all the nights she listened to you complain, cry, get all depressed. and she's not as forgiving. so of course...your boyfriend now HATES her. and you stuck in the middle of course and are torn between him and her. well this manfive isn't for you, it's for you friend...

manfive friday #94: what to do when she wants you to mend the relationship with her loser boyfriend so all y'all can be friends again. (aka: so she doesn't have to choose between the two of you) And she's suddenly too unavailable to be your friend anymore...

#5: pull her friend card...

STOP, allowing her to call you friend when she's not acting like one. don't get all hurt. don't hold your tongue. jump jennifer hudson on her ass and be like, "where you at?...where you at?..." cause she must have bumped her head and forgot you yanked her ass out that pity parade. when you call her and she tells you she's too busy. or is spending time with her dude. remind her who wasn't too busy to spend time with her while he was off mistreating her. it's not about competing for time with her. it's not about her "choosing" you over him. it's about her being a real damn friend and being there for you when you NEED her. that shit is a two way street. tell her ass to round the block on that one way and head in your direction.

#4: like ms. sophia said, "Hell Nawl"...

first off, you already don't like him.

second, he's not your boyfriend.

and thirdly, if anyone should be mending fences, it should be him.

don't let her make you feel bad because you don't like him. let me tell y'all something men know that women don't...."y'all don't have to be friends". ideally it'll be nice if you enjoy hanging with them. if you're their relationship cheerleader. if you're rooting on their love affair. but truthfully her being with him ain't got shit to do with you if she's still able to function as a true friend to you. if she wants to be with a loser, let her be with a loser. that being said. tell her, that you don't care he doesn't like you. you don't like him either. now that y'all got that straight, let's move on with our friendship.

#3: reality check time...

ok, 2 weeks ago she was Kelis "she hate him so much right now". today, she's badu and he's the "love of her life". sometimes you got to remind her about the past shit she's trying to forget. not to influence her to break up. but to let her know why you feel the way you do about him. and why it's kinda fucked up she is now playing like she got amnesia. a real friend supports their friend, but they don't let them be a fool. you can stand by and watch her waste another 2 months, 3 years, or a lifetime chasing after that loser...but don't do that shit quietly. true, it's her loser. she loves him. who are you to say anything? you're her best fucking friend..that's who you are. and the way you let her know is by showing her how crazy she's acting.

her: Tyler thinks you should apologize to him..
you: wait..apologize for him cheating on you, or for him taking your car to pick up his side hoe?
her: damn, that's kinda rude
you: so is you asking me to apologize to him.

don't let her ask you, instead of asking him to make amends. she should be telling him that you're just being a friend. that you still are upset with him about what he did and he should try to be considerate to the fact that she wants to have a relationship with both of you. what is straining the relationship isn't you or him. it's the fact that she's trying to appease one or both of you. and depending on which side she's leaning to more, one of you are going to feel like she's "choosing" the other. so you let her know how you feel. you let her know that you still expect her to be the friend you've been to her. and then you try to be as courteous as you can around him. but again...you don't have to be his friend. there are tons of ppl who haven't fucked up with their girlfriend/boyfriend and their girlfriend/boyfriend's best friend HATES them. the reality of your friendship now with her is..she's with him. you have to deal with that. she's your friend, he has to deal with that. you have to put that responsibility on her to make things right. it's NOT your responsibility to make him like you, just because you still hold him responsible for the things he did to your friend.

#2:just wait, he'll fuck up in 3..2..1...

it's bound the happen, and probably sooner than you think. you know why? because she is dealing with a loser. he'll fuck up again. and she'll be back...boo hooing in your ear about all the shit she can't believe he did, again. that's the things with friends, they may forget all the shit you've done for them..but they'll eventually need you again. that's what happens when you depend on someone. and as sure as she is working on trusting him this week. it'll be something next month that she needs you for. not to mention if she's been distant, and no longer has you there to fall back on. she'll turn around and see when he's gone, there is no one else there. and sometimes people need to deal with a situation themselves to really understand how crazy it is. you being that shoulder to lean on. trying not to be judgmental. giving her that false sense of "if you really love him, maybe it can work". she'll run out of disillusion quick fast and in a hurry. and she'll be like a pound puppy at your doorstep. trusting that you'll continue being the friend you've always been. hoping that no matter how she's treated you, you'll be the bigger person and be there for her. if you want your friend back, leave her on her own for a little bit. you never realize how much someone does for you, until they're no longer doing it. if you know the guy isn't good for her, but she wants to be with him. wash your hands of the situation, and wait.

#1: time to let her go...

this is the hardest thing to do. if you've been friends with someone. supported, loved, been through all the ups & downs. it almost feels like a betrayal not to be their friend anymore. you feel bad. you miss the friendship. you feel like you're losing so much, over someone so stupid. best friends allow you "fuck ups". they allow you "do overs". they allow you to make "stupid mistakes". and they will forgive you when they know in your heart you're sorry. but they don't have to be nor should they be on the losing end of a friendship. truth is, ladies. at some point you have to let her go. if she can't be your friend & be with him at the same time. if she chooses to let him control the friendship she has with you. if you are tired of going the extra mile for someone who won't even walk in place for you. cut the strings. go find someone you can depend on. someone who is not going to use you when they're alone, and forget you when they have someone. that's not a real friendship. it's true...sometimes people are blinded by love. but at some point they have to open their eyes and see how important you are in their life. and if that's the case y'all will find a way to be friends again.

*manfive question courtesy of Rells. thanks for the comments, thanks for the question.

the let down...

2011-11-10T23:42:00.002-05:00

dear mr. do no wrong,

i got your cd the other day. i must admit i was startled. usually i can't make it past track one. let alone track two. but to skip to track 5 in a matter of seconds.

the horror.

as you know i'm very critical of music. after all it's something i do day in & day out. and i can admit i am sometimes dissatisfied with some of my creations. but you, you have never let me down. until i listened to this cd.

yes. i even tried to do that thing where you get out the car, get back in the car and start the cd over and act like you never listened to it in hopes it would sound different the next time. sir, this did not happen this time. how can the dude who's cds are ALWAYS in my cd changer. who i wake up to the same 3 damn songs every morning for the past few years. how could he do this to me? not to say i do not enjoy your work. i am still 100% a fan of your music. and i'm still sadly trying to challenge myself to enjoy this cd. but i have to say, i am a bit disappointed. well greatly disappointed. how could you make the best song on the album a snippet? i can't even listen to it, without fast forwarding, rewinding, or listening to an entire other song. why ol' why?

i admit you haven't sold your soul like *cough* raheem *cough*. but you were my hands down go-to-guy when it came to saying, "i like every damn song this dude ever did...everyone. there isn't a song he's done that i haven't liked". you have now added a few songs to make that statement false. *covers face*. i'm sorry. i really am. i want to love it. but i can't. i want to listen to it and not hear all the wack features on it, but i can't. hopefully you will not think ill of me. hopefully you will not deem me as a hater. you are still my favorite artist. i just can't ride to your new cd, the same way i've ridden to your other one's. don't know why....well i do know why. i've just explained why. but i'm saying. i feel like i'm at a crossroad. like my two best friends are dangling off a building and i can only save one. i feel like because i don't like your new cd, i will somehow find another. ok...maybe i was wrong for saying that (out loud). there is not another like you. i'd just like you to go back and do another cd, asap.

please & thank you...signed

- your #1 fan

*and for all of you who know who i'm talking about...don't you dare say his name. i will not slander him, nor use his name in vain.

at the top of my lungs. . .

2011-11-09T22:30:00.001-05:00

i love you. but i dislike talking to you sometimes.

i see forever with you. but sometimes i just need some space.

i understand. but at times i think you're totally insane.

you make me so mad sometimes i just wanna scream at the top of my lungs..

FUCK

not fuck you. not we're fucking finish. just, FUCK! how can someone you love so much, make you so fucking mad. make you wanna punch a wall, a stranger, somebody's ugly little baby. how can i get so upset that it just totally ruins my mood or my day. how can you make me pissed off at EVERYONE else, when really i'm just mad at you. fuck.

can't think. can't focus. i'm walking around like a zombie, replaying our conversation. rehearsing my responses. wondering if i can deal with this. deal with you. fuck.

actually thinking all the other chicks i've dealt with aren't as crazy as i thought they were (but they are) cause you are mayor of crazyland today. and as crazy as i think you are right now...i still can't bring myself to saying, fuck you.

i just wanna scream FUCK...FUCK...FUCK...FUCK at the top of my lungs.

and then be back in love with you an hour later. fuck.

missing you. . .

2011-11-09T05:00:00.002-05:00

"i'd wish upon a star
but the stars are too far
all i see is sky
and wonder where you are" -me

i reached out to touch you, but pulled back air. i checked over my shoulder, you're still not there. i feel like the days are too long. the nights are too cold. there's a void in my heart, a void in my soul. where did you go....what did i do....where can i go, to find you?

i miss....you.

challenging myself..

2011-11-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

y'all notice when i'm challenge i can post everyday. but when i'm done, i get all lazy. not saying i'm going in on the blogging, but i'm gonna challenge myself this month to post at least once a day. not for bragging rights. not because everyone else is doing it. but just because i want to do it.

so guess what, like it or not. i'm gonna be all up in your dashboard. so get ready.

you ready?

love the way i lie...

2011-11-08T21:21:00.000-05:00

remember when we used to be so close. yanno, that best friend shit. where we could talk for hours. tell each other all our dirty secrets. be honest as hell about how we feel. things we dislike. things we want. things we need. things we are afraid of being judged for. . . then we got together.

and all that shit stopped.

not that we aren't honest. not that we don't talk. not that we don't laugh and tell each other everybody else's secrets. but we got to that point where telling the truth = getting into a fight. not telling the truth about important shit. that we kinda do & deal with the ramifications. but telling the truth about dumb shit. dumb shit that before wouldn't matter. stuff that we would laugh about. stuff that we would be like, "whatever" and not be offended by. now it's like walking on eggshells. if i don't like your hair. you don't like my choice of attire. i think your friends are....

you get my point. i'm starting to think you love the way i lie.

instead of telling you the truth. you'd prefer me to just say shit to avoid the fights, discussions, issues.

saying, "i'm fine.." when you know i'm not.

saying, "it doesn't matter" when you know it does

saying, "nevermind" when it's on my mind

why do we do this? why can we be open and honest when there is little "on the line", but when we invest ourselves..we get scared. scared of judgement. scared of expressing ourselves. scared of losing that person because of petty, stupid, dumb opinions. opinions that were once valued. opinions that were once funny.

when did we get so sensitive?

it's been so long.....

2011-11-08T20:42:00.000-05:00

i had to clear the cob webs from my blog. i'm out of excuses. i've just not had time, forgive me. i'm getting back on it this week tho.

manfive friday # 93

2011-10-14T22:59:00.000-04:00

so....your man's sensitive. he loves to get his cry on. he can't take it when you say, "you're so sorry that's why your daddy left you when you were 4 years old".

or when you tell him, "my ex used to make my toes curl..you just make me toe nails fall off...".

let's face it, he's a punk. what man can't take a little criticism?

whoa. whoa. whoa. ladies...

yes, this dude is on hit. but y'all know i just put these pictures of dudes crying because i know you chicks LOVE laughing at crying dudes. but truthfully, sometimes you ladies have to be careful how you hurl the insults, complaints, and suggestions.

manfive friday #93: how to convey a suggestion, complaint, or criticism to your man without totally making him hate you forever

we men aren't made of stone. we have feelings too. and sometimes you ladies can be a bit harsh, cold, or down right rude when it comes to suggesting we change something about ourselves. you can't talk to us like we're children, animals, or the gum on the bottom of your new heels. you have to take a few things into consideration before you start talking sideways...five tips to softening the blow:

#5: make it seem like it's his idea...

sometimes you just gotta talk us into it. if you want us to do something. if you want us to change something. the last thing you want to do is make it an "order". an order is you telling us what to do. and what man wants his woman telling him what to do? we will disobey an order JUST BECAUSE. so the trick is making us think it's our idea.

saying: "didn't you say you were gonna fix that light?"...

will confuse him. he'll be like, "i did?".."really"..."oh yea i did..".

saying: "remember that brown shirt you had on last month....mmm" *bite lip*

will make him think you liked it, which will make him put it on to make you bite your lip again. will also make him get other shirts like that to influence you to do the same.

saying: "i love it when you've been working out and all sweaty..."

might actually disgust you. but it will make him get up and exercise if he thinks it's not about "actually exercising" but if he thinks you think it's sexy...he'll get up and work out to impress you. if you need him to shower immediately..maybe tell him the scent of his soap turns you on. it seems crazy...but you have to lay a little honey.

the thing is suggesting without telling. women have been planting ideas in our heads since the beginning of time. y'all seen those "power of V" commercials.

#4: he's not a snail, resist the temptation to throw salt...

women know how to really stick it to men when it comes to words. we got y'all beat in the muscle department, but when it comes to the rapid mouth power...y'all win hands down. when you're really mad. really pissed off. yanno the point where you can't even see straight and you start feeling around for the nearest weapon...

do not go there. yanno. to that place you've been stock piling your list of insults towards him. you got everything categorized based on how mad his ass actually made you. so maybe the only thing you've said to thus far is..."you so stupid...". let it stay there. do not reach in your bag and pull out, "you so stupid, that's why Jerome ain't even your son". if you hit him with, "that's why i can't stand your ass...". don't re-word that shit and say.."that's why i cheated on your ass". if you're having issues with his mama, do not. i repeat, do not. say that shit out loud. you can think she a bitch. you can call her all kind of things in your head. but do NOT let that shit slip out your lips. talking about a man's mama is NOT the same as talking about your chick friends mama. he don't care how trifling his mama is. you are never to comment on that shit. even if he's talking about her, there will NEVER be an invitation for you to talk about her. just shake your head, yes or no and try not to smile.

insults to a man don't go away. he'll always remember the foul shit you said to him. so be sure if you've reached down to the depths of your insult bag that you're ready to never talk to him again. and you got some police protection. and sneakers on..cause your ass gonna need to run.

#3: make a habit of being upfront and honest...

this way he doesn't feel like the shit you're saying is out the blue. a lot of times you ladies wait a long time to tell him something you don't like. or something you want to change. and he's thinking, "why are you telling me this now?". he'll also feel like you're confronting him and be less receptive to what you're actually saying. everyone knows the second you say something to someone they get on the defensive. so don't make a habit of letting something that bothers you slide, because if he's been doing it for a while. if you've been with him for years. and he's doing something you don't like, what is it now that is making you say something? it makes him over think the situation. which is another reason why he'll get more upset. it's always good to take someones feelings into consideration, but if you're going to say something he may not like at least be upfront and honest about it. you ladies like to sugar coat a problem then really go hardcore on it. if him not calling is an issue. say that. don't pretend it doesn't bother you. don't act like it's something else he's doing that's got you pissed off. just tell him what the problem is...

#2: it's called constructive criticism for a reason...

because it's supposed to serve a purpose. no one likes to be talked about. no one enjoys someone pointing out their flaws. so when you HAVE to say something, make sure it's for the betterment and not just for your own sake.

as men, we aren't supposed to take things personal. we aren't supposed to get our feelings hurt. we aren't supposed to let you know things bother us. but y'all already know that shit is just a front. we're just as sensitive as y'all, it's just not "COOL" for us to act like it hurt our feelings.

telling your dude:

he sucks in bed. he's gotten fat. he doesn't make enough money.

if you're not offering anything constructive just break up with him. it's no point in saying shit to anyone if it's just to hurt their feelings. if you want him to do something different. if you want to motivate him to try something new. if you want him to do better for himself, then offer more than just a complaint. a complaint doesn't inspire change. it inspires resentment.

#1: ask yourself is it even important?...

before you go saying shit to him about changing, something you don't like, things that bother you. ask yourself, is this important to me? because most times it won't be. some of you ladies moods change at that special time of the month. some of your moods change on rainy/sunny days. some of you are sad in the winter/happy in the summer. some of you ladies are bipolar and just flip out randomly. whatever your situation...

is it that important that you even need to say something? take into consideration how it may make him feel vs. how it makes you feel. i know most of you ladies have common sense. and will do this automatically. but for you ladies lacking the common sense...learn to pick your battles. say something when it's important. let things go when it's not. hold your tongue when you're unsure and watch what you say. not trying to stifle you....just saying words hurt. and they are very hard to take back once said.

i'm back. i'm sorry.

2011-10-14T21:50:00.000-04:00

it's been a long time, i shouldn't have left you...

it's been a trying time. but i'm back due to all the ~~threats of personal harm~~ request for my whereabouts.

what can i say, i've slacked majorly. beyond majorly. i really do plan to make it up. so be patient.

new manfive coming in 3. 2. 1....

hour. day. week. i'm kidding. it's coming up. lol.

highly unacceptable...

2011-09-14T09:40:00.002-04:00

My lack of blogs...lol.

I's sorry!

I got 2 manfives coming up. And I'm getting close to manfive #100. So I plan to do something special for that. so stay tuned.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

*updated* 9/22/11

my bad folks...i swear i had every intention on "making up" for my lack of updates. but i had a health scare w/ my grandma friday which has been very stressful, had a bday part for my godson, been extremely and unusually exhausted. i know excuses, excuses..

i just wanted y'all to know i didn't forget, just hasn't been an easy week.

day # 30 music challenge

2011-09-01T22:39:00.000-04:00

day# 30: my favorite song last year...

ERIC ROBERSON - "WEEKEND GETAWAY"

could honestly say anything by this dude was my favorite song. this dude is an amazing songwriter/singer. i quote a lot of his songs. he just sings about what's on people hearts, minds, souls...

a real singer. real lyrics. this song right there reminds me of my "long distance relationship". and i used to rock it all the time when i was about to see my chick. it's still one of my alarm clock songs. and i still listen to it often.

i know i sucked right at the end of this challenge, cause i got busy as hell. but eh. i finished. thanks to everyone who was checking for me. thanks for everyone her particpated. sunshinestar110 & starrla monae..i didn't forget y'all, gotta hit yall back up. luvlymskrissy..i also see you started up for the month of september. so i'm gonna check you out as well.

day #29 music challenge

2011-08-29T22:12:00.001-04:00

day #29: a song from my childhood...

THE READING RAINBOW THEME SONG

ok..who remembers reading rainbow, the after school specials, smokey the bear, the little electricity bug that song about preserving power? this was what childhood songs were made of. not all of this, "Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle"., "we did it, we did it...".. don't care what anyone else says...the programing back then is totally shitting on the shit that's on now.

day #28 music challenge

2011-08-29T22:11:00.001-04:00

day#28: a song that makes me feel guilty

THE DREAM - "MR. YEAH"

it's hard to be a chick's Mr. Yeah. the dude who she always wants to come back to. the dude she realizes she was wrong for messing up with. and a while ago, my ex's dude called himself "calling me up" to ask me why my ex kept calling me. and it's like...dude if you're really checking her phone bill you should see she's calling me, not the other way around. and to be completely clear....even if i was calling her don't be a bitch and call me to threaten me to "stop". it's like deal with her. deal with the person you're really mad at. but i thought it was funny he was calling me from like pay phones and shit. so every time i got a weird number, i started playing, "Mr. Yeah"...

day#27 music challenge

2011-08-29T22:10:00.001-04:00

day# 27 : music challenge

HERBIE HANCOCK

truth is, anything by herbie hancock. i can play just about everything, but some things you just listen to and be like "wow...". herbie is one of those things.

day #26 music challenge

2011-08-26T22:14:00.000-04:00

day #26: a song i can play on an instrument....

BEN E KING - "STAND BY ME"

not to sound cocky..but there isn't a song i can't play on an instrument. i've always been into music. always been a quick study. can play just about any instrument you give me. this was the first song i learned to play. i was messing around on my grandmother's piano. and i started hitting random keys. and the melody came so easily for me. that i literally started going from key to key...learning the sounds until i could just play the song.

needless to say i played this song to death until my uncle gave me his guitar to "confuse me" and i quickly learned how to play it on the guitar. till this day i swear my parents, grandmother, uncles & aunts probably cringe when they hear this song..lol

manfive friday #92

2011-08-26T01:55:00.001-04:00

so...when y'all talk, you can hear *crickets* in the background.

you sit in silence, or he rushes you off the phone.

y'all are always arguing/disagreeing and you're really not saying anything at all.

how does the communication barrier go up? how do you go from finishing each others sentences. hanging on each others words. and knowing what to say & when to say it...

to getting on his last nerve?

manfive friday #92 topic of the week: how to talk to your man after the conversations get boring..

come on...we all know in the beginning, everything is easier. the words flow off his tongue like honey and you're addicted like a bee. and he's equally as smitten. then one day that telepathic connection is interrupted. you're talking, running your mouth..and he's holding his head in horror.. he hasn't heard a word you've said. and you've said a lot of them. 5 ways to rebuild the bridge of communication with your dude....

#5: don't talk to him like he's your home girl...

that 2 hour conversation about how your home girl is having this, that, & every issue with her man or other chick friend. yea....we LIVE for these type of conversations. nothing like listening to someone else's boring ass drama. yes..men gossip. yes men enjoy crazy stories that involve: sex, violence, and action. will he listen to you telling him about your chick friend catching her boyfriend soliciting trannies off of craiglist..yes. will he listen to a story about how nay-nay is mad tanisha charged her $75 for her new weave when she quoted her $64.32 on the phone?...no

your man is NOT your chick. he is your friend. and you can share things with him that interest you, but don't forget you're talking to a man. limit the "girl talk". limit the "women issues". limit the amount of "chatty cathyiness" that should be reserved for your chick friends. he doesn't care your nails polish chipped. or your 298 hairstyle of the night did not work out as planned. he's not really turned on about you talking about the new turtleneck you bought in 3 different colors. he doesn't watch rupaul drag race, nor will he even entertain your.."do you think (s)he is cute?". and when it comes to your period: blood clots, staining your pants, bed, or underwear are the last thing he wants to hear about...these are not topics of interest for him. at least they shouldn't be...eliminate the "girl" shit from your conversations and you'll see the difference in how he responds or "listens" to what you have to say.

#4: stop being predictable...

most men are no nonsense. meaning we can't take nonsense. we already THINK we know what you're going to say. but when we figure out, we KNOW what you're about to say it makes it even more painful to listen to you. i admit i'm guilty as hell of this. if i'm talking to my chick...and i know what she's going to say. or i know she's going to go on a random tangent in the wrong direction...i will interrupt the fuck out of her. it is rude. but wasting my time when shit i already know you're going to say is rude too. and i cannot for the life of me sit there and listen to something i ALREADY KNOW you're going to say. it's like watching a movie you already know you hate and thinking it's going to be different the next time, it's not.

if you call him at the same time everyday. go through the same series of events everyday. if you're day is one endless circle of the same shit over and over again...you're losing him. he is totally not interested in what you're saying. if you keep bringing up old shit. if you keep recycling old conversations. if you won't let dumb shit go...he's going to mentally let you go when it comes to talking. switch it up. add some excitement. don't be the broken record that he wants to throw out...

#3: talk about or ask about things that interest him..

if you don't know things he likes to talk about...ask him. if you know things he likes, stop avoiding them. a fatal flaw in relationships is women thinking "i don't want/like to talk about this/that.." so they don't. i'm not saying go out of your comfort zone and engage in conversations that make you feel less than a person. i'm simply saying as much as you hate talking about something, weigh how important it is to him vs. how it makes you feel. if it's not that big of a deal, stop acting like it is. if you just wanna hear him talk...ask him about the car he's restoring. it's not like you're that interested in it, but it'll be something he's excited about. something he'll ramble on and on about. it will probably teach you something new about him. if you listen. the key is listening. and caring. you have to do both in order to successfully have a healthy conversation with him.

women mistake "silent" as, having nothing to say. and are surprised as hell when they find out he talks to his other friends forever and day. a disadvantage of being a girlfriend over being a friend is..most of his friends like all the same shit as him. that's the reason they're friends. being his girlfriend, you kinda snuck in the friend door because he developed feelings for you. but the feelings for you, masked the differences that would have eliminated you from his "friend circle". meaning...he likes/loves you. so he deals with you not being interested in the same shit as him. but if you were just a friend he'd simply just not call, text, tweet, or chat with you as much.

#2: stop being judgmental...

if he can't tell you how he feels without you looking at him differently. if he is met with a argument every time he tells you what's on his mind. if you belittle him, his dreams, or wants. he's NOT going to talk to you. he might talk to you about non-serious things. but he'll stop letting you in.

it's hard to be impartial. especially when it's someone you love and you take their opinions personally. if he says he hates this or that. you can't help but wonder if he's talking about when you do this or that. if he says "no one understands me"...you can't help but group yourself in the "no one" category. it's hard to let some one's opinion be their opinion. it's much easier to want him to "don't talk, just listen". then to actually do that yourself. it's hard to just listen. to be sensitive to him being sensitive.

a lot of times a woman will grow tired of a man complaining about work. how upset he is with his life. what his friend did that upset him. yet...you'll whine about this, that, and everything else to him all day. but the second he does it, he needs to "man up". the crazy thing is...he'll find a friend to talk to who'll indulge him. why can he talk to them about all the things bothering him, but not you?..because they don't judge him or make him feel crazy for feeling the way he does.

#1: deconstruct & reconstruct...

to rebuild the bridge..you have to break down the barrier that's blocking you from crossing it. acknowledge there is a problem. figure out what can be done about it. then fix it. if you don't talk enough. if you don't talk about important/serious issues. if you can't make it through one conversation without cursing and yelling...figure out why. it's easier to give up then to try to solve the problem. if he is worth it. if the relationship is worth it, you owe it to yourself to try. if you two used to talk all the time, don't lose that. don't build up a wall, then act like it was always there.

it's natural for people to change in a relationship. for people to get too comfortable. for people to get offended or hurt. he might have forgot how happy it makes you that he calls just to say "hello". you may have forget his favorite "words" he loves to hear you say. the worst solution to bad communication, is no communication. stop thinking because you're having communication issues you aren't compatible. the same way you worked yourself to this point in your relationship, you can work yourself to a better place.

i read a subtweet that said.."don't try to reconstruct a broken building...". but the truth is, why destroy a building with a good foundation? yes, if it's new it'll be less complicated. but if you're able to rebuild. if you put the time & effort into making that broken building better. it'll be worth so much more than the new..less complicated building. you can be on #teamglasshalffull or #teamglasshalfempty...

i'd choose #teamhalffull any day...negativity breeds failure.

day #25 music challenge...

2011-08-25T00:00:00.001-04:00

day#25: a song that makes me laugh...

NICE GUYS- "NICE GUYS FINISH LAST"

this video completely sums up my thoughts about what women "want". it's actually not a bad song at all, it's funny, the visual are funny, and the "ROAR" is hilarious. it makes me laugh because it's funny, it also makes me laugh because as ridiculous as it sounds...it's true.

day #24 music challenge

2011-08-24T23:08:00.000-04:00

day#24: a song i'd want played at my funeral...

JAMES BROWN - "I FEEL GOOD"

to be honest, i'm not with the sappy funeral songs. i'm not with funerals that much either. i don't want people to feel bad for me. i want them to know the suffering/pain/wait is over. and i'm in a better place. i'm also a bit comical..

so if i had to play a song. it would be something crazy like "I feel good", "get up", or "i got soul" by james brown. something that folks would hear and smile and think.."that dude is a fool...but i love & will miss him."

day # 23 music challenge

2011-08-23T00:00:00.002-04:00

day #23: a song i want played at my wedding...

TEVIN CAMPBELL - "BROWN EYED GIRL"

now if i don't sing this to my chick. tevin campbell will. because believe it or not, he will be singing at my wedding. y'all think i'm joking. but i'm 100% serious. if y'all wanna see tevin campbell, rsvp to my wedding, cause he will be singing if not during the ceremony, at the reception. cause this is my dude. and the first time i heard this song, i said..this is what i want to sing to the woman i marry. i didn't get to sing it or play it the first time i got married (which is good cause it's tacky to do the same thing for different people), so i get another chance & i didn't spoil it on the wrong person.

and so far all the chicks i've dated have been "brown eyed" so i've not have to worry about offending. and now that y'all have heard this song, DO NOT try to covet my song. DO NOT play this shit at your wedding. DO NOT try to book tevin campbell. this is my shit. i will sue.

day #22 music challenge

2011-08-22T20:21:00.000-04:00

day #22: a song that i listen to when i'm sad...

LENNY WILLIAMS - "CAUSE I LOVE YOU"

i know y'all are thinking, "NOT ANOTHER LOVE SONG"..i'm sorry. i'm a love song type dude. and this shit is that, sitting in dark w/ a glass of whiskey zoning out type of song. you don't even have to be sad over no relationship. it's just a "sitting in the dark w/ a glass of whiskey" song in general.

and if you really understood how silly i was..i'd so ACT out this entire song for y'all with no shame.

day #21 music challenge

2011-08-21T00:00:00.001-04:00

day #21: a song i listen to while i'm happy..

CHRIS BROWN - "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE"

this song for reason gets me all hyped. in fact it's the first song on my workout playlist. and it's mixed in there a few more times. just a real upbeat, happy song.

day #20 music challenge

2011-08-20T00:00:00.002-04:00

day #20: a song i listen to when i'm angry....

LIL JON & THE EASTSIDE BOYS - "BIA BIA"

yanno how they say you pre-game by drinking before you go out? well before i get ready to crack some skulls. i pre-game w/ crunk music. it's like you can feel that energy through your bones. again...i'm from atl y'all please remember that. lol.

anyway, if you hear this song from the distance. and you see a short dude with a wife beater, some shorts, a hat over his eyes...and a baseball bat. yeah that's me. better run.

day # 19 music challenge

2011-08-19T01:11:00.000-04:00

day #19: a song from one of my favorite albums...

LUTHER VANDROSS - "SO AMAZING"

i dare any of y'all to tell me you don't like luther. i don't care if you hate his face, you can't deny the voice. this man's vocals are insanely incredible. he's was a exceptional songwriter as well. i can't think of one of his albums that i don't own, enjoy, or listen to like crazy.

[i wrote tons more, but blogger wanted to be an ass tonight and it erased my 3 attempts to post this]

manfive friday #91

2011-08-19T01:05:00.000-04:00

these days there is no room for you ladies to be weak. you have to be on your toes. you have to have all the answers. you have to be strong. you have to support us, but know when to back off....

this week's manfive friday #91 topic of the week: how to support a man, without overdoing it...know when to BACK OFF.

you gotta know when to hold him, know when to fold him, know when to walk away....and know when to run...i did a topic similar to this manfive friday #61, informing you ladies on certain times it was necessary you support your man. but this topic was requested by my girl ( @FATAL5Star). so i'm gonna share with you some tips to supporting without overdoing it.

#5: don't assume he wants your help and/or you have the answer to his problems..

when dealing with other people, it's always a guessing game. you may be with someone who welcomes your concern. you may be with someone who HATES when you try to pry. you may be with someone who secretly wants you to step in, but would never tell you. how are you supposed to know what's going on in his head?

ask him.

and after you ask him, respect his answer. if he tells you "i'll handle it". leave it alone. he is in the "i hate when you pry" group. if he seems receptive but just doesn't want to talk about it at that moment...leave it alone. if he starts crying..stop laughing and cater to your cry baby.

the biggest thing with this isn't to assume you know how to fix things. it's hard enough trying to fix your own problems, let alone thinking you can troubleshoot & minimize his. don't take on more than you can handle. don't think rome was built in one day, it wasn't. if you have to chip through his stubborn, hard headed, wall laden exterior...it's going to take time and understanding. he may want & need your support but he wants and needs it at his own pace. he'll open up and be more inviting to your help when he feels like you're not trying to be the hero. it's part trust, part pride, part being difficult.

#4: bite your tongue....

ok, so he lost his job. he's upset. he comes home tells you, and immediately you go into a frenzy.

"how are we gonna pay the bills." "how are we gonna eat." "how are we gonna make it"

....and it stacks so much on him that he pretty much gets more worried and upset. time out.

the man JUST lost his job. instead of reinforcing his fears. instead of making him feel like he's not only failed himself, but you as well. instead of flipping out at his time of need. listen to him. let him tell you what his fears are. let him tell you what he needs to say. offer your ear. offer some words of encouragement ("we're going to be alright", "you're going to find something else..", etc..). do not flip out before he can share with you his disappointment. do not start coming down on him right after he's had a awful day. sometimes you have to bite your tongue, hold your thoughts, and think carefully about your gut reactions to what he's telling you. do NOT make a bad situation worse because you didn't think before you spoke.

#3: it's not about you....

a lot of times you ladies get mad, he's mad. get upset, he's upset. get sad, he's sad. and after awhile it's a bit confusing who's supposed to be supporting who. women by nature take on every one's problems. you take on your parents. your children. your friends. your own..as well as your man's. this is why you're considered the backbone most times. but it's a hard job. and sometimes while taking on his problems, you get so immersed you begin developing problems of your own due to his problems.

he's upset...he snaps at you. now you're upset. you're REALLY upset, because all you were trying to do was help his ass. and he got pissed off and started talking out the side of his mouth. or he was sad, was trying to be all tough...you asked him what was wrong and he stopped talking to you for a minute "to get himself together" and now you're PISSED off, because after all you were just trying to ask him what was wrong.

now he's trying to play nice & apologizing to you because you're mad. completely throw his actual problem out the window, because there is no longer the focus. you are. and that's unfair.

–verb (used with object)

to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.

to sustain (a person, the mind, spirits, courage, etc.) under trial or affliction: They supported him throughouthis ordeal.

yes...it's unfair for him to snap at you. yes...it's unfair for him to take time away from you because he's trying to man up. but you know he's going through something right now. you knew it before you were mad, but now the only thing either one of y'all are focusing on is you. sometimes to be supportive you have to take some of that anger wrongly projected at you and force him to direct it at the problem..not you. but you can't do that when you're not speaking to him. when you're not returning his phone calls. when you're on twitter, facebook, and all over gchat telling everyone how pissed off you are at him. it's a selfless action that's extremely hard to do....but if you're trying to support him through a real difficult time you have to be understanding. and let some things roll off your shoulder in order to get to the bottom of the problem.

#2: you have to let it go...

it's hard to understand, but sometimes you won't be able to help him. if he's extremely depressed. incredibly violent. or irrational...you can't help him. you have to know when to run. and this means letting go. sometimes you get with a guy. you love him. you want to be there. you want to give him the support you need. but you don't have the capacity to do that.

if you're with a guy who is on the verge of killing himself every time anything remotely disappointing happens. realize he's unstable and any help you're giving him will go unnoticed. and i know i said be able to tough it out if he gets upset...but if he's taking it out physically or verbally violently you need to walk (run) away. if he can not be reasoned with. if you listen to his problems, talk it out with him, suggest things, give him space....and he still can't get it together. it's time to let him deal with his issues on his own. you can't take on something for someone is incapable of helping themselves. helping someone starts with their ability to help themselves. once you've established that they are unable to do so, then your help/support is no benefit to them. not telling you to add fuel to his suicide attempts for leaving him. just saying, any guy who says.."if you leave me, i'll kill myself" and actually is planning on doing it...would have did it for any other number of reasons as well. don't be afraid to walk away from an extremely unhealthy and dangerous situation. if someone is not in their right mind, all the support in the world couldn't help them. they need a Valium & Jesus. not you...

#1: get to know him...(it takes time)

one of the biggest problem with couples...they don't know each other. almost like the real world slogan, "you think you know me..but you have no idea". you have to learn that person. you have to learn their ways of dealing and processing things. you have to pay attention, don't step on toes, cross lines, or offend them.

it's hard. like i said in #5..it's a guessing game. it's like playing double dutch, you're waiting to jump in there to help...but he's just all over the place. you have to rely on the relationship you've built. meaning it takes time. you may find yourself getting snapped at in the beginning. you may find him distancing himself or trying to deal and work through his issues alone. but after you build the trust, the patience and the NON-JUDGEMENTAL understanding. he'll open up to you. you'll start recognizing the warning signs. you'll know when he's in one of his moods. you'll recognize the tone of his voice. you'll know how to walk away, not say anything, hug him, just listen, or offer support.

the trick isn't "not to care". it's to care enough to realize that you may not be able to make it better, right now. don't give up trying to support and help him because he's not receptive at first. you have to give him time to be able to be vulnerable around you. men love to confide and talk to their women. but he doesn't want his fears being confused for weakness. he doesn't want his issues causing unnecessary drama. he doesn't know how to begin to share things like this with you. so give him some room, and your relationship so time before you start trying to save the day. support = love. in this situation..so just let him know you love him and you're there IF/WHEN he needs you.

day #18 music challenge

2011-08-18T22:16:00.000-04:00

day #18: a song i'd like to hear on the radio more...

ADELE - "HE WON'T GO"

this chick is SLEPT on. her album is absolutely amazing. if it weren't for her song "rolling deep" being heavily covered on "the voice" half of the bandwagoners on her jock now wouldn't know who she was.

i'd so much rather hear any of her songs on the radion then 86% of the shit that's blasting on there these days.

day# 17 music challenge

2011-08-17T07:47:00.000-04:00

day# 17 : a song i hear on the radio ALL the time...

YO GOTTI - "WE CAN GET IT ON"

i swear i turned on the radio one day and heard this song 15 minutes times in the same music hour. not hating on the song, but seriously it's played too much.

day #16 music challenge

2011-08-16T00:21:00.000-04:00

day #16: a song that i used to love, but now i hate...

MUSIQ - "LOVE"

i usta love this song. i used to sing it loud and proud to my ex. musiq was like her favorite artist. and we had gone and seen him a million places. but the last time we saw him....was after i learned she had cheated on me. i had actually known for a few days, but i hadn't said anything to her about it. and we went to this concert. we were in vip, and i had been drinking. a lot. she was acting like she was having a good time. i was making small talk and told her to call my phone. and when she did i took it out to show her the new picture i had made her contact (a picture of her and the dude she was cheating on me with).

and it was almost like someone told Musiq to start singing this song, because as she stood there speechless...i started singing this fucking song to her. and a song that was once so beautiful to me. to us...turned very ugly.

that's what this song symbolizes to me now. i absolutely positively......hate the fuck out of this song.

day # 15 music challenge

2011-08-15T23:58:00.003-04:00

day #15: song that describes me...

RAHEEM DEVAUGHN - BELIEVE

this song i believe describes me, because this is exactly who i am. the person i want to be seen as. it goes further than just wanting a woman i'm with to believe in me. i just want people to believe i'm the best guy i can possibly be, because that's what i strive to be/do.

i want someone to believe in me, and i want to be able to believe in them as well.

day #14 music challenge

2011-08-14T05:07:00.007-04:00

day# 14: a song no one would think i liked...

SMOKIE NORFUL "I NEED YOU NOW"

the reason i say no one would think i'd like this song. if you ask anyone i know, i'm not a big fan of gospel music. and before y'all start hurling the "heathens" at me. the reason i can't do gospel music is because i like clean music. i can't do all the screaming, multiple voices, and "Jesus" over hip hop beats.

maybe because i'm luthern, and we don't do it like that in our church. maybe because i work in music and i'm conditioned to listening to music a certain way. i dunno. i used to play drums at church, used to arrange music for the youth once upon a time. all of that...but i STILL can't do the sunday best shit. so when folks are riding in my car on sunday mornings and the screamfest of "sunday morning" begins, i usually flip the station. and they are acting like i'm hating on Jesus. which i assure you i'm not.

this song right here is among one of my favorite songs. i can 100% feel it to my core. it's like Jesus gives me a hug during the whole song. i can't even sing along cause i'd probably drop a tear or two. that's how happy & blessed it makes me feel. i've been there. i still get there at times. and this song expresses that feeling completely.

day #13 music challenge

2011-08-14T05:06:00.003-04:00

day# 13: a song that's a guilty pleasure....

BBD - "WHEN WILL I SEE YOU SMILE AGAIN"

truly a guilty pleasure. this version, the remix version, and especially the allstar bass version.

it's a guilty pleasure because ricky bell isn't exactly the greatest singer. but this song right here, makes you forget that.

{sorry, i set it to post at the wrong time, so it didn't post like it was supposed to..just getting home from a night of drunkeness, so i'ma re-post it now then post the one for today}

day# 12 music challenge

2011-08-12T00:16:00.000-04:00

day# 12: a song from a band i hate...

HOOTIE & THE BLOWFISH- "ONLY WANNA BE WITH YOU"

don't ask me why i hate hootie & the blowfish. i don't think i hate the blowfish. i just hate "hootie" aka darius rucker. the song annoys me, because darius annoys me. he reminds me of one of my teachers that was a jerk. and every time i see his face i think, "i hate his face". and thanks to my teacher, i also hate his songs too.

"i only wanna be with you........"

please die.

manfive friday #90

2011-08-12T00:00:00.002-04:00

so...you're phone is on silent. vibrate. off. you want to escape the world. your job. your problems. the stress. you've taken refuge in your apartment/home. locked the doors, closed the blinds, and crawled in the bed for a few hours of beauty sleep...

it's been a long day, who would deny you of your hermit time?

manfive friday #90 topic of the week: why guys get mad, when you don't answer the phone...

you ever forgot your phone at home or in the car. didn't hear it ring because it was in your purse. look down and just not "feel it"..at the moment. only to be met with a cuss-out session. why can't he understand you just don't feel like being bothered? you were busy? you really didn't hear your phone? you're selling answers...but he's not buying. 5 reasons guys get so upset with you for not answering your phone..

#5: what part of the game is that?..

when will you woman understand you're REQUIRED to be available when we want to talk. who told you, you could be tired? have a life? escape from the world. you totally checked out but you didn't check and make sure it was okay with us. #wheretheydothatat?

and it's not just reserved to our chicks. when i call my mom and she don't answer..i'm sitting there thinking...WTF. how your mom just not gonna answer the phone?

ya'll know men aren't used to you wanting be alone, especially when we want to talk. yea
we could have went a day or two without calling. but the day we choose to call you and you don't answer...we're sitting there scratching our head. women usually are the one's calling. complaining about not talking enough. asking you to call more. then when we call and you don't answer it totally send us into shock. yes, we may not answer our phone when you call. we may not text you back in a reasonable time frame. but when you do it to us...it violates so many rules. in fact there has to be something about that shit in the bible. "thou shalt not ignore your man's phone call.." and whatever to y'all thinking it couldn't be in the bible because there were no phones. God knows everything and he knew cell phones would be invented. and we (men) would be extremely pissed off when you (women) didn't answer your phone.

so yea..um...for not answering tonight, you're going to hell...

#4: oh, you too busy for me?

so you went out with your girls tonight. y'all threw your purses in the back of your home girls car, so you could party with no restrictions. you're out having the time of your life. drinking, dancing, hanging with your girls. your friend who always starts a fight with someone, hasn't gotten drunk enough to do so yet...the last thing on your mind is your dude. you're not thinking..."what is harold doing?", "i wonder if harold has called or text", "i should check in with harold, it's been a few hours since we've spoken". let's face it...you're about 2 drinks away from forgetting who the hell harold is.

and it's all good. until you get that purse out the back of Sonia's car and you have 4 missed calls, 2 text, 1 dm, and one email....from harold. and your girls are laughing and joking like, "he'll be alright". but you're getting all nervous like ms. cellie from the color purple..cause hey don't know mister gonna beat that ass when you get home...

as much as we don't mind you having a good time, not at our expense. you can ignore your mom when you're talking to me. you can send your work phone call to voicemail. you can let the phone ring with your chick friend calls. but when i'm calling..you should be jumping over the bed. knocking down your chicks. breaking your neck & spraining your ankle trying to answer the phone. it's part ego, and part needy.

#3: the hell you doing?...

if you're not available our mind starts racing as to why you're not answering. no, we don't default to "are you hurt?" or "is everything alright". first thing we think, "the hell she doing?" & "who the hell is she with?..." whether we think you're up to no good. out with that friend we HATE. laying there ignoring our call. we are sitting there stewing in anger over you not picking up that phone. in fact what's the first question when you answer the phone..

"where you been?".

it doesn't matter what you say. if your have an alibi. if you're phone is destroyed in 2,000 pieces. you not answering that phone was the worst possible thing you could have done tonight. and he's gonna let you know it. because as soon as he gets you on the phone you're about to be interrogated like you stole something. because we know that unless you we're doing some shit you weren't supposed to do..you'd have your phone. because YOU should have been calling or trying to text us.

#2: he's fiening...

sometimes we get lonely. needy. we want to hear your voice. want to share our day. want to text, chat, or tweet you. and we call, send you a message..and you don't get back to us.

this causes a guy to get mad, because i guarantee most guys have at least 2-3,000 other chicks he could call and they'd pick up. but he wants to talk to you, and you're the one not answering. so he gets an attitude based on the fact that he feels like you're not as into talking to him as he is to you. and you're gonna be tripping, when you check his call log and see he tried to call you twice then called Anita for 30 minutes afterwards.

#1: it's inconsiderate, annoying & says: "i don't care"

point blank. men don't carry purses. we have our phone in our pocket. in a belt pouch. a clip. in our hand..etc. it's accessible. and even though some of us lie and say, "i didn't have it...". we usually have it. and we see when you call us. so the fact that you "didn't hear it", "forgot it was on silent", "didn't charge it", "left it on your desk", "in the car..." we aren't giving you a pass. it's annoying to call someone and their phone go straight to their voice mail or ring & ring, especially when you know they aren't busy. you see them tweeting..from their phone. it screams.."i don't care.." and it's very inconsiderate.

no, you aren't REQUIRED (although i said you were in #1 that you are...*whispers* "and you are" *grin*) to answer your phone, but if you're with someone and they are calling you it doesn't take that much to acknowledge the phone call. i get sometimes you want some "me" time. and that is supposed to exclude me as well as everyone else. but at least let me know that. at least let me know you're turning off your phone for a few hours. you're going to let it charge for a few hours, or that you don't feel like talking tonight. it takes more to fight over it, then it would have to just give him a heads up.

day# 11 music challenge

2011-08-11T00:00:00.001-04:00

day# 11: a song from my favorite band..

THE ROOTS FEAT. MUSIQ- "BREAK YOU OFF"

y'all forgot the roots were a band, huh? i was gonna go old school and say earth, wind, & fire(EWF). but truthfully i look at the roots as an actual band. i look at EWF as good music. but when i picture a drummer, can't see nobody but ?uestlove. and for that reason...i gotta go with the roots.

this song right 'chere...crazy. but the song with my girl jilly from philly (later erykah badu)...ridiculous

THE ROOTS FEAT. JILL SCOTT (Erykah Badu on alt. verison) - "YOU GOT ME"

a lot of people didn't know jill was originally on this song. especially cause erykah was in the video. but jilly actually penned the hook for the song.

and now to reveal the song that totally sold me on the roots for forever...

CODY CHESNUTT FEAT. THE ROOTS-

"THE SEED 2.0"

many of y'all don't know cody chesnutt. which i will admit his amazingly classic album was heavily slept on. after the roots did this song with cody...i was their fan forever.

wow...just wow

2011-08-10T22:32:00.000-04:00

wow..
just wow

admiring your shade of beautiful
all of your amazing features
your eyes, your nose, your ears, your lips...
all the things that make you, you
i could stare for days
weeks...months...years
the rest of my life
wow..
just wow

my eyes staring at you
piercing through you
deep...

long glances
i see past your exterior
your flaws...your shortcomings
i see you, i get you
i can let you take my heart
but i can't let you take my eyes off of you
wow..
just wow

your lips
so soft...so inviting
i love the way you bite them
lick them
curve them into that pretty smile
i want to kiss you, til you feel it in your toes
your neck..your back..
your...well i'll leave it at that
wow..
just wow

when i touch you, i know...you're mine
you like it, you love it, you want some more of it...
because you invite my touch
invite me to explore
to follow your curves...crevices...your spots
caress you here, caress you there, caress you everywhere
can i follow your road
to the softest place on earth?
wow..
just wow

let's play cause & effect
cause i want to cause an effect in you
when i breath in, you breath out
when i close my eyes, i want you to open yours
watch me.....
love you

you've made me say it, now...
i want to make you say
wow..
just wow

day #10 music challenge

2011-08-10T07:15:00.000-04:00

day#10: a song that makes me sleepy...

ME'SHELL NDEGEOCELLO- "FOOL OF ME"

like someone else said, it's not because i don't love this song. it's not because i find it boring. i love me'shell ndegeocello. in fact her "comfort woman" album is crazy dope. it's her voice though. she like lulls me to sleep. her and sade. it was actually a toss up between her and sade because both of them, excellent singers. mellow singers. but you mix me, their songs, and an open road...and i'll be in somebody's ditch.

like literally i can not do either of them while driving, because they relax me and get me all in that "lightly closing my eyes" mode. when i listen to their albums, usually the lights are out. i'm leaning back in a chair. maybe i have a drink, maybe i have a chick, maybe i'm just vibing. but nothing constructive can really happen after they get in my system. and as sensual as their music is..i probably wouldn't even put it on a slow jam mix because i'd be in there doing my thang then....."zzZzzzZ" lol

day #9 music challenge

2011-08-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

day #9: a song i can dance to..

USHER- YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL

believe it or not, i'm in this video. no i will not tell you where. but i'm in this video. and those of you who know, do NOT tell.*mean mug*

this is my "ok, that's how we doing" song. it's that song where you're sitting around mad she ain't calling or she's out with her friends and you're like..shit,

"you don't have to call, it's okay girl...cause i'ma be alright tonight..".

i swear i put this shit on and i'm saying, "fuccccccck yoooooooou" all in my head. this is a what a night out with the dudes is like minus the dancing. you are all in the mirror looking at yourself. dancing around, brushing your hair, beard, eyebrows, etc. you do spray that cologne on, pick out something nice, put on those new white sneaks. and you go out thinking..."aiight..i'ma show her". then you end up sitting around all night still mad she ain't called. lol

but anyway, this is my favorite usher song. and trust when i say at karaoke night..this is the "can't get that nigga off the stage" song for me.

day #8 music challenge

2011-08-08T00:00:00.008-04:00

day# 8: a song i know all the words to..

Kilo Ali - "Cocaine"

i think i'm showing my age with this one. i remember being on he bus rapping this every morning..

"cocaine said she loves you, but she really don't. she said i'll always be there, but she really won't...make you a big man, but you a uzi, she said go kill your brother or you gonna lose me. you don't wanna lose her so you do what you are told..headed for the jail 16 year old, now you're into deep and you can't come back...but that's what you get, for selling that crack...COCAINE"

if you aren't from ATL, you probably are like..."wtf" but seriously. kilo ali is classic atlanta music. from "do you hear what i hear (that boom)", "white horse", "freaky dancer", one of my favorites "donkey kong" & the ultimate party song.."get this party started"...

but then again, i'm from atlanta. i'm with old school bass, so maybe y'all can't understand. but just listening to this right now, make me wanna throw a house party.

day #7 music challenge

2011-08-07T15:58:00.000-04:00

day# 7: a song that reminds me of an event...

EGYPTIAN LOVER- EGYPT, EGYPT

ok, so yall know i'm from the south and by the early 80's michael jackson, ozone & turbo (from breakin' my favorite movie) had made dancing very popular. so me and my cousin (who is actually a dancer now...), a couple of my friends had a dance group. and we used to wreck havoc. i mean like totally challenge dudes like in the old school breakdancing movies.

and we challenged these dudes to a dance off (don't laugh..i promise you it was NOT lame back when we did it). and we started dancing and put this song on and WILDED out on those dudes. i'm saying flips, pop & locking, etc..and after we were done we were celebrating our victory. and them dudes beat the shit out of us. i'm talking about black eyes, busted lips, sprang ankles..everything.

this song forever gets me crunk. but every time it comes on me and my cousin both look over our shoulders.

day #6 music challenge

2011-08-06T12:30:00.001-04:00

day#6: a song that reminds me of somewhere..

LUDACRIS feat. FIELD MOB & JAMIE FOX- "GEORGIA"

RAY CHARLES- "GEORGIA ON MY MIND"

i know everyone claims to love where they're from, but i really LOVE where i'm from. i love being from georiga. i love being from a place where people speak to one another while walking down the street. i've stayed here and there, but there is no place like HOME. and there are tons of "where i'm from songs" out, but can't shit touch "georgia on my mind" by Ray Charles to me. it's like a state anthem. i guess it's equivalent to how ppl in alabama feel when they hear lynyrd skynyrd's "sweet home alabama". so when luda dropped "Georgia" and that beat hit the truck...you couldn't tell me shit.

my favorite line:

"where they usta call us some bamas, now they jockin' the grammar..watch your mouth, less you out for some manners.." - shawn jay

manfive friday # 89

2011-08-05T07:00:00.012-04:00

so you've been looking high & low for the right guy. and you can't find him anywhere...you've checked the colleges, e-harmony, mixers, etc...and the question still remains....

where are all the men hiding? when it comes to finding a man, it's not so much where you're looking. it's where you shouldn't be looking.

this week's manfive friday's #89 topic of the week: where NOT to look for a man...

this topic was proposed by sunshinestar110..she told me she wasn't relating to my other manfives. so i asked her what would be a topic of interest. y'all know i look out for y'all right? i'm not gonna steer you wrong. i'm not going to tell you to "think like a man". i'm just going to do the "man thinking" for you and give you the truth about these places you're looking for guys in. and let you know why a guy you'd be interested in..would probably not be found there...

#5: jail...

ok. if a guy can't call you without an operator introducing him and asking your permission to connect and charge the call to your phone...you probably shouldn't be talking to dude. ladies, i don't care how much you like thugs. how much they've "changed" while incarcerated. or how ride or die you think you are. never date anyone/anything in a cage. man nor beast. just say no....they are in a cage for a reason. and it's not a good reason.

"ray ray ain't commit no crime, he just stole this dude car...". um. hoodrat that is a crime. ray ray isn't a murderer. you might not have to worry about him standing over you at night breathing all heavy with a pillow, knife, boxcutter, gun in his hand.. but the second you lay them keys down....eerrrrrrrrrrr, there go your accord.

don't be pen paling. don't be going to visit, getting stripped searched, sneaking in weed in your weave...it is not worth it. the dude is locked up. meaning he is putting in time for doing some dumb shit. which means if you;re putting in your time trying to date him, you should be locked up too, cause that's some dumb shit as well.

#4: clubs...

lounges, strip clubs, go go clubs, anyplace where the lights are dim, drinks are plenty, and your mind ain't working all the way right.

do not try to find love in the club. it does not exist. guys go to the club to prey on women. the plan of action is to get you drunk enough that you start thinking he's Idris Elba when he's really Steve Urkel. he comes dressed in his best clothes, buy you drinks, then to find out he he's playing to take your panties off via the bus, cause he doesn't have a car. men aren't looking for a good girl in the club, in fact we're looking for the exact opposite. even guys in a relationship...go to see pretty ladies, get a few drinks, etc. the only guys trying to pick you up and pretend it's going to be something are the married one's. and we all know how that works...

and all you ladies in love with the strippers....i'ma give you a few minutes to come back down to reality. i know you are getting all moist looking at his physique. think he's all cut up. he's showing off the goods and grinding and doing all those sex gestures you like. but stop....and really look at him.

he's wearing panties. they are usually brightly colored panties. with frills and mesh. that's made out of spandex. he's covered from head to toe in oil. he's popping his ass at you. now tell me, in your regular world..is this sexy? is this what a guy who likes women does? i'm just saying...no judgement, but COME-THE-FUCK-ON...is this the type of dude you want to date? i don't care what you think his body look like...just because he's dancing for you and keisha on tuesday night doesn't meant h'es not dancing for kevin & dante on thursday.

#3: Service Jobs...

you walk into Old Navy...and dude stocking the shelf is giving you the eye. he's cautiously following you around, very non threatening like. you're not bothered in the least bit, because you find him attractive. and everyone knows women love with attractive men stalk them. he tells you how nice you look. ask you where you're from, your name. he's telling you how nice those pants you're putting up to yourself in the mirror will look on you. you're thinking..."wow, he's a really nice guy...he must really be interested".

backspace...delete delete.go the fuck back to the first thing i said. "you walk into Old Navy". this dude ain't interested in you, he's trying to get you to buy those damn pants because that's his job.

STOP thinking these dudes want to be with you in department stores. stop thinking because your waiter gave you a free drink he's trying to take you out. all getting cocky and writing your number on a napkin or leaving it next to your tip on his copy of the receipt. you got that free drink because his ass was too lazy to go and add it after he had already closed out your ticket. and he's not going to call you because surprise he does not own the resturant, that reciept goes into a drawer not his pocket. he's just going to play your Red Lobster boyfriend the next time you get a taste for some cheddar biscuits. i'm not saying don't date a guy who has a service job. i'm just saying don't go into this employment trying to make him your boyfriend. he is working. and all nice things said & done towards you are because it's his job. stop thinking the bartender has a thing for you. the bartender has a thing for anyone who does body shots, flirts, & tips him. you ain't special...

#2: at your friend's house...or neighbors

i don't care if it's her man. her cousin. her brother. her ex. her best friend. her friends friend. do not go to your home girl's house and try to pick up no man. the shit does not work like that. the only way you can successfully meet and break up with someone without there being drama and problems..is them being able to be cut completely out of your life. almost like they disappeared.

and yanno how it goes you date someone for a few months. and y'all break up. and you go hang out with keisha and this dude show his ass up over keisha house. or she have a cookout. a party. a housewarming. a passion party....and this dude randomly chilling in the basement when you walk down there. and now you feeling all stupid and dumb and mad. at keisha. but it's like..it ain't keisha fault. ain't no one told you to go get with her friend/cousin/brother/ex. keisha is an innocent bystander and she loves her brother just like she loves you. and even though she might love you more.....she ain't gonna stop dealing with her brother cause of you. don't complicate your friendship. don't get lazy and just start talking to any dude you see at a function a few times. venture out. find you somebody that has at least 3 degrees of separation from keisha. so when you get mad you can be like like..."fuck that nigga..." and keisha be like..."yea fuck him..". instead of you saying, "fuck that nigga" and keisha's just looking away and whistling.

another big "no-no", dating a neighbor. yes, it's convenient when shit is cool. when he's cute and y'all are flirting and you need to borrow some sugar. but as soon as things aren't good. and this dude see you walking in with another guy. or you see him with another girl. or you want him to forget where you live but he lives next door. you wonder who's been tipping over your trash cans and cutting open your trash bags. y'all awkwardly get in the elevator and have to ride down 6 floors together. your parking space is next to his and you get the urge to "bust the window out his car" every time jasmine sullivan comes on the radio (which probably ain't often, but she gets you really crunk when it does happen). you've just violated the "NOT IN MY BUILDING" rule. resist the temptation to co habitat with someone you're already in cohabitation with. imagine y'all apartments like cubicles. yes you got walls between y'all, but you still can hear through them.

#1: church...

i know y'all are thinking the devil just wrote this. i assure you he did not. ladies...i know you think the best place to find a God fearing man, is in church. and to some degree you're right. there are TONS of God fearing men in church. but when it comes to dating..those aren't the one's who are hollering at you in the fellowship hall.

picture your church. picture the outside to the door. now picture walking in and seeing those ushers standing there greeting you with a smile and the collection plate as you walk in. walk on in and sit in that pew and take a look at that fine pianist playing the angels songs as the choir sings. that jovial choir director dancing and stomping up and down the aisles commanding all of those smiley faced tenors and basses you've been eyeing all service. the assistant pastor gets up and reads a hymn from the good book as the pastor, sweat dripping from his toupee, buttons gaping from his tailored suit, sweat cloth waving in the air, like he just don't care. you got that picture in your mind?

okay now scratch out all the men in the room married sitting with their families. the young boys. the college students who'll be gone once school starts back. please point on one straight dude in the room.

ok...i know y'all think i'm going to hell. but i'm serious. what dude 27+ in the church, no woman, in a pastel suit, smiling, and passing out is really trying to get with a woman? *drake voice* "i'm just saying, you can do better....". you know just like i know that half those dudes in church are in there fighting the good "i'm not gay" fight. when obviously we all know they stay #losing.

not trying to discourage you ladies. some of this is jokes, but some of this i'm being completely serious about. it used to be taboo to date someone online. or to go to a park, or coffee house. but these days if this is where you are, if those places are things you're interested in and frequent..then that's probably going to be the best place to find someone. this isn't giving you permission to be stupid about the situation and randomly start dating and trusting strangers. just saying instead of all of the "my plan to find mr. right" just let it naturally happen doing your normal every day life. let a guy who has seen you walking your disgusting dog (because pets are disgusting) in the park for the past few weeks engage you in conversation about dogs. move your purse one morning so the guy on the subway you see every morning on your way to work can sit down and say hello. finally look up and smile when the guy at work tells a lame joke loudly because he's obviously trying to get your attention. sometimes you're too busy looking, to see all the guys who are looking at you.

{lol..this manfive is on time cause i'm out of town. so i set it to post at 7am to prevent you night owls from learning i was away not having to wait like everyone else..watch this shit don't post...}

day#5 music challenge

2011-08-05T00:00:00.005-04:00

day#5: a song that reminds me of someone..

Digable Planets- "REBIRTH OF SLICK (COOL LIKE THAT)"

you'd never in a million years guess who this makes me think of.

my dad.

my dad stripped out of his clothes donned some leather pants and and vest and embarrassed the hell out of me at my birthday party. this was his favorite song. and he told me if they played it...he was going to dance. and me, thinking he was bullshitting asked the DJ to put this shit on. i didn't even see him anywhere around. i was like, "this is my dad's favorite song. and the next thing i know this dude come walking in the room in some leather pants and a leather vest (no shirt) and starts dancing. it had to be the coolest shit he ever did. yes it was embarrassing, but it was embarrassing in a "wow....." kinda way. my dad is a very funny guy. but only with me & my mom. he's a very reserved and "professional" acting around "company". so for him to do this was like one of the best, funniest, and entertaining gifts he ever gave me. every time i hear this song, i think of him. and that damn vest & leather pants.

day#4 music challenge

2011-08-04T00:51:00.000-04:00

day#4: a song that makes me sad...

TANK- "I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME

i don't even think i got to explain this one. this is one of those songs that if you've ever loved someone. if you've ever felt jilted in love. if you've ever felt like you gave more than the other person, you can't help but feel it, relate to it, and live it. i played this song for about 2 weeks straight when i was having my pity party.

i had never seen the video till i looked for it for this post. it's weird cause not only is keisha (the chick in the video aka rudy huxtable) my homegirl from college . her and my chick favor A LOT. so if i would have saw this shit a month & a half ago i think i would have lost my mind. cause it really makes me feel it more. but even overrun with emotion, i can't help but feel like that damn bottle of nuvo on the piano ruins the video. seems like a commercial totally distracts me and makes me want to go get a drink. and listen to this song. and yanno...punch something. and call my chick on some marvin's room shit, even though we ain't broken up.

me: "fuck that nigga....that you love so bad, i know you still think of the times we had..."

her: are you drunk right now?

me: i'm just saying..you can do better..

her: nigga we still together..go to sleep.

me: ok. goodnight

Day #3 music challenge

2011-08-02T10:45:00.002-04:00

day #3: song that makes me happy..

H-TOWN- "PINK SKY"

i'm sorry using youtube is not the way to go. i'm gonna have to upload these songs, cause this upload does no justice to the song. this song right here is crazy. a lot of people have no idea about it because they released it after Dino died (from a car crash). no lie, H-town will probably come back up before this challenge is over because back in the day......h-town was no joke. i never thought they got enough credit as a group. i got every album they've ever made. i even got GI's & Shazam's solo albums.

this song makes me happy because i've felt this before. just utterly completely happy & in love. this is a hopeless romantics theme song. if the chick i plan to marry lets me, i will sing this to her at our wedding. that's how much in love i am with this song. and Dino is singing the HELL out of this song.

R.I.P. to Keven "Dino" Conner....dude had an amazing raw voice.

(i jumped ahead...read the days wrong. so i've posted the first 3 days today. *flex*)

day #2 music challenge

2011-08-02T10:44:00.000-04:00

day#2: my least favorite song

WU-TANG CLAN - "PROTECT YOUR NECK"

this was my homeboys favorite song. and i HATED it. and don't get me wrong. wu-tang clan beasted on C.R.E.A.M & all be so simple. and method man will forever be one of my favorite MC's. but truth is..if you weren't from NY none of the shit they said meant anything to you. that's the thing NY'ers don't get. we don't "hate" on NY..we just don't relate to shit you're talking about. and even though you think "everyone wants to be from NY...." we don't. we have our own life, our own streets and we are able to describe shit so that everyone can feel it. people on the west, east, midwest & south can feel Outkast. there is no "exclusiveness" when it comes to their music. this is why they are where they are and wu tang & every other NY rapper is....

well yanno.

if you don't i'ma let soulja boy tell em..(*soulja boy voice* not buying $55 million dollar jets)

[decided to go ahead and post since i'm all in the posting mood and shit, maybe i can post a random post tomorrow since i've already filled my obligation]

Day#1 Music Challenge

2011-08-02T10:28:00.000-04:00

Day #1 My favorite Song...

i got tons of favorite songs. but anyone who knows me knows i will drive you crazy with this one right here.

SILK - "Lose Control"

if you let me get in your ear with this song...i will literally sing your panties off. i mean i will sing the hell out of this song. seductive look. seductive slow grinding. i know ever riff to every version.

Silk is a group of guys from atlanta. all can sing, all are great harmonizers. the best part about these guys is their live singing, it can't be touched. you can't get a group of guys together and sound that great EVERY TIME. best version hands down...

keith sweat's sweat hotel cd "lose control" live

if i could have found it online it would so be on here right now.

2011-08-02T09:26:00.000-04:00

30 Day Music Challenge!!!

so...the only way to get me to blog on the regular is to issue me a challenge. y'all know how i love those challenges. i decided to wait till the 1st..to start, but of course my ass was late. so i'm gonna start with two day and finish out the month. my good blog buddies Starrla Monae & Sunshinestar110 both started already and are halfway finish. i actually think this will be harder because i do music and i'm very particular about my shit. i'm going to try to avoid doing any of my music, although the temptation is there...we'll see.

Feel free to play along!

Day 1-Your favorite song

Day 2-Your least favorite song

Day 3-A song that makes you happy

Day 4-A song that makes you sad

Day 5-A song that reminds you of someone

Day 6-A song that reminds you of somewhere

Day 7-A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 8-A song that you know all the words to

Day 9-A song that you can dance to

Day 10-A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 –A song from your favorite band

Day 12-A song from a band you hate

Day 13-A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14-A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15-A song that describes you

Day 16-A song that you used to love but now hate

Day 17-A song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18-A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19-A song from your favorite album

Day 20-A song that you listen to when you're angry

Day 21-A song that you listen to when you're happy

Day 22-A song that you listen to when you're sad

Day 23-A song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24-A song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25-A song that makes you laugh

Day 26-A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27-A song that you wish you can play

Day 28-A song that makes you feel guilty

Day 29-A song from your childhood

Day 30-Your favorite song at this time last year

update on my sexy...

2011-07-30T00:56:00.000-04:00

so..i've been saying i was gonna update y'all on how my "#sexyback" mission was going.

basically i've committed to being a healthier me. and although i was trying go extreme and wanted to knock down biggest loser numbers in a few days. reality has hit that i just need to take it one day at a time. so that's what i've been doing.

been eating consistently better. been running at least 5 miles everyday (i admit maybe one or two days out the week i don't..), but i've been extremely active. and it's showing. i can see & feel the difference. having to tighten up my belt to the point, i might have to go to a smaller size. i'm starting to see some of my vices (things i shouldn't be eating..be lazy..etc) and avoiding them.

but i think the best part about it is, i'm doing it for me. and i feel good about it. there isn't a deadline. it isn't about impressing anyone. it's just about loving myself. and i love myself. i'm all sore and achy, i'm extremely tired..not sure if it's linked to other things..but at this point i don't care. life is life. and i'm just taking it as it comes. best part about the attitude change..is the fact that i actually changed my attitude. not that i was a negative complaining person before. but now...it's all about being thankful and not worrying about all the other "non fucking factors..". i am down 21 lbs. and even tho it varies from morning to night..i feel like myself again. whether it's heavier, cut, or skinny...it's me. and i'm happy.

manfive friday #88

2011-07-29T23:51:00.000-04:00

does he share his feelings? does he take it personal when you have a problem with him? does he cry and you don't know why?

manfive friday #88 topic of the week: 5 reasons a man may seem "too sensitive"

why is it women complain about guys "not caring" then as soon as a guy cares he's "too sensitive". are you women never happy? i get into it with my chick all the time over this. she thinks cause i "share my feelings" that i'm "too sensitive". when the truth is, i'm too old to be sitting around not saying how i feel about shit. i've gotten over that "play it cool" stage where i got to act like i don't care. if we're together, and we're going some where with this both of us need to speak up and let the other know how we feel. i'm not afraid to say i love you. not afraid to say this or that bothers me. if there is one person i should be comfortable enough to talk like that with...it should be her right? just cause i talk like that with her doesn't mean i'm talking to my homeboys about "our feelings". doesn't mean i'm watching chick flicks and crying. or offering to paint her toenails. don't confuse a guy who's trying to be honest about his feelings with a dude who's trying to wear your skinny jeans. 5 reasons a man may seem too sensitive to you...

#5: you're a cold hearted mofo..

sometimes it's not the guy who's too sensitive. it's the chick who's too harden. gone are the days a chick is impressed or satisfied with things you do for her. she'll "ooh" & "aww" for someone else. she'll think her male friends are "sweet". she'll think something her friend's boyfriend did was sweet, wonderful, romantic...but let your ass do it and it's like..."whatever". some of you ladies act more like dudes emotionally then most dudes. and it's not the fact that your dude is acting "like a chick" with his emotions. you just happen to be an icebox and aren't receptive to gestures of emotion from your dude. you're the kind of chick who'll only appreciate his sensitivity if it happens once in a blue moon. that way you appreciate the effort. after all, if you're getting it all the time what makes it special? oh that's right, if your chick's man does it..then it's special......

#4: he think it's what you want..

yanno how a lot of you ladies act like you can cook. act like you're all about pleasing a man. act like whatever he wants you're trying to give it to him. well "caring" and "showing you care" are a few of the things guys do because we are conditioned to think you want that. a lot of us have gotten that "i just want you to care" talk. or we've been in past relationships where a complaint was us not expressing ourselves. or not being "sensitive" to your feelings. and we get into a new relationship, thinking..we'll correct that. and you're ass wants us to go back to being nonchalant pricks. and not to go from one extreme to the other. there is a middle ground. but usually the middle ground is not enough. we're either too sensitive or too insensitive. y'all usually don't grant us a middle ground.

but to be completely honest with you, a woman needs to worry more when a guy starts acting like he doesn't care..because usually that's an indication that he's not that interested in her. because generally most of us when we're trying to impress you are trying to show you we're not jerks. and maybe we'll slip back into jerk mode every now and then. but if a guy has switched from caring sometime to caring no time. he has one or both feet out the door..

#3: he dances with wolves..

like really dances with them, in ballet shoes. some guys are the kind that cry in the shower. some of them do tear up during movies. call you with a nervous breakdown when someone criticizes their work, opinion, their clothing choice for the day. some of them do "care too much about everything". this one really isn't that confusing. y'all aren't dumb. you know the kind of guy you're dealing with. if you get with a guy who is acts more sensitive than your baby sister, you want to be with that dude. some of you women nurture that. you allow him to tap into and let his feminine side flow. and that's what you want. say you don't like it, act like it bothers you. but some of you would rather be the "strong one" in the relationship. it makes you feel better about yourself and allows you to feel in control. don't play dumb just because it embarrasses you sometimes. he acts like this in public..so we know he must wear dresses when y'all at home together.

#2: everyone has feelings..

just cause we're guys, doesn't mean you get a pass to treat us like shit. i'm not a punk, if i get offended by something you said about me or to me. it's because you shouldn't say offensive shit about me or to me. if you say,

"i don't like that shirt on you..."

fine. i can deal with that. but if you say,

"i don't like your face..".

that's not ok. if you're always talking shit about him. always downing him. always pointing out things you don't like. complaining. he's not being sensitive for having a problem or taking offense. he's being a person. no one wants to be on the end of negative comments. maybe you're hitting on an insecurity. maybe you're creating an insecurity. women think they can say anything to a guy, and he should just "get over it". yet if he was to say anything remotely close to what you said you'd be crying, cursing, and ready to fight.

#1: he treats you too well..

and you're not used to that shit. unfortunately a lot of you women have encountered guys who don't give 2 fucks about you. you've been in a relationship with a guy who wouldn't tell you how he felt about a tv show he was watching, let alone how he felt about you. and you get conditioned to think that all guys are nonchalant about their feelings. or maybe your dad was cold. maybe your brothers have convinced you that "guys just don't care...". either way..you think just because you've never been with someone who can share his feelings that they shouldn't do it. to each their own. if a guy is "too sensitive", go find you a guy who's not. but once you find him...don't get mad that he's not sensitive.

and don't use clouded judgement when someone is being open with you. maybe you don't trust it. maybe you don't know how to respond, or how to receive it. but be honest about it yourself. if it's you...then admit it's you. stop trying to make a dude seem like he's "overdoing it" because you've never had a guy treat you a certain way before. this is what makes guys mistreat the next girl (who might be you). it also is what makes them treat the next girl 100x better than they treated you. so be careful...you're inexperience towards a "sensitive" guy could be blessing the next chick with the kind of guy she's been waiting for...

manfive friday #87

2011-07-23T12:22:00.002-04:00

last week i told you to stop running away from marriage. this week i'm telling you why it's taking him so long to pop that question.

manfive friday #87 topic of the week: why it takes a minute to ask that "BIG" question...

so you've weathered the storms. been together for what feels like forever. you know it's you & him forever. y'all have spoken on many occasions about it. contemplated what life would be like together. you even tricked him into browsing at rings with you. you've dropped a million hints, suggestions, clues, left your scratch sheets of paper with your name with his last name hyphenated behind it (since you "new" women want to hold on to every piece of your old self). so why the hell hasn't he asked you? what's the problem. what's the hold up...is there a line at Jared? 5 reasons why he is dragging his feet (and wallet) and prolonging asking you to marry him...

#5: all the pressure is on him..

generally speaking: asking you on a first date ----> his responsibility

arranging, paying, and impressing you on that date ----> his responsibility

fast forward to date # 119, you're ready for marriage ----> his responsibility.

hmm....let me say that again. "you're ready for marriage". but it's his responsibility. now if he was a guy like me, maybe by date #219...he might start thinking to himself, i really like her. i really want more with her. maybe she could be my MRS. but for some of my other brethren...it might not be until date #3,421 for that thought to enter their head. but somewhere around date #100 you're thinking..."enough of this dating shit..lets get this on". but unless you're Chrissy and your dude name is Jim Jones..you ain't breaking no paper, buying no ring, and asking him to marry you.

so it's on him. whether he's ready or not, at that point you're waiting on him. and your actions, words, hints, threats.....will all let him know you are waiting. you think it's just a question. you think it's just about buying a ring. you think it's just as simple as you saying, "yes". well it's not.

i've been there. i've done it. it's not simple on this end. it wasn't the "i'm not ready". or the "i gotta buy a ring". it's a "i know i feel ready, but am i ready". it's a "this is it...". a "how am i going to do this?". a "am i ready for everything that comes with & after this?". "will she like the ring?...cause she's told me a trillion things she doesn't like & 3 things she does and i've completely confused the 3 things with the trillion things". there is pressure behind the question. it is one of the biggest questions a man will ask in his life (to someone else). so if it's taking him a minute to build up the courage or to mentally prepare himself for this step....damn. give him a minute. all you gotta do is say, "yes".

#4: it's an investment...

i know they say civilization started in africa. and i know there are trillions of diamonds in africa. but i know adam did no have no diamond ring for eve. and even though wilma flintstone had on fur coats and was rocking rings like fred didn't work at a slate yard...i know good and well no cavemen were lacing cavewomen with bling bling. yes, as a society we've gotten outrageous with the "norms" and expectations = our wildest dreams. so i'll excuse you ladies who are looking at kim kardashion's ridiculously large engagement ring with wide eyes & salivating mouths. stop that. you do realize this is a big reason he hasn't asked you right?..

cause he think he's got to mortgage his whole future to buy you some shit you'll either lose, get stolen, want an upgrade, and/or walk away from thinking it's yours if the engagement doesn't work. used to be a guy could just ask you to marry him with no ring. then it graduated to him going down to the pawn store, trading his tuba in for a simple band. next guys started getting fancy and started heading down to the walmart, to pick out a nice gemstone (preferably your birth month...s/o to you april baby ladies y'all lucked out). then guys started putting away a check or two to afford something nicer than what your friend had (because that become a requirement after you saw her ring ). then ring companies started extending credit to guys and enticing them to buy now, pay later...this was to insure he got you something nice that eventually would become both of y'all debt anyway..so it's only fair right? but now guys are selling all of their furniture. their cars. donating blood & semen. having bake sells. selling lemonade. becoming strippers. all so they can afford to give you a shiny piece of jewelry that your friend's man will try to one up (out of necessity) when he ask her.

*WARNING* if you've been married before. bury your ex wife. um..well that would be considered murder right? ~~well don't do that~~...but understand there are few things that has to happen to ensure you aren't murdered yourself. first, don't describe your ex's ring to your chick. the ring does not exist. i don't care if you're still paying for that shit. the ring does not exist. she don't need to know the carats, the cut, the design, the store you bought it from, the proposal...nothing! hopefully your ex has "moved on" and isn't still rocking it, that in itself is a nightmare. next, do NOT let these two compare rings. understand that your ex wife's ring can NEVER be the same, comparable, or in the same league as the ring you're buying. do NOT go to the same place you bought her ring. don't even buy it in the same city or state. the last thing you need is your ex wife to see your new chick's ring..and do that "look down & giggle" move. and finally, don't make buying her the ring seem like "i've done it before..". don't take away from her special moment by lumping it with an experience with someone else. yes, you have to put more effort in making her understand that even though you've made this decision before, that you're making the right one with her. and all the things you want, is with her..and no one else. and that the feelings you have are different. please, don't recycle your proposal or ring.

all of these seems crazy. but honestly it is an investment. he's spending a big chunk of money for some very small. something that he hopes you like. something he hopes means something & that you treasure forever. it's got to be right. a ring is just a ring. but at the moment he buys it, it becomes a symbol of your commitment to one another. so stop with all the "big ring" pressure. all the "white gold, not yellow gold". "princess cut, not round". "colorless"...stop complaining and telling him what to buy you. trust he knows you well enough to buy you something nice. and be happy with what he gets you, unless he's the kind who spends 20k on rims and then buys you cracker jack ring..you shouldn't be mad. let's keep it real, a guy is gonna have on a simple band. meaning you're rocking a car, boat, house on your finger. he's rocking your weave money for next week on his.

#3: if for any reason you say no..that's it.

i think we've all seen the video of the proposal gone wrong. ol' boy in a club in front of all of these people. spilling out his heart. laying that good ol' speech down. opening up that little box and asking his chick to marry him. and she starts shaking her head, no.

yea...we all know he probably fucked up and was trying to "make it right". and in a movie..that shit works. in a movie i could sleep with your best friend, your sister, your mother, leave you for the first 3 years of our child's life. have no job. let you break up with me for the 20th time over a span of 20 years because i won't propose to you...go out buy a ring..and TA-DA!..."We'ze getting married now!".

but lets come back to real life. if we've been going through a lot of things. had a rocky relationship. and i honestly thought we were ready for that next step. and i asked you to marry me with the assumption.."we're going to be together anyway....we might as well go head and get that tax break..". and you say no...um. we aren't together tomorrow morning. you can't come back from a "no". that's it. it's no second chances. no, "thing about it..." or "let me know". woman if you say no...i'm going down to the strip club and marrying me one of them strippers. cause fuck what you've heard..you may not be able to propose with the same ring twice..but you can def "re-gift" that shit. lol.

#2: his idea of marriage...

his parents...never married / divorced

his friends...never married / divorced

sometimes a guy isn't quick to propose because he's not convinced marriage is for him or for anyone else for that matter. he may have been a product of a messy divorce. he may resent his parents for never getting married (so in his head...why do we need to get married, my parents didn't and they raised me ok). he may not see the value in marriage. none of his friends are married...he won't be able to do anything once he gets tied down to that ball & chain. once he marries you y'all gotta start sharing stuff? like food..a place to stay..money. err.. that sounds awful. never mind the fact that y'all have been living together for years. or been raising a child together. or are completely committed and know you're spending the rest of your lives together. the idea of putting a ring on his finger & signing a marriage license is "too much" & "unnecessary" because he puts no importance on marriage. what's important is how he feels and the fact you both know how much you love one another....so who needs a piece a paper ? *taylor swift shrug*...

parents are a big determining factor on things we hold important. friends hold a lot of weight when it comes to things we are willing to do. but at the end of the day, we have to be mature enough to realize when things are important. we have to want things, that maybe no one else in our life has ever wanted. yes...his parents may not have been married. they may have never gone to college either..does that mean you don't go or want to go? understand where he's coming from, in this regard..but don't excuse it. if a man loves you, he will respect something that is important to you. if he's going to drag his feet, fine..but the moment you see his feet are anchored in being common-law married to you go find someone who wants to "put a ring on it".

#1: no take backs..

being single is one thing. dating exclusively is a big deal. but getting married...*cue grim reaper* is life changing. as i stated last week (actually this week cause i was so late...but whatever) you women are starting to feel the "end of a era" when taking that next step as well. it's hard for a guy to phantom not being free anymore. picture him with a dirty white button up and a torn brown sack pants. you standing there with a whip, forcing him to go out and work all day. he can't leave without your permission, you always want to know where he is and what he's doing. you overseer...it's like he's signing up for slavery. he's willingly signing up to be with you & only you....FOREVER. no take backs.

the slavery thing is a joke...but unfortunately the "being together forever thing" seems like a joke to a lot of people these days as well. we all know by today's standards. everyone thinks marriage is so easy to enter and exit from that it devalues the meaning of marriage a billion times more than all of the other things people want to "claim" do. starting nor ending a marriage is supposed to be simple decision. getting a divorce was one of the hardest things i ever had to do & against so many things i believe. people who actually stand by what they are promising God & that other person...there is no take back. that's it. you are saying this is who i want to spend the rest of my life with. i'm putting faith in this person to love me through it all. to be faithful to me. to support me. to be with me till my or their last day. asking someone to marry you isn't doing it "for a big wedding and gifts". it's not because y'all been together for 7 years so you might as well do it. it's not because she's pregnant or you're going away to the military, jail, college. when you ask someone to marry you, you're asking them to become a part of you. it's not a simple question. it's the beginning of a promise that you'll be accountable for the rest of your life. a guy who realizes this isn't something you take lightly. and that this is a big step. a life changing step. will really think long and hard before he makes the decision to do it.

i'm an awful dad...

2011-07-19T22:59:00.000-04:00

those of you who follow me on twitter, know i took my son to disney this weekend. the trip was great, despite me wanting to slap my parents on different occassions.

i mean seriously, it was a great trip. but i just felt like we could have done more if they wouldn't have acted like they were 90 years old. taking their time. needing to eat 4+ meals a day. complaining about lines, heat..etc.

just needed them to be hardcore like they used to be and suck it up for the kid. i mean..i didn't enjoy my skin sizzling in the sun, nor the rude inpatient parents bumping into me, or the 30 minute-hour waits either..but i was going to go gangster for my son and make this experience fantastic for him.

so why am i an awful dad? cause i made a huge, gigantic, horrific mistake. someone told me (someone = my dad)...that i had ridden space mountain before. and being a dude who has never ridden on a roller coaster. i mean not because i'm scared. not because i have heart problems, pregnant, or any of the other reasons listed for people not to ride. i just never have been interested in them. going extremely fast while upside down, sideways, backwards, suspended in air..just has never "done it for me". so me thinking that disney was a kid friendly place, full of family rides. and trusting my dad's memory and the fact that he wouldn't lie to me. got a fast pass for the ride. one for me & one for my son. we went and rode numerous rides. and when it was time to go back to space mountain...we we're ready. we skipped the lines. walked in. i got a little worried when i saw we weren't able to sit next to each other due to the ride being front to back not side to side. but i notice people with their bags, hats, etc..getting on the ride. when the ride took off it didn't seem fast or bumpy at all. so we got on the ride. i sat in the front because i didn't want him to sit in the front of the ride, so when i say my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach when i saw that first drop before it turned into darkness...trust me. i was like, "oh.....shit".

i swore my son was going to be freaking out. scared. crying. vomiting. on the verge of a heart attack..etc. all i could do is scream, "close your eyes". and try to talk to him throughout the whole ride. to say that was the scariest few minutes of my life, would be the greatest understatement of my life. i have never been more scared then i was at that moment. and no it wasn't of the roller coaster. it was because i put him on this ride. what in the hell had i done? how the hell could i be so stupid to not realize what this damn ride was. i felt like the worst father in the world. i still kinda, do. i felt so helpless, like i couldn't stop it. i couldn't get him off that ride. i couldn't protect him.

as soon as the ride was over, i looked at him and asked him if he was ok. he said he was. and just hopped off the ride. i kept asking him, hugging him, checking on him. he told me, it was scary & fast. but shortly afterwards he was back into trying to track down mickey mouse. everyone i keep talking to keeps telling me to stop beating myself up over it. but i truly will be apologizing to him for the rest of his life.

manfive friday #86

2011-07-19T22:24:00.000-04:00

you've always dreamed of meeting your knight in shining armor. finding that perfect guy to settle down with. to spend the rest of your life with. to start a family, grow old, live happily ever after....

or have you? why is it when women do meet that guy. when a man is ready to settle down with her. make her an "honest" woman. buy the cow, the milk, and some grass to feed her. the last thing on her mind is, commitment. marriage. being a mother. housewife. exclusive. tied down.

this week's manfive friday #86 topic is: what to do if you're NOT ready to be his "SUPERWOMAN"...

i know some of you ladies have your mouth open. shaking your head, waving your fingers, gasping for air. all you ladies who DO want this...are thinking, "WHAT THE HELL IS THEIR PROBLEM?". and trust me, a lot of us guys wonder the same thing. women are SUPPOSED to be ready for all that shit. once we men get our act together. our mind right, we're thinking all the puzzles pieces should just fit. what you should understand if you're in the process of running away from a "sure" thing...

#5: if you want you're ex...go back to your ex.

stop acting as if you've moved on. if you're still stalking his facebook. if you're still talking to your mutual friends about him. if you're still staring at his pictures in the shoebox under your bed. if y'all broke up 2 years ago but you got his name tatted on your last weekend...you aren't ready for a serious relationship. you're not ready to be with someone else. stop getting into a relationship with other folks. you can date. you can get your "outer hoochie" on. but don't get someone else tied into your messy bad romance with your ex. even if in your mind you'll never let yourself go back to him. your heart goes back every time you think about him. so take some time to focus on getting you back. it may be a week, a month, a year, a decade, half your life...but if you're not ready to let that go...you're not ready to start anything new.

#4: single envy...

maybe you started off wanting to be in a relationship. maybe you enjoyed being exclusive and committed to one man. then you saw your friends out their having the time of their lives. or you felt bogged down with restrictions because you had a boyfriend. or maybe...just maybe you've been watching too much "sex in the city" & "single ladies" and now your whole thought process is fucked up. "single envy" used to be reserved for guys. but you ladies have come down with a rash of "i want to be single..cause that shit looks GREAT!". it used to be taboo for women to be dickaholics. yea, we know y'all liked them. we know we weren't your "only". but we damn sure ain't think y'all was trying to outdo wilt chamberlin. these days women don't have a problem admitting they like sex. they want sex. they like casually dating. and they're the one's sneaking out early in the morning and kicking dudes out their bed. if you find yourself wanting to be single, then go be single. you don't have to envy some shit that you have a choice in. just remember whose choice it was. and stop acting all bitter and mad when you can't find a man later on when you are ready. like i said once on twitter..."you women running away from commitment & marriage now, gonna have a long tumbleweeded journey back when you're ready". not to say you can't have fun and be young & dumb. but don't get dumb & dumber. at some point being young & dumb should stop being an option. nothing wrong with embracing you're "single lady-hood". just make sure you're ok embracing it if/when you're 47 & unmarried as well.

#3: don't pretend to want it..

oooooooh..you in there cooking that man dinner. cleaning his house. coming home and putting it on him good. talking about all the kids you want. discussing your future with him. planting those thoughts of that 10 carat cartier princess cut diamond ring in his head. yanno he's ready. yanno he is head over heels for you. you know he is addicted to your love. and you're sitting there feeding his addiction. yet.....

deep down inside, you don't want that shit...

a lot of women just want to be "boo'ed up". have someone to go places with. someone to kill bugs. someone to play house with. someone for the moment. someone to make her legs weak & break that back....but find themselves with a guy who wants more. a guy who sees forever in you & thinks you're down for the long run. where would he get a dumb idea like that from?....YOU.

if you find yourself with someone who is moving in a different direction. different pace. giving more....and you're just running game on him. stop. you're the one pretending, not him. if the thought of him asking you to marry him, getting a key made for you, or asking you to "have his baby" freaks you out...why you are acting like you want all of that? not saying stop treating him good, just saying stop leading him on. don't say "yes", buy a dress, get all your, his, and everyone else's family in one room to run from the alter. in some countries (i'm sure only in my head) you can get one of your breast castrated for that.

#2: being a wife ≠ end of you...

again, this is an ideal customarily demonstrated by men. settling down, committing to one person, giving up things you used to do, have, want...all to be with someone. seems like committing suicide. who is willingly going to walk into a situation where you have to compromise things you want for things someone else needs. these days people are waiting longer to get married, start families, or focus on "us" instead of "me, me, me". being in a relationship almost seems like a death sentence. yea, you want a companion, but you also want to be able to do whatever the hell you want to do. you want to spend 10 years working your way up the food chain to get a promotion and reach a career goal. you want to travel and live in exotic lands, donating time to feeding starving children, and quitting your job on the spur of the moment because you didn't like how your supervisor talked to you. you think that by committing and having to compromise you're losing yourself. you're losing the person you wanted to be. you're missing out on the person you thought you should be. you're unhappy with your life...but you're blaming someone else. being a wife isn't going to take away who you are. being a mother isn't going to stifle your growth. being with one person isn't going to steal your "inner fun". it's something that should open you to whole new experiences. it should improve your life, your attitude, and change your wants. if you're sitting around moping because someone loves you enough to want to start a new life with you then obviously you need to focus on your priorities.

#1: stop being "skurred"...

things that scare you women from committing:

the thought that the only person who is going to take care of you, is yourself...
the thought of being hurt for the first time, or again & again..
the thought of failing: as a person, a wife, or a mother
insecurity or lack of knowledge in/of relationships
him seeming too good to be true..

if you're with someone who has proven themselves to be a great guy. someone who is trying to do the right things for you/by you. someone who has supported you in ways no one else has, can, or will. stop being scared to trust them. to trust yourself. to try love. you can't let things hold you back. that's in any aspect of your life. if you feel like the guy you're with is holding you back..he's not the right guy. but when you make that assumption..make sure it's him and not other things. make sure it's not the fact that you've made it up in your mind not to fall deep for someone. or that the fear that you're not ready to take care of a husband or family is holding you back. make sure it's not because you're just stuck in your old ways and are unwilling to change. don't doubt you're good enough or that you don't deserve someone who obviously thinks you are. bottom line, make sure it's the guy holding you back and NOT you holding yourself back.

[this manfive is for the one i missed last friday..i know i'm late, but i didn't forget]

manfive friday #85

2011-07-09T01:39:00.000-04:00

hi,

have you recently had your heart ripped out...your dreams crushed... or your time wasted?

are you the newest member of the lonely hearts club...never again club...or the i should have known better club?

it hurts when a relationship ends. it especially hurts when it ends and your world stops..but their world keeps on moving. and as you sit there pondering, wondering, and sulking..they are dating, laughing, and enjoying life.

or at least it seems like they are.

manfive friday #85 topic of the week: how to stop hanging on when your dude has moved on..

a friend asked me to do this manfive. and while i can't explain this from a female's p.o.v., i'm going to attempt to offer some advice. but if some of you ladies have suggestions you can leave it in the comment area.

#5: understand the break-up & accept it:

why?...

it's the simplest question that never gets answered to your satisfaction.

yes he cheated, but why?
maybe he wasn't ready for a committed relationship or to make the next step, but why?
why were you fed up and tired of fighting?
you thought everything was fine, why did he leave?

a lot of times people don't take the time to understand the problems that ended the relationship. sometimes we don't hold ourselves accountable for the things we were guilty of. you're always going to see your side of the situation. but have you really took the time to see his side? not that it would justify or change the decision. but, do you understand how y'all got to this point? do you know why it's over. do you agree, do you want it to be over, do you want him back, do you hate him, did you make a mistake?.. now ask yourself, why.....?

it's hard enough to understand the reasons. but after you understand it, you have to accept it. you have to accept that it's over, to move on. and that's not an easy task.

#4: don't fall for false impressions:

just because it looks like he's doing great, don't assume the smoke and mirrors are all puppy dogs and smiley faces. we'd like to see our ex-significant other on the side of the freeway ramp, begging for tape to mend their broken heart..but most times that's not going to happen. i'ma keep it real....one person is going to hurt more than the other. if it's them, *whispers* YES! if it's you...*screams* DAMMIT. no but for real, people deal with breakups differently.

you got:

in the bed all day, all night. refuse to eat. refuse talk, see, look at another human being.
in friend circle support groups, self help books: "reclaiming single life"
gotta get with all the chicks/dudes i've been missing out on while in a relationship
heartbroken, will never date again!
the list go on...

just because you belong to one group after one break-up, doesn't mean you'll react that same way after your next one. so just because his last girlfriend had him in the bed with the blinds closed for 3 weeks. and he's out with his boys the night after y'all break up trying to get chicks. it's not that he's been cheating all along. or he didn't really love you. maybe in his head, he said.."i'm never gonna get so depressed over a breakup that i'm sitting in a room for 3 weeks barely breathing". maybe his boys refused to let him sit up in the house. maybe the chick he's picking up he's spending the whole night talking about you. maybe not..but hey who knows? the thing to remember is no matter what he's doing, don't let it drive you crazy. you have to be responsible for your own healing. worry about you. focus on you.

#3: eliminate reminders:

that teddy bear on your bed. those rotating pictures in your digital picture frame. delete his number, block his email address, twitter, facebook, etc.. take off his sweater, t-shirt, basketball shorts...etc. all that shit that makes you cry. all that shit that "still smells like him". all that shit that makes you relive your relationship & fact that you're not in one. box it up. delete it. tear it up. get rid of ALL the emotional shit with his name all over it.

i know the sentimental value is worth more than words can say. i know that you've convinced yourself that these tokens are safe. that you can keep them and not think about him. stop lying to yourself. stop torturing yourself. if you can pack something away for your memory lane trip years from now, more power to you. but if you're sleeping with his picture under your pillow every night, resurrecting shrines out of his old gum, saving and counting his pubic hair...you need to be choked out by your own panties.

#2: learn from the experience:

the best teacher sometimes is experience. good or bad, you can always learn from everything that happens in your life. all the things that have made you a stronger person has made you better person. all the shit you put up with, has shown you that dealing with this type of person is NOT what you need. you now know the things you won't accept. the things you wants. all of the warning signs. pretend it's back 2 the future..just live in the future and do not make the same mistakes.

#1: take your time & love yourself:

maybe it took him neglecting you to realize how amazing you are. maybe it took you being alone to focus on the bigger picture, you. best way to move on, is to realize that this doesn't define you. this doesn't kill you. it's going to hurt like hell, if you really loved them it's going to hurt worse than hell (if that's possible).

you have to let go of all the things you thought were going to happen, things you wanted to happen, as well as the things that did happen. you have to have faith that love didn't stop with that person, and that there is someone out there "better". and at this point you have to know you deserve the "better" that is out there. it starts with you. being able to move on is something you have to do at your own pace. it's something no one can tell you how long you can sulk, how long you can hold on to that memory, how long you can hold out hope that things will be better. it's something that is completely dependent on you. so take your time. no it isn't good to be depressed, lonely, bitter..etc. but you have to go through all the motions in order to get past it.

it's you....and no one else

2011-07-08T06:13:00.000-04:00

i dreamed that i was in love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

it's you. (and no one else)

i kissed this woman till her lips gave in, her legs grew weak, her stomach got butterflies, her hands lost recognition and found themselves all over me.

it's you. (and no one else)

i whispered in her ears, vibrated her mind, and stimulated her in ways she couldn't begin to comprehend.

it's you. (and no one else)

when i held her, she felt changed. she felt my presence. she felt me with her, right then. right there. always.

it's you. (and no one else)

i planted an idea. an idea that blossomed. spread. and totally took over her. love.

it's you. (and no one else)

she can tell by the way i look at her. the way i touch her. the way i talk to her. the way i treat her. that i have never looked, touched, talked, or treated anyone else this way.

it's you. (and no one else)

i dreamed that i was in love with the most beautiful woman in the world, yet it wasn't a dream. it's my reality, because...

it's you. (and no one else).

dedicated to my: "it's you (and no one else)"

got a smartphone? decode this message with a QR decoder

i am tha unpretentious narcissist

best job i've ever had...

i'm late, but yanno you still care.

good faith gesture

another challenge....

manfive friday #96...

i want to matter...in your world

baby.....you have a problem.

happy new year

manfive friday #95

i haven't forgotten...

i'm a F - I - G - H - T - E - R

what is unconditional love. . .

question time.....is back!

1-800-SAVE-A-HOODRAT

manfive friday #94

the let down...

at the top of my lungs. . .

missing you. . .

challenging myself..

love the way i lie...

it's been so long.....

manfive friday # 93

i'm back. i'm sorry.

highly unacceptable...

day # 30 music challenge

day #29 music challenge

day #28 music challenge

day#27 music challenge

day #26 music challenge

manfive friday #92

day #25 music challenge...

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manfive friday #91

sup·port

day #18 music challenge

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day # 15 music challenge

day #14 music challenge

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day# 12 music challenge

manfive friday #90

day# 11 music challenge

wow...just wow

day #10 music challenge

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day #8 music challenge

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manfive friday # 89

day#5 music challenge

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Day#1 Music Challenge

update on my sexy...

manfive friday #88

manfive friday #87

i'm an awful dad...

manfive friday #86

manfive friday #85

it's you....and no one else